“Yongguk, when do you have time to go shopping again?” You held the pen over your calendar, ready to mark down the schedule but heard no response. You looked up and saw that he was deeply absorbed in his newspaper. “Yongguk!”

            He moved slowly, closing the paper first and then looking at you. “You asked me something?”

            “Yes. I was wondering when you would have time to go shopping for the nursery. The baby will be here soon and we honestly haven’t set anything up.”

            You watched him as he blinked, taking his time to answer. “I guess I have time today. Can you go?”

            You bit your lip, trying to fight back tears. You were just being too sensitive; the hormones were just messing with you. Everything was actually perfectly fine. “Yeah. Do you want to go now?”

            He gave a noncommittal grunt and picked up the paper again. You sighed and stood up. You took the finished plates and walked to the kitchen. When the water ran, you finally allowed yourself to shed a few tears. You knew that going through with having the baby was a horrible idea but Yongguk had been adamant. He didn’t believe in abortions and he loved children. You just weren’t sure if he loved you.

            Ever since you found out, you could feel him distancing himself. At first, you thought that maybe he didn’t want the baby. With his career just setting off, Yongguk would not want to be strapped with a baby and an impending marriage. You had tentatively offered an abortion, to wait until a better time but he had been firm. You were going to have the baby.

            The fights didn’t end with just that. He would come home tired and you would be tired from work as well. With your ever adjusting hormone levels, you were as irritable as a cranky granny. You had tried to keep calm but everything he did only made you sadder, and set off a chain of depressive bouts.

            You wiped your tears and dried the dishes. You were going to use today as an opportunity to bond with him. You were going to make things right again. The car ride was relatively quiet. Yongguk was never a man of many words but lately, he seemed to be getting more and more silent. You glanced at him but he was focused on the road. You missed the times when he would cover one hand with his and glance at you every so often, smiling as he did so. You planted a fist in front of your mouth and swallowed.

            Shopping for the bedding and decorations for the room was more enjoyable than you had predicted. Yongguk smiled and ran straight for the Tiggers when you were choosing stuffed animals. “He’ll like this,” he grinned at you. Then, gently, Yongguk placed a Tigger by your stomach and patted it with the furry paws. “Yep, they feel a connection.”

            You looked at him in wonder. No matter how distant he seemed, he always seemed to come back to you for the baby. You leaned your head against the shelf and watched Yongguk continue to choose the color scheme, absolutely absorbed in his task. You glanced down at your protruding stomach and prayed that the baby was not the only thing keeping him with you.

            Yongguk pushed the cart and you walked next to him. The two of you chatted once in a while and you pointed at a mobile. “We should get that one. Look, there are numbers. We can teach him math while he sleeps.”

            He looked at you with a disbelieving face and you swallowed, afraid that you had made a mistake. “I hope you won’t be one of those tiger moms,” was all he said. You shook your head.

            “It was a joke. We can get him the sea creatures instead.” You tiptoed to get it but lost your balance and he caught you. It was reassuring to feel his arms around your waist again and you wanted to lose yourself in the moment.

            “Aren’t you two a cute couple?” The moment was over. Yongguk righted you and the two of you looked at another couple, shopping as well, but with a toddler in the shopping cart.

            You smiled hastily and didn’t dare look at Yongguk’s reactions. “First child?” You nodded and the mother brightened. “Do you know if the baby’s a boy or a girl?”

            This time it was Yongguk who answered. “Boy.”

            They smiled indulgently at the two of you and she patted your hand. “You take care of her, okay? She’ll really need you for the next few years. It’s tough taking care of a baby without the partner’s support.”

            Now you allowed yourself to look at him. His face seemed to have tightened and Yongguk nodded. “Of course. I’ll take care of our baby as well.” The other couple looked delighted to have met such responsible new parents and you parted ways, still hearing their praise for the two of you.

            You couldn’t help it. You could feel the tears come on again and pushed the cart, walking away at a quick pace, trying to find a safe space. You rolled the cart into an empty aisle and leaned against the shelf. You tilted your head back so that you could control the tears. It was a futile effort. They streamed down your cheeks anyway.

            It took a few minutes before Yongguk followed you. “There you are. What’s wrong?” You closed your eyes so you wouldn’t see him. He touched your shoulder and pulled you away from the shelf. “Look at me. What’s wrong?”

            You shook your head and you knew he was getting frustrated. “If there’s nothing wrong, why did you walk away so quickly and come here to cry?”

            “I’m sorry,” you whispered.

            “Don’t apologize and tell me what’s wrong?” His voice had softened considerably and he wrapped you in his arms. The feeling was so familiar, you cried harder. He planted a kiss on the top of your head and your hair. “Talk to me, babe.”

            “Do you love me?” you mumbled the words and he made you repeat your question again.

            When he finally heard it clearly, Yongguk pulled you away from his chest so that he could look you in the eye. “Yes, and it’s not just because of the baby.” He seemed to have read your mind and he held your hand in his. “Work has been really stressful and I didn’t want to tell you this, but I’ve been planning our small wedding on the side. I wanted to surprise you but it only made me more tired and I must have seemed like I was pulling away. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Your mouth dropped open and he smiled when he saw the tears well up again.

            Yongguk kissed you and wiped the tears away with his thumb. “I hope those were happy tears because I wouldn’t want to think that marrying me would make you sad.”

            You ducked your head into him again, this time to hide the giant smile that was spreading across your face. But you knew that he knew when he tightened his hold on you. You breathed in his comforting scent and felt everything in your world once more align in place.

this is for DuckbuttxxDolphin

sorry you had to wait so long ~