Mood Music

The Discovery...

Jongin awoke to the sound of a train rattling the window panes. He instinctively reached over for Kyungsoo only to find his side of the bed uninhabited and cold. It did not surprise him that Kyungsoo had awakened first, as he usually did, so he simply laid in bed straining his ears to hear the familiar sounds of his other half tinkering in the kitchen. When he could not hear the slightest sound, he rolled off his side and onto his feet.

He swayed slightly, having gotten up much too fast, and pinched the bridge of his nose as he steadied himself. After a moment of recovery he shuffled sleepily into the kitchen only to find it completely empty as well. Wrinkling his nose and creasing his brows, he wracked his mind for an explanation and decided to check the refrigerator.

Inside there was the usual supply of ingredients and drinks, however the milk levels were low. That answered Jongin’s suspicions and he simply went back to the room to try to get a few more minutes of sleep.

He passed by Kyungsoo’s bare nightstand, which caused him to notice a sheet of paper sitting on his own once he sat down on the edge of the bed. His hands shook as he read the first line. Pain shot through him, laced with fear and anxiety. He let the letter slip through his fingers as he rose to shaky feet. His breath stopped in his chest as he tried to comprehend what he had just read.

How could Kyungsoo say that to him? Surely this had to be some type of joke. He raked his hand through his blonde strands and stared at the thin carpet between his toes. The room suddenly felt alien to him, as if he had woken up in a different place altogether.

He sank down further into the mattress and blinked rapidly to hold the barrage of tears that threatened to pour forth. He felt a chill creep up his back and shivered involuntarily. He let himself fall to one side, head barely connecting with the down feathered pillow, and the sensation hardly registered. He took a cautious breath and laid there for a few minutes before rolling out of bed, his foot crushing the letter, and going over to the computer.

He was not sure why he was drawn to it, it was almost as if some force was pushing him towards it and he complied. He moved the mouse, and the machine sprang to life, the fans whirring for a few moments, before the screen faded to life.

There was one window open: the internet. So Jongin checked the browsing history and after a brief scan, he sprinted to the room to throw on the first articles of clothing he could find. He did not care of what he put on, his shoes weren’t even the same style, one was red and the other was grey. He grabbed the first coat he could find and slung that over his and shoved his hands into the pockets.

The sun blinded him momentarily, but he was not fazed. He knew he had about ten minutes to get to the station and talk Kyungsoo out of it. He had to. He rehearsed exactly what he was going to say to him as he ran to the station. He scanned the crowd for a fiery redhead, but saw no one.

His panic lead him to glance up at the train that was about to depart and that was when his stomach dropped. He could see him sitting by the window staring dead ahead of himself. Jongin screamed his name and the people nearest to him gave him strange looks. He whipped his head around trying to think.

He sprinted towards the door to the cabin, but the doorman shoved him backwards. “I have to get on this train! You don’t understand!” Jongin voice cracked slightly and his breathing sped up. His heart hammered in his chest in outright fear and despite the cold, he was sweating lightly.

“No can do sir. No ticket, no ride.” The doorman explained professionally.

“I need to get on. I don’t even have to stay. I just have to talk to him.” Jongin begged.

“Okay, you have - “ the doorman turned to listen to his supervisor and then looked solemnly at Jongin. “I’m sorry kid, there’s nothing I can do. Your best bet is to get on the next train to China. There will be one tomorrow.”

“I don’t have until tomorrow! I need to speak to him now.” His voice trailed off towards the end, knowing he was already defeated.

The doorman simply shook his head and stepped back as the doors slid shut.

Jongin swallowed thickly and tried to calm his racing mind. He ran back to Kyungsoo’s window and cried out his name over and over, until he broke down into a coughing fit. His eyes watered at the corners as he hacked, throat feeling raw and dry.

The train began to move, and despite the crowd of people thickening, Jongin pushed through them as he tried to keep up with the train, shouting Kyungsoo’s name. He reached the end of the platform and watched helplessly as the last cabin roared past him. The wind whipped his hair in front of his eyes as the train faded into a tiny black speck against the grey and trees.

He bit his lip and turned slowly, eyes seeing nothing but the words from the letter as they filled with tears. He absently wiped them away and stood by himself for a few minutes. He composed himself quickly and acknowledged the woman staring at him with a small nod and a fake smile, it never reached his eyes and was gone in a flash.

The walk back to the apartment was filled with arctic winds whistling through the bare trees and dark alleyways. The leaves, mixed with various bits of paper litter, swirled in the air, and the bottles and cans rolled sluggishly, sloshing their contents and wetting the ground even more.

The red and blue ‘Open’ flickered as Jongin approached the local liquor store. He contemplated going in and buying one of everything, but he had practice early the next morning and did not want to inhibit his performance, he was the lead after all. He noticed a slovenly man sitting outside holding a cup and a sign proclaiming his homelessness and it gave him pause. He walked up to the man and gave him every bit of money he had in his pocket, which amounted to about twenty dollars, and wished him well.

He left the man, expecting to feel marginally better, but he still felt numb. He could see his body shivering, but he could not feel it. Still, he had to get inside before he caught a cold. He had to be in top shape for practice tomorrow as it was the first of the major dress rehearsals.

☁

The second Jongin crossed the threshold, he broke down. His face was drenched in the quickly cooling tears. His lungs burned and his head hurt as though something were trying to burst out. There was a dull aching in his chest, as if his heart was physically breaking. His throat felt constricted and breathing was even more difficult. A single whimper broke free and he let himself cry with no regard. His