I stared down at SunSu and her hair. Her breaths became even and I knew they she was asleep. I eyed her, the sleeping angel not the active and energetic toddler that she was. Only at the age of three and a half she had managed to look so much like KyungSoo. 

The night lamp on her bed side table was dim, showing a little bit of the baby blue walls. The blue walls the SunSu insisted on having rather than pink. That was why I loved her so much. She was different. She didn’t follow her friends and like what they did, she followed what she loved and she followed what her heart tells her to do.

Glancing at the Doraemon clock on the wall, it read half past ten in the evening and I sighed. I looked like KyungSoo wasn’t going to come home. I knew that he would be quite busy since EXO had their comeback and I totally understood, but I couldn’t help but feel a little alone sometimes. I walked out of SunSu’s bedroom and shut the door softly, trying to keep the sound to a minimal.Staggering towards the kitchen to turn off all the lights and to lock all the doors, I made my way to bed. 

Settling myself in the warm bed, I pulled the blankets over myself, I lay on the pillow facing KyungSoo’s side of the bed. It’s been so long since he’s spent the night at home, but I knew that he was living his dream. All his time singing had finally become his job and it was what he loved so I couldn’t complain about not having time with him.  Slowly, I closed my eyes waiting for sleep to sweep me away.

I woke up the next morning to a soft plunk on the bed. That was soon followed by soft kisses on my cheek. The little lips tickled me and I knew instantly that it was my SunSu. I opened my eyes a bit and squinted at her smiling face. I then brought my arms around her and pulled her into my chest. She giggled and snuggled closer.

“Morning mommy.” she said.

“Baby.” I smiled, kissing the top of her head. “Did you sleep alright?”

I felt her nod against my chest and smiled. I sat up in bed and she sat up with me. SunSu had brown eyes. They weren’t dark brown, they were hazel brown, close to KyungSoo’s eye colour. Her eyes were nearly just as wide and her lips were nearly just as full and plumped like KyungSoo’s. SunSu had my nose though and she had my complexion too. 

“Is daddy home?” SunSu looked up at me.

My stomach sank as I saw all the hope and anticipation in her eyes. She rarely got to see KyungSoo anymore and I felt as though a big part of her life was missing. I looked away from her eyes and shook my head, not wanting to witness her eyes going dim.

“Oh.” she said softly, her shoulders deflating. “Is daddy coming home tonight though?”

Was he? I actually couldn’t answer that question. I didn’t know if it was a yes but I still didn’t want to say no. I wanted to hope. I didn’t want to give out a straight answer. I looked back at SunSu and curled her hair behind her ears.

“I’m not sure, baby.” I smiled. “Maybe he will.”

We got out of bed to prepare SunSu for her day at preschool. I worked but at home because the company I worked for was my auntie’s. Since she knew I had SunSu, my auntie let me be an accountant for her company, but at home. Sounds pretty good, right? Well I guess I got it lucky.

I parked the car outside SunSu’s preschool and walked her inside. She was always giddy about going to school. She said it was somewhere where she could make friends and not be alone like when she was at home. I totally understood since there was only me and her at home most of the time.

“Bye baby.” I wave. “Have fun. I love you...” I looked at her expectingly, waiting for her to say our family sentence.

“As much as the sea and as high as the sky.” she laughed. “Bye mommy.”

I smiled and thanked the teacher there, walking back outside into the car park. As I got back home, I sat at the computer and began to work. I began to calculate the company’s profit, loss, sales and things like that. Working until it was about three, I stopped for the day and started on dinner. no matter what day it was I would always make dinner for three, in hope of KyungSoo coming home.

I know there must be something that you thought of. Why not call him? I try all the time, but I don’t want to have those rushed conversations and then just hang up so I choose not to call. KyungSoo sometimes calls me, that’s when I know he was time to talk. If I called up at random times and didn’t if he was busy of not it’d be inconvenient for both of us.

Turning off the stove, I looked at the clock and it was five in the afternoon. It was about time to go pick SunSu up. Getting to there, the afternoon was getting a little darker. I stepped out of the car and felt something weird. There’s was an indescribable motherly instinct that told me something was wrong. I opened the door to the preschool and glance around for SunSu. I spotted her in the corner on the teachers lap, sobbing.

“SunSu-ah.” I said worriedly running towards her. “What’s wrong?”

The teacher looked at me. “ I don’t know what’s wrong. I saw her crying in the corner but she would not tell me what was wrong. Maybe you could talk to her on the way home.”

I nodded and carried her in my arms. I patted her back and tried to calm her down. Walking out of the school and into the car I continued to calm her down. I put her in the booster seat in the back and looked at her. But then she had stopped crying but continued to sniffle. I cupped her face with both my hands and wiped her warm tears away with my thumb.

“Tell me what’s wrong, SunSu.” I said softly. “I can solve everything. Tell me.”

SunSu sniffled and drew in a small breathe. “One of the older oppas said that I didn’t have a dad. He said that if I did, why didn’t dad take me to school and pick me up? Why is it always my mom? I didn’t say anything because mommy said not to tell anyone that daddy was in EXO.”

My heart clenched as the words left SunSu’s mouth. It was true, ever since she could understand bits and pieces I had told her to never say that her dad was in EXO. I couldn’t risk KyungSoo getting into a scandal and losing his job. For that I felt so guilty at times, like now. But in front of her I remained calm, I remained strong so she could be strong. 

“I’m gonna ask you one thing, SunSu.” I said. “ Do you have a dad?”

SunSu looked at me through her tear-filled lashes and nodded. 

“Then why are you crying? If you know they’re wrong then why are you upset? You have a dad and his name is...”

“Do KyungSoo.” SunSu said. “Daddy’s name is KyungSoo.”