I myself don't know why am I taking this path. I really don't. But I'm willingly letting my feets to do their work. And they just didn't want to tolerate and refuse to stop. I know I shouldn't have to do this but I can't help myself. No matter how hard I've warned myself repetitively, I just can't. Just can't. I craved for this. I can't stop thinking about him.

 

 

My feets take me to a common place. Really common for me. I know this route so well and I'm used to it. Because I walked here everyday. Those people around here. They greet me when they see me every morning. I usually replied them warmly then. 

 

"Hey, morning there!" A florist auntie named Mrs Kim will always be the first person who called for me. And I'll be waving her with warm smile on my lips. "Good morning." I say. Every morning around 8, I park my car and I usually walk from the parking lot toward my office and that'll take 30 minutes in duration. I prefer to walk than to drive. It's a healthy exercise. That's whhat I do since I read an article about this from healt magazine. I like to read. Every books I read had different stories, same goes to human's life. Every person has their own stories, and I have mine too.

 

 

 

 

Guilt. Remorse. Temptation. Foolishness. Shame. Affection.

 

 

 

These mixed emotions are swaying around like a fast version of Ferris Wheel inside my brain, non-stop.

 

What was I thinking that time? Weren't you that stupid for a rapid decision, Yifan? Everyday I wake up from my sleep and everytime I ask myself about this unanswerable question of mine, I found out that I still can't get through with everything about him. But why did I ask for a separation if I don't even want it? I don't know. I don't know. I really don't.

 

I choose this to happenand I realized that I should face the consequences from my own action. I must accept everything written, but why can't I? What am I doing here now?

 

I was next realized myself standing in front of a bookshop. Like days before. With reaons and this becoming an inseparable habit of mine. I sighed for the first time of the day. I stared at the blank wooden door in a brief moment. A small signed written CLOSE clearly showed me that the bookshop isn't on its service yet. So I glared on wrist, I got an hour left before I dash into my office and this bookshop will operate 10 minutes from now. I know reall well how the schedule run. Then, I casually steeped into a cafe that already on service that located opposite with the bookshop for a breakfast. Well, actually, Chanyeol makes breakfast for me everyday but I'm just having a cup of hot mocha for refreshment of the morning. I will pick a table and sit opposite with the outside glass window that make me able to see the bookshop from the cafe. Like I said, it become an inseparable habit since 2 years ago, to be exact.

 

 

 

"Good morning."

 

 

 

I lifted my chin and looked up with a smile to see a familiar boy with his angelic smile and his hands correcting his work uniform.

 

"Good morning, Suho." I greeted back as my eyes trailed to Suho's hands smoothly placing a cup of hot mocha in front of me. He knows exactly what I need and apprently become accustomed to it. "Today's nespaper are going to be a little bit late, hyung. As you know, it's busy Monday." He said later and I laughed. "It's okay, Suho. I can have one on my way to office later."  With that, he left me with a sweet smile before he went to the counter. Suho is one of the worker here, and we met since two years ago. He noticed that I always order and seat at the same place and he's a friendly guy that he often greet me. We then next becoming friends regularly come here almost everyday.

 

I took a sip of my hot mocha and glared on watch again. It's about time. I looked forward to the bookshop and wait patiently for something coming next. A minute later, a guy appeared from a side of the road and I smiled without I barely noticed it. The said guy walking toward the bookshop's entrance door and stopped in a moment. He fished his left hand into his trousers pocket and crabbed a newly bought newspaper that still wrapped in plastic in between his armpit and arm, along with a cream powdered doughnut in the brim of his mouth. It looks cute for me. He'll never change. He looks like he was looking for something in his pocket and I saw him smiled with that doughnut still gritted between his teeth. He digged out a bunch of keys and unlocked the entrance door of the bookshop. Later I saw, the CLOSE sign was flipped backward and revealed another version of the sign that said OPEN. I let out a small but hearable sigh. I can't live normally if I can't look at his face for a day. It became an addictive hobby for me. Instead, it became a need indeed rather than hobby.

 

 

 

"Spying again?" A recognisable voice tapped my eardrums and slightly shaken my shoulder. In turn, I smiled when I saw Suho again. I nodded firmly and I heard his soft chuckle later as the latter settled next to me. "Syuhh.." I fanned my hand in front of his bright face playfully. "Go away, you'll get fired if you skip job. I'm not responsible for it." I joked and gained a loud laughters from him. He slapped my hands away. "Relax, hyung. Beside, it's still eraly. There are not many customers usually in the morning. If there is, it's only you then." Suho uttered. I laughed again. "Well, then. Maybe because they don't want to see your face this early." I added and he smacked me on forearm. "Don't worry, Suho. I'll be there for you." I said and I didn't notice pink shades started to climb over Suho's white cheeks. I gulped another warm caffeine substance down to my throat again.

 

 

"You must have really like that guy." I looked back to Suho's face and he stared at my face back. "Really?" I returned him a question and heard him groaned. :Come on, hyung. I can see that by just looking the way you looked at him every morning. Ever since two years." Suho emphasized the two last words while he ghosting his two index fingers, representing the word 'two'. I just happenned to let out another soft chuckles.

 

"You've been doing the same thing everyday, hyung. And it's pretty obvious that you have a crush on that guy. I mean, he's cute by the way. Despite that he probably even older than me though."

 

"You don't know anything, Suho." I calmly cleared my throat and Suho scoffed to my remark. I can see from the brim of my sight that Suho frowned ultimately. "That because you never told me, hyung." He pouted. I laughed again and pinched the the 19 years old boy's left cheek. This boy is 8 years younger than me and indeed he acts like a 9 years old boy. I was about to say something to him when suddenly I heard a ringing sound came from my pocket. I fished out my cellphone and read a message.

 

 

 

Babe. I probably return home late tonight. Sorry :)

 

 

 

It's from Chanyeol. I inserted back the smartphone back into its current pod and Suho abruptly asked, "Who's that? Chanyeol?" I just lazily nodded my head and looked down to my watch again. I sighed. Duty calls. Working time. I bid my goodbye to Suho before I next dashed out from the cafe, charting my way to the office that nearly two blocks from here.

 

 

 

I wish to see you again tomorrow and the days after, even I'm not sure that you'll look back to me, Jongin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

__________________________________________________________

 

a/n

 

 

so hi... this is the first chapter of the story and sorry if it was a bit boring for a starting.. hehe.. oh.. about the poll, seems like sehunnie wins the vote and i'll proudly casted him him as kris' adopted son!! yay!! thanks for those who responded to the poll and i appreciate you guys... sehun will be coming up for the next chapter!! thanks for those who subscribe this story.. ^^ chu~~

 

so, until the next update, see ya!! <3