❝Sacrificial Limbs;
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                            OF ALL THAT IS WRITTEN, I LOVE ONLY WHAT A PERSON HAS WRITTEN WITH HIS OWN BLOOD

For every day I bump my shoulder against his or, if I’m lucky, a single digit brushes over the tips of my own; I dedicate an arm, a leg, a thigh, my fingers and my neck just to him and him alone. I don’t cut it off. That’s just crazy. If I did that I’d find myself in a looney bin, that’s for sure. If anything, I’d probably be dead from the blood lost so I try to ‘regulate’ it, control it, and take my ‘dedication’ in strides.

It’s Monday.

Bang Yongguk - my life and my soul- works at a little café around the corner that I visit religiously every weekday he‘s scheduled to be there. I think he knows me from the inside out. The drink I order, the cheesecake I can never go without, and his smile; oh god does his smile make my day feel like I just won an all expense paid trip to Lotte world.

He practically sets my whole world alight.

I walked into the busy coffee shop where the aroma of mixed drinks, coffee beans and fresh bread attack my senses in the most delightful of ways. He’s there, taking another’s order, and I could only stare at the way he smiles at her. It’s not the same though. The adorable, the blissfully gut-wrenching and the enthusiastic grin that he shows me and the plain, the uninterested and the façade of a smile that’s right in front of her is never the same because his special smile - the smile that’s so gummy and bright - is only reserved for me and no other. He didn’t say that to me out loud because he doesn't have to. I just know. It’s how our minds work. We’re connected like that so I understand how much he wants to keep a low profile. I’m a guy after all. Seoul, South Korea may be all for ‘skinship’ but it’s obvious society can’t handle the relationship Yongguk and I both share.

“Daehyun - ah.” He’s so familiar with me that I can’t stand it sometimes. I have to literally hold back a smile every time the suffix hit my ear and makes me all giddy inside. “I see you’re doing well.” With a light nod of agreement and a grin added right in, I quietly appreciate every single word that’s said to me. “So, an original cheesecake and a tall coffee with cream and sugar?” See! He just knows everything about me. If I were to ask him what my favorite hobby was, he’d probably answer me in a snap of a finger. I know his hobbies after all - I know his day-to-day schedule. Every second of every hour of the day: I know it all.

“Actually,” He raises a curious brow at the sudden change in tone that stopped him from getting my usual order. “I’d like to try something different this time around.” His eyes are a magnificent shade of black with a hint of brown blended right in. It reminds me of the darkened hue of that lovely coffee drink I had refused just seconds ago. And his skin. The pallor of his skin, drained from the many hours of part-time work he subjected himself to, was still so alluring and just as beautiful as the white of that scrumptious cheesecake I had also denied.

He wasn’t perfect of course.

The man who returned to me, the man who stared at me in waiting, and the very man who leaned upon that counter with foldeded arms to get what little weight off his feet he could manage, was as dysfunctional as I was and I loved him for that. I admired him for the faults that made him lock his smoldering gaze upon me. “Um,” I hummed in nervousness, wondering what the hell would taste as good as cake and coffee. “Maybe you can suggest me something new? What do you usually order in here?” I think I deserved a real good pat on the back because I just achieved the most heart-stopping smile that nearly put me into a coma.

“Just wait here. I’ll get you something that I’m sure will become your new regular.”

To be quite honest, anything he recommended would be a regular I wouldn’t deny. He could give me a cup full of dirt and I’d probably chug that er down without question. People would probably think I was crazy, that I was obsessed and that I should get some help but it doesn’t fix anything. I tried it upon my bestfriend's request. He even accompanied me to a session that put everyone in a circle so that they could talk about their ‘feelings.’

As expected, the sessions wasted my time. The doctors saw nothing wrong with me and as such, I took their opinions to heart and thought of my feelings, my fixations and my actions as something of the norm. It was how I was supposed to feel and because of that, I knew Yongguk and I were meant to be That day we first met was the day the stars aligned and destiny, as well as the constellation itself, brought two souls under one sky with the intention to unite us as one.

I casually waited for my order, sneaking a few glances in Yongguk’s direction as he went about preparing whatever it he specialized for me. He returned, his smile leaving a lasting impression on my heart as it always did when those pearly whites flashed my way. “Iced Chai Tea latte with a berry scone on the side.”

Returning his smile, I lent out the wons that would pay for my purchases but something otherworldly happened when the heated palm of Yongguk’s hand settled upon mine. An electrical current ran throughout my body. His flesh upon my flesh, hands holding, connecting and carressing against each other made my blood simmer to the boiling point of no return. It felt like magma slowly pushed against my veins, leaving a trail that imprinted within every corner of my being that didn't want him to let me go. I could feel myself wanting to shudder under his demanding hold but I knew it wasn't the time nor the place to cry out his name in the most sensual of ways.

He pushed my fist filled with cash away from him and shook his head. I really didn’t know what he was saying or why he refused to take the money I owed because I could only concentrate on those fingers gripping me, touching me and tightening around me as if he was waiting for the day to possess all of me as I did of him. “Daehyun, did you hear me?”

Oh god, he said my name! Why must he say my name in that sweet sultry tone? “Huh?”

He chuckled. “You’re always lost man. You gotta pay attention.” And when I thought that warmth would last forever, he let my hand go and pushed the package containing my order toward me. “I said it’s on the house. You’re here almost every day so you deserve something free. I mean…I’m pretty sure your visits make up half the company’s revenue.” He joked. “So take it, and don't you dare try to leave a tip either.”

A sheepish grin softly tugged at the corner of my lips as I bowed in both appreciation and respect. I didn’t say anything. I really couldn’t say much because that touch, that gaze and that smile that put everything together into a heaping pool of all things perfection was making it hard for me to form the words. At least I didn’t blush. God only knew if I did I’d probably alert the entire world of a relationship that’s supposed to be kept locked in Pandora's box.

I went outside, my usual route taking me to a park where the laughter of children, the buzzing of bees and the rustling of leaves calmed my nerves. I leaned back upon the nearest oak tree far off from the sounds that signified a life I wanted to stay clear of. Distractions wasn’t something I desired at the moment. “Today is Monday.” I reminded myself, my body soon being taken by gravity’s pull as I sank to the dirt floor. “Monday.”

I bit at my bottom lip with one thing in mind: a memory.

It has been said: ‘Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood.’ It takes an ounce of self-sacrifice to remind people just how much you’re willing to give in order to be taken seriously. Like I had said before, Yongguk and I are dysfunctional. We’re nothing like the ‘ordinary’ people who went around doing absolutely nothing to separate themselves from the norm. So why remember events by the help of a pen and a paper when the human body was much more efficient and so much more convenient than the impersonal objects dedicated to the dullness of society. “Monday. Monday. Monday.” The day carried with the wind, the chill that ran down my spine as cold as the lethal steel that I took out of my back pocket.

The pocket knife gleamed in the sun, shinning marvelously with every angle that caught the light above. “Monday.” It was but a Monday morning that Bang Yongguk took my hand into his which meant the serrated edge of my knife would respectably lay upon the expanse of skin where it belonged. I braced the lethal blade at the back of my neck as I used my other hand to count the scarred protrusions that were already there.

One. They were organized in neat rows. 

Two. One quick swipe of the blade producing a 3 inch scar.

Three. They were all clean.

Four. Every marred indention cut to perfection. 

The fifth and final one for the week would now be implemented with a quick flick of the wrist. I placed the knife right beneath the last scar that I inflicted on my own self last Monday when Yongguk had ruffled my hair because my boyish charm apparently made him laugh like there was no tomorrow. I remembered that day like it was just yesterday because the triggers to all my memories was right there at the nape of my neck. I pressed down, the pressure of it all ripping steel through flesh that oozed out the sacrifices that came in the form of blood.

Red.

Such a color was indicative to a love that was celebrated with roses, hearts and valentines day cards drenched in that same crimson hue that stained the tips of my fingers. The pain caused my molars to clamp down, gritting teeth suppressing the screams that clawed ruthlessly at the back of my throat. I didn’t know how long I had held my breath, but when I did realize air no longer escaped me, I let out a huge sigh of relief once the deed was done.

Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Saturday. Sunday.

My neck. My right arm. My left arm. My right thigh. My left thigh. My abdomen. My back.

These were my sacrifices to you: My love. My soul. My heart.

My Bang Yongguk.

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✉(A/N).

First chapter explores the delusional mind of Jung Daehyun. 
A bit 'cliche' with the usual obsessiveness mentioned like it would in any other stalker fic..I thinl
but oh well, I'm still trying to think up ways to break out of the 'usual/norm' c:
And thanks for subbing gaiz...hopefully this chapter isn't a let-down ;u;

Also I'm having trouble picking an 'evil' character for a ch. in the near future...
so I guess I'll just let y'all decide....make things interactive between you and me <3
oh my gosh I spelt jungkook wrong OTL lol

( h a r l e q u i n. )