7^th July, 2013.

06:46 PM

‘Who will it be?’ exclaimed the MC, ‘Will it be sweet leader Onew, or y hyung Jonghyun?’

Onew focused on giving his signature smile, for the sake of the camera; inside, havoc was wreaking. He his breathe in, wishing Key would choose him; simultaneously telling himself that Key has to please the fans, who like him with Jonghyun. He just wished Key would make his feelings public; he was tired of pretending as if there was nothing, as if he was pleased when JongKey do all the fanservice right in front of him.  

Onew knew what Key’s true feelings were; Key had never anything out loud, but actions speak louder than words. Key would keep all his true feelings bottled up and in the back shelf; he would never reveal them. But sometimes, it seemed to Onew, as if he couldn’t keep them inside anymore, and one way or another, Onew could tell that he was the one on Key’s mind; and maybe his heart too.

It was after a long time that all of SHINee had gone to a variety show together. The fans were very happy to see Key and Jonghyun together. It had been forever since they had seen the two on the same show, interacting. Both the males were also trying their best to give as many JongKey moments as they could, to make up for their long disappearance.

Onew watched all their interactions, even though he pretended otherwise. He saw how Key sat next to Jonghyun and had his hand on Jonghyun’s leg all the time. How, when laughing, Jonghyun hid his face by putting it on Key’s shoulder and Key smiled. How, when they were presented the challenge to eat the spicy food, they fed each other. How they whispered into each other’s ear with a hand in front of their mouths.

Onew laughed a little as he watched all this; his bitterness, thankfully, going unnoticed. He couldn’t help thinking how ironic this was. In the dorm, Key and Jonghyun barely paid each other attention; and Key spent all his time with Onew. And, despite popular belief, Key shared a room with Onew, not Jonghyun. Yet here, in front of the cameras, in front of the entire world, Key gave his full attention to Jonghyun, ignoring Onew’s existence.

He knew it was because of the public; but Onew couldn’t stop himself from grieving inside. The pain cut him inside, yet he was forced to smile richly; his “cute leader” image made him do so. And to make it worse, the MC decided to make Key choose his favourite fellow member. Out of Onew and Minho; Key chose Onew and out of Jonghyun and Taemin; Key chose Jonghyun.

Now, to make everything more dramatic, the MC made Key hold Onew’s and Jonghyun’s wrist in each hand, and raise the hand of the one he likes more, like a referee does with a winner of a match. Onew couldn’t stop his heart from beating furiously; even though this was just a show, but Key’s choice suddenly seemed to matter to him a lot.

His face hurt because of smiling a frozen smile for too long; when he didn’t want to. He sneaked a glance at Key; Onew could literally see thoughts racing across his mind. He felt a little better; that meant Key was actually considering him too, not thinking of automatically choosing Jonghyun. Then he looked past Key, and at Jonghyun. That cocky punk was smirking confidently; he knew Key would choose him. Despite himself, Onew felt a wave of hatred towards Jonghyun. Key expressed his feelings so openly to him; true, they were just for the cameras, but Jonghyun did get to experience them, didn’t he?

23^rd September, 2012.

10:12 AM

‘Happy Birthday to youuuu!’ sang the SHINee members as Key blew the candles out; and clapped. Key beamed at the rest of the members, ‘Thank you so much guys. I’m really thankful for all you did.’ ‘Take it easy Kibum,’ said Minho, ‘there aren’t any cameras around.’ ‘Ya,’ said Key, pouting, ‘I’m saying this sincerely. You think I can’t thank you guys without cameras around?’

Minho laughed, ‘I’m just kidding, man. C’mere.’ He took Kibum’s hand and pulled him in for a hug. After they broke apart, Key hugged the rest of the members one by one, saving Onew for the last. Onew didn’t know whether it was his imagination or reality, but Key hugged him longer than he hugged the rest of the members. Before pulling apart, he kissed Onew on the cheek.

Even though it was just a peck on the cheek, Onew was the only one Key kissed.

9^th December, 2012.

11:23 PM

SHINee celebrated Minho’s and Onew’s birthday together, with their fans at their concert. When they arrived at the dorm, tired, Minho said, ‘Don’t think not giving me gifts is acceptable because my birthday was celebrated with the fans. I want gifts from you guys too.’ ‘Me too, me too,’ piped Onew. The rest chuckled at their childish leader.

‘We did prepare gifts for you, hyung,’ assured Taemin. He went to the dining table and tried picking up the bucket load of gifts all by himself. Once all of them were in his arms, he realized that he’d bitten off a lot more than he could bite. ‘Uhh, a little help here?’ he called out to his hyungs. ‘Nope,’ answered Key, ‘you’re the magnae. You do it.’ Taemin sighed exasperatedly and started staggering out to the living room. Minho quietly went over to the youngest and took half of the gifts in his arms, helping him bring them to the living room and dropping them on the couch.

Onew and Minho sat down on the couch on either side of the gifts; and started sifting through them like little kids on Christmas trying to figure out which one is for them. Onew thought his gifts were pretty good. Jonghyun got him a new cover for his phone; one he had been eyeing for quite some time now. Taemin got him a hat, which he later told leader that he had designed himself. Minho got him new headphones, and quite expensive ones at that.

Onew saw the gift from Key. It was small. Onew gently removed the gift paper, taking care not to tear it. Inside, was a small, velvet box. He opened it to reveal a ring. A simple ring with none of Key’s usual fashionista feel.  Somehow, Onew could feel sincerity emitting from the ring; it signified something genuine, something pure. It surprised Onew, the simple way Key had expressed his feelings, not opting for something flashy and loud, like he would usually have done.

He looked up at Key, to thank him. But Key was looking down at his lap, where he was playing with his hands. Onew smiled when he detected a hint of blush. He quietly pocketed the box.

14^th December, 2012.

00:19 AM

Onew sat down on one of the kitchen counters and drank milk directly from the milk carton. He was a little down; it was his birthday today, yet no one had wished him. Not the members, or his family, or any other idols. But Onew tried to make himself understand that his birthday was already celebrated with Minho’s, he shouldn’t wish for anything more.

Despite that, he couldn’t help feel a little disappointed. What would it take the members to just wish him once? He wasn’t asking for gifts, or a proper celebration, he just wanted to be wished. He was about to put the carton to his mouth again, when, in his peripheral vision, he saw a small light. He turned around towards the source.

It was Key, coming in the kitchen with a cupcake in his hand. The cupcake was decorated with colorful sprinkles and a lit candle in the centre. Key smiled; and just in the light of the small candle, Onew thought his smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

‘Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday dear Onew hyung~ Happy birthday to you~~’ sang Key, ‘Make a wish, hyung.’ Onew smiled at the younger male, then shut his eyes tight and blew out the candle. ‘What did you wish for?’ asked Key. ‘You’re not supposed to tell,’ answered Onew, ‘that’s bad luck.’ Key pouted and Onew cut a small piece of the cupcake and fed it to Key.

I wished for you, Kibum.

1^st January, 2013.

00:01

‘HAPPY NEW YEAR!’ cheered the SM family and clapped. All the bands under SME had gathered in the infamous sky practice room for a New Year party. As the clock struck twelve, they all cheered and dug in the food placed on the table. Onew stood near the table, waiting for the sunbaes to serve themselves so that he could take the chicken he’d been eyeing.

It was almost his turn that Key, who had been chatting with the other 91-liners, came over to Onew, who had been standing alone. He took Onew by the wrist and before Onew could question this gesture, he led the older out of the room. The corridor outside was completely deserted. Onew looked questioningly at Key.

Key was avoiding his eyes, he was playing with the chain around his neck with utmost concentration, ‘Do you know the New Year tradition?’ Onew sighed, ‘I don’t have money right now. I’ll prepare the red packets for you guys tomorrow.’ ‘No,’ said Key, looking up at Onew and taking his hand, ‘I meant the Western tradition.’ Onew shook his head. Key smiled nervously, ‘Let me show you then.’

He hesitantly took a step closer to Onew. Onew’s eyes widened when he realized what Key was about to do. Key saw this and paused for a moment to let Onew retreat if he wanted to, but Onew smiled in that soothing way of his. Key smiled back and kissed Onew. Onew had thought about this moment a few times, but this was nothing like what he had imagined.

Key was a very gentle kisser; he gently brushed his lips across Onew’s. He didn’t press them roughly or poke his tongue; this was a very chaste kiss, from a guy to the one he secretly loved, yet didn’t dare reveal that to everyone. Onew forgot about everything else, and lost himself in the kiss.

19^th February, 2013.

09:27 PM

The SHINee members sighed collectively as they entered the dorm. They had just come back from Music Core after performing their new song “Dream Girl”. It was a big hit, the fans loved it, it was quickly getting more views and other idols complimented it a lot too. But the members were tired, bone-creakingly tired.

Every time a music video came out, they would practice the choreography until they couldn’t stand anymore. They would practice until they could do the dance in their sleep. But as a result, during the days of the release, they would always be very tired. The cordi-noonas would have to work very hard to hide their dark circles and other evidences of sleep deprivation.

The members came into the dorm. Jonghyun and Taemin, the two most tired ones, directly went into their bedrooms. The remaining collapsed on the couch. Key put his head on Onew’s lap. He took Onew’s hand and put it in his hair. Onew started Key’s hair. ‘Hyung, I’m tired,’ whined Key. ‘We all are,’ answered Onew.

‘Sing for me,’ said Key. Even though Onew was so tired, he thought he would pass out any moment, but he sang anyway. Because Key had asked him to.

26^th April, 2013.

10:08 PM

‘Oh God,’ said Taemin as the members, except Jonghyun, walked in the dorm, ‘I bowed so many times today, I think I bent my spine permanently.’ The members chuckled weakly; no one had enough energy for a genuine, hearty laugh. They had just performed their new song “Why So Serious” on Music Bank. They sat down on the couch and turned the TV on. The interview they had recorded earlier in the day was playing. The MC asked the members, ‘I notice Jonghyun isn’t here. How did that affect your performance?’

Even though the question was intended for all the members, she directed the mic towards Key. Key answered with a laugh, ‘Well, we have more space in the waiting room.’ The MC laughed. When she stopped, she asked, ‘Of course, that would have been a plus point. But I’m sure you’re only just saying this. So tell us, how do you really feel without a member?’

Onew noticed how she emphasized on “you”; this question was obviously meant for Key, and Key alone. He barely stopped himself from frowning. Key pretended to think for a minute and answered, ‘Well, he isn’t here, so it made all of us feel something is lacking. SHINee, without even a single member, is incomplete. The choreography has also been difficult without hyung. I hope he gets well soon, so that he can perform with us.’

Back in the dorm, Onew looked at Key and saw the younger rolling his eyes. Onew smiled secretly and turned the TV off. ‘Do you want something to eat?’ Onew asked the younger three; feeling energized suddenly. ‘Ramen,’ answered Minho with his eyes closed. ‘Yeah,’ said Taemin in agreement, lying on the floor, ‘ramen’s good.’ Onew nodded and went to the kitchen to prepare food for them.

He was stirring when Key came up to him and hugged him from behind, resting his face on Onew’s shoulder, ‘Make mine spicy, hyung.’

25^th May, 2013.

07:32 AM

‘Hyung,’ said Key, ‘wake up.’ He was sitting on the bed, cross-legged, hugging a pillow. He pulled the covers off of Onew, but the older kept sleeping anyway. ‘Hyung~’ said Key, shaking Onew by the shoulder. ‘What?’ asked Onew, his voice muffled by the pillow. ‘Get up,’ answered Key. ‘Why?’ whined Onew.

‘Ya, what kind of leader are you?’ asked Key incredulously, ‘We completed 5 years and you’re just sleeping?’ Onew turned to look at Key, ‘What are you talking about?’ ‘Hyung, today is-’ Key started to explain but was interrupted by the other members bursting into the room, ‘HAPPY 5^TH ANNIVERSARY~’ Jonghyun, Minho and Taemin walked in with a cake. The cake had small, icing version of the five members on it. Around the figurines, was written “Congratulations!”

Onew sat up in surprise, wondering how he could have forgotten such an important day. The members came and sat on the bed. They cut the cake together and cheered. They took selcas, ate the cake and smeared icing on each other’s faces. Hearing all the members laugh, and have fun together, Onew couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this happy.

After all the members left to get ready, there was a party arranged in their honour, Onew was about to lie down again. Key threw a pillow at him, ‘Don’t even think about sleeping again.’ Onew pouted and stood up to get ready. As he passed by Key, the younger stopped him by putting an arm in front of him, ‘Password?’ ‘Umm,’ said Onew, ‘SHINee?’

Key laughed and answered, ‘Nailed it.’ Then he leaned in, and quickly kissed Onew. As he drew back, he his lips. Onew looked at him questioningly. To answer his unasked question, Key pointed at Onew’s lips and said, ‘Icing.’

7^th July, 2013.

06:46 PM

‘Will it be sweet leader Onew or y hyung Jonghyun?’ asked the MC.

Onew dared a glance at Key; he had his eyes shut, obviously thinking something through. The MC laughed, ‘Key, it seems like this is a tough decision for you. You seem to be at a battle with yourself there.’ A moment later, Key opened his eyes and smiled confidently. ‘Finally,’ said the MC, ‘the moment of decision. Onew or Jonghyun?’

Key tightened his grip around Onew’s wrist a little. Onew closed his eyes and repeatedly prayed just one word: Please. Suddenly, the unexpected happened; Onew felt Key raising his arm in the air.

Key chose Onew.

OTL what did I just write? I wrote it when I was almost kinda half asleep; yeah, this is what my sub-conscious self thinks about ^^

Anyway, comment and subscribe, lemme know how I did.

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