Nichkhun sighed as he scrolled past news of Victoria and f(x) in America. The host of tonight’s talk show had brought up his virtual marriage and he tried his hardest to answer with a smile, hiding the bitterness that engulfed him. It’s been 4 months since he bid her goodbye and the only form of contact he had with her was the one sided stalking he did by looking at pictures on her weibo. He was glad that she remained healthy and happy, but a little part of him wondered if her heart had healed completely.

            “Hyung, if you miss her you could always send her a message.” Junho patted his shoulders as he noticed Nichkhun checking Victoria’s weibo, a pre-bedtime ritual that had developed the day they arrived in Japan. “You know, sometimes it just takes an apology. I’m sure noona would understand why you did it in the first place.”

            “Junho you don’t understand. How can I do that to her? Make her wait for me for two years while I keep her at my disposal? I barely have the time to take only 10 minutes in my day to check on her weibo, am I supposed to  ‘date’ her for 5 days a week each month? A relationship takes more than one person to manage.” he snapped.

            Junho looked at Nichkhun, his pain apparent through his tired eyes. He patted him one last time before heading to the bathroom. “Just know that we will be here for you no matter what and I know Victoria noona will be too.”

            -

            Victoria stopped the video. She thought she could get through it but simply couldn’t bear to see the familiar face speaking happily to the host about their virtual marriage. He seemed so indifferent by the questions and she couldn’t help but doubt any shred of chance that he thought about her. It’s been 6 months since they last spoke and although she strongly believed he’d have a change of heart, a little part of her was ready to give up… maybe they weren’t meant to be together. She thought she’d be more angry at him for giving her up… but there was no shred of anger. She tried to think what she had done wrong and ultimately decided that it was her stubborn personality that drove him away. She wanted to be mad at him… at least then she could replace the feeling of love she still had for him. She hated herself for not being able to forget him as she stared at their picture on her cellphone screen. She had changed the wallpaper back and forth between selcas and pictures of the two of them, but somehow their pictures always found their way to the screen.

            -

            Nichkhun smiled as he touched the screen of his laptop. He was tempted to text her to tell her how pretty she was in her travel book but obviously had no place in doing that. What kind of psycho gives up his love and then secretly buys all her books and CDs? Apparently he was that psycho. 2PM was very busy, but as their promotions became more settled as their popularity in Japan rose, he found himself thinking about Victoria more and more. The daydreams and replays of their dating days often would shatter as they were bombarded in all directions by fans, giving Nichkhun time to think about Victoria only in his dreams.

            -

            Victoria closed the box and slid it under her bed. She finally removed every trace of Nichkhun from her wardrobe and room, putting the couple clothing and jewelry he ever gave her in a box and closing it. She still loved him, but the self torture of crying herself to sleep every time he came on TV killed her on the inside. She slid her hand across the lid of the box one last time before heading out to the studio. It was Changmin oppa’s birthday and they were going to surprise him. It took all her acting efforts to tell her oppas and noonas that her separation with Nichkhun was mutual and due to a time inconvenience… feeling proud that all of them didn’t suspect the heartbreak and damage he had done to her. She wasn’t the type to let other people worry about her and whenever she needed someone to talk to, the first person to appear in her mind would be Nichkhun’s innocently smiling face, his voice echoing in her head.

            -

            Nichkhun felt his heart rip out when news of Changtoria exploded over the net. She had uploaded a picture with Changmin in the reflection of a spoon… were they on a solo date? He didn’t know who to ask for the truth behind the picture without being suspicious… it was no longer his place to care about her anymore. He had lost that privilege when he let her walk off in tears. Come to think of it, he made her cry out of pain more than out of happiness… immediately feeling regret as he broke all promises made as a virtual husband and boyfriend.

            “Whoaaa. Victoria noona is dating Changmin hyung?!” Chansung exclaimed loudly on purpose as he peeped at Nichkhun who had his eyes glued to the screen in hopes of finding traces of clues that denied a solo date between the two of them.

            Taecyeon had received a reply from Max saying SM held a surprise party for him the other day when he wished him a happy birthday, but didn’t realize a scandal would spring from a company party. The boys knew Nichkhun wouldn’t ask about it, so they thought they’d do him a favor and clear things up for the poor love-sick Thai-Prince.

            “Ani…” Taecyeon began, smiling and nodding to the boys as they watched Nichkhun shift his weight in attempt to hear them better.

            “So what is it? Please tell us hyung.” Wooyoung begged.

            “Well, it’s really not our business so let’s not gossip.” Taecyeon laughed to himself as he watched Nichkhun sink in his seat. “Buttttttttt, if you really want to know… SM had a surprise party for Changmin hyung’s birthday. Literally the entire company was there. It’d be hard to spend any “alone” time with Victoria noona.”

            Nichkhun sat back up in his seat as if a weight had been lifted off his chest and s noticed too, noting how important Victoria remained in his heart. The usually suave Nichkhun became a timid puppy when it came to Victoria, making the boys laugh as they watched his stupid member deny his feelings.

            -

            Victoria threw her head back on the couch of the familiar practice room. The girls had finally finished with all their shows and promotions and they finally had time to rest. The girls walked into the room to find a tired Victoria. They knew how heart broken she had been, but they thought two years was certainly enough time to heal her heart. News of 2PM’s Korean comeback blew all over the net. Their hiatus in Korea made the fans hungry for their Korean comeback and they knew Victoria was one of them. 2PM had been back for a month but Nichkhun had yet to contact her. She felt stupid for waiting for him, considering how obvious he had made it when he let her go.

            The boys matured so much and were even more charismatic and manly as they danced on stage. Victoria watched with her eyes glued to the TV in SHINee’s waiting room. She had come to bring the boys dinner and happened to walk in on 2PM’s recording.

            “Noona, Khun-hyung is so much more handsome.” Key said, forgetting that they had already broke up. They were the star couple amongst idols and more than one heart was broken when the news of their separation spread. The uncle fans wanted to beat Nichkhun up personally for giving up Victoria.

            Victoria sighed. “Haha, sure is. I’m going to go now, I’m kind of tired. Good luck on stage boys! Shine like super stars!” she said, bidding them goodbye.

            She heard Key protest as the other boys hit him for saying the wrong thing. Nichkhun’s gaze froze as she approached from the other end of the hallway. He thought he was hallucinating, considering f(x) didn’t have a showcase tonight, but knew from the skinny figure that it was the woman he loved so much. The 2PM boys dispersed from where they were as soon as they say Victoria approach, leaving Nichkhun by the door of their waiting room as Victoria continued to walk towards them, unaware of their presence.

            She stopped when she felt a small hand grab her arm. The familiar touch that she had missed so much now burning a hole through her sweater. She looked up to see a sweaty Nichkhun, dressed in his suit from his previous performance.

            “Hey.” He said, letting go of her arm.

            “Hey.” She replied quietly, her gaze falling at eye level on his chest. She was unable to make eye contact with him, surprised by their sudden encounter.

            “How are you? You look great.” He said, offering a small smile of which she couldn’t see.

            “I’ve been good. Congrats on your comeback.” She said, with no apparent hint of excitement. The healing her heart had been through in the last two years shattered like a fallen vase.

            “Thanks… I… I’ve… missed you.” He said quietly. “I haven’t had the time to contact you since I got back, but I’ve been meaning to.”

            It was nice to hear that he missed her, but a little part of her suddenly became angry. Who did he think he was? He was the one who left her heartbroken and now he comes back two years later claiming to have missed her? Since when did she become an object of disposal to him?

            When she didn’t say anything back, Nichkhun continued. “Let’s meet for coffee or something soon.” He said.

            “Sure…” she said. “It’ll be a nice way for good friends to catch up.”

            Good friends… echoed in Nichkhun’s head. Was friendship the only thing they had left between them?

            -

            Nichkhun waited anxiously at the roof of JYPE with two Starbucks cups in front of him. He sat up straight and brushed his shirt in attempt to look less nervous. He didn’t know why he was so nervous… it wasn’t like this was his first date with Victoria.  He didn’t know what he wanted to say to her, but he felt the need to catch up with her now that he’s back…even if she only thought of him as a friend now. He thought of all the possible ways of apologizing to Victoria without bringing up too much of their past. If he were in the reverse position, he would never agree to sit down with someone who broke his heart in the first place. He began to doubt Victoria’s attendance as he checked his watch for the hundredth time today.

            “Sorry I’m late. We didn’t finish the photoshoot in time.” She said, catching her breath as she sat down in front of him.

            He looked at her as the organized herself, noting how pretty she was in her red cardigan and white dress.

            “It’s okay, I haven’t been here for that long anyway.” He lied. “I got you a Vanilla latte.” He said shyly, sliding the cup across the small table. He felt like there was such a distance between them even though their knees were almost touching. “You look great, by the way.”

            Victoria blushed but she wasn’t sure if she was blushing because he remembered her favorite drink or because of his compliments. She had given herself so much mental preparation on the way here, assuring herself that she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore and this would just be a friendly encounter… but her fast beating heart and sweaty palms pushed that thought out the window. She wanted to reach over and kiss him then and there but she wasn’t sure if he felt the same way. She knew that if she let her guard down at any point, he would take over her heart, and she wasn’t ready to have it broken again. It would be a lie to say she wasn’t in love with him, but she knew better than to give her heart out to someone who had broken it in the past.

            The caught each other up on the past two years easily as they talked like two best friends who haven’t seen each other in a while. Nichkhun smiled at her as she wiped the foam from her lips. She was just as y as he remembered, even though she didn’t try. When a comfortable silence fell between the two of them, Victoria’s gaze shifted away from his as he continued to stare at her with his big brown eyes. He took out something from his pocket and kept it hidden in his fist, insisting that she received it as he grabbed her hand from her lap. The couple ring she returned was now sitting on her hand as their breakup replayed in her mind. She drew a breath as he slipped his onto his ring finger. He has always worn it as a pendant in fear of starting scandals but as the ring sat perfectly on his fingers, Victoria wished he would stop being so… well… lovable.

            “I’m sorry, Nichkhun.” She said, placing the ring on the table. “I… only think of you as a friend.” She lied.

            Nichkhun knew her “lying face”. She was a horrible liar even though she didn’t know it and Nichkhun wasn’t going to let her go without trying this time.

            “Don’t be sorry, I’m the jerk who should be sorry. I know I shouldn’t have let you go and I was stupid for thinking that it was the best for us to take a break. I found myself thinking about you more than anything while I was gone and I know you thought about me too. I promise I’ll hold your heart close and never let it go this time. Can you please give me another chance?”

            Victoria blinked back the tears. She was touched by his speech and knew she wanted to slip the ring on, but she was scared. Scared that he would throw her aside whenever things got tough again and she knew she’d die from a heartbreak if he did that to her again.

            “Nichkhun… I… don’t want my heart broken… again. I’m sorry.” She said, getting up from her seat.

            “I won’t give up.” He declared, getting up from his seat to stop her at the door. He held onto her shoulders as her head hung low. “I know you still love me and I’m going to show you how much you mean to me and how much I’ve loved you for the past two years. I know trust is something you earn, so please give me the chance to at least try.”

            She pushed his hands from her shoulders, shivering as they brushed against her on the way down. She couldn’t deny how much she loved that he was fighting for her but she knew that even if he didn’t, she’d come running back to him in a heartbeat. “Get a hold of yourself.” Victoria mentally scolded herself before hurrying down the stairs and leaving Nichkhun at the door.

            Nichkhun smiled as he watched a blushing Victoria hurry off. He knew that their love had not gone too far and was prepared to open her heart up. He knew he had the key and wasn’t going to give it to anyone.