Youngjae sat on his bed with his legs crossed. Why did he have to be a coward? He was sure that he would have been the one to kiss and hug Daehyun if he had been more confident. Or thinner. Or more attractive. Or funnier. But he wasn't, so he had to be content to be his friend. They had been friends for years now. No, not friends. They were best friends. But Youngjae wanted more. He had loved Daehyun for the past year. Or at least ..he understood his feelings only then, when Daehyun had cried for him. He smiled at the memory. There were the two of them versus the world back then. Those years were the best days of his life. He remembered everything. From the day Daehyun had moved to his town when he was only five, to the day they had lost themselves in the wood near the city. His best and worse memories included all his friend. He remembered the time when he fell in love for the first and only time.

 

It was snowing, the weather was cold outside and the two of them were playing in the park. The younger was throwing some snowballs to the other who kept complaining about the ''unfairness'' of the game because Youngjae was way too strong for him. The time had flown by and they had remained alone in the dark, talking about various things, laughing and joking loudly.
"Youngjae.." Daehyun's voice sounded suddenly serious so the younger lowered his voice and turned to the other, trying to understand the reason of the sudden change of atmosphear.

"Mh.. what?" He asked looking directly at him. He stared for some moments at his hyung. His cheeks and nose were red for the cold weather, but he was still so beautiful. His light brown hair were covering part of his face, although he had tried to fix them a lot of times. Youngjae's gaze went to Daehyun's plump lips. He wanted to kiss them so badly at that moment, he didn't even know why. Instantly he tried to send away that thoughts and focused on what the other was saying because it seemed really important.

"I.. I heard that you're father.. wants to.. leave the city." Daehyun's eyes became wet as he looked down at his feet. "..I w-waited for you to tell me something but.. you didn't tell me anything.. I mean.. was I supposed to be the only one who didn't know anything?" He asked and Youngjae heard his voice trembling a bit. He then smiled sadly, shaking his head slighlty.

"I'm sorry.. I didn't want to worry you." answered Youngjae, but the other widened his eyes.

"..w-why do I have to be worried? Pf.. for you?" asked again Daehyun, trying to joke but his voice cracked and Youngjae laughed silently.

"Then.. if you aren't concerned.. why are you soooo sad?" He asked again, trying to seem offended but he couldn't stop smiling. Daehyun frowned. 

"I-I'm not sad." He retorted, looking down. Youngjae hugged him tightly.

"You don't have to be sad, hyung." He whispered, trying to comfort him. "I'm okay. We are okay. I'm not gonna leave. I've talked to my father, everything's gonna be okay." He continued, nodding with his head while the other sighed loudly.

"..A-are you sure? A-are you gonna be okay? I.. Youngjae, I don't wanna lose you. You're my best friend and I.. I c-care about you so m-much. Please.. t-take care of yourself." Said the older, hugging him back, while tears begun flowing down his cheeks.

 

Youngjae remembered how his heart started beating too fast in that hug. He remembered how he felt empty when the other had loosened the embrace and how he hated seeing him cry. But he also remembered the day he felt his heart breaking into a thousand pieces.

 

 

"Youngjae!" Daehyun screamed, rushing through the stairs and literally reversing Youngjae's door. He loooked so excited and Youngjae didn't even know why.

"Heeeey, what happened?" Youngjae's eyes widened as he saw his friend's happiness.

"You try to guess what happened!" Said the older, smiling brightly. That was extremely awkward. This wasn't Daehyun. It was.. way too happy and hyper to be him.

"Uhm.. you... won something?" He asked, trying to figure out why the other was so strange but he had no clue. Apparently he was wrong because Daehyun shook his head a few times.

"No! Okay, I'll tell you!" Daehyun clapped his hands together and jumped on Youngjae's bed, his smile didn't fade away once. He was impatient, he wanted to tell everything to Youngjae as if he was in a rush.

"Do you remember Han Jiho? That guy from the chemistry class?" The younger nodded his head.  

"He asked me out!" Exclaimed happily as Youngjae froze in his place.

...Wait. What? Daehyun was.. going to date.. another boy?

"You know.. I've always liked him."

...Always? 

He hadn't talked about him once! They were best friends but Daehyun didn't say anything about Jiho at all!

But Youngjae knew that if Daehyun had a crush on someone, he would have been the first one to know about it, so.. why this sudden statement? 

"The girls of our school are going to be furious about this!" He laughed, still smiling. Jiho was pretty popoular among the girls of their school.

Yeah. The girls...

"I mean! Look at him! He's the most popular guy in our school! And he asked me out. Me! Jung Daehyun! The little nerd and loser!" Daehyun pointed himself but noticed that Youngjae wasn't even looking at him. "Ehi! Are you listening? It's something wrong?"

Youngjae shook his head. "It's fine. I'm happy for you." He tried to smile, turning toward his friend. And if Daehyun had payed more attention, he would have understood that his smile was fake, because they were friends and they had known each other for years. But he was way too excited to even look at Youngjae's face.

"So.. what was I saying? Oh yeah. Tomorrow everyone will know about this and everyone will hate me. But.. I don't care! I'm so happy! Ah, finally someone noticed me!"

..someone had already noticed him in that way. He was the one who hadn't understood it. 

The older kept talking about Jiho for about an hour. But at least Daehyun now was happy, right? At least.. one of them was happy. So Youngjae tried to be happy too.

 

But since that day, their friendship became a bit.. meaningless. They started seeing each other once a week when before they would meet each other every day. Daehyun was now too busy with his new boyfriend. But Youngjae didn't like this ''Jiho'' guy. There were rumors going around, he seemed a player. Before meeting Daehyun, he was one of those stupid heart breakers who kept going from one person to another. And he thought that it was still like this. Jiho hadn't changed. Youngjae was sure that Jiho was hiding something or someone. Or at least.. he hoped it was like this. It wasn't nice to think but he hoped that they would part away so that he and Daehyun could go back being best friends. He tried many times to talk to Daehyun about his boyfriend, about his previous behaviour, but Daehyun was so stubborn, he wouldn't even listen to him, so he gave up. But he couldn't complain Daehyun, it wasn't his fault. If he himself hadn't been so coward maybe thing would have been different.

 

He sighed heavily and lay on his bed, closing his eyes. He wanted to try again, he wanted to tell to Daehyun that Jiho was just a player. He wanted his friend back. But.. how? Daehyun would never believe him.