Yuri knew it was wrong to probe about what had happened to Chanhee but a feeling within her stirred, telling her to find it out, no matter what. Her conscience debated whether or not to interfere but Joohee’s words struck her, reminding her that she was just a transfer student and most probably nothing more.

*Loneliness… Was he feeling lonely because of Joohee?* Yuri wanted to smack herself at that thought. She can’t seem to just let it go and pretend she hadn’t heard the conversation between Joohee and Daniel. Two reasons, first, it involved Chanhee, her crush. Second, she was genuinely concerned.

So Yuri headed for her escape – the rooftop, where silence was her only friend. She barely made it past one row of lockers only to get pushed roughly onto the ground, sliding a small distance away. She winced and shut her eyes in pain, only to receive a kick at her gut. Yuri was determined to keep her eyes shut. It was better not to know who was hitting her.

The beating lasted for a while, with insults hurled at Yuri as usual. She didn’t care, she just wanted it to be over. That’s why she hated Seoul. She hated Seoul so much and yet there was no escape. It wasn’t like she was in a drama, when someone would miraculously discover her getting beaten up and protect her from it. It was her fight, alone. There was no one else to help her, considering the fact that it was long past dismissal time.

With one last spit on her face and a ‘’, the beating and insults stopped. Only when the footsteps seemed to be at a fair distance away and the cackling softened, did she open her eyes. Yuri clenched her fists tightly, lost between hurt and anger. Which one was she supposed to feel? Was she supposed to be complaining that it hurts or was she supposed to be angry at herself for allowing them to step all over her?

For the first time that she was beaten up, Yuri didn’t cry. Bruise marks were starting to appear all over her body but it didn’t matter. She tried to stand up on her two feet, brushing the pain off as muscle aches, making it so much easier for her. With the last bit of strength she had, Yuri sprinted to the rooftop.

A hard push of the grey door and the rooftop was in sight. This was it, her escape. The only place she wouldn’t get hurt, the only place she felt at peace, the only place she liked. And once again, she hated herself for being inferior, for not meeting up to others’ standards, for being Yuri. If she had any single trait from Joohee, she would probably have a much better life than this.

Inching towards the edge of the rooftop was getting easier by the day and today, Yuri had a whole bag of courage with her, allowing her to peer over the edge to look at the heart-stopping huge vertical distance between the rooftop and the hard concrete ground. Despite the new found courage she had, Yuri felt like a coward. Was this really the escape she wanted? Deep down, does she really want to jump and end it all? It was like once in a blue moon, when her heart and mind screamed out a ‘yes’, she wanted to jump and end it all.

*Because, who cares, right?* Yuri climbed up the edge slowly, finding her balance. She felt like she was at the top of the world and the view was beautiful. The sun was setting at the distance and she smiled. It was the first time she witnessed a sunset and a beautiful one at that too. *But too bad, it’s probably the first and last time I’ll ever see this.*

Yuri took in a deep breath and three people came to mind. Her father, Chanhee and Daniel. “I’m sorry, Dad. I can’t stand it anymore. I’m sorry for leaving you behind, like how Mum left us. I hope you’ll continue living your life well without me.” A tear had fallen unknowingly. “Chanhee, thank you for making me smile. Daniel, thank you for standing up for me.” Short and sweet, and she was ready.

“Ahn Yuri, what the do you think you are doing?!” A voice boomed and Yuri jumped, alarmed that there was still someone present in school. Her balance shifted and she slipped, thankfully, falling backwards. She closed her eyes for a hard impact and bit her lip. The impact never came, only to be engulfed in a pair of strong arms. “Ahn Yuri…” That voice forced her to open her eyes, to confirm she wasn’t dreaming.

It was that pair of familiar eyes she longed to see all the time. But the usual smiley face that he uses to or greet her was gone and the Chanhee in front of her, was angry. He was the last person she had wanted to see especially at this point of time. If it was her father or Daniel, she wouldn’t have acted any different. Confusion was written all over his face, and he was clearly waiting for Yuri’s explanation.

His jaw was clenched tightly and his gaze was hard on her slightly teary eyes. No she couldn’t cry, not in front of Chanhee. Yuri didn’t want to make it seem like she was pitiful or that she actually needed sympathy. All she needed was to be alone. A part of her is celebrating that she hadn’t jumped down the tall building and became crushed pieces of bones and meat. It wasn’t going to be a pretty sight.

“Are you angry?” Yuri whispered, skipping the explanation part. Chanhee, whose face was inches away from hers, swallowed. He hadn’t seen that question coming. It was a simple question yet tough enough to render him speechless.

“Yuri, you scared the hell out of me. Were you really planning to end your life?” Chanhee said, searching her eyes. His teeth were gritted and she knew he was trying his best to keep his anger in check. *Would it affect him that much if I jumped? We were merely acquaintances, right?* Instead of answering him, Yuri broke eye contact and looked at the sunset. It was setting fast and night was about to approach. Neither of them, however, had the intention to leave.

“Why?” It came out of Chanhee’s mouth like a cry for help. Yuri was surprised to see his eyes glistening, with not his usual sparkle but with tears. If possible, all the emotions that she had seen in his eyes before, amplified. He was like a helpless six-year-old that was abducted to a place he never knew about. A terrified, helpless boy.

Her heart felt like someone threw it down from the Eiffel Tower, breaking it into a million pieces. If she was the reason he felt this way, then she really deserved to die. Seeing Chanhee so helpless was definitely a first and she hoped she wouldn’t have to see this again. “I had to.”

“You had a choice.” His eyelids drooped a little as his gaze lowered. He wasn’t as angry as before but it was replaced with a feeling of fear. He, himself couldn’t find the answer to his behavior either.

“And I chose this route.” Yuri cupped Chanhee’s face with both of her hands – an action that she shocked herself. Chanhee held on to her hands on his face, not allowing her to remove them.

“Yuri…” He shut his eyes, savoring the moment of only the both of them on the rooftop with her so close to him. “Don’t ever try that again, promise me.”

Yuri sighed hopelessly. If Chanhee didn’t appear, she would’ve been happily dead and free of all her troubles. “Why?” Yuri asked him back.

“Because… Because…” Chanhee repeated, trying to find the right words to say. “There’s something about you that’s different from other girls out there. There’s something I can see in your eyes that is similar to me.” He said, the last sentence more cautiously. Yuri gasped in surprise at how he had felt the same. They had something in common that made them click emotionally.

“Loneliness?”

“Bingo.” Chanhee smiled halfheartedly but Yuri could feel his cheeks turning warm under her touch. “When I saw you up there, I felt like all the air is knocked out of me. I couldn’t breathe. There’s something about you… I just- I couldn’t let you die. I would actually want to see you in school every single day, unharmed.” Yuri’s cheeks burned from his confession. It’s been quite some time since she felt wanted.

“I’m not worth being nice to.” Yuri’s tone was hard and she removed her hands from his face. She regretted it immediately, her palm missing the contact of his smooth skin. Chanhee was looking at her in bewilderment, wondering why would Yuri doubt herself like this. “Joohee was right. I’m nothing. We belong to different social circles, Chanhee. You shouldn’t be seen with me.” The name ‘Joohee’ seemed to have struck a chord and his eyes darken almost immediately.

“Joohee confronted you?” If Yuri was dumber that she thought, she would’ve missed the overprotective tone in his voice. The second regret of that day was blurting over Joohee’s name to him. Yuri knew Chanhee didn’t seem happy at all talking about Joohee and he could’ve avoided it if it didn’t involve her. She sighed again, not wanting to be the cause of any unwanted argument.

“Forget what I said, Chanhee.” Yuri turned away, her back facing him. Chanhee reached out to hold her arm but she shrugged it off. She could hear a sniff and a sigh, and deep down she hoped he wasn’t crying. When the same pair of arms wrapped around her body, Yuri shivered in his arms. Why did it feel so right?

“I can’t forget what you said.” Another sniff. “Joohee isn’t the nicest girl on the planet. I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m scared, of two things. One, you getting hurt. Two, the feeling within me when it involves you. The thing is, you mean a lot to me. I know I can’t lose you but I don’t think I like you.”

Ouch.