“kore (here).”

I looked up and fix my glasses. I saw him standing beside my seat before then he sit beside me. As usual, milk tea is all he gave me. But I just smile and took it from his hand.

‘’arigatou (thanks).”

As the bus move, I sighed again. But he, as he opens his own milk tea, he chuckled then said, ‘’Baka (silly).”

Glancing at him, he added, “nanda (what)?”

Shaking my head in frustration, I replied, “betsuni (nothing).”

He laughed and sips the milk tea, “Im the one who really understand that it’s not ‘nothing’, so don’t use that word to me.”

God, he can be such an annoying little boy.

And when I look at him again, he took my milk tea and open it for me. But when he gave it back, Im still stared, instead of thanking him. This time, he answers with his mother tongue, “ah, wae (why)??” it seems that my silent act upsets him.

“thanks.” I lifted the can and drink it slowly.

Just by the corner of my eyes, I can see he’s actually sighing too. And then he closed his eyes. I don’t know why, but he seems pretty tired. Well, he’s not the most cheerful person I know, no, he likes to talk only to the person he can trust, but that’s why, to me, who known him for years now, the truth is to me, he is talkative.

He still got the milk tea on his hand, and I saw him wearing his lucky t-shirt. “tsk, how can he be so careless, what if the milk tea spills and ruin the shirt. It’s not like he’s going to perform every day, right?”

I took the milk tea and hold it for him.

Of course, today is the day. He will perform in front of the people on campus as it’s going to be the final exam for his 2nd semester. See, the guitar is rested here between him and me.

‘’ganbare (good luck).” I whispered to him. I’ve been there, so I know that 2nd semester can be quite hard too. Ah, im a coward as I said to him only when he fell asleep.

Just like when I confessed to him when he’s sleeping in the very same bus a couple of weeks ago.

Actually, I was enjoying myself in a situation like this. Rested my elbow on the window shield, I leaned my head to my hand while Im staring at him all the way to our campus.

His curly hair reaches the collar of his jacket, but today he tied up in a really messy way. But that’s just how the way I like it.

His long lashes that I always envy completed the great warm look on his eyes. Of course, as now both of his eyes are shut, those stare wasn’t staring at me like it used to be, but how can I forget that as I have known those pair of eyes for, once again, years?

His lips.. I believe you might think that im a ert, but trust me, im not the first one who came up with the idea that his lips is really.. how can I say, okay, to make it less awkward, because Minho is my good friend, I would say that his lips is cute. Cute, and you don’t disagree? You have another word for it, suit yourself. But just let me put that way, because it’s already too embarrassing for me to say.

Well, if you want me to describe the way he looks like, I can just say that everything looks perfect to me, and it’s done. He’s lean, tall and has an adorable smile. What could you ask for more?

But for me, there’s more to say other than just his looks.

He’s kinda quiet, yes. But once he opens his mouth to speak to me, he can be really annoying. He can sing with his deep voice, but he refuses to sing on request.

“I sing only because I want to.” It’s what he always said. Annoying, right? what kind of singer says something like that?

He’s a good son for his parents, but he never listen to me.

“you never listen to me as well, so why should I listen to you?” It’s what he always replied.

And with my stubborn act, I would say, “because you’re just a kid, why would I listen to your words?”

After that, he does give me one look. I don’t need to be a genius to understand that he’s hurt because of my words, but.. I really cant express my feelings so well.

I don’t know, maybe it happens because a bad romance I had in the past, but I begin to be someone who tend to hide my true feelings. I don’t want to get hurt once again, I presumed. So when I finally realized that to me, Minho is not just a bestfriend –and younger, I cant just tell him right away. And maybe that’s why, I think he still thought that I cant get over with my love in the past. Silly him.

Wait. Who am I kidding? Im a foolish too. Although im sure that Minho wont hurt me at any chance, I don’t know what he’s going to do if he’s find out that it’s been a while since I realized that I-

‘’you have to stop staring or a hole will appear in my face.” Suddenly, he speaks. Even without opening his eyes.

‘’how-“ I was startled and shift my stare to the window. I can hear he’s laughing so then I turned to him and lifted my hand to punch him slightly in purpose, ‘’you are really- tsk.”

Then he asked me, “oi, megane wo karite (hey, can I borrow your glasses)…?”

“ha?”

“come on, it’s only a toy glasses.” Of course, he knew that my sights are perfect.

“but why?”

“you know, Yui, for someone who’s not good with words, you’re asking too much this time.” even without my permission, he carefully took the black-framed nerdy glasses from my face and then wear it himself.

I chuckled, “speak to yourself.” and then I knocked his pretty head slowly, “and what’s with the ‘oi’, you’re younger than me, show me some respect.”

Out of desperation, he murmured, “not again. you’re just older by two years, it doesnt make a big difference at all.”

Copying his favorite words in his sentence, I said, “you know, Minho-sshi, in Korea you have to call me Noona.”

“do you think I didn’t know about that?” he mocked me back, “but we live here in Japan, so…” he hang his sentence and then just shrugged.

Im just going to laugh but in the same time, as the bus is going to stop near our campus, I saw something outside the window. And that very second, my laugh stopped.

It seems that he noticed it too, so then he moves closer to me to see what I saw.

“chikai (too close).” I pushed him back only because I don’t want him to see, but it’s too late.

“for God’s sake, Yui. Just forget him, okay? look, he’s already with that girl.” he said to me.

I replied, “I can see that, I don’t need you to tell me.”

“so why did you still look like that? just face it, you two are not going to get back together.” He took his guitar and ready to get up. But my words hold him.

“I knew that, and you don’t have to be so harsh.”

There’s a pause between us, but then he gets up and say, “gomen (sorry).”

I was too annoyed to the fact that actually, I stopped laughing earlier not because I got startled because I saw my ex-boyfriend was walking hand-in-hand with some girl that I knew, but it’s because I was surprised on how it doesn’t affected me at all.

Yes, thanks to a friend who was sitting next to me just now and also the one who always been there beside me all the way, I realized that it’s not the past that I want anymore. There’s only one person who I want to be with, and it’s none other than him. I really want to say many things to him, to say that I want to be more than just a good friend, but I cant.

And now I don’t know which one annoys me more, the fact that he pointed out my past act, or the fact that Im desperately wanting to confess to him.

I don’t say a word as then he tries to steal my kindness back by patting my shoulder, “ma, ma (well), don’t be mad at me, I was wrong. And beside, I thought there’s so many guys out there who doesn’t really give a damn on girl’s height.”

So he still remembered when I said my ex was complaining that im too tall.

“yeah, you’re right.” I agreed with him as I murmured.

He showed his thumb, “of course, if only that guy as tall as me, he wouldn’t care too much. My girl can be a petite one so she would be really cute, or she can be as tall as she can be, because she still shorter than me anyway.”

“what?!” I get up as I heard his jokes. “bakajyanaino (don’t be such a stupid one)!”

He laughs, “gomen gomen (sorry), mouu yamerou (ah, stop it)! stop being too serious, it’s only 9 in the morning, Yui!”

Actually, I also wanted to laugh, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me, instead of laughing, I just said to him, ‘’chanto ayamare (ask forgiveness properly). “

“ha?”

“you cant just say ‘gomen’ to someone older.”

Dammit. Why do I have to bring this up again?

He stared, and I can see that he’s really upset just by looking at his eyes. Yui, just say that you’re sorry. I kept telling myself, but stupidly, I was just stood there in silent, and he’s doing the same.

But after 3 seconds, he lifted his guitar and took it be leaning to his right shoulder before he said, “joehsonghamnida (im sorry –polite form).” Then he even added, “.. and should I even call you Noona just to make you more satisfied?”

After lunch break,

Really, my mind is not in peace at all. For the rest of the day, Im just thinking on what should I do to make amend. Well, we do fought so many times, but nothing serious like today.

And when I walked pass the main field on our campus I realized that performing exam for the 2nd semester students was already started.

I sat beside some students in the same year as mine, and after 3 others performers, I hear the girls are screaming. It’s him who walked to the stage.

Minho, wearing my glasses, he brought a chair with his right hand and a guitar with the other one.

“ganbare (good luck)~~” a girl shouted to him and he smiled, “thanks.”

My friend nudged my hand with her elbow, “turns out the kid have many fans, huh?”

Yeah, they knew that Minho and I was kinda close.

“he’s not a kid, you know.” I replied although I knew that it was me who first kept calling him like that so all of my friends begin to call him the same way.

Arranges the microphone and make sure it sets in the right way, Minho said, “I believe there’s someone that actually can understand you perfectly even though you kept finding it hard to expressing your feelings.. and I do know someone like that, I just hope.. I could understand better.”

The crowd is cheering as my heart start beating so fast. What kind of song that he’s going to sing?

As the melody starts flowing from his guitar, I recognized it. It was the song he taught me last month, but he said the lyrics are still in progress. I was so bad on playing guitar, so he kept telling me that im a slow learner.

And then he begins to sing the song,

[“Gomen ne” Doue sunao ni ie nain darou
“Arigatou” Hontou wa ne itsudemo omotteru
Kuchi beta na toko sega takai toko
Kirai ja nai ka na
Suki ni natte kureru ka na]

("I'm sorry" Why can't I say it naturally, I wonder?
"Thanks" The truth is, that's what I'm always thinking
I'm no good at speeches, I'm tall
I wonder if you don't like those things about me?
I wonder if you'll grow to like them?)

Huh? who’s he talking about? does he likes someone? But why she dislike the fact that he’s tall..

[Aiai anatani ai tai
Ima kono mune no oku de sakenderu yo
Aisareru aa wo yume miru
Mou kono kokoro zenbu anata no mono
Anata dake no mono]

(I want to love you, I want to see you
That's what I'm shouting out in my heart, right now
I dream of tomorrow in which I am loved by you
All of my heart is already yours
It's only yours)

Wait. why did he wrote the song from a female point of view?

Moshikae (could it be)…

[“Baka da na” Waratte tama ni shikatte kureru
“Ganbare” Honki de ne hagemae kureru
Watashi kanashii koi wo eta koto
te iru kara
Anata yasashiku suru no ka na
Demo daisuki yo]

("You idiot" Sometimes you smile and scold me with that
"Give it your best" You really do encourage me
Because you know that
I've had loves that have been sad ones
Will you be kind to me, I wonder?
But I love you)

Minho always said “ganbare” (give it your best) every time I was pouring my troubles to him back in the past.

And “Baka” (stupid), every time I felt like I was doubting myself on whether I could get through something or not. Even though he mocked me, I know that he believed in me.

Without realizing, my tears falling. So he wrote a song.. about my feelings?

But..

[Anata ni aitai
Mata nemurenu yoru no owara nai inori
Oshaberi ari te wo tsunaidari
Konya yume de aetara
Ureshi sugite
Naite shimau kamo
Onaji BASU tei ame no sakamichi
Hitotsu no kasa de
Moratta MIRUKUTI
Oshiete kureta uta
Sono subete ga atatakakute..]

(I want to see you
I pray that this will be the end of my sleepless nights
We talk, hold hands
If we meet in my dreams tonight, I'll be so happy
I wonder if I'll cry
At the same bus stop on a hill road, with one umbrella
The milk tea that you gave me, the song you taught me
All of those things make me feel warm)

I can hear the crowd is cheering as the song finished and Minho said, “thank you.”
The girls are still calling out his name. But Im not looking to the stage anymore.

I covered my face with both hands. He knew??? He knew my feelings?
How? Can this be more embarrassing than this?
Is anyone notice about it?
I have to stop crying or they will start to notice me.
My friends are here, how can I escape from them?
God, this is so embarrassing! why the hell am I crying for? It was just like he’s mocking me a-a-and, and he really need to explain to me-

“and I think.. it was more like an angry tears than a happy one.”

I hear his deep voice speaks really close as I lifted my head.

“you-“ I wiped my tears abruptly but I stopped. He bowed in front of me as he said, “gomenasai (im sorry).”

“what the hell is that for?”

He stood upright and say, “to be such a coward and confessing through a song, furthermore, it’s an exam song.”

‘’what- wait, who’s confessing to who?” I frowned.

He was frowning too. then he pointed at himself, before he pointed at me. “…right?” he said as if he needs a clarification on his own statement.

“but you wrote it with female term, a-a-and you talked as if you’re me, how can you possibly say that it was you!” I was so frustrated I don’t know why, maybe because now he was standing right in front of me and people was starting to be interested on us more than to the one who performed on the stage.

Minho’s eyes get bigger for a while, and then it shows its warmth. “so.. you really think so? Well, the verse part is really from your point of view.. but.. the last part was all mine.”

I gasped as the song’s refrain begin to played again in my brain.

So.. he.. has the same feeling as mine?
I took a glance at him and he was smiling. This is not good. I can feel my cheeks burning. I was crying earlier, so yeah, I must look like a mess.

Try to hide my embarrassed feeling, I pointed out without lifted my head, “but what about the milk tea, and the song.. even the umbrella thing, it’s what you always do.. not me! mouu.. don’t mocking me with a song in front of many people like this!”

Dammit Yui. You don’t speak too much, but when you did, you ruined everything.

“mouh (what)?” and now he speaks Korean again. Then I heard his small laugh, “but don’t you remember who was the first one to do all of those things?”

‘’huh?” unconsciously, I lifted my head.

“back then.. you’re the one who always love milk tea, and you make me drink it even though I said I don’t like it. About songs, you were the one who teach me a lot of songs, but then you ask me to play with guitar because you’re too lazy to learn it. And.. about the umbrella, of course im the one who held the umbrella every time we shared it, because im the guy.. and im taller than you.”

I remembered once I said to him, “the taller one between the two is the one who has to held the umbrella.”

Then he chuckled, “you can point anywhere you want inside the song, but anyway, it’s still my confession song.”

Doesnt really care on how my friends, and his friends are making a huge fuss about this, not to mention the girls who was shrieking, he was just standing in front of me at ease. He put one of his hands inside his pocket, and didn’t say anything. More like he waits for me to give him a response.

But, I also just stood there in silence.

So then he sighed, “…so?”

I looked at him and then I cleared my throat. “okay…”

“okay what?”

“yeah.. im..” then Im just chuckled, “this is really embarrassing, could I just borrow your refrain to tell you that I love you too?”

My friends around me shouting to hear my careless confession.

Minho was pointing at me and said, “Noona! You said it by yourself!”

“eh..? ah, I mean..”

He’s laughing, “haha, finally, I heard that from you! and you cant take it back!”

Then he took off my glasses and handed it to me as he sighed in relieved, "yappari (as i thought), this thing helps me to work it out."

"this?" I lifted my glasses.

He nodded and said innocently, "yeah, it's my lucky charm for the event. Dont you know that this is a nerve-wrecking moment?" as he took a grip on his shirt on the part where his heart is.

I frowned, "which one, this stage exam, or your confession?"

He closed one of his eyes as he seems to think of the answer, "the exam, because you were less scarier than my lecturer." but then he smiled sheepishly at me.

I covered my face with both hands once again, but then I uncovered as I said, “listen to me.”

Maybe because of my serious tone, he stopped smiling and staring at me.

“Choi Minho.”

“yes?”

“now I know that you like me, and.. yes, I do love you.

“no, I also love you, Yui Noona.”

I sighed, “okay, we love each other. but please..”

“… yes? what is it??” he seems really tortured by this.

“can you just call me with Yui? we’re just 2 years different and-“ my sentence was cut because he was embraced me and even lifted me like I was his teddy bear or something.

“can you stop this? it’s not we’re in a movie or anything like that!” I whispered to him, although my smile doesn’t fade.

He doesn’t reply at me as he asked to some of his friend, “yeah, all of you will call this cheesy but you will love to have a scene like this by yourself, right? just admit it you all are jealous at me!”

Annoyed and also amused at him in the same time, I just said to him, “sshh!” as then..

“Yui! you just-“ in such a close-up I can see his eyes were sparkling in startled.

Im laughing really hard to see his reaction after I stole a quick kiss from him, “bakajyanai no (don’t be stupid)!”

He seems surprised, until he laughs and said something even more surprising to me, “me, stupid? Well, you thought that I was asleep when you pour your feelings out in the bus all of this time.”

“what-“ I was going to yell but I cant say anything more and just laugh out loud as he’s just hugged me really closely and shouted, “free milk tea for everyone, my treat!”

------

A couple weeks earlier...

She’s my best friend. But as God knows how much I care about her, she annoys me to the point where I never thought before.

Why, don’t laugh at me, it’s because she never see me as a guy, or a man to be exact.

She’s so stupid to think that just because im younger, Im less than that jerk who dumped her for HER OWN FRIEND.

Just because I never talk about my feelings out loud –im a guy, alright- doesn’t mean that I don’t understand about hers. In fact, my ability to know how she feels right away before she even speaks is one quality I can brag about.

Didnt she remember, the only one who’s willing to listen to all of her sigh and see her bucket-full of tears, was me?

Okay, I’ll admit. I like her.

Ever since I moved to this country, having her as one of my neighbor is one interesting fact. Like I said, even from our younger days, she has this side that always make me worry; clumsy, sentimental, and everything. But on the other hand, she can be witty, helpful and caring about little things.

I can tell how her lips would curl in some particular ways, whenever she smiles happily, worries carelessly, or try not to cry sadly.

I like her too much then maybe this what people said as love. But to me, not that the word ‘love’ is cheesy, no, it’s just that.. I think to be able to call it as a love, you need both sides. Not only one-sided. And for me, to be a man who has one-sided love is already embarrassing enough.

This even more embarrassing than girls used to call me cute. There’s no guy in the world who likes to be called ‘cute’, please remember that.

But after that day happened, I believed that this really is… the word. I was so stupidly happy, though once again, when I was going to do something about it, she annoys me again.

I can still recall the situation very clearly.

“ne, Minho.” I heard her saying while I was there beside her. I was going to open my eyes, but what she said after that makes me hold back. “I think I like you.”

She said it out of the blue, while we’re sitting on the bus and she thought I was sleeping.

Who would have thought that even a guy can feel his heart beat bangs really crazy?

Knowing her, I was just pretending that I didn’t hear her. Because if she knew I heard her, she would be so embarrassed and I don’t want her to be angry with me. And I want to know what she will say more.

So I just stay still, while she continued,

“since when, I don’t even know. But I think.. now I realized that I need to have you here, more than I knew before.”

Great. This is a very good start. Finally, after years.. you realized that. Thank you, God.

“I hope you wouldn’t mind if I kept being your side even more than before..”

No, of course not. Beside, we lived next each other door. I also got into the same Music Institute as you are, so.. what that’s supposed to mean, you want to kept me even closer? Dammit, I almost smiled because some stupid imagination.

“but what should I do.. I cant bear another broken heart.”

Wait- what? is this still about-

“I used to only have Pi’s attention only for me, and now it’s gone. Disappointment, I don’t want to feel that again. You got all the girls’ attention so you might don’t get it.”

That jerk again. And what with this ‘all the girls attentions’??

“but tell me, what can I do if you knew this feeling and then I lose you?”

On what basis did you thought about that? and when did I even want to lose you anyway? If I want that to be happened, believe me, I already did that long time ago.

“we’re just a childhood friend and I was like a big sister to you, right? who kept making problems requires you to fix it. But you know that anything related to you, I always care.”

Did she bring that issue again, on how she’s older than me? just 2 years older. I would still want her even if she’s 10 years older.

“Pi said im not cute as petite Japanese girls, but girls in your country are even taller than me, right Minho? So I believed that you wouldn’t mind. And you know that though I tend to be in front of Pi because I don’t want him to think im annoying, I cant stop talking when im with you. So I think you wouldn’t care about that.”

Again, that jerk. Why did you kept comparing me with him? and don’t worry too much, you already annoyed me, and I love that fact of yours.

Then please just tell me, WHY you confessed to me while you thought that I was asleep? I never thought that you’re a cowar- wait. If she’s a coward, then what it makes me? at least, she’s trying to tell that to the sleeping Minho, but I never even try to do something close to that.

I was still thinking about myself when she said, “and please don’t tell that you’re nice to me just because you pity me.”

…… okay, she’s just went too far.

She said her last line,

“I… don’t know what im going to do because you have exam coming soon and you havent found any lyrics for your song, then.. maybe I’ll wait. Beside, you’re not going to leave me, are you? let’s just hope that there’s no other girl who wants to snatch you away so I still have all the time in the world.”

Oh there’s so many girl who loves to snatch me away from you, but im the one who wants to stay, silly.

And after that day, my mind stops calling her stupid girl, and I stop thinking that she’s annoying.

She’s just too hurt in the past, but she’s willing to begin a new life. She wants to have a new one with me.

She’s just too dense to know that she doesn’t have to be petite to be cute. And she finally realized that she never stops talking when she’s with me, is because she feels comfortable doing that.

She’s not stupid, of course, because she’s the girl I want to be with.

She my not-easy-to-confess-her-feeling-when-it-comes-to-her-best-friend Yui.

Well, in that part, maybe she’s just practically the female version of me. So what can I say?

This is going to be a great lyric for my exam song. Also the 11th songs I wrote about her.

And this could be a great proposal to make her mine.

****************************************************

this story based on Fukuyama Masaharu's song called Milk Tea (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRXbAVO4bRg)

which also sang by Shinee's Minho on an event in Japan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30EhMM32Ib4)

dont forget to comment, because comment is love :)

z.