1.

Suppressed Feelings

 


 

It was another boring day at school for Taeyeon. The classes seemed to last forever and the five hour sleep Taeyeon had the previous night didn't make anything better. She sat on one of the benches in the school hallway and played with her phone, checking this and that for no reason, played some of the games she had out of pure boredom.

''I wish I could go home and sleep..'' Taeyeon mumbled to herself. She immediately raised her head when she heard a girls voice from a small distant.

Tiffany's voice to be exact.

Taeyeon swallowed hard when the voice sounded more clear and the footsteps came closer around the corner. She quickly looked back down to her phone and pretended to be occupied with something.

Damnit.

She could feel it, the girls presence made her feel anxious and the moment she felt Tiffany walk past her, she could smell the delicious vanilla perfume Tiffany always wore. It smelled so freaking good.

So...

GOOD.

It wasn't like those cheap perfumes most of the girls wore at school, the stingy scent that could be used as some kind of poison gas. But then Tiffany could afford all that expensive stuff anyway.

The scent still lingered in the air and it was driving Taeyeon crazy.

She looked back up when she was sure that Tiffany had completely left the hallway and saw the girl walking casually through the glass doors to the other hallway.

She didn't say anything to me this time...not even a hello.

Even though Taeyeon was the one that avoided Tiffany at any cost, she secretly wished that Tiffany would come and say something to her, or even start a conversation. She missed Tiffany and she was expecting her to be kind like she always was but it had stopped a few days ago.

Tiffany stopped all the efforts of trying to start a conversation with Taeyeon because of her cold attitude. Of course Taeyeon regretted giving Tiffany the cold shoulder but she just couldn't help it.

Before, Tiffany had greeted her with a smile in the hallways or waved at her when their eyes met. And Taeyeon would curse herself inside her head whenever she accidentally gave in and finally looked into the girls eyes.

But it hadn't been like that before.

They weren't friends until high school started. They went to the same primary school and even the same junior high. But they hung out with different people and Tiffany was one of those 'popular girls'. Everyone in the school knew her but Taeyeon knew she was different though, she didn't act like a snob or bashed other people for fun.

She had a background that was so different compared to Taeyeon's. Her family was rich and she basically got anything she wanted. All the girls Taeyeon hung out with in junior high seemed to have this hate for Tiffany and her friends because of the popular status they had. It didn't really bother Taeyeon, she wasn't the type to be gossiping all over the place because the 'popular girls' wore new designer clothes every day.

It wasn't until first year of high school that Taeyeon and Tiffany started to become friends.

Taeyeon didn't remember how it happened, but they became pretty good friends really fast. Taeyeon wondered why did Tiffany want to be friends with her even though Taeyeon wasn't really the type of girl that came from a rich family.

They had nothing in common.

Tiffany was naturally beautiful and could make anything look good on her. From her eyesmiles to the way she made everyone gawk at her by just talking to them.

That made all the guys drool over her but Tiffany rarely cared about them, just enjoyed the compliments she received or just the attention.

After building a friendship with Tiffany, Taeyeon became more comfortable around her. They would start by having lunch together everyday, sometimes away from the others so they could talk about their own stuff and sink deeper into their own world.

Taeyeon felt happy whenever she had Tiffany for herself and had her full attention, but not in a possessive way.

She just enjoyed to talk to her, she felt that they had the same kind of understanding towards each other. She knew exactly what Tiffany meant when she was explaining a problem she had or if something bothered her. And when Taeyeon told Tiffany her own problems, Tiffany was able to understand everything without asking hundreds of questions like someone else would have done.

It made the friendship special.

Taeyeon wasn't afraid to show her true self to Tiffany and loved to see when she genuinely laughed at her funny remarks or jokes. She believed she had finally found her bestfriend and finally found something common between them.

 

In their second year, Tiffany started to do these things that made Taeyeon feel between uncomfortable and all giddy up in her stomach.

Tiffany would sometimes poke Taeyeon's nose or cheeks while giving her an eyesmile. All Taeyeon could do was stare back at Tiffany when she was so close to her face. Tiffany loved doing that and Taeyeon definitely was not used to that.

The random touches on her hands or arms, leaning her head against Taeyeon's shoulder whenever she was tired...For some reason, Taeyeon enjoyed all of that.

However, she never felt anything else but friendly love towards Tiffany during those times. She was just happy to have a friend like Tiffany. She enjoyed the girls company and wished that they could go back to that again.

She reminisced the times when they would skip classes together and hide where the teachers rarely visited just to have long conversations. Or left school to go buy candy so they could survive the rest of the boring classes. It was like their own thing that they only did together.

Taeyeon could remember that one time they had a class together and the teacher had put on a film about something that had to do with psychology for the class to watch.

The lights were completely turned off and it was pretty dark in the room except for the light that came off the small TV screen. Tiffany was seated next to Taeyeon and seemed to be lost in her own world until halfway of the film. Taeyeon leaned against her arm with her eyes fixated to the TV when she suddenly felt a weight on her shoulder.

She turned her head and saw Tiffany's head resting against her shoulder. Taeyeon quickly looked around the room and saw that no one wasn't really concentrated on the film nor looked over at them. She stared at the girls head and saw that Tiffany was drawing hearts in her notebook and doing weird squiggly lines here and there.

Tiffany let out a sigh and lifted her head off from Taeyeon's shoulder, much to her disappoint. She kept looking at the red haired girl until she too, looked back at her.

''I'm bored'' Tiffany mouthed to Taeyeon. They both laughed super quietly and Taeyeon turned her gaze back to the film. Taeyeon suddenly got an idea and felt like doing a small experiment. She noticed Tiffany was laying her cheek against the desk with her hands sprawled forward and trying to focus on the TV.

Taeyeon slowly adjusted in her seat and gently laid her head on Tiffany's shoulder blade. When she felt that Tiffany didn't budge or say anything, she relaxed and closed her eyes. The warmth that radiated through Tiffany's wool sweater and the vanilla perfume made Taeyeon feel like she was floating in the clouds.

She felt so comfortable being like that.

 

After that incident, they both would sometimes do that whenever and where ever. Taeyeon was never the one that initiated the skinship, it was more of Tiffany's thing to do.

Taeyeon realized that it was only her that Tiffany did these things with.

It made her think why?

Why did Tiffany treat her differently than the other girls in their class? She also noticed the strange change of attitude Tiffany had when she talked to the other girls. She appeared to be so fake and boasted about everything.

She's never like that when she's with me.

When the girls squaled at the new jewellery or clothes Tiffany had, she kept going on with the boasting like she gained so much confidence from that. Taeyeon hated that about Tiffany but decided not to bring it up in their conversations when they were alone.

 

Even though they lived pretty close to each other, they never hung out outside school. Taeyeon didn't really see herself going shopping with Tiffany so that normal girly stuff never happened between them. But their friendship was far away from normal, it was different. Different in what way, Taeyeon did not know.

Tiffany started to offer Taeyeon a ride to school everyday because they lived on the same street. Taeyeon had protested against that because she didn't want her to think she was only using her, but somehow Tiffany made her surrender on that matter. It was like that about everything. She had the power of making Taeyeon surrender into anything.

Those times were gone now. Surprisingly, Taeyeon missed those small unnecessary bickerings they had. Mainly because they would end up laughing about it and Tiffany treated her with extra amount of skinship Taeyeon secretly enjoyed.

 

Taeyeon heard some movement and turned her head automatically to the source of the sound. And again, Tiffany skipped past Taeyeon but this time Taeyeon made the mistake to look right into her eyes. Tiffany flashed a small smile at her, causing Taeyeon to forget everything she was thinking about. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach and the smile she just saw was now stuck in her mind.

Taeyeon followed Tiffany's figure until she turned around the corner. She couldn't help but be amazed at the red haired girls beautiful shaped body.

What the hell am I even thinking?

 

~~~~

 

As Taeyeon rode the bus back home, she couldn't help but secretly send death glares at the girl that sat in front of her. The girl was one of the 'new friends' Tiffany made about a month ago.

It all began when their third year started.

Their friendship reached the point where they just stopped being like they were for the last two years. Taeyeon didn't understand why, but she knew Tiffany must of just gotten bored of her, like what other reason could she think of at that moment?

Being hurt and feeling abandoned, Taeyeon started the whole 'avoiding Tiffany' thing. Before she did, Tiffany did introduce Taeyeon to the two other girls, but it didn't feel right to Taeyeon.

How they acted, the judging looks they gave Taeyeon whenever Tiffany didn't notice made Taeyeon feel a little nervous.

 

''So this is Tae!'' Tiffany exclaimed happily. Taeyeon awkwardly smiled at the girls and said a quick 'hello' to them.

''Tae, wanna go eat lunch with us?''

Taeyeon bit her lip and Tiffany raised her brows questioningly as she waited for an answer. Taeyeon's stomach was screaming for food so she had no choice but to agree.

If Taeyeon didn't know the true definition of being left out, she did right at that moment. All she did was sit there, eat and listen to the stupid gossips the three girls discussed about.

''Tae?''

Taeyeon looked at the girl and raised her eyebrows questioningly. ''Huh?''

''Let me through. We're about to leave'' Tiffany said with a small smile . Taeyeon blinked and then returned the smile awkwardly.

I must of spaced out.

Taeyeon stood up and grabbed her tray before going to return the dishes. She heard how Tiffany was laughing along with the other girls and it made her really furious. She didn't say a word to Tiffany when she walked out of the cafeteria and headed to the hallways to meet her classmates. 

She was so good at subsiding her anger and the strange jealousy she felt that no one could have possibly known anything about what had happened. They hadn't talked about it but Taeyeon knew it was going to be left as it was right now. The friendship would probably never be the same.

As she found herself being caught in the conversation the others were having, she noticed Tiffany walk past her, as if she wasn't even there. It hurt Taeyeon but once again she showed no emotion on her face whatsoever.

 

The next class would be the one Tiffany attended together with Taeyeon. She cursed every possible thing in her mind because she really didn't want to confront Tiffany at that moment.

Then she saw her enter the classroom.

Tiffany smiled at everyone before plopping down onto the spot in front of Taeyeon.

She quickly diverted her gaze down onto the wooden desk. She could feel Tiffany staring at her but she tried her best not to be bothered by it. When she would lift her head up and look at the teacher, she could still see Tiffany's eyes locked onto her. Taeyeon didn't know what to make of it so she continued to look away from the girl.

About fifteen minutes before the class ended, the teacher assigned everyone to get paired up. Of course Tiffany was automatically paired up with her and she was forced to make eye contact with her now.

''So...'' Taeyeon said and looked at the girl. Tiffany leaned her elbow on Taeyeon's desk and rested her chin on her palm, causing her to be closer to Taeyeon.

''I don't know'' Tiffany replied softly and continued to look right into Taeyeon's eyes. The stare was so intense that Taeyeon started to feel those damned butterflies in her stomach again.

Taeyeon gulped and turned over a few pages of the school book. She pretended to be reading the text when in reality she was too baffled and trying to keep herself sane. She probably read the same paragraph over twenty times when she suddenly felt something warm touch her hand that was holding the book open.

''Your skin is so white'' Tiffany blurted out. ''Look''

Taeyeon's stomach did flips and her heart skipped a beat when Tiffany put her own hand tightly against Taeyeon's hand for comparison. Tiffany was right, Taeyeon's skin was so much lighter than her tanned skin.

Taeyeon looked at Tiffany and sent a small glare at her, causing the girl to giggle a little.

''I was just saying'' Tiffany defended herself and retrieved her hand. Whatever the teacher had told the class to do, Taeyeon had not heard a single word. She was too lost in the trance Tiffany had put her into because of the small meaningless touch.

Why does she keep doing this to me?

Taeyeon tried her best to rationalize everything Tiffany did. At times Tiffany didn't even notice her and then at times when they were together without anyone else bothering them, things like that would happen.

She knew it was nothing to wonder about...but she just couldn't help it.

 

 

Taeyeon shook her head as she thought back on those moments. It felt like it was just a waste of time, she felt like giving up and just stop the cold attitude towards Tiffany but then she wouldn't be happy. She felt that she needed to keep her position and continue to ignore the girl until Tiffany would come back to her.

That doesn't even sound right...

She knew very well that it wasn't fair, that it wasn't something a person should do to their friends. Everytime she thought about that, she was reminded that Tiffany was the one that abandoned the friendship, in a way.

No one that were the witnesses of their blooming friendship for the past two years, did not even ask what had happened to them even though it was pretty obvious that something had changed.

It would of been a sensitive topic for Taeyeon anyway, so she was glad no one paid attention to that.

 

Nothing had changed for the next weeks, every day was pretty much the same for Taeyeon. Watching Tiffany hang out with other people, laughing with them and pretend that she didn't see Tiffany.

Same , different day.

Tiffany took the seat in front of Taeyeon in their class and she could feel her staring again.

''Just stop staring!'' Taeyeon yelled inside her mind. It was making her very very uncomfortable, not to mention fighting the urge to look back up at Tiffany.

''Psst''

Taeyeon heard the small sound and she knew who it was from.

''Yah, Tae!'' Tiffany whispered loudly and flicked Taeyeon's hand with her finger. Taeyeon looked at her and nodded.

Tiffany came closer to her and looked around if anyone noticed them and whispered, ''let's skip the class''

Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows. ''What?''

''Come on, let's tell the teacher we have something very important to attend'' Tiffany suggested and smirked.

Is she crazy?

''No...we can't do that'' Taeyeon whispered back while shaking her head. Tiffany rolled her eyes and then raised her hand up so that the teacher would come to her.

''Oh my God...'' Taeyeon mumbled and facepalmed.

''Yes, Tiffany?'' the teacher asked.

''Me and Taeyeon need to leave'' Tiffany stated with her poker face on. The teacher raised her brows and looked at Taeyeon.

''Leave where?''

''We have another class to attend and we have to leave earlier so we won't be late. It's very important''

The teacher kept asking Tiffany about it and after a while, Tiffany succeeded convince the teacher and we were given permission to leave.

Tiffany was able to make anyone agree to whatever she wanted, just like she had done to Taeyeon.

 


 

Hello :D

So if this chapter might seem to be all over the place, then GOOD XD I guess the next chapters are going to be much better because this one is kind of like the introduction...

Anyway I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I want to thank everyone that subbed to this :D I am a little unsure about the title of this story but i really couldnt make up anything better T_T *hides*

Comments are appreciated and yeah...I will start on the second chapter soon =)

bye bye~~

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xdryax
Guys, check out the sequel!

Comments

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UndefinedCharacter
#1
Chapter 4: That was so sad. :( They were both suppressing their feelings for each other, and both did not know that somehow, the feeling was mutual.
I do not like sad endings, but this is so good! And I'm glad there's a sequel!
taejellybean #2
I think I have dedicated this particular day to reread my favorite stories of yours :)
Jetplane19 #3
Chapter 4: I would flip if there is no sequel in this..Good thing you made a sequel for this hahaha
browndey
#4
Chapter 6: Thank you for writing this. Somehow, I can relate to it. It's like I understand how taeyeon felt, and I'm glad I found this story. I'm gonna read the sequel now. :D
Sone_Poh #5
Awesome! I cried. It was so well written. Hehe can't wait to read the sequel too.
tipco09 #6
Chapter 5: This is so heart wrenching but so beautifully written. I will read the sequel now. I hope they can be finally together in the future.
Arkhora-wang #7
Chapter 6: This story, the portrayal of feeling is awesome :D
xxyytny #8
Chapter 4: I really liked how u describe their feelings in this fic. The pain of loving someone so much but the fact that the two will not be together here. The pain of seperation really breaks my heart too. Thanks for writing this fic with all the right emotions n I really enjoyed reading it. Will read the sequel soon!