This is how women are: even if we break up,

We can’t easily love another person

Even if we are physically apart and can’t see the man,

Our hearts can’t let him go

It’s been awhile since the last time we talked. since that unforgettable, painful, and full of tears night. night, when we broke up. night, when I lost my other half. night, when he say those oh-so-hurt-word.

“Soojung-ah, Sehun like you so much. why you not trying to know each other better?” said my friends.

“Hi, my name is Hoya.. I’ve been watching you. you’re so beautiful.. I can’t take my eyes off you” said boy who I known as my senior in my college.
“Soojung-ah.. I like you alot. can we get to know each other more? some dinner maybe?” said a boy named Lee Byunghun.
I can’t easily love another person. so many loves come to me after that night. those conversation asking for my heart only just another conversation without any interest for me.
the only word I clearly remember in my mind until now is; “Soojung, let’s break up? I’m sorry.. we can’t continue our story anymore.” and he just walked away. without telling the real reason why he broke me up.

Women are weak although we pretend to be strong

We can’t easily forget the memories and live on

“I know you already move on, you seems don’t mind him anymore..” my friends said. hah, they don’t how suffering my heart is when trying to move on.
“you still like oreo ice cream soojungie? he loved to bought you this right?” His bestfriend asked me.
“I love oreo ice cream because I really like it, not because of him.” I said coldly.
Lie.
“where are you now? at the coffee shop you was often to visit with him?” My sister asked me.
“No, I’m in the bookstore beside that coffee shop”
Another Lie.
I don’t until when I can keep my poker face and keep hiding from the truth that I’m weak.
that I haven’t forget him yet.

Because we’re fools that can’t even erase his phone number yet

Because we want to hear his voice so badly

Because we want to see his face

We cry every day till our eyes get puffy

“hey you pabo!! where are you now?” His bestfriend called him while he just sit…… beside me.
“me? oh, I’m on my way now. I want to meet someone” he said on the phone.
I already forgot how his voice is. the calm of his voice. maybe I will not recognize his face too.

I want see his face so badly. did he changed? did his face become more mature than the last time I saw his face? I don’t know.
“are you cried? your eyes look puffy” my sister asked me.
“No.” I simply answer her. Again, I tell a Lie.. yes, I miss him.. I accidently look up our pictures together. I also saw our late night text talking about the moon, the stars, and keep saying I love you to each other. I miss him.

Do men cry too?

Do they hurt because of break ups too?

Do they cry inside because they crazily miss that other person?

It feels like I’m only in pain and I’m the only sad one

I want to ask, are you okay?

“Soojung-ah, He want to talk to you” his bestfriend said to me while he hand me his phone.
“who?” I simply said. “Him.” he answer it shortly. My heart pounded, such a long time since our last conversation. excited also affraid mixed become one. I put the phone slowly on my ear
“Hello?” but I heard nothing.. only silent. “err.. hello?” I tried call him again, but this time I heard heavy breath. “are you there?” he hang up the phone. Is that really him?
I wonder… if he miss me like I do? suffering like I do? I guess not.

Did you love me?

Did you really love me?

Words I couldn’t hear from you even until the end

I couldn’t say it back then

I really loved you, I was happy

Do you know?

I walk down to the coffee shop we was often to visit. sit in corner when we used to sit together. like usual, I order my favourite drink and wait for it.
I look around the shop while tapping my fingers on the table. Lonely, bored. and Without him.
then I saw him, walking into the shop slowly. my heart beating so fast. its been awhile since our last meet. I saw he doesn’t changed a lot. maybe he just changed his hairstyle.

but… who is the girl beside him? I suddenly taken back. is that his new lover? she look so pretty and nice a girl. my heart break a little when saw her cling on to his arm.
I see, he already forgot completely about me. I try my best to hold my tears flowing down. they look so lovely.

Do men cry too?

did he was cried when we broke up? like I do? I keep lying about my feeling. I keep lying that I had move on.
I burn up the ticket stubs from movies we watched together.

I beat up the teddy bear that you bought for me.

I cry really hard but still, I don't feel relieved.

I throw away the cell phone we bought together.

I take off the 100 day ring you bought for me.

I throw away everything you give me but still, I can't forget you.

I clean up the gathered up pictures

I rip up the letters you wrote me

I try everything that I can but it doesn't work.

it's funny because I tried everything

But the only thing that doesn't work is forgetting you.

My phone ringing I suddenly grab it from my purse, “Hello?”
“Soojung-ah, Hi.. It’s been awhile” He said from the other line. its Him.
Kim Jongin.
“Jongin?” I asked disbelief.
“Yes, It’s me.. how are you soojung?” his soft voice, his calming voice. oh I miss his voice so much.
“I’m fine” Lie. “how about you?” I asked him softly.
“I miss you.. really miss you..” Jongin said with sincerity in his voice.
“I’m so sorry I was stupid, I’m sorry that I was letting you go.” Jongin’s voice start to shaking.
“the moment when we broke up, I know that was wrong but, my ego was too big.. I was trying to replace you with other girl. but I realized, no one can replace you, soojung” Jongin’s voice cracking while he confess me about his feeling.
“I’m sorry.. I won’t ever leave you side again. you can hate me, who left you once. you can hate me who had made you cry. I’ll remember it all, I’ll in pain, for you.”
“Jongin-ah.. don’t be. I won’t hate you. even you was hurt me. I always forgive you.” I was about to cry while said those words.. yes, I can’t hate him.
“I miss you too, so badly..” I start to cry
“Soojung, don’t cry.. I’m sorry.. I promise I won’t leave you again. I promise I will love you and keep you by my side.. please forgive me soojung-ah”
I chuckles a little bit, “did I say that I always forgive you? I already forgive you long ago”
“I love you soojung.”
“I love you too.”