A small bird paced back and forth underneath the half open window, curiously peeping into the room. Jiyong smiled at the sight and glanced at it carefully, not wanting to scare the creature by looking directly at it. The bird flapped its wings and hopped down onto Jiyong’s desk bending its head to peck at an invincible crumb. Come closer please Jiyong wished keeping himself still as the bird hopped over to his nightstand.

“Jiyong.”

The bird was gone before Jiyong could react.

“You should take a bath before bedtime.”

“Neh, umma.” Jiyong answered taking a final glance at the blue sky outside.

That night he couldn’t sleep. His window was still half open, the curtains not drawn and the summer night warm outside; on the other side of the wall he could hear his mother sobbing. She cried almost every night, had been as long as Jiyong could remember. When he was younger he would cover his ears or pull the covers over his head until she stopped but he couldn’t do that anymore; now he knew it was his fault she was crying and he felt as though he deserved to lie awake to hear her sobs and the sound of her twisting and turning in bed.

His mother was however the only one he had; his father had left a long time ago and he didn't have any friends… maybe one friend if he counted their neighbour Grandma Park. She was an old lady, crooked and bent that couldn’t move without her wheelchair, but she had a warm smile and deep laugh lines. A long time ago she had used to babysit Jiyong and he had warm memories of her bringing him comics, or soap bubbles that they played with for hours. She still waved at Jiyong every day from her living room window and Jiyong would wave back from his room.

That one small gesture was the reason Jiyong even bothered to wake up in the morning.

“Jiyong.” His mother called for him in the morning. “You need to wake up I’m going to work soon.”

“Mmmh.” The warm air ruffled the curtains and the digits on his TV showed 7:20 – it was just hours since Jiyong had drifted off to sleep.

“Wake up sweetheart.” his mom urged him, pulling the covers away. “Breakfast is ready.”

Soon Jiyong was alone in the house, his mom off to the hospital where she worked as a cleaner. He knew that her body ached from the work, but it was at least enough to pay the rent for their small apartment as long as they skimped and saved.

Jiyong was watching the daily drama on the TV in his room; some depressing about a lovey-dovey couple that hadn’t yet found out they were siblings, when he heard his mother coming home and the telltale sign of her preparing ramyeon. They ate in silence, his mom finishing quickly in order to get back to work before her lunch break was over.

“Jiyong.” He looked up surprised to hear his mom addressing him.

“Yes?” It took him a moment to respond; he knew from the look in her eyes that this would not be casual small talk.

“I spoke to Grandma Park.” Jiyong stopped breathing. “She has not been well lately… and it’s been decided she should live at her daughter’s from now on.”

His mother’s voice was weak, her eyes filled with pity. Jiyong hated pity most of all; still he couldn’t stop his tears from falling.

“Jiyong. I’m sorry.” His mother kneeled in front of him, hugging his small frame.

“I’m sorry, I love you so much.” She repeated over and over again until Jiyong had stopped crying, stopped shaking and leaned on her exhausted.

“Let’s get you into bed, shall we?” She whispered softly.

Jiyong nodded. “I’m sorry mom, you had to get back to work.”

“It’s okay. I’ll tell them it was an emergency.”

“Mom?”

“Yes?”

“I need to use the bathroom.”

“Okay.” His mother nodded.

She carefully navigated Jiyong’s wheelchair into the bathroom and helped him onto the toilet. Jiyong cried again when she showered him to get rid of the smell and when she helped him into bed.

Until Jiyong had fallen asleep she held his hand – thumb rubbing over her son’s palm.

The next day Jiyong didn’t eat breakfast nor lunch or dinner. He didn’t smile at the program on the television or when the little bird returned to his room, but he didn’t cry. He just stared at Grandma Park’s window where he could see the curtains being taken down and the furniture moved away.

Jiyong was sick and tired. Sick and tired of being Kwon Jiyong; a homeschooled twenty-one year old that spent the entire day confined in a tiny apartment because the crappy building didn’t have a lift. He was tired of having spoken to no one but his mother and his doctor for the past decade. He hated that his mother had to help him with everything; some days he couldn’t even brush his own teeth and had to sit there like a ing child while his mother did it for him. He knew she had given up too much for his sake, that she’d be better off without him.

He hated his life bitterly but he didn’t cry. At least not until after Grandma Park disappeared; having smiled at him – first sadly, then brightly ‘fighting’ Jiyong had raised his fist in return ‘fighting’.

Weeks passed making way for the end of August.

Jiyong had turned to pills in order to sleep. His mom brought them to him, along with a glass of water; she had been doing so every day since he’d tried to swallow a jar’s worth of them. His thin body had turned weaker from lack of nourishment and his beloved TV dramas passed unnoticed as he no longer had the strength or the will to get out of bed.

His mom didn’t cry only during the night.

It was however at this time that someone else suddenly appeared behind Grandma Park’s window and that person noticed Jiyong.

It was the last Friday in August when Jiyong first noticed the man watching him. Jiyong had stayed in bed for days, not even noticing his mom changing his diaper or her pleas asking him to eat. He was staring out the window as usual when something flaming red caught his eye.

It turned out to be a sweater, draped over the body of a man with dark hair and glasses standing in Grandma Park's old apartment – his eyes on Jiyong. As soon as the man noticed he’d been caught, his cheeks turned suspiciously red and he quickly bowed at Jiyong disappearing out of sight.

The next day and every day the following weeks Jiyong would notice the man watching him across the space between their windows. Eventually he started to expect it – even look forward to seeing the man’s face. It seemed to pop up at various times during the day, making Jiyong assume his new neighbour was a university student (it was either that or he was unemployed but Jiyong favoured the first option). The man usually wore long-sleeved sweaters despite the hot weather; so far Jiyong had counted two red ones, three blue and one pink along with a number of patterned ones. At first the man had blushed and disappeared as soon as he was discovered but gradually the two neighbours ended up looking at each other for minutes and once, Jiyong was embarrassed to admit, for over an hour.

The sound of the doorbell ringing in the Kwon household usually meant the arrival of the landlady or the doctor and Jiyong barely registered his mom answering the door until…

“Jiyong there’s a boy here to see you.”

Jiyong’s head left the pillow for the first time in weeks. His mom just gave him a look he interpreted as confused before she left the room only to be replaced by his mysterious neighbour.

“Hey.” Mysterious Neighbour said. Jiyong just blinked repeatedly; he was definitely in shock. The man was beautiful up close – sharp jaw line, dimples, kind eyes behind those thick-framed glasses; hair and skin that looked so smooth Jiyong wanted touch it.

“I’m sorry, I just…” Mysterious Neighbour continued, his voice deep and masculine but shy under Jiyong’s confused gaze. There was a minute of silence during which a still in shock Jiyong felt utterly embarrassed of his scruffy pyjamas, smelly hair and the adult diaper he was wearing. “My name is Seunghyun. Choi Seunghyun.”

Seunghyun.

“I’m sorry I seem to have startled you.” Seunghyun let out a shy smile. “Can I come back tomorrow? We can start over then.” It took Jiyong a while to process what was said and even longer to get his voice to function properly after neglecting it for so long. “Okay.” Seunghyun’s smile grew larger then and the corners of Jiyong’s lips turned up.  

Their first proper meeting was full of shy smiles and awkward pauses. Jiyong was in bed half sitting, half lying down; dressed in his favourite red t-shirt and without a diaper this time. He had mainly been functioning on adrenaline and curiosity, having fallen asleep the moment Seunghyun left, wishing he would see the man again soon.

At the end of October Seunghyun took Jiyong outside.

The trees had started to change colours and there were puddles of water from yesterday’s downpour. Jiyong had gotten stronger after eating properly again and managed to wheel himself half a block before Seunghyun had to take over. Seunghyun was overdressed for the weather per usual wearing a thick vest over his sweater while Jiyong enjoyed feeling the sun on his bare forearms as he was pushed to the nearby park. They had coffee out of Hello Kitty thermoses and kimbap that his mother had conjured up that morning.

Jiyong was twirling the soft grass between his fingers when he felt Seunghyun's hand cover his; the elder's hand was warm and a little sweaty but it felt nice. "I should take you out often from now on." Seunghyun said looking off somewhere far in the distance.

"Thank you."

Jiyong smiled as his handsome companion turned to him. "Next week is going to be cooler, we can take a longer walk then."

"Not only for taking me out..." Jiyong trailed off shyly, not quite sure how to properly phrase his gratitude to the man next to him. It seemed as if Seunghyun understood though because his grip on Jiyong's hand tightened. 

November meant it was Seunghyun's birthday. Jiyong had (with help from his mom) bought his hyung a present and a cake with 23 candles that the birthday boy eagerly blew out. After his mom left for work the boys watched a movie and Jiyong found it appropriate to tease Seunghyun about wearing a scarf indoors.

"It was your gift to me so I'm wearing it." The elder answered forcefully  – stubbornly refusing to take it off even though he soon started to sweat bucket loads.

"Wow!" Jiyong's eyes widened at sight of the huge, no... enormous Christmas tree covered in lights. Seunghyun just chuckled and let his friend stare wide-eyed at the sight until satisfied.

"Smile." Jiyong felt Seunghyun crouch down next to the wheelchair, pressing their cheeks together holding up the camera and pushing the shutter. Jiyong noticed embarrassed that his face came out bright red on the photo while Seunghyun of course looked gorgeous.

They had tea and pastries at a cramped cafe and Jiyong couldn't stop thinking about the way Seunghyun's warm breath had  mingled with his own.

They went shopping, watched a play and ate dinner and every second Jiyong thought about that soft, perfect skin. He fell asleep that night to the tune of his mother's snoring with a smile on his face and hand on his cheek.

The next day he felt anxious; scared even. As much as he tried not to think about it, it was obvious that he was in love with Seunghyun. Love was not something Jiyong had ever felt before; he felt vulnerable, like he was not in control of himself anymore. Being confined to the apartment for so many years Jiyong had watched practically every k-drama that had ever existed and while dramas (and Coffee Prince in particular) had made him realise he was gay they hadn't prepared him for this. Actually before he met Seunghyun Jiyong had never entertained the idea that he'd meet someone, let alone that someone liking him back. Sighing he remembered how dark everything had felt back then.

The following week Jiyong debated back and forth whether he should tell Seunhyun how he felt but never mustered up the courage to actually do so.

The though of Seunghyun being disgusted by him (though he didn't really think that of Seunghyun) or things becoming awkward between them was too palpable. Still Jiyong couldn't help but cling to the hope that maybe there was a tiny chance Seunghyun would accept his feelings.

He ended up over-analyzing every laugh and how his hyung liked to hold his hand. In front of the mirror he studied his every feature; remembering how after he started to gain weight and muscles from eating and doing his exercises again, both his mom and Seunghyun had complimented him on how cute he looked. Jiyong kind of hoped Seunghyun would see him as more than cute though... y maybe. He blushed at the thought. Well he was a man after all and it wasn't as though he was paralysed or anything; he was a bit weak but he could probably still do... that.

Jiyong spent the day with Seunghyun in the other's apartment before Seunghyun left to spend the Lunar New Year with his family.

Oddly enough it didn't feel weird to see Grandma Park's apartment looking so different now when Seunghyun lived here; though Jiyong supposed that perhaps it was because he hadn't seen the place for over ten years and therefore barely remembered it. There was however an old chair and some other bits and pieces left behind that brought back memories from when he was a child. Running his hand over the arm rest Jiyong smiled remembering how Grandma Park had been sitting there with a young Jiyong on her lap.

Jiyong felt rather guilty that he preferred Seunghyun living here but when he told Seunghyun the bastard looked ridiculously pleased about it which it turn made Jiyong grumpy on top of feeling guilty. As a peace offering Seunghyun decided they should bake Grandma Park cookies and thus Jiyong was now covered with flour. Seunghyun, rather remarkably, looked spotless until Jiyong decided to throw a handful of flour at him.

"Yah!" Seunghyun shrieked. "That was my favourite sweater."

Jiyong just laughed like a maniac and tried to get away which of course was a useless venture since the apartment was small and he was in a wheelchair. Instead he was lifted into Seunghyun's arms and given a bear hug. The hug felt nice, very nice actually and Jiyong's laughter soon stopped as he relaxed into the older man's embrace. Seunghyun was so kind and warm that sometimes Jiyong felt like crying because he was allowed to be near him.

They hugged until the timer on the oven beeped, making the boys let go of each other. Seunghyun carefully took the tray out from the oven when he heard Jiyong snivel; turning on his heel he was shocked to see tears trickling down his friend's cheeks.

"Jiyong-ah what's wrong? Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?"

Jiyong looked up to meet Seunghyun's panicked eyes – only to cry even more; mainly because of the unmistakable concern in those wide open eyes but, admittedly, also because of how cute Seunghyun looked right then. "No." Jiyong manged to lie between sobs, coming up with an answer that was at least somewhat true. "I... just miss Grandma." Seunghyun gave him a hug then and eventually Jiyong was smiling again.

It was Valentine's day when Seunghyun confessed to Jiyong.

Though Jiyong had not yet registered this fact as he was waiting on the bottom step of the stairs in front of Seunghyun's place. He had however noticed that Seunghyun was acting rather strange. The older man had been spacing out so much that it was noticeable even during the short walk from Jiyong's home. Not to mention that Seunghyun carrying the wheelchair upstairs would usually take five minutes top and now he'd been gone for nearly quarter of an hour.

Jiyong kept watching the hands move round and round on his watch, wondering if he would have to crawl back home when he finally heard Seunghyun running down the stairs panting a sorry and lifting him up with strong arms.

"What took you so long?" Jiyong asked a little annoyed as they started ascending the stairs.

"You're still really light." Seunghyun furrowed his eyebrows and avoided the question. "You have to eat or you'll become sick again."

"Yah! For your information I walked  three steps by myself yesterday." Jiyong growled.

Soon though he forgot to be annoyed because they had entered Seunghyun's living room and it was beautiful.

"What's this all about?" Jiyong said wide-eyed gesturing at the dozens of candles spread throughout the room.

"I just figured since it's Valentine's day, aaand... you didn't know." Seunghyun realised looking embarrassed at Jiyong who was still in his arms.

"I guess I know now. But... why did you do all this?"

"I'd hoped you'd understand." Seunghyun responded quietly, avoiding Jiyong's eyes."But since you don't..."

Carefully he sat Jiyong down into the wheelchair and knelt before him, one of his hands reaching to hold Jiyong's. "God I'm nervous." The grip on Jiyong's hand tightened.

"Seung-."

"I like you." The older boy blurted out glancing up at Jiyong from underneath trembling lashes.

And Jiyong understood; a smile spreading across his face as if to chase Seunghyun's nerves away.   

They were simple words for a confession but they soon turned into "I love you Kwon Jiyong" that in turn made way for shy kisses. Jiyong loved everything about his first kiss. He loved the strong yet gentle way Seunghyun cupped the back of his head. That his knees were  pressing against Seunghyun's thighs and how utterly amazing Seunghyun's lips felt on his. Seunghyun meanwhile didn't even care that he was on his knees and that the wheelchair didn't allow him to pull Jiyong closer. The person he was in love with loved him back; Jiyong was worth having sore knees for.