Soojung,

Yesterday, I thought of killing myself with a rope I painted the edge with pink because I remember how you hate that color. And I want you to hate me for not waiting enough for you. But the moment I closed my eyes, I remember the places I wanted to go with you, the things we have not seen, the poems we have not awed, the art we yet to draw, the fields we have not walked through, the people we have not talked to in a while, the good music we have yet to take in, the games have yet to play with you being always the winner, the books we have yet to read.

Have you felt it? That feeling where you are not sure what to do anymore? That feeling when you know you've become a sad poem you've written once in third grade? That feeling where you don't want your 6 year old self seeing you? That feeling where you are just tired both physically and mentally. And it hurts. So much. That feeling where you want to fall asleep and never ever wake up?

I wonder what is more painful? Losing you, not getting to say goodbye or learning to live without you?

I look at myself in the mirror and see nothing that I like. Crowds don't make me happy. And being alone doesn't feel right.

I miss you, Jung. Loads.

Please, please come back.

With much love,

J