Chapter 4

I spent my entire morning walking from class to class like a zombie. What was I supposed to say to Sehun, my ex-bestfriend, who I once liked, and might still possibly have feelings for? I was grateful and ridiculously happy that he was willing to put the effort into making things right again...but at what costs? I knew I couldn’t get over him, especially not if I had to see him again. Everything would just be the same as before. I would still be that girl in the shadows, in love, with the guy that she could never have.

“Soojin-sshi!” I jumped when I heard my name coming from beside me. I turned around to see Jongin’s girlfriend standing next to me in the empty lecture hall. Why hadn’t I realized that class had ended already?

“Are you alright?” She asked. “You were spacing out the whole class.”

“Um...yeah...” I replied, still in an utter daze. “Sorry, I just had a lot on my mind.”

“I’d say.” She smiled understandingly at me. “Jongin told me on the phone last night. Do you want to talk about it?”

For some reason, I wasn’t mad at my bestfriend for letting my secret go. It felt nice having someone else I could talk to, I hadn’t really found anyone as trustworthy as Jongin and Sehun since they moved into the whole entertainment scene.

“That would be nice.” I told her. “Maybe later?”

She nodded. “I’ll lend you the notes as well since I’m pretty sure you were sleeping with your eyes open the entire class.”

“Oh no! Really? That’s so embarrassing!” After the last class of the day, I met her at the parking lot and we drove to a nearby diner.

---

“So...what should I do?”

Yoonae and I were sitting in a small homey restaurant as we waited for the food to be served. She remained silent for a while and I sat anxiously as I wanted for her advice on what to do with Sehun.

“Well...” She said. “I can’t exactly tell you what to do with your love life, it’s not my story, it’s yours. But...I think I have some advice, and maybe you’ll see where I’m coming from once you hear my story.”

I sat up at attention as she began.

“I was never a fan of EXO, in fact, I hated EXO, Kai specifically, with a passion. Things changed within a matter of weeks though. I bumped into Jongin purely by accident and I swore I was never going to see him again afterwards, but I met Luhan not long after. We hit it off, Luhan and I, and everything was....perfect. I thought I had it all. A hot, talented, caring boyfriend who for some reason, loved me just as much as I loved him. It was such a huge fantasy, I didn’t realize that someone else had been suffering the entire time.

“You know, I kind of think Jongin knows how you feel with everything that happened to Sehun. Jongin he....he fell in love with me from the day we met. Of course, he never told me until he was wasted beyond belief (which he still doesn’t know about by the way), and then after, I found myself questioning my feelings. I knew I still loved Luhan, hell, I loved him with all my life but Jongin...I didn’t want to let go of him, no matter what, even though I knew I was hurting him.

“In the end, Luhan and I broke up because the whole long distance thing didn’t work out. It was hard not being able to see him for a weeks at a time. Meanwhile, my relationship with Jongin grew and what started off as hatred...turned into a remarkable relationship. Jongin and I had our ups and downs, misunderstandings, and small breaks but in the end...it was him all along, wasn’t it?”

She smiled and reached out for my hand. “Whatever your decision is, keep in mind that what’s meant to happen, will happen. It might be a painful ride to get there, but you’ll get there eventually. My advice, go out and meet new people, obviously as friends first, but don’t just be stuck on Sehun”

She sighed. “I took some irrational steps with Luhan that I wish I could have taken back. We barely knew each other before we fell in love and in the end, it hurt more than anything. Think about it too, these boys will be busy. And I’m not saying that because it didn’t work out for me then, that it won’t work out for you. I mean Jongin and I are working out fine, but I’m just saying, whoever it is, get to know each other first, build a strong relationship, even if it doesn’t work out in the end, you’ll still have a friendship to fall back to.”

“So...” I started, unsure of how to word my sentence. “You and Luhan...”

She shook her head with saddening eyes. “It’s getting there, not quite the same, but it’s getting there.”

I nodded. “But...how do I respond to Sehun?”

She squeezed my hand. “What is fated to happen, will happen. I’m not saying you have to forgive him now, but there’s nothing to lose right? He wants to be your friend and you want that too. I’d say go for it, who knows, maybe something more will develop.”

“Or maybe it won’t.” I replied, catching the double meaning behind her words. “Maybe it’s not meant to be.”

“Soojin, smile.” I grimaced, trying to plaster my usual grin on my face, but it felt like an eternity since I last used it.

“Sehun is a nice guy, and I’m sure you know that because you were friends before. Even if you’re not sure of the result, talk to him. You’re going to regret not trying, never knowing the outcome of what could have been. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

“You know...” I said, “Maybe I will talk to Sehun about it.”

She grinned. “Perfect.” We finished up our meal by 6, and we bid our good-byes. I spent the remainder of my evening sitting in class, worrying about how I would react the next time I saw Sehun again.

---

I stood in the hall beside Yoonae after rehearsal as we waited for the guys to finish showering. When the first few members stepped out of the change room and came over to us, my legs began shaking in anticipation. Who would I get to see first? Sehun, or Baekhyun?

To my dismay, Jongin, Sehun, and Baekhyun all stepped out of the changeroom at the same time. That wasn’t part of the plan. I made a mental agreement to myself earlier that if Sehun came out first, I would arrange a time for us to talk, but if Baekhyun came out first, we would flee the scene and go on our planned date.

Trapped between the two, I stood frozen in the crowd.

“Yoonae, honey, I didn’t know you were coming today.” Jongin said as he wrapped his arms tightly around his girlfriend before turning to me.

“Yeah,” Yoonae said. “Soojin said she had some stuff to do at the building today so I brought her here in case she didn’t know where to go.”

Well that was partially the truth. I glanced up at Sehun and Baekhyun who were both staring at me. The first seeming indifferent while the second was grinning wildly.

“Shall we go now?” He asked. I forced myself to focus on him, and nodded, walking up next to him before we bid goodbye to the group. I felt Sehun’s eyes trailing on me as we walked away.

---

“Did you have dinner yet?” Baekhyun asked me as we drove towards the movie theatre. It was once again well past ten, and we had just enough time to catch the last movie of the day.

“Not yet.” I replied. “I had something small after classes though.”

“Alright, then we’ll just buy small snacks in the theatre or something.” I nodded, feeling my heart racing in my chest when I realized this was all actually happening. Byun Baekhyun and I were going on a date. A real, actual, date. I was nervous beyond comprehension.

“So you and Jongin were close before?” He asked.

“Me, Jongin and Sehun.” I corrected. “It doesn’t seem like it now...but we were best friends in highschool.”

“Ahhh I see. I keep forgetting that Jongin and Sehun knew each other in school as well as in the company.”

“Oh yeah, you didn’t join SM until later...”

He nodded. “It’s alright though, less of an anxious wait for me. I feel bad for my bandmates that spent years and years training and had to wait in hopes of debuting.”

“Yeah, I remember those times. Jongin and Sehun were always worried about it. I was happy for them when they got the news about debut though.” Until Sehun and I lost our relationship.  almost added but refrained myself.

I pulled over on the curb and we stepped out, cautiously watching around for any fans or paparazzi. We bought the food at the concession stand and took our seats in the nearly empty theatre.

The date itself went by without a hitch. Baekhyun was always the gentleman, buying food for me, holding the door, and not once, did he try to make a move on me in the darkness. The entire time, I couldn’t help wondering to myself: What did I do to deserve this?

After the movie, I dropped him off at the EXO dorm. We both got out of the car briefly to talk, my heart fluttering the entire time as we stood in such close proximity.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?”

I shook my head. “It’s getting late, I don’t want my parents to worry.” And I’m not sure I want to face Sehun without a clue about what to say.  I mentally added.

“Alright then. I’ll see you around?” He said. “I’d really like to do this again one day.”

I nodded. “I had a lot of fun, and yes, we can definitely meet up again. Hopefully when you’re not so busy though, I don’t want to jeopardize your health for me.” And I still need to sort out my thoughts before I can contact you again.

“I don’t mind.” He said with a grin spread wide across his face. “But I’ll see you soon yes? Suho-hyung said you’re coming with us to Hong Kong.”

I smiled back at him. “Yeah, I’ll be there. Goodnight Baekhyun.”

He leaned in and kissed me lightly on the forehead, a simple movement that made my heart flutter endlessly. When he stepped back he seemed a bit hesitant, but I couldn’t tell what thoughts were going through his mind. He let out a gentle smile. “Goodnight.” He said before walking into the apartment.

It took me a while to unfreeze myself from my position and enter the car again. As the engine roared to life, I sped back home to the comfort of my own bed.

I set everything away and went to wash up. The entire time, my heart was still fluttering in my chest as I recalled the intensity in the way Baekhyun was looking at me. It was never scary or uncomfortable though, but rather, he looked at me with warmth and care.

When I returned to my room, my phone was vibrating on my bed. My heart jerked to a stop when I read the caller name on the screen.

Sehun.