a/n. Actually I don't have the motivation (again) to continue this exact story/plot but thanks to my first ever commenter deejung, here's another update! I hope more people will be able to read this because I only have 4 subbies :((

Oh and if you see there's no " " it's Jongin talking. I wanted to try something that I got from a novel :)

The doctor's eyes were doe-like, his smile was gentle-- almost inviting and his hair was bobbing up and down as he spoke.

It was love at first sight.

He spoke after what seemed like an hour for me,"Can I ask for your name?"

My name?

"Yes your name."

Kim Jongin

"It's nice to meet you Jongin-ah. Do you have any relatives that can sign the papers?"

My grandmother

I told him in an assuringly manner though I wasn't sure myself. Does she know I'm here? She doesn't have a cellphone and sometimes she couldn't even hear the telephone. The doctor, Doctor D.O nodded approvingly.

I was talking to him carefully since my lips hurt whenever I open my mouth. I must have hit the truck hard yet I wonder why I'm still alive-- I didn't like it. The pain the truck had plastered on me was a reminder of the past that was still sticking to me now. He, the doctor, grinned and patted my head with utmost care and gentleness, as if he was afraid I could break into pieces. I already was, my heart felt it was... Breaking into pieces. I wanted to know him.. I really do.

When I winced in pain, his face changed automatically and worry increased in his eyes. I would think if this was his normal self or if he found affection towards me. I hope the second option is the answer. He muttered an apology for having touched a wounded area and bowed before heading out from the ward.

Wait.

Wait. I called out to him out of impulse. When he heard me, he turned around with an automatic smile like a machine. Was he tired of being a doctor? I smiled back at him, trying to reach a full one but failed because of my busted lip. Was he tired of everything?

"What is it?" He asked gently.

Before I could say something, his phone rang which ruined the moment. His face changed again but I couldn't read the eyes. There was warmth but somehow there was a tiny bit of annoyance. Who was on the screen? Nevertheless, he pressed on the answer button and placed the phone against his ear. 

His voice started out as a whisper before it went back to normal.

"Yeobo?" Yeobo? He has a girlfriend? Or... Is he married? Or... What else can it be?

I watched him closely, his every movement was relaxing. He was gingerly talking to the other on the phone nicely. The pain didn't just hurt in my whole face and body, but it did to my heart. It was beating so hard but out of jealousy. I was jealous. Why? Why am I feeling this way?

I can't be jealous.

First of all, I just met him. He could be straight or he could be not, but either way, I have no idea who he is.

Second of all, he's like 30 years older than me! He's a doctor for heaven's sake!

Third of all,

"I'm taking care of a patient! Let me take care of this kid first before I go home, okay yeobo?"

I'm a kid to him.

Ofcourse I am a kid to him

"What did you say?"

Nothing... Who was that?

"My wife."

And then on cue, another doctor called out for Mr. D.O. He waved a farewell which I acknowledged with a nod. My head hung low as he walked away, I laughed a little but out of misery. This was one funny story. And after moments of thinking, I chuckled again until it turned to pathetic laugher. I laughed because I felt pathetic. I laughed because this was absurd to be falling in love with someone older, someone married, and a guy even!

I laughed since I knew we couldn't ever be.

That we could never be.