“Why did you leave?”

“Did it look like I had a choice on the matter?” he smiled gently nonetheless, as if his snarky reply wasn’t at all sarcastic. I frowned at him, pouting slightly, “Zhang Yixing, you’re dead, don’t make me strangle you.”

Yixing shrugged, “Hey, if there’s one person that would make you want to kill him even in death, it would be Kris.”

That earned a chuckle, I admit, and it was most definitely true, but—“As correct as that statement is, I’m saying that you’re pissing me off because you left without a word. And even now, wherever I am, however you’re here, the fact that you’re still so carefree despite being dead is only infuriating me. The fact that you’re so happy, whereas we’re all suffering without you.”

He sighed, “I knew you were not a woman of kindness, nor did you freely disclose your emotions, but you have to learn to let go. I’m honored that you care for me so much, Kaji, but holding in your frustration will only make you unhappy,” Yixing grinned cheekily, turning to me with a mischievous smile, “As ridiculous as this sounds, feelings have feelings too. You have to set your anger free, or else that anger will grow and completely overcome you. Let it free, okay?”

“That’s ridiculous,” I bluntly replied.

Yixing tossed me a deadpanned look, narrowing his eyes, “Now, Kaji, are you really going to be so difficult?”

Was that supposed to be a rhetorical question, or no? Because I have always been stubborn, I just thought he knew. Ah, forget it, who knows when I’ll dream of him again, “Definitely, Xing,” I mirrored his previous grin, almost mockingly bright as I swung my legs to and fro.

White clouds engulfed the area, and all I could see was the very same grey cliff edge that Yixing and I sat on. It was taunting, really, how angelic everything seemed. I couldn’t tell whether that was the aura Yixing had brought, or it was just lucid dreaming that I created myself. The two of us wore loose white clothing, but nothing was distinct. Everything but him, he was the only clear picture in my image.

Suddenly he stood, offering a hand. I blinkly curiously, standing up with his help. He led me to the very end of the cliff, and I nearly turned and ran, but I trusted him. I trusted him with all my being, because he was the one pure light in the dark world Kris and I shared. The dark world Exo and I fell into.

 “Kaja, Kaji,”

I only had a moment to miss those annoyingly familiar words before Yixing gripped me by my shoulder and tipped over. Smiling through everything.

I should have known it was a dream, but even so I could feel the incoming pain of colliding with the bottom of the endless gap. The rippling scream in my throat died out as I clutched onto him tightly, unable to comprehend the situation.

What was this supposed to mean? Why was he throwing me off? Does he hate me? If so, why did he fall along with me? What is going on? What is god telling me?

“Relax, set flight to all your buried pain,” Yixing whispered softly, his grip on me loosening.

I panicked, frantically making a grab for him. Why was he letting me go? What is that supposed to say? Set flight, how do I do that?  Did he already move on?

As all my worries dashed through my brain, a spontaneous feeling of giving up came over me.

I wasn’t giving up on life; not just yet. I was giving up all my grudges, all the dissatisfactions I’ve ever had. All the regret and guilt, for not being there soon enough when Himchan had killed one of the only people that ever tried to look into my heart and see what was really going on. Even though he forgave me for being too late, I was the one holding onto the dark self-resentment.

And I let it go.

In this very moment, Yixing had allowed me to freefall by myself, plunging into the darkness. Surprisingly, I was not panicked in the slightest bit; I closed my eyes, allowing the energy to leave my body as gravity pulled me down and the wind rushed past me.

In this very moment, a grand set of spectacular white wings unfolded from my back without my knowing and lifted me back up. Higher, higher, and higher. The wings took the wheel, leading me back where I once stood.

In this very moment, light returned to me. Yixing returned to me; not physically, but spiritually. He was there. He was always there. Always smiling, always happy, offering me the same joy. I never took it until now, I never forgave him for leaving. Kris didn’t either, but I had a hunch he would soon. Yixing might have been amazingly kind, but he was sneaky as well.

In this very moment, it rained.

When I woke up, that annoying blonde Wu Yifan’s irritatingly handsome face greeted me.

“Yixing, that brat.”