Inspired by Dating Alone: (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2n76cc_chanyeol-bbobbo-the-cameraman-omg-my-life-is-ruined_fun)

 

It was obvious that she still had feelings for him. I could handle that. But if he had feelings for her? That would be…. much harder to handle. She kept trying to ignite a flame between them but Chanyeol kept trying to put it out. It was probably because I was there. I mean, he didn’t want to be the jerk that flirted with his ex right in front of me. As she leaned her head against his shoulder, my chest tightened and my nails dug into my wrist. I was subconsciously trying to wake myself up from this nightmare.

 

It was happening. Again.

 

The guy I liked would leave me for his first love. Again.

 

I tried to keep myself from jumping to conclusions. Chanyeol wouldn’t do that to me, would he? We just started to date. He just would need to break this off and go back to her. It would be a clean cut. I tried to keep a straight face as our sunbae told him to take her home. He carefully glanced at me, trying to see if I was okay. I wasn’t, but I gave him an assuring smile anyway. Why the did I do that? I wanted to beat my head in with a rock and then bury myself in the center of the earth. Of course, I don’t want him to take her home. He is escorting his drunken ex who’s still in love with him. How does any of that sound good? How does it sound fair to me? It isn’t.

 

I watched their silhouettes leave the pub and my chest tightened even more. A feeling I’ve been feeling too many times this whole night. The stupid sunbae who suggested he take her home poured me another drink. I chugged it down when there were no signs of him coming back.

 

I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t act like everything was okay. Because it wasn’t.

 

I made up some lame excuse to get out of there. As soon as I stepped out the door, my eyes started to sting.  , don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t Cry. But that just made me cry even more. I started to walk swiftly to the nearest bus stop.  Hoping no one would see me like this and how pathetic I looked.

 

I heard Chanyeol call out my name. I gave him a glance; surprised he was still even here. But I kept walking anyway. He’s literally the last person I wanted to see. I would be more welcoming to a serial killer than him, right now. This time he grabbed my arm and I snatched it away.  He was taken aback by my suddenly aggressive behavior.

 

“What?”, I asked, my voice terse and cold.

“Where are you going?,” his voice filled with worry. He must’ve seen my teary eyes.

“I can’t do this, Chanyeol.”

“Do… what?”

“Let me ask you this. If you saw me with one of my exes, my first love especially, and he was all over me and people are telling us to get back together, would you be okay with it? Especially when you’re sitting across from me and can say nothing about it?”

“I have no feelings for her.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“No, it wouldn’t be okay.,” he said softly, admitting defeat.

“You said you’re scared to date again because of her, right? I’m scared too. My first love left me for his ex. And everything that happened with him is being replayed right in front of my eyes today. If you have any, even the tiniest bit of feelings for her or unfulfilled regrets then don’t come looking for me. I won’t let myself go through this again. ” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know…I’ve made everything really hard for you. I’m sorry…”

He looked at me with his huge, beautiful puppy eyes and all I really wanted him to do was hug me and assure me that he would never hurt me. But he didn’t.

“I think you need time to sort out your feelings.”

He grabbed my wrist, “I’ll tell everyone about us right now. Let’s go.”

“That’s not the point”, I exclaimed, breaking away, extremely frustrated, “I don’t care if everyone knows about our relationship. Do you know about us? Because today you acted like you didn’t. Do you even like me?”, I could feel tears welling up again.

“Of course I do, how could you even ask me that?”

“I’m going home. Today was a y day.”

 

He didn’t come after me.

 

When I went home, nothing could distract me from the pain. I tried watching TV, preoccupying myself with housework or even sleep. But it didn’t work. I just ended up with a tear soaked pillow.  I was hoping he would call to check up on me, but he didn’t.

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Part 2? ^__^