The Departure...

The sun peered in through the sheer curtains as it rose higher into the sky. The window was barely opened, so a cold breeze caused the gossamer fabric to billow delicately. The moment of clarity was sustained in the silence of the world. As the drowsiness from the night before faded away to the quiet morning bliss.

Suddenly a train rumbled by on the nearby tracks, shaking the room slightly and providing that familiar tremble on the bed. Kyungsoo’s eyes slowly opened and he found himself laying on his back staring at the ceiling. He listened briefly to the advancing train before rolling to a sitting position.

He glanced back at Jongin’s sleeping figure and heaved a huge sigh. The love of his life was resting peacefully, completely oblivious to the twisting thoughts running through his head. The rumbling grew louder until the windows rattled and then it stopped and the room was quiet once more. Everything was still except for the gentle rise and fall of Jongin’s chest.

Kyungsoo pushed himself to his feet, scrunching his toes in the carpet and shuffled to their kitchen. The apartment was small - a simple one bedroom/one bathroom with a tiny kitchen living room - all they could afford with their combined salaries, but it was home to them nonetheless. It was the only place they had remained for longer than a few months as Kyungsoo’s job kept them moving from place to place.

Since Jongin was only a ballet dancer, he usually found a company and applied to them. He was lucky if he stayed long enough to perform in one of their shows. Although he never voiced his disappointment to Kyungsoo, he knew that he hated how he never could show his true potential.

That was what had brought on the thoughts in Kyungsoo’s mind. He felt as though he was holding Jongin from his dreams. He knew their constant moving kept him from creating a big name for himself, but with his job he was required to move every few months. Yet, somehow he was able to prolong their stay in this apartment for almost six months. And in those six months, Jongin had prepared for the show that was in a few weeks.

It wasn’t until yesterday, when he received a letter stating his immediate presence in a new location in another country, that he started playing with the idea of leaving Jongin so that he could finally pursue his dream. Thoughts of the sort plagued him all night. They permeated his every move and it was even apparent in his cooking.

“This tastes a little funny, Soo.” Jongin wrinkled his nose as he took another bite, his face taking on a thoughtful expression. He simply shrugged his shoulders and kept eating as if it did not bother him. Every now and then he gave Kyungsoo a grateful smile as he cleaned his plate.

Kyungsoo grinded his teeth to keep the bubbling emotions from washing over. He had been so preoccupied with his thoughts that he was not even sure how much seasoning he had put in the food. He ended up putting in too much as he could barely taste it past the debilitating guilt he was feeling.

He let his empty plate clatter to the ground and turned abruptly on his heel. He needed a cold shower to clear his mind. He needed time to think about how he was single handedly ruining his Jongin’s future.

He waited as the coffee machine brewed his morning coffee before the idea finally struck him. He rushed to the computer and ordered a one-way ticket to China. He figured that if he wrote Jongin a letter before he left that maybe in a few years he wouldn’t hate him so much for leaving him so suddenly.

A few minutes later, he printed off the ticket receipt and tucked it inside his coat pocket. He took a deep breath and steeled himself as he took out some pen and paper. His letter was short and brief, but he felt that it held everything that he wanted to say.

Jongin,

I believe it’s time for us to end this. I am only holding you back from your dreams and I cannot live with myself