Jun Su’s P.O.V.

“Oppa, do you love me?”

Her last words replayed over and over in my head as I walked to the place where we first met. It was windy that day, and the clouds were slowly hovering above me, as if they, too, wanted to envelope me in their darkness. I walked slowly past the sea of people and sat on a quiet corner near the quaint little café nearby. The park was filled with voices of children running, of old people laughing, of old friends meeting again after the long vacation from school. Everyone was happy. Everyone but me.

Was I sad? No, sad is such an understatement. I was practically dying inside. Each breath I take stabs my heart, and every second spent without her adds up to a lifelong eternity of solitude, of mourning, of unforgettable grief. Why did she have to leave me with this pain, in this way? It was all so unthinkable, yet so unfathomable all at once. And even if the world gave me one answer per question each day, I was still confused.

I found myself staring at the fountain a few meters away from me. It was almost nighttime, and the red-orange sky behind the majestic fountain shooting water abruptly in the air created a perfect landscape for me to see. It was all so unfair. How could something still be so beautiful when I was dying inside? 

Eun Hee-yah… How come this place still looks beautiful even without you?

Tears brimmed my eyes at the memory of her voice, the sweet sound of her laughter, her beautiful face. I tried to stop them from flowing but what else have I to hold on to? The very first day I became alive was when I first saw her.

***flashback***

She sat right in front of the fountain with a large paintbrush at hand. I happened to just pass by as I was riding my bike towards home, and I stopped to marvel at her painting. She had a long way to go finishing it, yet what she had painted so far was so beautiful; so rich and alive that it almost seemed like a photograph. She painted the sky, too, in exactly the same way it looked like. The clouds were gray, signaling the coming of rain. Birds flew past, hurrying to reach their nests, where their offspring await.

Mianhae, Eun Hee-yah… Had I known that it was going to rain, I could have done my best to protect you.

I stood behind you ever so quietly, captivated by how well you’ve managed to capture nature through those little tubes of paint. How come you knew all the colors of the earth, and knew perfectly well how to blend them and transform them into something so vibrant and full of life?

And how… how, Lee Eun Hee, have you managed to capture my heart that day?


---
She was a sight to behold. I saw her face by accident when I coughed out of the blue. It startled her to see someone watching her from behind. And it startled me, too, how someone could be as beautiful as she was.

She had brown hair that swept past her shoulders, and her eyes were big and deep, drawing you in. A soft smile played across her lips as I started apologizing for suddenly butting in her business like that.

“Ahni,” she shook her head, her voice a beautiful melody so hard to forget. “It’s quite fine with me, sir.”

“You paint beautifully,” I said, brushing off her salutation towards me. “That is a work of art.”

“Thank you…” she paused in mid-sentence as she squinted to see the nameplate pinned to my uniform. “Jun Su?”

It was hard for me to not smile upon hearing her say my name, yet try I did. Eventually I felt my cheeks getting hotter by the minute as I urged my self not to smile. I gave in after a few desperate tries.

And when you smiled back, I somehow knew I was destined to be with you. I suddenly knew that all those years of feeling alone would no longer be prolonged; that maybe—just maybe—I could start believing again.

Was it all a lie, my love? Did you deliberately make me fall in love with you, only to hurt me and leave me alone again? 


And we had quite a few more meetings by the fountain after that. I would act as if I was just passing by when in fact I’ve waited an hour for you to come, little grains of sweat forming on my forehead because of the intense heat of the afternoon sun. And then you would come, and all those hours of waiting would be well worth it for just a few minutes of my time spent with you. It was what brought me back to life. 

---

“Oppa looks even more handsome when he smiles,” you said one day while we sat beside one another, waiting for the sun to set. I had not noticed that you were looking at me. 

“Hmm?” I replied nonchalantly to your compliment. I did not know how else to react without embarrassing myself, but my heart was jumping for joy.

“You should smile more often, oppa,” she said with a faraway look on her face. She had decided to call me oppa by then. Oppa. Oppa. Such a word meant so much. “I don’t know if I could explain it, but you have this gift… you smile and it makes me happy as well.”

“Geurae?” I simply said, trying to avoid your gaze. But you, Park Eun Hee, are so beautiful. I could have never wanted that moment to end. 

You once told me that you’ve never been kissed yet. I laughed and did not believe you. Because Eun Hee-yah, no man alive could ever resist falling in love with you. Even someone like me. 

Everything was perfect. The leaves of the tree nearby gently rustled to the direction of the wind, the fountain was shooting up glistening water into the air, and the clouds were like little stairways to heaven we both said we felt like climbing them. 

But I never told you that I was content with my little heaven here on earth. Had I told you that, would you have stayed with me?

You stayed with me for a while, though; and for the time too short I spent with you, this was the most memorable one:

I leaned over to you and stole your first kiss.

We were happy, you and I. We strolled together down the hill to your house, singing your favorite song. Suddenly the rain began to fall. We stared at each other for a full minute before we realized that we needed to seek shelter. I took off my jacket and draped it over you. Oppa was always willing to shield you from the harshest weather, from whatever pain. 

I realized just now that the way we were laughing so playfully as we stood under the rain was all but shear mockery. Everything was a joke. It was foolish of us to think that the rain was a sign of God’s approval to our relationship. The truth was, God didn’t approve of us at all, even from the very beginning. You shouldn’t have taught me, Eun Hee-yah. You shouldn’t have showed me what faith really was if you were going to make me un-believe* eventually. I regret everything. I regret ever wanting to live again, to take a chance once more. I regret existing as Kim Jun Su.

***end of flashback***

Little drops of crimson-colored fluid graced the water from the fountain, creating a red smoky appearance in the water. 

“Let me come with you, Eun Hee-yah…”

*p.s: Bolded sentences mean something. :) It's all going to come together as the story goes on. ^^