Twelve days bleed by since the incident. Somehow Luhan manages to keep up the façade of normalcy, at least while the sun is up. When the sun sinks below the horizon giving way to the inky black of night and Luhan is alone in his small apartment, alone with his thoughts, only then does the façade fall; crashing down at his feet as he battles his own mind.

Even after twelve long days Luhan can’t make sense of it all. Half of the time he’s almost able to convince himself it was just a morbid dream, just the senseless yearning of his subconscious. But it was too vivid for a dream, too detailed, too real. The reality of the situation only leaves Luhan with unanswerable questions. Did Sehun get kidnapped? Is that why he was gone? But if he got kidnapped, how did he escape and if he escaped, why didn’t he return? Logically it didn’t make sense, to be kidnapped and to have either been let go or having escaped and not return home; so just as quickly as the thought had come to him did Luhan dismiss it.

Then dawned a more disturbing idea, maybe Sehun wasn’t kidnapped, what if he willingly left? What if he ran away? The idea is far more plausible than the other, but it hurts Luhan far worse. Why would Sehun run away from his life, his family, his friends, from Luhan? Luhan had been there for Sehun since the boy was in diapers, he’d been with him while he learned to ride a bike, when he went through the awkward fazes of adolescence.

Luhan mostly fondly remembers being there during the summer before Sehun’s senior year and his own freshmen year in college. He remembers Sehun’s texting him to meet at the park, the shy smile he gave Luhan as Luhan approached him, the rosy blush that bloomed on pale cheeks as Sehun stutteringly asked Luhan if he wanted to go out with him. Luhan also remembers with shocking clarity when they first shared the words ‘I love you’. It was at the very night market Luhan visited twelve days ago, it was Sehun’s idea to visit to small market. They were sipping on bubble tea and scanning the various stands that were set up when Luhan ran to a stand selling jewelry. For all of the intricacy that some of the pieces displayed it was a simpler necklace that had caught Luhan’s eye. On a black cord hung a glass pendent; etched into it was the swirling symbol for wind. Quickly checking the price Luhan had paid for the necklace and gave it to Sehun with an embarrassed blush. Sehun had graciously accepted the gift as he garnered an odd glint in his eyes. It was as they were walking away; Sehun sporadically grabbed Luhan’s arms and said ‘I love you’. Luhan returned the sentiment and bestowed a light kiss on Sehun’s lips.

Of course he would have done more had he known that only a week later Sehun would go missing.

Gulping down the last bit of soju with a grimace, Luhan sets the cup in the sink before ambling off to bed. A weary body and an over worked mind yields quick sleep to Luhan’s fatigued state of being. Not even five minutes pass from the time his head hit the pillows to the time that the inviting tendrils of sleep whisk Luhan away from the waking world.

--

Luhan is pulled from a dreamless slumber by the sound of sharp knocks to his door. Blearily he rolls to the side to glance at his alarm clock, flipping back over onto his back he throws an arm over tired eyes. Whoever it is disturbing him at a quarter past three in the morning could wait. However the insistent knocking at the door claims otherwise and not even five minutes later sees to Luhan trudging to his front door while rubbing at sleep encrusted eyes.

If it weren’t for the fact that Luhan was utterly exhausted both mentally and to an extent physically he’d show a bit of caution at the fact that there was someone pounding on his door at three o’clock in the morning. Be that as it may, Luhan wrenches open the door a guttural ‘what do you want’ dying on his tongue as he comes face to face with the object of his never ending musings.

Sehun stands there in all of his glory, the dim lighting of the hall glinting off of his newly dyed frosty blond hair. Luhan had no doubt in his mind that he was gaping like a fish, words trying to make it from his brain to his mouth but somehow getting lost along the way. Eventually managing to pull his dignity back from the fires of shock and embarrassment, Luhan opens the door a little wider, shuffling awkwardly in place to make himself look a little more presentable.

“Um, hi. You can come in if you, uh, if you want.” Luhan croaks, stepping aside to allow Sehun to enter.

Sehun takes a moment to peer around the small apartment. It’s rather homey, well lived in, lingering traces of life ranging from the books splayed about various furniture or the few dishes collecting in the kitchenette sink. While Sehun examines the apartment Luhan takes the time to examine him. He’s grown taller, now standing four or so inches taller than him. His gangly body has matured as well, once skinny arms are now corded with tight muscle underneath pale skin, the baby fat one his face has fallen off leaving a well-defined jaw and high cheek bones.

“Can we talk?” Sehun asks out of the blue, his voice much like the rest of him has matured, its deeper than it was three years ago, but still containing a light tone to it.

Nodding dazedly Luhan leads him to the couch, flipping on the florescent light as he goes. They sit on opposite sides of the couch, bodies tight with tangible tension.  There’s a flood of questions pounding away in Luhan’s head, but he’s too scared to speak, too frightened that if he asks Sehun will disappear like smoke in the wind.

“How’ve been?” Sehun asks, startling Luhan.

Luhan can only stare at Sehun’s apathetic expression, deadened eyes staring straight forward. For a moment it even seems as if Sehun isn’t breathing but the shallow rise and fall of his chest says otherwise. For some reason the lifeless immobility of Sehun serves as a fire to Luhan, lighting up the thoughts hidden deep in his mind and steeling his gut as everything comes rushing forth with startling clarity.

“How have I been,” Luhan says slowly, almost tasting the bitter words. “I’ve been ing fine. You know, trying to overcome the thoughts of my best friend, my damned boyfriend, being dead. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you haven’t been here for THREE ING YEARS! THREE! For three years you were missing, and in everyone’s mind, n-no matter how hopeful, you were dead. You were dead. Each day that passed by was like a killing blow for me, but clearly it wasn’t too bad for you. Because you show up, out of the blue, alive and well, and laughing with…with other friends. You’re asking me how I’ve been, how I had to help console your family when you disappeared, how I had to be the strong one for everyone else, how I was the last person to accept that you were dead. Well I’ve managed; I’m still here, still stumbling through life. And here you are, the source of all of the anguish, and you seem just fine.”

Gulping in a shuddery breath Luhan paid no mind to the tears running down his face, he could only stare scathingly at Sehun. Sehun turns towards him, hurt and regret evident in his eyes. Luhan wants to rejoice in that, he wants to rejoice in the fact that he’s hurt Sehun, hurt him as much as Sehun has hurt him. But he can’t, Luhan takes no joy at their current predicament, for it’s hurting them both.

“Luhan…” Sehun breathes, hand extending out towards Luhan’s.

Luhan jerks back with a furious shake of his head, “Don’t. Just don’t. Please all I want is an explanation, t-then you can leave. Carry on with your new life.”

“Lulu,” Sehun sighs, carding long fingers through his icy blond hair, ignoring the pained sound that comes from Luhan at the old nickname. “Hyung, I can’t. I can’t do that, you wouldn’t understand.”

Luhan’s jaw clenches, mouth sewn shut in a thin line. “Oh I wouldn’t? ing try me Oh Sehun. I deserve an explanation of you why left.”

“Damn it Luhan! You wouldn’t believe me, you’d get hurt.” Sehun yells, finally facing Luhan full on.

“Really now?!”

“Yes! You’d think I was playing with you. I don’t want you to hate me more than you already do. J-just trust me. It’s for your own good.”

“. Sehun,” Luhan hates how defeated he sounds, “Sehunnie, I don’t hate you. I couldn’t, God I want to. I want to hate you to hell and back, but I can’t. Please, please, tell me. Where did you go? Why come back? Why now?”

Sehun’s tongue flicks over his lips, a nervous habit he seems to never have dropped. He's quite for a moment, brows furrowed as if in deep thought. Finally he speaks, words coming out slowly, as if unsure of themselves or the reaction they'd produce, “Honestly....I was just passing through. I, I never meant to stay here - nonetheless get noticed. Some of the guys wanted to go to the night market. I’d thought I’d be fine if I stuck to the shadows.....if we didn’t venture to far up."

A thought dawns on Luhan then, a thought that causes his voice to crack and shake and tears to collect along his lashes, “You meant to go on, if I didn’t see you that night? You’d still be dead to me?”

“Yes.” The word rings far too loudly for Luhan. Laughing dryly, his eyes turn downcast to the worn fabric of his couch. He can feel his stomach churning, burning as that statement engraves itself in his mind. The rage builds up again, crashing down like a tsunami wave on a hapless village.

“The what is so goddamned important that you do all of this? Why come here? What’s the ing point of seeing me now?” Luhan screams, rage burning in his eyes. He can’t believe it, he feels discarded, disregarded. Did everything they had loose meaning for Sehun?

Silence consumes the air, a tense fetid silence that suffocates. Sehun can only stare at Luhan, his bright eyes shimmering with unshed tears, and angry blush on his cheeks, lips trembling. This time when he reaches out, Luhan doesn’t recoil, he simply sits there, unmoving and lets Sehun brush slightly roughened fingertips across his cheeks, down his jaw to leave a tingling trail down his neck.

“Because for three years I fought more than one battle with myself, for three years I went through hell. But you, not having you by my side killed me the most. Knowing that I could never again have you by my side ruined me. Like you I survived, I trooped along in this new life of mine until now. Until I saw you, and the love I had suppressed for you for three years came back to me with a vengeance. I tried to leave. I tried to move on but I couldn’t, not without seeing you one more time, without talking with you, touching you.”

Mouth dry and heart racing Luhan braves the question one last time, “Sehun what happened to you? If you won’t tell me then please…..just leave. I c-can’t, I can’t do this anymore.”

-------------

A/N: So sorry for the long wait! Well here's chapter two! Please leave comments, subscribe, upvote etc.

If you want to talk with me or anything you can find me here: http://nongujyonojoke.tumblr.com/  or here: http://www.tumblr.com/blog/exoexogossipgirls

Hope you all enjoy! /runs and hides