You stared at the ceiling and wanted to not feel the needle stuck in your arm. You wondered if this was how it feels like to die. Knowing that you were going to die was close enough, wasn’t it? You hated the term “terminal illness.” It was just a fancy way of saying “you’re sick and there’s nothing we can do about it; sorry you’re going to die.” The connotation that came with the label made you disgustingly sick, as if you weren’t sick enough.

            “Hey, what are you in for?” You heard a chipper, male voice in your ear. Your first reaction was to close your eyes and suppress an eye roll. You didn’t want to be that one loser who wallowed in her own misery, but you weren’t quite up for cheerful conversation either.

            “Death.”

            He chuckled. “Oh come on, don’t be so glum. Just because they say you’re going to die doesn’t mean you’re going to die tomorrow.”

            Already annoyed, you were fed up with his chatter. “Look, mister. I don’t know why you’re in here but I’m trying to recuperate from radiation okay. Can you zip it?”

            “I’m Youngjae, and I’m in here for brain tumors.”

            “Oh.” The syllable fell softly from your lips. How he still had a dark mop of hair was a mystery, considering that yours was already falling out. “Is it terminal?”

            He gave a wry smile. “I mean, you’re in the ward for patients with terminal cancer. I can’t quite imagine that they placed me in the wrong place. Wishful thinking, that would be.”

            All of a sudden, you weren’t quite so annoyed. You sat up despite the effort and stared at him. “How does it feel?”

            “To know that your days are numbered?” he filled in cheerfully for you. You nodded. “A little daunting, for sure, but also it gives me a purpose. People always say that if they knew they had one month to live they would travel the world, pack in everything into those thirty days, but I just learn to treasure each day. Honestly, to me there is no longer anything as wasted time. The only time I waste is sleeping, and even that is precious. Sleep is like death, except I still get chances to wake up.”

            “Don’t you hate being in the hospital? Isn’t it like a constant reminder that you’re in this state and that you’re going to die?”

            Youngjae was quiet for a moment. “I think it’s made me feel safe. I don’t really have large plans to see the world and being here has made me realize that I’m in a bubble and it’s childish but I feel like if I’m in this bubble, I’ll never be able to die. Enough about death. You’re tired. You should sleep.”

            You looked at him. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

            He cracked a grin. “Are you asking me if I’m going to croak in the next few hours? Gosh, I surely hope not.” You glared at him and he held up his hands. “Joking, joking. Wow, I didn’t realize I could win you over in such short time. You were ready to bite my head off when I first started talking and now you want me to be here.”

            Youngjae made the stay bearable. He made the treatments into a game, a competition on days where he had his. “I had three more needles than you,” he stuck his tongue out. “I think I win on the suffering scale.” He treated everything with the right amount of seriousness and lightheartedness that you needed to dispel your previous cynicism.

            It was a miracle when the doctors came to you and smiled. “Good news for you!” You looked at them and Youngjae sat up in his bed.

            “What is it?” you asked them. Good news to someone who was dying was never really good.

            “The chemo seems to be working and for now you seem to be off the hook. You’re free to go home and live your life.”

            The words you never thought you would hear ever since being diagnosed were in the air and the vibrations were hitting your eardrums and you couldn’t hold back your smile. “Really? I can be normal now?”

            “You still need to be careful of any strenuous activity and definitely come back for checkup but I think things are in remission now.”

            As you were packing, Youngjae was watching you. “So, feels good to be normal right? And you said you were in it for death.” You turned to him guiltily but he was smiling. “Hey, I’m happy for you. Just don’t forget me, okay?”

            “I’ll visit you.”

            “I’m honored.” Then he held up a finger. “One minute, close your eyes. I have something for you.”

            You bit your lip and waited, nervous. You heard some rustling and then something soft was pressed against your lips. Your eyes fluttered open slowly and you saw Youngjae’s face close to yours. He pulled away and smiled shyly.

            “Hey, while I’m here rotting to death, I can at least say I’m no longer a lip . See you on the outside, girl.”

            You blushed and hugged him. “Thanks for making it bearable in here.”

            He shrugged. “Remember, this is my bubble. Feel free to come in but not because you have to, only for visiting okay? Take care of yourself.”

            You bit back sudden tears and waved to him, vowing that you would be back soon and bring to him parts of the real world so that he could live through you.

so I watched "The Fault In Our Stars" after I wrote this and saw the similarities and I just-

I'm still not over that movie. Thank goodness for waterproof makeup because I cried so much