“Why did you have to leave me?”

The words he kept saying over and over in front of her grave are one of the things I would never forget in this lifetime. He said these in between sobs; sobs that seemed too long to cease, sobs that seemed like they were held inside of him all his life. I reckon I’ve never seen anyone cry this much.

He really loved her, I can tell. The way he stood there in the pouring rain with his clothes drenching wet, I knew there was no one like her in his life. It was unfathomable to love another.

The dark sky enveloped us in a dark cloak, the rain surreptitiously bringing us closer. Had I known it was going to rain, I wouldn’t have dropped by my sister’s grave to offer her the very first flowers from my garden. I personally handpicked the best-looking ones to give to her. But now all that was left of those beautiful yellow roses—those roses I tended to with such love and dedication just like our mother did—were merely trampled flowers; a waste of all the suffering I had to endure in hopes of reconciling with the dearest little sister I have never known. And now, along with her life, all my hopes were put in vain. The flowers didn’t endure as much as I expected them to. I should have known better…

I watched in silence as he knelt on the wet grass; that relatively thick piece of land that kept him and his lover apart from one another. His tears flew one after the other, eventually getting mixed with the rain pouring down his face. His hair was disheveled, his face unshaven. He must have lost the will to live. I had wanted to cry, but something held me back. I have never cried in my whole life, and I did not want this to be the first time. It would be absurd to cry because of him.

And yet as I tried to hold back my tears, the rain poured harder. All of a sudden I figured it was okay to cry. Tears of loneliness—of a whole lifetime of longing and spite—all those would only be mixed with the rain and eventually die out in some other place, then forgotten. No one would ever see or know that I, Lee Eun Chae, cried for the first time in my life today.

And there we both were, shedding tears we’ve so long hidden. I cried for him, and in a way he cried for me. It wouldn’t be long until I knew the reason why, and then we would be crying again.