♥ Title: [3/5]

The title is ok, it marks clearly whom this story is about! It's not the best title and most original one, but I like you kept it simple, because let's be honest, finding the right title can be a pain in the and sometimes the best way is to keep it simple!

 

♥ Presentation/Description/Foreword: [5/10]

First of all I really love the poster, eventhough it's very simple, but hey, the best things sometimes are within the simple things!
I wouldn't say the description is bad written, on the contray, I think it's well written, however, in my opinion it gives too much of the story away, which is a shame in my opinion. I would like to see the description written to draw readers attention, make them curious for reading your story. I would recommend to leave some details out, leave readers wonder and find out themselves. This way you will catch people's attention, but also achieve more readers and possible subscribers! Something that caught my eye in your foreword, was the "uugghhh" as a start of introducing yourself as a writer and presenting your new story. When I read this I get the impression you are bored with the story already and this also might scare possible readers away. It's ok to introduce yourself and present your new story, but you don't want them to think you don't like writing it much right? I don't even think that's idea to begin with, so as a little note from me to you, I would remove it ;)!

 

♥ Grammar: [8/10]

I've seen a bit of grammar mistakes here an there (not major ones, don't worry, I won't spank you for it ^^) and I can talk long and short about it, it doesn't matter. Making mistakes is human and it shows you're not a robot, which means you ain't perfect and it leaves room for progress and growth ;) (yap that is a well meant compliment and advice to all of the authors out there). I really like the creativity of vocabulary, which made me get my dictionary to see what the word meant. Creativity is the key to writing great stories. 

 

♥ Plot: [11/20]

Why 'just' 11 out of 20? It's simply because the story isn't finished and there isn't enough reading material to see where this story is gpoing to, although the description is giving it somewhat away, I am still hoping there are some unexpected twists, but that is hard to tell from the little bit I read. The first chapter for example I think is way too short. I understand it's hard to write a first chapter (this is hardest part, cause it makes or break your story), but I would have liked to see a bit more depth here. You go two years back, but there is only a little glimpse of what happened back then, which makes me curious again on how it all happened. Again your story is still in the baby steps of growing and development and leaves some more room for growth and progress. I find it courageous you requested a review for the story even if it's not finished and chapters are short, it shows you're willing to take well meant advice and grow as a writer.

 

♥ Characters: [7/15]

Please don't be mad at me for marking this with 'just' 7 points. It's really hard to get a characters perspective when the story is still ongoing and is not entirely finished, or maybe far from finished, and your story doesn't have enough chapters to give me a clear view on each of the characters in the story, but that's not a bad thing, it definitely makes me curious and makes me want to find out more.

 

♥ Style: [17/25]

I like your writing style and I like how blunt written it is. To be honest I haven't read much EXO stories, because I just entered the fandom not so long ago and DO is one of my favorites, it really catches my interest to continue reading. As mentioned before, you're creative when it comes to finding certain words to describe someone's expression. Instead of using the usual, you will go for the words that are not used that often and I really like that. Something that really annoyed me, is the words in between that are written smaller than you can possibly read with your own eye or those words that are n out. It distracted me from reading and I wouldn't use it as it's unnecessary. You're a creative writer and you don't need to play with the font during the story to convey the thoughts and expressions of a character this way.

 

♥ Flow: [6/15] 

Because your chapters are rather short, I seem to get the impression you are rather rushing through your story to update it because your subscribers are expecting it from you as an author or you seem to be stuck in a writers block and rush chapter and leave it short, am I right? (if not, just kick my :P). I could be entirely wrong with this statement, but that's how it appears to me. Please listen carefully to what I am going to say. Write for YOU and YOUR own pleasure and do NOT worry about the amount of updates you give to your readers. Those that like/love your story will come back reading it regardless of the amount of updates you give them. Write on your own pace and take your time to update when you feel content to release another chapter. Re-read if before you post it. Clear your head before doing that and you might come up with a ton of more details to add to your story to make the chapters a bit longer with more depth to it. I always try to focus on each chapter to be between 100-150 words and I will call that not too short and not too long, just enough to satisfy the reader and make them want more. Don't rush your chapters because you feel you HAVE to update, write your chapters without feeling rushed and publish those when you think it's ready. Those who like/love your story will stick around and if not, they are not worthy of your work and it means they are misisng out.

 

♥ Originality: [5/10]

As I said before, I am not too long into the EXO fandom, but I think this kind of male pairing is pretty rare right? (yea scold me if I am wrong here) so on that part I think it's creative and original. I mentioned it before and as said earlier, the story is too short to fully review it with an honest point of view and perspective, because there is still things that I don't know about the characters and the plot to make the statement if it is original or not.

 

Total score: [61/100]
Please don't be sad on the 'just' 61 out of 100. I really think there is a lot of potential making this story into a great success. You're a great writer regardless what others might think or not (it's my opinion after all) and even for the fact that English is not your mother language and you can be so creative vocabulary, means you are one step ahead of a lot of writers (yap incluing me :P) that are missing this. Take my advice to heart (or throw it in the fire, lol, which I hope you don't) and I am sure your story will  receive the love it deserves! PS I subbed because I am so curious, I really wanna read what happens next ;) HWAITING!!