[Krisyeol] 6 Inch Hole Through the Middle of My Soul

[EXO] One-Shot Collection

This is not a new oneshot. For more info, please refer to THIS BLOG.
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   “Just... just shut the up and leave me alone,” Chanyeol was looking at Kris with angry, tear-filled eyes. Kris looked at Chanyeol with a blank expression, and the sight only made Chanyeol angrier. He turned away and started walking towards the door, not wanting to have anything to do with Kris anymore. But Kris grabbed his arm tightly and spun him around.

    “Chanyeol.. If you walk out that front door now, no matter what you learn later on, I will not take you back,” with that last cryptic sentence, Kris let go of Chanyeol.

Without giving it a second thought, Chanyeol picked up his bags and left.

~~

After his breakup with Kris, Chanyeol left China and went back to his native South Korea. He meant to go back to Seoul, but somehow he ended up in Bucheon. He figured it wasn't that far from Seoul, and plus, housing was cheaper anyway.

Every day, he went to the bar where he'd gotten a job and waited tables. He also played guitar for the singer (at least one or two songs a night, anyway). It didn’t pay much, but Chanyeol was happy enough with the job.

He didn’t think of Kris, if he could help it. The only thing that wouldn’t stay off his mind was that last remark Kris had made. He still didn’t know what to think of it, even 3 years later.

While Chanyeol was the guitarist, Byun Baekhyun was the vocalist. Chanyeol had never heard such pure vocals, and even more than being able to play his guitar for a living, he appreciated that he got to hear Baekhyun’s voice every night.

He didn’t know much about Baekhyun, and he was curious to be sure. But every attempt of being friends was rebuffed with gentle but firm indifference. It was the first time Chanyeol had ever had problems making friends with someone.

The similarity of the situation struck Chanyeol so hard one day that he immediately stopped what he was telling Baekhyun and started fiddling his guitar and pretending to be busy. For the rest of the day, he felt as if his insides had been hollowed out.

The pain of walking away from Kris, even after 3 years, was still extremely fresh and raw. Time had, unfortunately, not healed any of Chanyeol’s emotional wounds. At the abrupt stop of words, Baekhyun cast him a curious glance. He smiled widely, and waved it off.

That should’ve been a warning to stop. He had seen the results of what one such friendship brought. But Chanyeol refused to accept that unless we learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to make them again. And so, even though Chanyeol had seen the similarities, he stubbornly insisted that this time would be different. This time, he would remain only friends with Baekhyun.

He persevered in gaining Baekhyun’s friendship, and was rewarded with the kind of karma that people who have not learned their lesson receive. He had gotten Baekhyun’s attention alright. Only.. in just the way he hadn’t hoped to gain attention. Chanyeol, after all, still loved Kris. Still suffered over Kris. He could not love Baekhyun the way he now wanted to be loved.

And for all his words, Chanyeol knew he could blame no one but himself. He tried so hard to let Baekhyun down gently. It was a futile effort, just as he knew it would be. Baekhyun cried.

    “You.. you mislead me,” Baekhyun accused with a teary glare. “You wouldn’t have tried so hard if you didn’t… care.” Baekhyun sniffled. Chanyeol, who had no words of comfort or apologies to offer, stayed silent. He had already said all he could say. Any attempt at physical contact for comfort was violently shoved away, and Baekhyun walked away after several minutes of waiting for Chanyeol to say something. Anything.

Now feeling miserable and angry with himself, Chanyeol slid down the wall and let tears of bitter disappointment flow down his cheeks.

Now, he realized.

He should’ve learned from his mistakes.

He should’ve known better.

~~

But he did not. Almost 6 years after his and Kris’s break-up, Chanyeol’s wounds had scarred horribly. He could not form romantic attachments, afraid that what had happened with Kris and Baekhyun was bound to happen again.

Kris’s last words haunted his dreams. He began to wonder ‘what if Kris had been telling the truth?’. With all the clarity of hindsight, Chanyeol saw that the evidence he had once thought of as rock-solid wasn’t quite so solid anymore. Gradually, he came to realize that, in fact, there was no way for Kris to have cheated.

The shame he felt upon realization was beyond comprehension. Jumping the gun had always been one of his weakest points, and oh. It was like pouring salt in a wound, or lemon juice. Whichever hurt worse.

At last, he understood Kris’s last words. It was another, totally unwelcome revelation and served only to make his misery complete. His week couldn’t possibly get any worse.

He trudged home after work, the strain of Baekhyun’s constant quips apparent in his face. He stripped off his shirt as soon as the front door of his apartment swung shut, and was in the process of ping his pants when the sound of a throat clearing made him look up.

As if karma hadn’t been tough enough on Chanyeol, Kris stood in his living room looking nervous and unsettled. Chanyeol stood up with as much calm as he could muster. His heart was thumping painfully in his chest, but he forced his face to relax.

    “I hope you don't mind, I let myself in. Your hiding spot for spare keys should really change... You.. look well,” Kris offered and Chanyeol snorted.

    “Cut the bull, Kris. I know what I look like. I have to look in a mirror daily,” Chanyeol strode into his living room, still shirtless. “What brings you here?” something in Chanyeol’s tone made Kris shift uncomfortably.

    “I.. came to say I’m sorry. I realized that maybe I was too harsh that day,” Chanyeol couldn’t help a bitter chuckle.

    “You don't have to apologize. I know now, Kris. You never cheated on me, and I was wrong to accuse you,” Kris hesitantly got up and approached him.

    “I..,” words had never been Kris’s strong suit, so when he kissed Chanyeol, it wasn’t unexpected.

But Chanyeol, having learned his lesson finally, pushed him away and smiled sadly. The lesson learned had come at a terrible price. Such as all things that deserve learning do.

    “I can’t, Kris,” when Kris’s unbelieving stare gave way to a silent anger, Chanyeol could only vainly hope that Kris’s scars wouldn’t be as bad as his. That Kris wouldn’t obsess over heartbreak the way he had, even though Chanyeol knew that it was inevitable.

Finally, he could forsee the outcome and had the sense to stop things before they started, though it had taken something from them both. Kris would most likely be left feeling as bitter as Chanyeol before the whole thing was over, and Kris would possibly come to hate him for it.

But it couldn’t be helped, and that was that. Kris left Chanyeol’s apartment, and he had a sense that they would never see each other again.

He hoped he was right, because he was positive that their next run-in wouldn't be pleasant for either of them.
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I feel a little better about this, after editing it. It's not quite so awkwardly worded.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading.

~~

Til next time, loves. ^o~

 

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Comments

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MomoShines #1
Chapter 10: Sad stories. Fml. Everything hurts.
Tisash
#2
Chapter 10: I may have told you before too, but this is really good, yeobo :)
Isadora_Quagmire
#3
Chapter 10: You did so good, sweetheart~ so proud of you **hugs you tight**
MomoShines #4
Chapter 9: Eww. Kreepy krease.
MomoShines #5
Chapter 8: ;A; but xiuhan is so real.
MomoShines #6
Chapter 6: Wow that's intense
painful--doubleyou
#7
Chapter 3: GAH. THE SORROW. MY HEART. IT HURTS! And I just finished a sad movie too haha. I just really love your stories, okay? You're great! I love you
MomoShines #8
Omg. Omgomgomgonbsjakdjahezishdbdd you're doing aN EXO ONE OH MAH GAH MY LIFE IS COMPLETE ASDGKLSVSOSNZ!!!!
painful--doubleyou
#9
Chapter 1: Read this many times before and just read it again ^_^ You're so amazing! <3 And the first chapter is Krisyeol, love them! Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Kris. Every couple they make I love for some reason haha.