Chapter 11: In Your Arms
Crossing the LineFrom: Chanyeol
So I hope this doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, but I dreamt about you last night
From: Baekhyun
Hahaha nah what was I doing?
From: Chanyeol
That's the weird part.. we were like.. I don't wanna say.
From: Baekhyun
Well it was only a dream haha
From: Chanyeol
That's true.. We weren't having or anything.. just you know like kissing?
From: Chanyeol
I dunno it was weird
Stumbling out of his physics exam, his heart hurting in his chest, Baekhyun wanted to cry.
How was I supposed to focus on my exam after you told me that?! You stupid, stupid giant... Why are you doing this to me...?
Throughout the entire exam, Baekhyun’s mind had been filled with images of them kissing, of them being intimate, with Chanyeol’s protective arms wrapped around his body, soft lips ghosting over his cheeks, down his neck, warm hands roaming across his bare chest.
In Baekhyun’s mind, there had been no room for equations and numbers.
Baekhyun wanted to cry.
Struggling to find his way to his locker, Baekhyun staggered into the music suite instead. Having found his way inside an empty practice room, he collapsed to the floor, body shaking, tears falling. He pulled his knees against his chest, just wanting to hide, just wanting to disappear.
I failed...
I failed to live up to everyone’s expectations...What’s going to happen to my grades? To my reputation? Everyone will know I’m not perfect. I can’t believe this is happening...
I failed my exam.
But even worse...
I’ve failed Chanyeol.
I can’t keep thinking about him like this... as if we could be more than friends... Chanyeol is my big brother. He’s my brother. Nothing more.
His heart belongs to someone else... I can’t be selfish. I can’t keep him to myself.
Chanyeol, I’m so sorry...
I’m sorry, I can’t help it...
I can’t stop thinking about you...
A shuddered breath slipped from Baekhyun’s lips as his body trembled from the tears. He shut his eyes and tried to block out any thoughts of Chanyeol, but it was no use.
I think I... I think I really love you.
I’m sorry... I’m so sorry for loving you...
I really am too selfish...
Baekhyun wanted to cry.
Burying his head in his arms, Baekhyun took no notice of the final bell ringing of the day, dismissing the last class. Baekhyun took no notice of his phone vibrating inside his pocket, of the accumulating text messages from both of his best friends, wondering where he was.
It wasn’t until after the bustling of students rushing home subsided, that the door of the practice room finally burst open, catching Baekhyun by surprise, as a certain wide-eyed best friend ran to his side.
“Baekhyun!”
And just like that, familiar arms enveloped his body in a gentle hug and Baekhyun could feel his friend’s every breath escaping his lips and every quickened heartbeat pounding against his chest.
For always making you worry...
I’m sorry, Chanyeol.
I don’t deserve you.
I’m sorry...
“Baek, tell me, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you all right? You’re not hurt, are you?” Chanyeol’s low voice murmured frantically in his ear. Despite the obvious desperation in his tone, the softness of Chanyeol’s voice only made Baekhyun’s insides melt and his heart hurt even more.
The younger boy’s hold around him only tightened when Baekhyun mumbled, “I failed...” his voice cracking as the words were whispered bitterly into the air between them.
“Baek...” Chanyeol looked at him with pleading eyes, as if begging for Baekhyun to stop crying. Large hands reached up to wipe warm tears trailing down Baekhyun’s cheeks. “It’ll be okay... it’ll be okay...”
“I...” I love you... “I couldn’t answer any of the problems on my physics exam...” I’m sorry I failed you... “I definitely failed, Ch-Chanyeol...”
“No, no, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m sure you did fine,” Chanyeol reassured, using his thumbs to rub small circles in Baekhyun’s cheeks.
“No, you don’t understand... Chanyeol, I have no idea what I’m doing anymore... I even left some of the problems blank... I couldn’t even come up with an answer...” Baekhyun bit his lip, the sting of fresh tears threatening to overflow from his eyes once more.
I don’t know what to do anymore...
Chanyeol...
I’m so lost.
Why can’t I stop myself... stop myself from loving you...
Baekhyun squeezed his eyes shut, again trying to block away the thoughts and hide away the tears. If only he could.
“Baek, it’s okay... don’t worry about your exam... I’m sure it’ll be okay...”
It’s not even the exam that I’m worried about...
“Baek, don’t cry...”
I can’t stop the tears from falling...
I’m sorry, Chanyeol...
“Baek, it’ll be okay...”
I’m sorry...
“Baek?”
“Hmm?”
“I think they’re going to kick us out soon, the after school activities are all ending...” Chanyeol murmured gently.
“Oh, we should go,” Baekhyun mumbled.
But his arms were still wrapped around Chanyeol’s waist, their bodies still leaning against one another on the floor of the practice room. Baekhyun had run out of tears a while ago, but Chanyeol was still sitting here, by his side. His presence was comfort enough for Baekhyun.
“Come on, we don’t have to go too far,” Chanyeol smiled softly, putting his hands on Baekhyun’s, telling the older boy to let go of him.
Baekhyun nodded, a little reluctantly, but he knew he couldn’t stay in Chanyeol’s arms forever. No matter how much he wanted to, it wasn’t his place.
“This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever done,” Baekhyun laughed lightly, laying his head back down on the hard, but warm sidewalk. The late afternoon sun gently shone down upon their bodies, which had just lazily spread out on the sidewalk outside their school campus.
Remnants of faint tear stains remained on Baekhyun’s reddened cheeks, but at least now he was smiling. It was funny how Chanyeol had this sort of effect on people. Being with Chanyeol just made Baekhyun happy. Just seeing Chanyeol’s crazily large eyes bulge when he smiled and twitch when he laughed, just h
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