You glanced about warily and tried not to wrinkle your nose at the always permeating sick smell of the hospital. You were stuck doing this volunteer work only because you needed the credit. But the smell bothered you and you were sure you would hate every minute of it. Your task was relatively simple on paper. You were to take care of one patient only and be his caretaker until your volunteering was over.

            You glanced down at the files in your hands. Your patient was a man by the name of Bang Yongguk. He was only a few years older than you, a college student, and was suffering from leukemia. They had indicated that his illness was terminal, so you knew that you had to tread lightly around him. No death jokes, and certainly no fervent praying for him to croak so that you would be spared from your misery earlier.

            You pushed open the door and expected to find a frail, sick person on the bed but instead, you saw no one. “What the heck?”

            “Looking for someone?” The deep voice that spoke surprised you and you turned around, afraid your supervisor was angry you had lost your ward on the very first day. But instead of a short old man, you saw a tall, young, and very attractive male standing in a black shirt.

            “Uh yeah. I was wondering if the resident Bang Yongguk lives here?”

            The hot guy, yes you were going to call him that and hope you bump into him more often, smiled. He looked you up and down, nodded as if in approval and bowed. “At your service, ma’am,” and then he laughed. “Or, if we’re about to initiate y times, like my former health teacher used to say, at your cervix.”

            The look you gave him was both horror and amusement. You honestly didn’t know how to react. Your brain was still slowly processing the fact that this hottie in front of you was the sick person on the paper with the terminal illness.

            “Oh, nice to meet you.” Now you were awkward. You had to put on your brave front again. If he sees your slip of confidence, then he’ll know how incompetent you were. You held out your hand and tried to straighten up, to look professional. You told him your name and he smiled.

            He came forward and instead of shaking your hand like he was supposed to, Yongguk hugged you. “Come on, skip the formalities. We’re going to be best friends until the day I die. Which, if I look at the calendar my secretary set up for me, is rapidly approaching.” A death joke? You shifted uncomfortably, mind still wrapped up by his arms, and he looked at you.

            When Yongguk saw the look on your face, he laughed. “Hey, my mom always told me to laugh in the face of death. I don’t exactly know how death looks like, but I figured if I laughed now, I won’t regret it later. Don’t worry about it. I’m okay.” And that was the beginning of your strange relationship with this boy.

            Yongguk was an enigma you wanted to figure out. He managed to smile all the time, and yet, when he showed you the songs he wrote, they were dark, filled with a passion for life that manifested in a different way in reality.

            You went into the hospital, wanting to hate what you did, hate everything in your life, but once you stepped into room 167J, you couldn’t. It was after a particularly draining treatment that Yongguk, tired and wearing an oxygen mask to help him breathe, patted his bed. You stood by it and he insisted you sit. When you did, he looked at you. His eyes were exhausted and for once, the shimmer of a smile wasn’t there. Your heart wrenched and he spoke.

            “You’re unhappy aren’t you?” You looked at him, shocked. “You probably really dislike yourself and you think that you’re useless.”

            “What? How?”

            “I’m good at reading people.” He shrugged. “I’d like you to tell me but it’s not my place to pry. So instead, I just wanted to tell you, life is too short to be unhappy. Life is too precious for you to beat yourself up because at the end of the day, the only one you’re hurting is yourself. Your body is precious; don’t cut yourself anymore.”

            You hid your arm and pulled down the sleeves of your shirt, self-conscious. You haven’t done it in a month. How did he know? Yongguk touched your hand lightly. “I’m all knowing, in case you were wondering.” He started to smile but then it faded. “Learn to love yourself because only once you do, can other people love you. Except for dying people. I can love you earlier than that.” And he grinned.

            Your cheeks were burning. What was he saying? Yongguk reached up and touched his hair. “Do you see this magnificent mane, fashionably styled, and spiked?” You stared at him. “It’s a fake.” And he pulled it off, revealing a bald scalp and suddenly Yongguk looked so much more vulnerable.

            He gave you a bashful smile and shrugged. “A lot of us hide behind our appearance and nobody really sees the person inside. I can’t always smile but when I don’t the darkness consumes too much. So I smile, even if it’s painful for me to. Don’t wear such heavy makeup anymore. You’re lucky I have super vision, and I can see straight through to your beauty. Not a lot of guys can do that.”

            For some reason, you were crying. Yongguk clutched your hand tighter and placed the wig back on his head. “Anyway, just a question. Why do you think I’m nicknamed the frog?”

            “What?” The sudden change in topics was too disconcerting.

            He smiled mischievously. “Because at any moment, I’m going to croak.” Your tears came on harder. How could he still be making a stupid death joke at a time like this?
            Yongguk softened and touched your chin. “Hey, don’t be sad. I was kidding. Well, not really, I’m going to still die, but I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

            You shook your head and he looked at the single nurse who came in to check on him. He waved his hands, indicating that he was okay and she left. Yongguk sighed. “Let me do this one thing for both of us.” You looked at him and he removed the mask.

            “What are you doing?” You tried to force the mask out of his hand but he shook you off.

            Yongguk took a deep breath of his own and smiled. Then, still holding his breath, he leaned in and kissed you. His lips forced yours open and he slowly breathed in the precious air that he had taken in into you. You shook and when he was out of breath, he pulled away for more, and once more kissed you.

            You didn’t know how long the two of you were just sitting there but when he finally pulled away for good, Yongguk was grinning. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

            “Do that?”

            “Kiss a pretty girl. Well, more like kiss you, but still.” He gave you a warm smile and pointed at his temple. “Remember what I told you. Be happy.”

            Three days later, when you came back, his room was empty. Your heart thumped and you closed your eyes, wanting to hear the deep voice behind you asking you who were looking for. But there was only silence. A nurse walked in, saw your nametag and pulled a letter out.

            “Here,” her eyes were soft with sympathy. “He wanted you to have this.”

            You took the letter and sat on his bed, trying not to get the tears on the paper.

Hey beautiful,

            Thank you for letting me find some meaning in life. I didn’t get to tell you this, but you are the love of my life. Remember, love yourself, be happy, and smile. And don’t’ forget me! In case you do, what do you call the ghost sitting right beside you? Bang YongBOOk!

Love from where I am to where you are, BYG

            Inside he had included a mixtape of all the songs he had written just for you, and you allowed yourself to heal. 

this is for starcraft_runner

kay, I cried LOL