Musings, Realizations and a Date (part 1)
Let me be your Light
After saying yes to Donghae, I had a really good week. My parents and peers seemed to have decided to let me be invisible and I was taking as much advantage as I could from this fact.
I had managed to eat at least one meal everyday of this week and had spent all my free lectures at school in the dance room. Usually, Donghae would appear five minutes after and I would pause my dancing to talk to him. Sometimes though, he would sneak up on me and join me half way through my dance; often snapping me out of my trance and turning the songs into mini dance-offs. Weirdly, I never had a problem with it.
When I was with Donghae, I felt normal. It felt as though I could forget whatever was going on in my life when I was talking to him. The time we had together was spent on talking and playing games-trying to find out more about each other. I learned many things about him from the student population as well. From them, I learned that Donghae was from Mokpo, that he loved soccer and had a passion for dancing. This was the usual talk in the school hallways and my class. In the week he had been here, his sweet smile, playful puppy eyes, contagious laughter, toned body and awesome good looks had made him our school’s flower boy. Almost all the girls wanted to date him and all the guys wanted to befriend him. It didn’t help that his score was constantly at the top and whatever subjects he picked, he excelled. That boy had only been in this school for a week but still managed to do well in the teachers’ pop quizzes. He was the handsome student that even the teachers adored.
I knew another side of him though. In all the time he spent with me in the dance room, he would constantly tell me that I should know all the sides of him-not just the cool side. He insisted that this was because he and I would know whether I truly liked him or not, by showing him as an entire human instead of “flower-boy Donghae”. The Donghae that I saw during our time alone hated all sweets but loved strawberries and seafood, adored a certain clownfish called Nemo, cried whenever he watched the Titanic and believed in aliens and monsters. He was like a child stuck in an adult’s body. Despite all this, he still ensured that I knew he was courting me. He would throw a couple of cheesy pick-up lines and bring me small ‘presents’ whenever he came. Those cheesy lines never failed in making me blush and the gifts could be anything from a small flower to strawberry milk and cake. There are times when he entered the dance room sulking because he couldn’t get exactly the thing he wanted to give me and got a close replacement instead.
These aren’t the only things I learned. I learnt about his past as well. I learned about how his father passed away due to an illness and how that was the event that triggered his move to our town. He told me about how his mother and older brother, Donghwa, couldn’t stand being in a place filled with memories and how he had locked himself up in his room to escape those memories as well. I was shown Donghae’s weak and vulnerable side then and was slightly shocked and much honored that he would show me the deepest part of himself. I saw his tears and held him tight as he cried on my shoulder and I felt tears escape my eyes at the unfairness of such a nice person going through something so tragic and heartbreaking.
Despite this, I knew he was hiding something and that thought calmed me. Throughout that week, I felt myself slowly step out of the wall around myself as Donghae worked his magic and took my wall apart brick by brick. I found myself laughing and smiling my ‘gummy smile’ as Donghae called it [The first time I smiled, I covered my mouth with the back of my hand only to have him gently tug it away. He told me not to cover my smile because it was beautiful.] I also found myself blushing, fidgeting and even stuttering when he came close into my personal space. I shared his lunch daily since he claimed that I was way too thin for my age. Slowly over the week, I started trusting him with small bits of information about myself. I told him about my childhood, up until the age of five and was glad he never pressed for more than what I would give. So I told him about the things my parents and I did when I was younger and other similar things like my favorite colors and favorite food. I never told him about why I was an outcast; I never told him about my home life, I couldn’t tell him about what a freak I was. I was starting to feel normal and loved and I would do anything to make sure it went on.
It was Friday now and it was the last class of the day. I was sitting in my seat right next to the window and looking outside, thinking and soaking in the sunshine while tuning out my robotic physics teacher. I suddenly felt someone tapping my shoulder and flinched slightly before turning around. A sheepish Donghae looked at me from the seat directly behind me and I gave a small smile assuring him wordlessly that he didn’t scare me. I tilted my head slightly after peaking at the teacher to ask my conspicuous neighbor why he called me. He smiled his angelic smile and passed a small note to me and I turned back to my face the front. I moved my textbook to my lap and brought the note so that I had an excuse in case the teacher would call my name, despite it being highly unlikely.
“Date? This Saturday? If yes then I will pick you up at 7 am and if no, then I’m still going to pick you up at 7 am. ;P” I smiled seeing the note and quickly responded with the words “Cheeky, and I’ll be waiting by the park we normally split up at then.” I quickly passed the note back and glanced back at him from the corner of my eye and watched as he smiled after reading the note. I turned around and placed my book back on the desk again feeling my face grow hot as I blushed.
School was soon over and Donghae had walked with me until we reached ‘our’ park and then split up with him shouting promises about being here exactly at seven tomorrow. I smiled as I turned around and began to walk in the direction of my house. While walking, I once again began to think about Donghae and my reactions to him. That boy seemed to be on my mind constantly these days; his teasing words, sweet smiles and gentle actions. I was aware that he was courting me, but what he was doing was something that I had never seen before. I had seen various classmates court others or get courted and usually, the person courting would show only their best side and coolest attitude. Donghae, on the other hand, showed me all his sides. It felt more like we were learning about each other; like for Donghae, courting meant finding and growing with each other, learning of all the hidden truths and all of the secrets so that when we started dating seriously or being in a stable relationship was established it was when both of us knew exactly what we were walking into.
I reached home and quietly opened the door, peering into the house before tip-toeing up the stairs. Once I put my bag inside, I ran back downstairs with my navy blue blazer still on and the red striped tie hanging loosely on my neck. I crept into the kitchen and grabbed two of my strawberry milk cartons and a small snack bar before rushing back into my room. I closed the door and leaned against it, gasping for breath. I know that this week had been good with almost no punishment and very little shouting… and a minimal seeing of my parents, but I refuse to drop my guard.
I waited for five minutes with my back against the door, straining my hearing and let out a sigh of relief when I heard nothing. I stepped away from the door, locking the door after having concluded that the path was clear. Walking to my bed side table, I placed one of my strawberry milk cartons and the snack bar onto it and flopped onto the bed, opening the other strawberry milk and drinking it. Once I was half way through my drink, I leaned down and grabbed my homework out of my bag. There really wasn’t a lot so I was able to finish it within an hour.
Finished with that, I sat up quickly and leaned on to the headrest of my bed and sighed. Donghae was on my mind again. I’m not really sure if my feelings for him are concrete. I admit that I do feel something, and have felt something ever since I first saw him when he entered class, but do I really like him? I know that my heart beats slightly fast and that I can’t help but flush red every time he talks to me, but is that liking or just a crush? There were times when I thought the feelings I had were beyond normal. It wasn’t right for anybody to like a person so much that they worried whenever their crush or lover…whatever couldn’t be spotted or for them to get insanely jealous and feel like going on a rampage every time someone stood to close, or laughed to familiarly-it was understandable if flirting was going on…but that wasn’t the case.
I sighed and decided to drop that topic and figure out what I wanted to wear tomorrow instead. I had limited choices since most of my clothes were faded and loose. Grabbing the snack bar, I went to my closet and dug through it finally finding something that I thought would be acceptable, no matter where we were going. It was a pair of faded black skinny jeans (the only ones I owned) with an oversized white t-shirt that had random words printed on it. Setting them aside, I picked up the strawberry milk and sipped it fast knowing that my time alone was running out. I finished it fast and threw it into the mini-wastebasket I had in my room before walking into the bathroom and brushing my teeth. Once I finished, I ran back into my room and locked the door. Letting out a sigh of relief at having gotten that done safely, I changed into a super over sized t-shirt and took of my uniform pants so that I was just wearing boxers. I quickly set my alarm for 5:30 am so that I could be sure I’d escape my parents before turning of the lights and crawling underneath my blanket.
The house was silent since my parents were yet to come home and I enjoyed the peacefulness that was there before my eyes slowly drifted close and I welcomed the comforting arms of sleep.
I woke up next morning to my alarm clock ringing and the pre-dawn sky getting ready to greet the world outside. I sleepily rubbed my eyes, wondering why I had set the alarm so early before I remembered what today was; my first Date with Donghae! I quickly brought the covers off of me and ran to the bathroom, rushing through my morning routine but being extra careful when I showered so that I smelled nice. Once that was done, I walked to the outfit I had set out for the day before and wore it. I stood in front of the mirror examining the outfit from multiple angles to make sure it looked right before stopping when I realized that I was acting like a girl. With a quiet giggle, I checked the time on my alarm clock and realized that it was already 6:20AM so I quietly unlocked the door and stepped out into the hallway, checking both ways before walking softly down the stairs. I skipped going into the kitchen for breakfast since I knew I was too anxious to digest anything at the moment. So carefully, I walked across the living room and to the front door.
I was just about to step outside when I heard a groan and quickly turned around. My father was lying on the couch and turning slightly as though he was waking up. I felt fear grip my heart as I quickly stepped out and closed the door as quietly as I could. Once I was outside, I didn’t bother waiting at all. I raced down the street without looking back. A couple blocks later, I thought it would be safe enough to walk, so I walked the rest of the way to the park.
I reached my location fairly quickly and sat down on the bench closest to the curb where Donghae and I split up. It was facing the east so I watched, completely entranced as the sun rose up; a ball of gold in a sea of deep purples and blues. Apparently, I was so engrossed in watching the sunset that I didn’t realize that Donghae was already here until I heard a small cough next to me.
I whipped my head around and saw Donghae sitting there with an angelic smile on his face. Once he had my attention, he smiled.
“Ready for our Date today Hyukkie?”
GYAAA!!! Typing from my phone...part 2 is done and just when I was about to post it my computer froze...gah! I haven't saved the ending yet...please unfreeze :(
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