Listen to 1004 

This is my rendition of the oneshot

            Himchan took the velvet box out from his pocket and stared at it. He pried it open and stared at the shining ring inside. In his head, he rehearsed all the words he had to say. Confessions were hard but proposals were harder. Not only was he admitting to a deeper, more sentimental feeling, but he was also preparing himself to spend eternity with her.

            It was going to be a simple proposal. He was going to tell her he loves her and then get down on his knees and swear eternal fealty. Himchan waited by the door and knocked tentatively. She was supposed to be inside getting ready for dinner but he wanted to propose before they ate.

            She didn’t answer so he decided to go in and surprise her. It didn’t matter if she was partially undressed. There was nothing he hasn’t seen before, nothing he didn’t love. Himchan smiled and dropped down on his knees.

            “I love you. Will you marry me?” He had his arms outstretched. After a few seconds, Himchan raised his head to the empty room.

You’re like an angel who has left me and gone somewhere

I need you

            For Himchan the hardest part was contending with the reality that she was forever gone. It was the most difficult to imagine that her beautiful, smiling face was never to be seen anymore. It hurt him to hear her laugh in his head and then to know that he would never listen to her whisper sweet endearments into his ear. He didn’t know how he was still living. Ever since she left, he could feel himself slowly going crazy.

            Every day, every night, he couldn’t’ sleep. He remained alone, and sometimes he took up drinking just so he could cry and not have to feel the pain.

So I miss you (I think of you) and I need you (every night)

I can still hear your voice

Come back to me (I don’t have anyone)

Come back to my side

You’re like an angel

            She is an angel now. When she was still by his side, she gave Himchan strength. She was the reason why he lived. Every day, he looked forward to coming home to seeing her. Now that he can’t see her anymore, there is a suffocating feeling in his heart. Often, Himchan would stop breathing and he wonders if he’s really dying. That would be nice. But then he would start breathing and he could only fervently pray for her light to shine on his darkness.

Look at me now

Come to me now

(Come back to me, how am I supposed to live?)

Look at me now

Come to me now

(How am I supposed to live without you every day?)

            Even though he loved her, like all foolish young people, he thought they had all the time in the world. Which was why, when she fell sick, he didn’t think of losing her, of proposing to her then. Himchan only thought of getting her better. Once she was better, they would make use of their time and he would make her his forever. In life, she was like an angel, so why did he waste so much time?

            And now she’s turned away from him. Like a fool, he lost her. Now he’s lost and can’t find his way in the world. Everything he had is taken from him. He’s like a beggar, begging for her to return to his side. He was like an invalid; he can’t do anything without her.

So I miss you (I think of you) and I need you (every day)

My wasted self is so pitiful

Hug me (I don’t have anyone) Embrace me

You’re like an angel

            He wanders around in life because he’s so out of it. There was nothing about him that could function properly. Every day was a blank face, a blank slate, not to start over but nothing to show. After she left him, he was ruined. He needed her to come back to him. Himchan only had her to keep him going.

            If Himchan could start over, he would. He would treat every day with her like it was the last day of his life. Hurry, save me, he would plead. The prayers were screaming in his head. When he sees her in his dreams, he would reach out. But she only drifted further away from him. If Himchan could only have the days back, he would never let her go.

I want to find you

Where, where, where am I going?

To the place where you are

A better day, a better day, a better day

You’re like an angel

            Himchan withdrew his arm and stared at the ring. The delicate wings he had carved seemed to be fluttering. She was calling for him to join her. And he was ready to leave, to join his angel again.