Mood Music

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Mood Music

Performance Music

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Last Scene

The Destination...

Kyungsoo tossed his jacket on the back of the only chair he had in his small one bedroom apartment. It was a rather cheap one that his job paid for, but it worked for him. After all, he did not need much space since it was only him. He winced at the thought and stood by the chair longer than he intended to.

Since traveling to China for his job, he had been sent overseas to the States for an extended stay as a part of his promotion. It was ironic to say the least. If he had waited a few more months he would have been able to take Jongin with him. It was some kind of cruel joke that was being played on him and the moment he was promoted he cursed himself.

His heart still ached for the blonde hair boy, and each night he plagued his dreams. He knew he’d never forgive himself for leaving him like that. He was the elder in the relationship, so he should have been more mature about breaking it off.

He slumped as he walked into the kitchen to make a quick meal. He brushed the crumbs off the counter from last night and when he reached for a clean dish rag he noticed he had none. He knew he had let things get bad, but it never really hit him until he opened the fridge and saw only a single apple and some juice.

Kyungsoo’s feet stuck to the linoleum floor as he left the kitchen to grab his coat. He walked past the mound of takeout food sitting in the trash and sighed. He needed to get back on track soon. He ran his fingers through his hair, knowing the bright red had faded to a rusty orange and his roots were in desperate need of a touch up.

He didn’t need a mirror to tell him that the bags under his eyes had been a permanent feature since leaving Jongin, or the fact that his cheeks had become so sallow from lack of appetite that his clothes no longer fit right. He also knew it wouldn’t take much for him to leave it all behind if he knew Jongin would forgive him. He knew he would admit his wrong doings, but he was still frightened of Jongin’s response.

Outside it was a bit chillier than he had expected, so he pulled his coat tighter around him as he walked to the local grocery store. He had only been in the States for a few weeks, but he had yet to use the car his company gave him. His small apartment was close enough to everything he needed, the grocery store, the liquor store, and he simply carpooled with other workers so he could have some time to himself to think.

The cashier gave him a strange look when he entered. He assumed it was his appearance. He had not showered in two days so he supposed he looked rather grimy, but without anyone to make him want to be his best, he felt no need to look good. Besides, it was not like he needed to impress anyone, especially with Jongin still back where he left him, or at least that was what he assumed. He had fought all urges to check on him, but it still tore him apart.

A lady tapped his shoulder and brought him out of thought. “Excuse me sir, are you okay?”

Kyungsoo gave her a sad quirk of the lips and started walking down the aisle to the ready-made meals. He wanted something quick and cheap – not that money was an issue – but he felt that was all he deserved.

In the corner of his eye, he saw a blonde haired male approach him from the side. His heart quickened, but when he turned, it was not Jongin. He knew the disappointment showed on his face but he simply did not care. It had been far too long for him to even care what others thought of him.

He paid for his food in the checkout line and left the store. He contemplated going to the liquor store, but his boss had just promoted him, so he did not want to jeopardize his career just yet. Still, the urge to drown out his thoughts tempted him. He gave the store a forlorn look and kept walking.

As he passed the large window of a closed shop, he noticed a poster of a ballet that was going to be performed in the next town over. Part of him wondered why it was being advertised where he was, but he shrugged and moved closer to it. The silhouette of the male dancer looked painfully familiar, but he brushed it off as his hopeful heart playing tricks on him. He scanned the names and when he saw Jongin’s in the print, the bags fell from his fingers.

He quickly tore it from the window and tucked it in his coat before picking his bags up and briskly walking to his home. Inside he washed his hands and put his meal in the oven as the directions called for. He had laid the poster on the small table and forced himself to ignore it for the time being. How could Jongin be in the States? Kyungsoo chewed his lip and stared at the meal as it slowly cooked.

After he ate, he allowed himself to examine the poster thoroughly. The show was in three months and tickets were relatively expensive – as far as ballets were concerned. He wondered if Jongin was living in the next town over and frowned. Somehow, they had ended up in the same state, less than thirty miles from each other, at the same time. Fate had to be tempting him.

That night, Kyungsoo dreamed of Jongin again. This time, however, instead of him dreaming of Jongin not being able to see him, he dreamed of Jongin on stage. He watched him perform and there were tears on his face as he watched from the crowd. He had managed to get front row seats and when Jongin glanced at him he could see the pause in his dancing. He could see the recognition in his eyes behind the mask even if it was there for only a flash.

When he woke the next morning, his face was still wet with tears. He sat on the edge of the twin sized bed and decided it was time he tried to make things right.

~*~

Jongin sat in the chair while the stylist massaged his scalp. His show was in two days and he had to look the part. The sun shone in from the windows of the salon and the televisions were playing some type of romance movie. His chest tightened and his neck stiffened when the girl stood in the road calling out the guy’s name as he left. It brought back a flood of memories he thought he had gotten over. It had been almost a year since Kyungsoo had left. In fact, he was performing on the anniversary of the day he left which bothered him in more ways than one.

The hairdresser froze and then resumed without saying a word when the tears started rolling down Jongin’s face. Jongin silently thanked her in his mind once he was able to pull back his emotions. He couldn’t believe that after all this time, he was still brought to tears at mere thoughts of Kyungsoo. He had been doing so well lately.

He had gone on a few dates and was about to start seeing a new guy that he had met while rehearsing for the show. The new guy reminded him of Kyungsoo in stature, but that was where their similarities ended. He had felt it was better that way and that if he tried dating anyone like Kyungsoo, then he would risk projecting his feelings about him on them. Therefore, he resolved himself to ending things with the new guy. It would not be fair to him if he was still not over Kyungsoo.

The hairdresser lightly pushed Jongin back so that his hair was under the water. She rinsed out the gray dye and continued to massage Jongin’s scalp. The sound of the water was soothing and constant. It lulled Jongin into a trance. He found himself thinking about Kyungsoo even more now. Wondering if somehow, he had gotten his letter and wondering if he was happy.

Jongin sat up at the hairdresser’s direction and followed her to another chair for his hair to dry. He gave her a small empty smile and stared at his hands. Images of Kyungsoo grabbing them and pulling him around a corner to kiss him flooded his eyes. He could see the way his eyes scrunched up when he laughed, he could hear his voice as he sang while in the shower, and he could feel the gentle warmth of his body against his as if they were lying next to each other.

With a blink, Jongin cleared away the images. He followed the hairdresser again to another chair and listened as she chattered about how excited she was for his show. He responded appropriately with nods and sounds of agreement when prompted. Yet, his mind was still elsewhere. His mind was back in Korea where he had last seen Kyungsoo. His mind was back in their small one bedroom apartment where they laughed, cried, fought, and made up. His mind was back at the dinner table where he had watched Kyungsoo go through the motions of eating the night before he left.

Jongin bit his lip and sighed. He needed to be focused for