even if you urge my heart like this, if you brush by my side
and laugh like that, i can’t do anything
no matter how many times i tell myself it’s not love
i laugh by myself.. what am i supposed to do with myself

(Wish you my love – T.Max and J)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

2 days later 

Sydney’s ANZ Stadium was filled by thousands of audience to watch their idols in 2011 K-POP MUSIC FEST IN SYDNEY. Crews were running around and prepare equipment needed for the artists. Concert tonight was opened by CNBlue with stunning performance. Followed by Secret, SHINee, 4Minutes, 2AM, SNSD, miss A, BEAST, KARA and DBSK. And there are collaboration performance by the artists, SHINee and KARA, CNBlue and SNSD and many more, not to mention special performance by Yoseob and Suzy who will perform their single duet as the first time they will sing their collaborative song live.

Miss A was singing their songs on stage now. They sang five songs, Breathe, Love Again, BGGG, Love Alone and Goodbye baby. They gave superfine performance and heard shouted from fans crying their names. Artist who finished their performance and ready for their upcoming performance gather in backstage, they observed television screen which shown performance on the stage now.

Yoseob’s POV

I walked with Coordi noona who helped me to check my appearance before I go to stage. Roar of music filled the room, there was not needed for me to ask who is performing now. I watched on TV screen which shown miss A performance on the stage. Guilty arise again in me when I saw Suzy who beautifully performed with her black costume, her long brown hair loose and a cat ears headband adorn on it. Unconsciously I sighed long.

“What’s with the sigh?” Hyunseung stood beside me while drank mineral water in his hand. Love Alone’s intro was heard.

“She’s so beautiful rite?” a peculiar word than suddenly rolled from my lips when the camera was focus on Suzy.

“Of course. Jia is beautiful” Hyunseung observed the screen with a serious face.

I turned to him frowned, and realize that we talked about two different people. Hyunseung’s mouth opened when camera focused on Jia.

“Why? Something’s wrong?” Hyunseung looked at me puzzled.

I only shook and back to the screen. “No… nothing’s wrong.”

Indeed, there is nothing wrong. The wrong thing is only me. After our quarrelled in plane, I wasn’t see her again. Or more precisely I didn’t have chance to meet her. When I was free, she was in photo session or interviewed with some magazine and I don’t want to disturb her. BEAST member don’t have enough rest after our arrival to Sydney. Interview and these kind of things really were draining. Our schedule were always collide, made me have no chance to meet her.

Do I miss her? What else need to be clarified? Of course I miss her!! Though we were not meet, at least hear her voice enough to make me happy. But now? Suzy was alyaws answer my phone before the third ring, but these two days, even though I called her more than ten times for a day, she never answers my call. SMS? Don’t ask. I sent more that dozens of texts, and she never replied it. In the same hotel, only separate by few floor only, but opportunity to meet her was incredibly hard. I was apologizing for many times for what I did, but she seems not to care about me. Wait, does missing her included in our agreement?

Their last performance, Goodbye baby was almost done. And I need to do something.

“Noona… noona….” I called coordi noona who fanned Dongwoon.

“Yes Yoseob-ah. What is it?” he replied.

“Do you bring my towel?” I asked.

“Yes, why? You haven’t performed. That towel is for you to use after your performance”

I stretched my hand to her, “I need it now noona. Give it to me.”

“But Yosoeb-ah, I only bring one towel for you” noona insisted not to give it to me. Okay, it’s time for aegyo.

“Noona…. Please? I need it now, ok? No problem if later no towel for me. I need it now” Okay Yoseob, a bit of puppy eyes, plus with aegyo. Come on noona, her performance almost done.

“I get it…” Yes!!! I got the towel, “Thank you noona”

Right after that I saw her make entrance. Jia, Fei noona, Min, and she entered as the last to backstage. My heart beat faster. Squeezed towel in my hand, it was worse than singing in front of thousands people. I saw her looked at me and keep going without greet or give a smile to me. My heart ached for what she does now.

Not care for anything. To hell with people around us, they don’t know what I felt now. I walked close to her and hold her wrist, make her stop. She turned to me and surprised.

“Oppa, what are you doing?” she looked to my hand which grabbed her wrist.

Unconsciously, my free hand wiped sweat dripping from her forehead and her neck with my towel. I forget for a moment where we were. I can’t hear any noise, not to any whisper around us. I looked at her, and realize. I miss her so much……

Suzy’s POV

“Huaaa…Daebak” Jia unnie shouted in front of me after our performance. I tried my best to avoid think about Yoseob oppa. At least I should give a best performance to our fans, fans deserve that much. But, is that Kikwang-sshi?and Doojoon-sshi beside him? Wait… ah stupid me, pabo Suzy, BEAST performance is after miss A. it means he’s here. I looked around the backstage and I found him, stood in front of TV screen. His eyes locked at me. Oh no, not now. I don’t want to meet him. Memory how was he mad at me unreasonable replied in my head.

I quickened my pace, pushed Min unnie to walk faster.

“Yah!! Don’t push me..” Min unnie said.

“Unnie… please, I wanna get to dressing room now..” I whispered to her ear. But, suddenly a hand holds my wrist tight, reflex I turned and found him in front of me. What should I do?!

“Oppa, what are you doing?”  I saw his hand which grabbed my left wrist tight. What he gonna do now? Snapped me again?

But there is no reply from him. A towel wiped sweat from my forehead. I was frozen at that time. I widened aware what Aegi oppa does now is. Wiped my sweat in front of people like this? Does he want to embarrass me again? Is it part of his acting? Does it an order from management?

“Baby… I’m sorry for what happening in plane” he said softly while wiped sweat from my neck. “I don’t know what was happened to my head that time. I know what I said was hurt you. I afraid, you will go with that guy and forget about our relationship. I’m sorry baby... I regret it..”

I looked at his beautiful eyes. Our relationship? Does he mean our agreement? Seriously, I couldn’t distinguish his behaviour to me, when was he in acting or really was sincerity care about me.

“Baby… I beg you..” he looked at me expectantly. I don’t know what to say. I sighed long.

“BEAST ready on the set…!!!” I heard a crew yelled give a cue.

“Come on Yoseob-ah, we’re performing now” Doojoon-sshi called Yoseob oppa.

Yoseobie oppa’s hand wouldn’t let me go. I don’t know, but I always melted in front of him. My free right hand reached his cheek and smoothed his collar. He looks charming tonight, Yang Yoseob who always looked cute and charismatic in the same time in my eye. Is now a right time to put an act? Or is it what I sincerely want to do? If I don’t forgive him now, I scared if it would ruin his performance tonight. Should I forgive him? Would he treat me better after this all?

“I don’t want you to repeat it again aegi oppa, okay?” I said smiled, forget everything and give him encourage.

A moment later I saw him smiled relieved. “Ahh… I promise baby, I will not repeat it again..”

“Yoseobie!!!!!” Junhyung-sshi voice called.

“Ne!!!! I am performing now. And the fifth song I sing, is for you..” Yoseob oppa my hair, and run to .

“Aegi oppa hwaiting~~” I shouted.

Song intro which familiar in my ear played, ‘SHOCK’ is their opening performance. I immediately aveted my eyes t TV screen. I saw Yoseob oppa, and my heart was beating faster. Why lately I always feel like this? Hard to breathe when he was nearby, heart was beating faster anytime he was in front of me. What’s going on with me?

“Suzy-ah, do we still gonna back to dressing room?” Fei unnie stood beside me, joined to watch BEAST performance.

“Or we’ll stay here to watched BEAST performance and wait till the fifth song?” Jia unnie put her hand on my shoulder. I blushed.

“Seems like we’ll be here unnie, because I’m curious with the fifth song.. ahahaha… will he sing ‘Bad Girl’?” I heard Min unnie laughed.

“Supposed to be bad boy, not bad girl” Jia unnie said.

“I think he’s not a bad boy anymore. I even forgot that he was who made Suzy cry days ago after I saw how sweet he behaved just now. Aigoo~~~ no guy ever wiped my sweat like that” Fei unnie said, shook her head and gave me a bottle of water.

Second song, I heard Soom (Breath). I counted inside. Drank my water. Aegi oppa should be has many fans, anytime he sung his part, I always hear fans screamed hysteria.

“Hey…” I heard a voice but have no intention to turn.

“Oh, hi Minho-ah, hi Key..” Jia unnie greeted them. Ah, Minho and Key, why are they here?

“Your performance was cool” I heard Key said peppy. My members were chatted with them. I don’t feel like wanna join in. I only wanna watch BEAST performance now. Not others.

Bad Girl, third song. I bit my lip. All if sudden a hand touched my shoulder. I turned and saw Minho looked at me smiled.

“Are you tired? Your performance was amazing. And you looks beautiful” he said.

“Oh yeah? So did I wrongly saw what I saw yesterday? He holds your hand tight and you had no intention to let it go. Ah, and yesterday, you looked enjoy and fine when he placed his hand on your shoulder.”

Yoseob oppa words heard in my ear. Aware of the thing, I smiled to Minho and put down his hand from my shoulder. Try to not make it obviously.

“I’m not tired, thanks” I said and tried to keep a distance with Minho. I don’t want Yoseob oppa get angry like before. Even just think about it make me scared. I never saw him various like that.

“Well… Bad girl is not the fifth song” Min unnie pouted disappointed.

“Yah!! How you wished our maknae as bad girl!!!” Jia unnie glared to Min unnie. Then they laughed together.

Beautiful. The fourth song. I thought ‘beautiful’ gonna be the fifth song which he’ll sing for me. But it’s not. So what song he gonna sing?

“What are you doing here? You have other performance after this right?” Minho asked.

Without aterted my eyes from TV screen I replied, “Mmm… yes, I’ll prepareing after this” I saw Yoseob oppa sing his part… Nothing better that you..you..you..you…

“Who you gonna perform with?” Minho keep asking question though knows that I don’t take an interest in what he asked. Doesn’t he know that I’m busy and don’t want to be bothered now?

I turned to him and replied, “it’s a secret Minho-sshi, if I say it now it’s not a special performance anymore” I smiled to him.

“Since when did you start to play secret with me Suzy-ah?” Minho frowned.

I shrugged and smiled knowing.

“Are you really in relationship with Yang Yoseob?” Minho looked at me. Once again I turned to him, his eyes looked at me sharply and endlessly. So what if I am? Are that true that they both are hostile?

“I…” for a moment I forget what I gonna say to Minho-sshi, when I heard unniedeul make a fussed beside me.

“Omo!!!!! He seduces you with this song!!!!” Min unnie screamed loudly when she heard the intro song which played now. “Aigoo~~ Romeo!!!”

“Oh my god” Jia unnie looked at TV screen with mouth opened.

I immediately looked at it, and felt my heart beat loudly, too loud till make me scared if it stops when I heard the intro. Thinking maybe I heard wrong.

“So cute Yoseobie!!!!” Fei unnie leapt beside me. Also happy heard the song.

Fifth song he sing now…. YOU….

“What’s going on?” Key also observed the screen curiously.

No one answer it. And I can’t say anything. When camera focus on Yoseobie oppa, I was enchanted by him now. I saw him smiled to camera, as if looked at me straight.

I’m gonna make you love me neol sarang handago (I love you)
Nan niga isseo haengbokhae ounjaena neoppun in geol
(I’m only happy when you are here, I always just need you)

Because of you you you you
neo hanaman saenggakhae (I only think of you)
You you you i-jjaen (you you you Now)
Nal saranghae jwoyo nal saranghae jwoyo nal barabwa jwoyo  (Love me, love me, only look at me)

I don’t know what he means with this song. Why you sang this song for me oppa? What does it mean? Is it about agreement to always appear to be romantic in front of people? Does it also a part to be a professional? If yes, why my eyes can’t stop look at you now? Why I feel happy as if you sang this song only for me? Why my heart beat so fast like this again? Tell me aegi oppa, what is happening between us? Because I don’t get it….

nul saranghandago neul juwahandago neoppun i-rago

(I love you, I like you, I only need you)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥