I woke up to find an empty bed next to mine.

It was six and something in the morning and Sungmin wasn't here. Great. I knew where he was, obviously. Didn’t mean I liked it. I got up to confirm my thesis and yup. There he was, sleeping in Ryeowook's bed; hugging him. I rolled my eyes for the heck of it while noticing Yesung's bed was empty too.

I cursed at the sunrise through the window of their room.

How bad is it if one actually wants to start his day by drinking? I dressed myself looking, longing to my beautiful red bottles of wine. Oh honey, I will be coming back to you guys tonight.

Yesung was sitting in the kitchen, drinking one of Hyukjaes strawberry milk bottles. "That'll do nothing' for ya, you know" I grabbed a random fruit from the first drawer of the fridge and flung my on the chair next to his.

He smiled bitterly at me and said nothing, so we sat in silence. waiting for the rest of the house to wake up. His eyes were puffy. I hated that. In general, I wasn’t good with people crying next to me. Especially men. With my sister, it was just youknow- bring her a box of Kleenex to destroy, and maybe go buy some ice cream.

But here, with my "hyungs" (who were just a bunch of kids I swear) it was always awkward. "So…" I tried, fidgeting with the banana peels I still had in my hand, "what happened?"

He sighed a bit dramatically, and it kinda hurt, listening to that. "Sometimes, I'm just exhausted… I can't seem to do anything right. Hug him, kiss him, support him. Even when I try my best" he rubbed his nose trying to soothe his nerves "maybe I'm just not good enough for him".

"Stop talking nonsense when you know that it's not true, Hyung. You're amazing."

"Yeah well, these days that is a very unpopular opinion" Yesung looked up, straight to my eyes. Oh, . I absolutely hate it when he does that. Normal people know better, but of course, this one would have no idea. He gives me that look. And has absolutely no idea what effect his gaze has on us ordinary humans. Gosh he was beautiful. Handsome. whatever.

I tried resisting, many times I have. But at this point I couldn’t give a crap of anything anymore. So I lean in. and he doesn't run away. He doesn't do anything really, not until my lips touch his.

"I should go wake them up" he drops his gaze to the floor and leaves me alone to bang my head against the table.

That night I could not sleep. I kept myself well occupied with computer games and StarCraft. Sungmin walked into the room and stood behind me. "Hey" he used his sweet voice and hugged me, leaned closer and kissed my cheek. He doesn't want me to be mad at him. And usually I would be.

We would fight, and he will again explain how he's a good friend. How he simply must be there for his sweet little dongsaeng. He does not see how my attitude has changed these past few months. Just like how he never really saw my desperation for his approval years ago.

"Kyuhyunnie~" he span my chair to face him, "He needs me"

"I know" I say apathetically, and he smiles sweetly and kisses me again. Knowing nothing of my pounding head and the bitter taste in my mouth.