Um, I have something to say before we start, but DON'T WORRY, it shouldn't take long ^^ So, in real life Ruki was kicked out of his home when his parents found out he was smoking, and their family bond was cut, as his father said, but in 2004 in the Shibuya Ax live, his father came to see them, cried and they made up. But I changed it a little in the fic so that they do meet before that but the live what his father sees and where they make up is the NLSG Final at Budokan... So yeah ^^ And the Alice in Wonderland-thingy didn't (unfortunately) happen either. Now you're thinking wtf am I talking about. I should stop talking. Now.

Chapter 2: Second memory

"M- Mr. Matsumoto?"

Everyone could hear the fear in Uruha's voice, and I suddenly remembered Matsumoto was Ruki's last name, so this was probably either his brother or father.

"Oh. It's you. Where's my son?" said a low, dangerous voice that immediately caused goosebumps and shivers on my skin. Even Ruki had tensed and his heart was beating a little faster, as Aoi and Reita looked terrified.

"I'm here, father", Ruki said in a bit shaky voice. I grasped his shirt, as if that would help in any way. His father walked into the living room, Uruha following him like a puppy, and as soon as he saw me sitting on his son's lap, he got obviously pissed off, but tried not to yell at Ruki and said: "I see you're still giving up."

"Why would I give up when I'm already this far?" Ruki hissed back. Mr. Matsumoto clicked his tongue and pointed out: "Your career will not leave you anywhere. You should have thought about and respected your mother and my decisions."

"What're you doing here?" Ruki asked bluntly and stood up so that I pretty much fell on top of Aoi. I quietly apologized the guitarist and managed to squeeze between him and Uruha, who had sat back on the couch.

"There is something I need to talk to you about. I just didn't know they were here." Mr. Matsumoto sent a glare at us and I felt an urge to hide behind Aoi, who seemed to be strong enough to protect me from the monster. Even though Aoi was frightened too.

"Then spill it out. I don't have time for you", Ruki commanded. His father got even more pissed off and explained shortly: "Your mother and I have arranged a marriage between you and the daughter of a friend of mine."

My heart dropped for a second, but it didn't last long as I heard Ruki hiss: "No. ing. Way."

"It's already arranged. You can't change it", his father said bluntly.

"I'M NOT MARRYING SOME IDIOT JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO! YOU EITHER CANCEL THE MARRIAGE OR OFF AND NEVER COME BACK AGAIN!" Ruki yelled at the male who was way bigger than himself and could've thrown him out of the window easily. I could've never been so brave.

"YOU WILL MARRY HER!" his father roamed back.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?! I LOVE SOMEONE ING ELSE, SO YOU CAN DROP IT OFF!"

"YOU'VE ALREADY DISSATISFIED US ENOUGH!"

"THEN IT WON'T MATTER IF I DISSATISFY YOU EVEN MORE, HUH?! OH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I LOVE A MAN!"

"NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU'RE A ?!"

"AND WHAT THE IF I WAS?! AND I'M BI, AS FOR YOU TO KNOW! AND IF I'M SO DISSAPOINTING, WHY WON'T YOU MAKE MY BROTHER MARRY THAT ?!"

"YOUR BROTHER IS ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP!"

"OH, SO IF HE LOVES SOMEONE IT MATTERS, BUT IF I DO YOU DON'T GIVE A ?!"

"YOUR BROTHER ISN'T FOUL-MOUTHED ARROGANT BRAT!"

"MY BROTHER IS AN -ER WHO READ WHEN HE WAS ING ELEVEN!"

"AT LEAST HE ISN'T IN A BAND THAT WILL LEAD HIM NOWHERE! HE DIDN'T SMOKE SECRETLY IN HIS ROOM, AND HE ISN'T A !"

"DON'T DRAG MY BAND INTO THIS!"

"WHY?! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO PERFORM IN BUDOKAN OR SOMETHING!"

Ruki narrowed his eyes, stepped closer to his father and hissed: "You know what? Maybe we will. If we manage to perform at Budokan in less than five years, you drop off the ing marriage-thing. If we won't, I'll marry that and leave the band. Hey, you know what? Let's make it ing four years!"

"Fine", his father answered and they shook hands. We stared at Ruki in horror. If we wouldn't manage to perform in Budokan... He would leave the band. He would get married.

"Now off", Ruki said, and his father left. As soon as Mr. Matsumoto was gone, Ruki collapsed on the living chair and sighed heavily. I was so confused, so shocked. Too much stuff had happened. Firstly, Ruki was in love with someone. At least I still had chances since he's a bi. And then there was the Budokan-thing. How on earth was I supposed to react to that?!

"Ru... WHAT THE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Aoi yelled, nearly making me deaf. Ruki smiled faintly, looked at us and answered: "Don't worry. We'll perform at Budokan. I'm sure of it. We'll perform there several times and you know what? We'll perform at Tokyo Dome. Tokyo frigging Dome."

"Ruki... I don't know if this is a good thing. I mean, there is a possibility we'll perform at Budokan, but not in four years", Uruha said. Ruki scoffed and said: "I bet we'll play there in three years. I made it four years just to be safe."

"But if it doesn't work out... What are you gonna do?" Aoi asked worriedly. Ruki bit his lip and muttered: "I'll do what I have to. I don't break my promises."

I felt tears in my eyes and the next thing I did was hug Ruki and say: "You can't leave the band! It doesn't matter if I've been in for just two weeks, but I still care! So please don't leave! How would we manage without you?!"

"I promise I'll never leave the band", he chuckled and my hair.

"Kai's right. If you left the band... It'd be the end", Reita pointed out.

"The end, huh...?" Ruki muttered thoughtfully.

...

It was going to be one of my first lives with Gazette and I was really nervous since one of the songs we were supposed to play had been really hard for me to play. I was sitting in the dressing room with Aoi, who was putting his make-up. Rest of the band was somewhere else, and all I could do was talk about how nervous I was.

"Just relax, Kai, you're gonna be fine", Aoi said as he finished with the eyeliner.

"How can you say that?! The song is way too hard, we can't make any mistakes!" I said worriedly. His eyebrow twitched, and I knew I'd pissed him off. Even I knew that Aoi got nervous before lives and if he was nervous or stressed, he got angry easily.

"'We?' Are you saying I'm not good enough?" he hissed. I flinched at his sharp voice and stuttered: "N- No, I just- "

"Are you saying that I, who has ten times more experience than you, who is older than you and who is way ing better than you, is not good enough?" Now he was getting really angry, and naturally I was getting scared. Oh, God, I thought, if I die now, the whole concert will be ruined.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!" I tried, but he grasped my shirt, pulling me close, and said: "Oh really now?"

"Really! I'm sorry, I was really nervous and-" "And you think you're the only one who's nervous?!" he yelled at my face that I knew would soon be ruined. He raised his fist that didn't have my shirt in it and I prepared for it to connect my face. I closed my eyes, but before anything could happen, Aoi's body tensed and I heard Ruki say: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I opened my eyes to see Ruki holding Aoi's wrist and glaring at him. He scowled and continued: "If you want to fight, then it's fine with me, but if you do it before a ing live and ruin it, you can leave the band."

"Tch", Aoi muttered, snatched his hand from Ruki's grasp and walked away. I had stopped breathing for a while, so I was now panting slightly when Ruki asked: "Are you okay?"

"Y- Yeah... I'm sorry", I apologized and blushed. I was such an idiot. I should have known I shouldn't talk that much, especially when Aoi was obviously stressed.

"Don't apologize. Aoi's just stressed at the moment, he'll calm down eventually", Ruki said with a smile.

In the end, I failed at the live. I was just being really nervous and even the fans thought I was pathetic. Aoi glared at me anytime he could and after the live ended, I burst into tears. I wasn't even supposed to be here. It would've been better if Yune hadn't left. It would've been better if I never met Ruki.

"I'm so sorry that I failed! I'm sorry I'm so bad!" God, I was sorry I even existed. Uruha smiled soothingly at me, my hair and said: "It's okay, Kai, everybody make mistakes sometimes. You've only been in for two weeks, so it's just natural. It'll get better soon."

"Yeah, right. In my opinion, the brat could leave the band already", Aoi muttered angrily. Now I started crying really hard and threw myself into Uruha's arms. I promised I would leave the band as soon as they got a new drummer, and I promised I would never have anything to do with them anymore.

"Aoi, you idiot! Look what you've done!" Ruki yelled as Uruha wrapped his arms around me and mumbled: "Don't worry, you don't have to leave. Aoi's just having hard time 'cause Yune left..."

At that time I really regretted my decision of joining the band. I had made it worse. Aoi hated me. The fans hated me. I'm pretty sure Reita hated me too. But I loved Ruki, and I loved the band. I really liked Uruha too, and even though Reita and Aoi didn't like me, I liked them. That's why I didn't want to leave Gazette, even though I knew it would've been better for me and them to do so.

The next day we had to be at the studio because we were working on a some songs, and I wanted to apologize Aoi somehow. Of course I had to apologize the rest of the band too, but especially the raven guitarist who I'd insulted the other day. So I filled a large basket with cookies, cupcakes and other pastries made by me. When I came to the studio, Aoi was the only one who had arrived, so I was pretty glad.

I smiled and sat next to him on a couch where he was waiting for the rest of the band to come and I handed over the basket. He blinked in surprise and first stared at the basket, then at me.

"I wanted to apologize, so I made some snacks for you... I made many sorts of them because I didn't know what you like", I explained quietly. For a second, he was confused, and then started laughing. I blushed and asked: "W- What?"

"Nothing, I just had no idea you'd do that. You don't have to apologize, it was my fault, not yours. These do look good, though... Did you make them all by yourself?" he answered and took the basket in his hands to study it closer and smell the sweet dessert.

"You're not mad at me?" I said, unbelief in my voice and expression.

"Of course I'm not. I'm sorry about yesterday, I was really stressed and got mad for no reason", he apologized with his usual, dorky smile. A smile formed on my lips too. I was happy he wasn't mad at me, and that he apologized me too. I still wasn't sure about rest of the guys, though.

"C'mon, taste one!" I requested happily, took one delicious snack and gave it to him. He didn't take it with his hands, though, but in his mouth straight from my hands. At the exact same moment Ruki walked in, scowled and asked: "What's going on?"

"Kai made a basket of apologies for me", Aoi explained his mouth full of food and frosting on his lips. I pouted and scolded: "Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Well excuse me, mom", he said sarcastically as he took a cupcake from the basket.

"Hey, give me some of those too", Ruki said and squeezed himself between me and Aoi even though there would've been a lot more space on the couch. He took a cookie, ate a bite of it and commented: "Kai, has anyone ever said you bake delicious cookies? 'Cuz you do."

"Well, people do always comment on my food... They say it's good", I muttered with a faint blush on my cheeks.

"You eat some too", Aoi said, and hesitantly I took a muffin with white and pink frosting. It was really good, so I guess people called me a good cook for a reason. Suddenly Ruki smirked at me, and I was wondering why so I asked: "Why are you grinning?"

"No reason", he replied, wiped some icing from my cheek and it off his fingers. Then Aoi started laughing again, and I realized why he had been smirking at me. Sometimes Ruki really was a ert, but I didn't really care. Unless he someone in a street and got into a prison, but I doubt that will ever happen.

Eventually the other two members arrived too - Uruha was the last one to come - and we all ate the basket-full of pastries together, even though it was supposed to be just for Aoi. It would've been a really nice memory, but in the end we had to clean frosting from all over the place because of the cupcake-war Reita, Aoi and Uruha had. That way it wasn't just really nice, but extremely funny. Well, not for Reita after he dirtied Uruha's hair with frosting and the latter started chasing him around the studio, which is why we also had to buy a new drum-set because they destroyed one.

...

A lot of time passed, and soon it was already 2005 - which meant we didn't have a long time left before we would have to perform at Budokan. I somehow managed to become the 'leader' of the band, even though I felt like I was the least leader-like.

We were in middle of filming PV of one of our songs, Cockroach, when I commented on Ruki's outfit: "You look like the mad hatter."

"Oh really now? Then you're Alice", he responded with a wide grin. I laughed and said: "Wouldn't Uruha be more like Alice?"

"Nope, he's the cat. And Aoi's the evil queen and Reita's the bunny", he protested.

"I don't think Reita would agree to that", I pointed out. He snorted and said: "Then he's the evil queen, Uruha's the bunny and Aoi's the cat."

"I guess that sounds more legit", I muttered.

"You know, there are a lot of roleplay-costumes here..." Ruki muttered suddenly. I blinked and said: "What about it?"

"There's bunny-ears. Cat-ears. A crown. And a maid-dress too", he continued thoughtfully.

"What are you suggesting...?" I asked suspiciously. He grinned, making me really curious of what would happen. Knowing Ruki, it would be crazy. And so it was. Soon I was wearing a way-too-short maid-dress while Uruha had bunny-ears, Aoi cat-ears and Reita a silver crown. Ruki, of course, didn't have to change his look at all.

"Why are we even doing this...?" Reita muttered, his face flushed pure red as he face-palmed. Aoi blushed too and said: "At least you're not wearing cat-ears..."

"C'mon, guys, think about poor Kai-kun! He's forced to wear a dress!" I was glad Uruha defended me, but bringing it up made it just worse. Ruki ignored all the complains, cleared his throat and asked: "Everyone knows the plot, right?"

"Ru, we're not gonna play Alice in Wonderland", Aoi protested.

"Don't be like that, Aoi-chan, it could be fun!" Uruha cheered, adding a little, cute 'nya' in the end of the sentence. Aoi raised his eyebrow and mumbled: "Aoi-chan?"

"Now, Alice, follow the bunny to the rabbit hole!" Ruki commanded whilst Reita yanked Aoi's cat-ears and muttered something like "You look like a -fangirl's fantasy..." which made Aoi smack his head.

"But there is no rabbit hole", I protested, ignoring the two oldest members who now started arguing.

"Just follow him."

"But-" before I could say anything else, Uruha creeped behind me and stole my cellphone. He laughed crazily and started running. When I realized what he did, I gasped and started chasing him.

"There you go, it wasn't that hard, was it?" Ruki laughed as I chased Uruha around the studio. After we had been running for about two minutes, Ruki said: "And now, the cat appears!"

Uruha hid behind Reita and Aoi jumped in front of me.

"Where are you heading to?" he purred.

"I'm following that bunny... Where did he go?" I answered, deciding to play along. Everyone seemed to do so already anyway, and it could be fun. Who knows?

"Ohhh, sorry, I don't know where he went. Maybe you should ask the queen- I mean, the king", Aoi corrected his sentence as Reita sent him a deadly glare. I sighed and asked: "Where can I find the king?"

"EH? How the hell should I know?! Ask the hatter", Aoi said and walked away. I looked at Ruki and pouted. "Can you tell me where the king is?"

"Why ask such things in such hurry? Wouldn't you enjoy some tea first?" Ruki said. He was completely in his role, and I was pretty sure that if he'd had more time, he would've gone and bought a table, chairs and tea for a tea party.

"Um... There is no tea..." I muttered.

"Oh, yes, there is, Alice! But the king has stolen all of it", he answered. If I remember correctly, that is not how it went.

"Then where's the king?" I asked. He grinned mischievously and replied: "He's in the castle, of course! This way, Alice, I shall lead you to get tea!"

I also don't think the Mad Hatter picked Alice up and carried him to the castle in the real version. I also don't think the king and the bunny ended up chasing them, demanding the Hatter to give Alice to them so they could sacrifice her (or in this case, him) to the cat. And so, Ruki was running away from the two blondes while carrying me.

"Why the hell does he need to be sacrificed?!" Ruki yelled as we'd ran about five times the same round circle that Aoi was watching in interest.

"The cat needs a ! The cat needs to be brought back to Wonderland!" Reita yelled.

"Why a ?" Uruha asked curiously as he hopped beside Reita.

"Because the cat is a erted ! Pick up the speed so we can catch the !" Reita answered and they did as he said. Suddenly Ruki stopped, and so did they. I glanced at him curiously, and saw that he was again grinning. "A , huh? What happens if he isn't a ?"

"Don't you dare..." Reita hissed, narrowing his sharp eyes. I gulped. This was definitely not how the original story went.

"Oh, I will. You wanna bet?" Ruki said smugly and collapsed on top of me. Luckily (?) before he could do anything, Uruha managed to snatch me away and while laughing, again, crazily, delivered me to Aoi.

"Mwahahaha! Alice is mine!" Aoi laughed like a villain. He had grabbed me by waist so I couldn't move and Ruki was trying to come to save me, but Reita grabbed his arm and held him back. Aoi grinned and said: "Ohohoho! You will have to watch Alice suffer below me and my trusty minions!"

"No! Anything but that!" Ruki protested dramatically. For some reason, this was starting to become more like a romantic drama than a children's fairytale.

"Let go of him!" Ruki yelled.

"Sure. If he begs me", Aoi said, smirking widely. I blushed and snapped: "What's that supposed to mean?!"

"'Aoi-sama... P- Please let go... I belong to the hatter'", Aoi mimicked in a rather high-pitched voice, which certainly did not belong to me.

"He's not a !" Ruki defended.

"But wouldn't it be nice to hear he belongs to you?" Aoi pointed out. Ruki didn't reply to that, just blushed slightly. I figured I wouldn't get out of the situation otherwise, so I repeated what Aoi had said. He grinned and pushed me to Ruki, who quickly caught me into his arms.

"I guess I'll use another , then", Aoi sighed, and soon his eyes landed on Uruha.

"W- What?!"

Now the roles changed; Ruki, Aoi and me were chasing Reita, who was carrying Uruha. We didn't have time to sacrifice him to Aoi before the director of the PV suddenly returned and saw the chaos; a lot of broken things and stuff knocked down, us running around like little kids and... well, just a huge mess.

"Could you please explain what's going on in here?"

Well... Once again we had to pay for broken things, but at least we got to shoot the PV. It was actually nice to play as if we were children, and it made another nice, childish memory. I felt like I was getting younger, like I was still in elementary school - or at least middle school. Some parts of my childhood had been ruined by my father, but when my parents divorced, I could live fully again, even with all the memories of all the fights with my father, how he hurt me and my mother.

But now that I was in a band with the one I loved, with friends who I also loved, I didn't really care about my father. Not where he was, what he was doing, or if he was even alive. I hated him.

End of the chapter 2! It took a while, but it's here ^_^ Remember to subscribe and leave a comment!