Listen on repeat

--

"I want to dedicate this song to someone special in the audience." He his lips, squinting his eyes to look for her figure in the dim room.

"Baby, I'm not talented enough to actually write this song myself," he paused as the audience laughed. "But if I were more poetic, I would've said the same exact thing."

One particular girl in the audience smiled.

He cleared his throat—nervously, she noted—as the beginning strums of the guitar played in the background.

No I’m never gonna leave you darling,

No I’m never gonna go regardless.

His melodiously low voice washed over her as she listened closely to the lyrics. She felt the familiar lump in as she felt the clock ticking closer to August. There's been so much uncertainty in the air since May.

Everything inside of me is living in your heartbeat.

Her hand flew to her chest at the words, somehow feeling the truth behind them, smiling at how sincerely he sung it.

Even when all the lights are fading,

Even then if your hope was shaking,

I'm here holding on.

The lyrics hit home. Her cheeks turned damp as silent tears trickled down.

I will always be yours forever and more,

Through the push and the pull.

There it was... his end of the promise.

I still drown in your love,

And drink 'til I’m drunk.

How long has it been since they started dating? Somehow, somewhere along the way, they crossed the thin veil that separated friendship and something more. They were childhood buddies, sharing most of their earliest memories together. They went to the same elementary school and continued onto middle school together. They were inseparable even under the pressures of high school's societal caste. But somewhere between the playful teasing and the friendly tackling, they found themselves awkwardly mumbling confessions under their favorite oak tree. Maybe because they were friends before they were each other's special someone's, they loved each other all the more.

And all that I’ve done,

Is it ever enough?

She looked up from her reverie at those words. How could he be asking that question when he was the one who's given her so much? He kept his gaze on her, unwavering like the words that flowed from his lips. Even from across the room, it gave her no room to argue.

I’m hanging on a line here baby

I need more than if's and maybe's.

They were on the cusp of saying goodbye, of being torn apart into different cities. Suddenly, they weren't going to be in the same AP Physics class anymore. They wouldn't be able to pass notes across the room anymore. They'd be across the country from each other, a magnet being pulled apart even as they fought to stay together. How can there not be if's and maybe's? There were plenty of them, now more than ever.

We’ll come down from the highest heights,

Still searching for the reason why.

As if they were carrying a silent conversation, she looked at him straight in the eyes. She remembered with him the happiest moments they've had together. The time she got her driver's license. The moment he found out he was competing nationally for robotics. The quiet date they had way up in the air, riding the hot air balloon. Their first kiss outside her doorstep. Graduation.

“You know I can't follow you. You know what's at stake,” she whispered.

And now I know what it’s like,

Reaching from the other side

After all that I’ve done.

He was going to Stanford, running for their cross country team while she stayed in Boston because she can't afford anything else. She was happy for him, but somehow, she felt she was being left behind. There are a lot of if's and maybe's.

How could she be sure they could stay together when they're more than three thousand miles apart? How could she be sure they'd withstand the push and pulls of not seeing each other for extended periods of time?

"We'll Skype with each other. I'll call you as soon as you wake up in the morning. I'll text you every night before I go to bed."

"But you're going to have to wake up at four in the morning," she laughed through her tears.

"You know what they say about early birds, right?" He poked her side.

"The worms will still be sleeping." She felt better already.

He scoffed at her. "How do you know that worms sleep?" He stuck his tongue out.

"How do you know that they don't?"

"I don't know a lot of things yet, but sometimes it's okay to be optimistic. Sometimes it's okay to hope."

For all that it’s worth, is it worth it?

Was it? She couldn't help but wonder. Sehun's a smart kid. He got into virtually every school he applied for, including the ones in the east coast. So why didn't he just stay here?

Cause more than it’s hard to desert it.

She knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Not just anyone gets into Stanford.

For all that it’s worth, is it worth it?

No matter her personal reasons, she knew it was. Perhaps they needed time apart to grow into separate entities. And after they come back together, if they still somehow fit together, then it means they're meant to be.

How do we know without searching?

She couldn't help but smile. They managed to fall into the same conclusion. She saw him smile into the mic as well.

I will write you this song to get back what’s ours.

Would that be enough?

She knew nothing's been taken away from them. She knew it wouldn't easily be taken away, either. Because what they had together was built upon a strong foundation that links back way farther than just a high school relationship. She knew that it was enough. She nodded at him, feeling their connection grow stronger as the song bounded them together. Slowly, her uncertainty ebbed away.

I will always be yours forever and more,

Through the push and the pull.

I promise that to you as well, Sehun. I'll hold strong for us. I'll be a pillar you can return to no matter if the storm tries to tide you away.

I still drown in your love,

And drink 'til I’m drunk.

She smiled. “Me too.” She mouthed to him. And somehow, she knew he got the message.

And all that I’ve done,

Is it ever enough?

Somehow, in the span of three minutes, she realized that what they had was enough to keep them strong. It wouldn’t be easy. But there’s always Skype, and texting, and early-morning phone calls. He’ll be a frequent flyer; she’ll visit him in the Sunny California. And it will be worth it. All of it—for what it was worth—will be worth it.

--

I think I'll have to explain some of the things for international readers:

1. AP (advanced placement) classes are college-level classes high school students are able to take to get some college credit.

2. East Coast (Boston, Massachusetts) vs. West Coast (Palo Alto, California) is something you guys already know... the time difference is 3 hours, East coast ahead. Hahaha but it deserves mention, I guess. 

3. It's easier to afford college tuition if you stay in the state you live in. Colleges have this thing called "out-of-state tuition fees" which cost a ton! Eek.

If you have any more questions regarding the American college process, or anything I've mentioned above, feel free to ask and I will clarify. I know it's different for different countries. :)

I hope you enjoyed this little thing I wrote. All of this occurs within five minutes, but it's an impactful enough song to change a girl's perspective on going their separate ways for college.