The apartment was empty.

It had been empty for seven days.

Days in which both Kyungsoo and Jongin had been in the hospital.

They haven’t talked much about how they had end up there, but they knew Jongin had been driving while drinking and Kyungsoo was beaten.

Even when he refused to say by whom.

But now Kyungsoo was regretting everything.

He should be gone.

Long gone.

Because stepping in that apartment next to Jongin was a mistake.

Because his body was trembling.

His heart was racing.

His mind was clouded with hurtful words.

In the hospital there were a lot of people.

In any moment they could be seen and interrupted.

But now they were in their apartment alone.

Where no one could see them.

Where no one would rescue him.

Where he had been beaten many times.

And he just stayed at the door looking at Jongin, who was walking to the living room wondering out loud why the house was such a mess.

But Kyungsoo knew why.

He still remembered being lying on the floor covered with blood as Jongin left the apartment angrily after beating him.

“Soo…why aren’t you coming?”

Jongin asked softly from the couch.

But Kyungsoo only took two steps back, his mind telling him he should run away, that he was in danger.

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin called him again this time standing up and walking to the door.

His voice was so soft that Kyungsoo looked up at him.

He wished Jongin remember so he could find the courage to run away again.

He wished he was shouting so he would be scared and leave.

He wished he wasn’t gentle like now and didn’t look at him with eyes full of worry as Kyungsoo trembled in his arms.

He should be happy.

He wished he was.

This was the perfect scene.

The perfect picture of what his relationship was supposed to be.

But why was he so scared?

Why was him the only one in pain?

Why was he always the victim?

He couldn’t even enjoy this as fear ran all over him.

If only his mind could forget.

If only his mind could easily flutter like his heart.

But just like the fear in his mind, every thought was left behind when Jongin’s lips touched his and even when he was still trembling, he wanted to believe things would stay like this.

When Jongin will cover him with love again.

When he wouldn’t be scared of his voice, of his touch.

When being alone with the other would excite him instead of scare him.

When Jongin would say “I love you” again.

And as the kiss was broken and Kyungsoo was pulled inside the apartment, he wanted to believe it was true.

That it was a new beginning, and that he had no more reasons to run away.

It was selfish in some way that he didn’t say all the truth to Jongin about the last years, but he believed he deserved some happiness next to his loved one.

If they could forget all the pain and start anew everything would be fine.

But the one who said that the mind would surrender to the heart was completely wrong.

Because Kyungsoo could still see it on the living room floor, he could see his trembling body.

Still see it in the bathroom, his hands cleaning and covering his wounds.

Still see it in the kitchen, the broken dishes and his burned hand.

And the bedroom where he shed so many tears, his luggage that he had prepared to leave.

“Where you going somewhere?” Jongin asked innocently, but in Kyungsoo’s ears it sounded sarcastic, sounded dangerous.

“N-no…”

“Are you sure? Because your luggage is ready…or were you coming from somewhere?”

Innocent like a child.

That soft voice.

But Kyungsoo’s fear was greater and his body started trembling.

Was he going to get beaten again for not answering? For lying?

And his tears started to flow as Jongin once again wrapped him with his arms, not understanding his boyfriend’s reaction.

But their hug was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

“Kyungsoo! Are u there?! Open the door!” The voice coming from the other side of the door was loud making the two males inside turn their heads to that direction.

Kyungsoo recognized that voice, but Jongin beat him in walking to the door and opening it.

Outside their apartment door stood a man with tired expression, but his eyes kept looking inside as if he was searching for someone or something.

“Kyungsoo!” he shouted as soon as he saw the doe-eyed male inside but before he could take one step he was stopped by Jongin that looked at him suspiciously.

“Who are you?” he asked confused, but the other male only scoffed at him.

Kyungsoo looked at the scene and decided to intervene before things went out of control.

“Jongin….I….I’ll be back…” he said nervously before holding the wrist of the guy at the door and pulling him away from the place.

Jongin wanted to stop him, but there was something in the way the other guy looked at him that stopped him from moving.

That guy hated him.

But Jongin couldn’t even remember who he was.

He had never seen him in his life.

But Kyungsoo had been missing him a lot, even when he was confused at his sudden appearance.

“Jongdae…how come you are here?”

“I was waiting for you to arrive to Beijing one week ago, but you didn’t. You didn’t answer your phone or send me a message. I knew there was something wrong. He hit you again, right?....but why are you still with him?” Jongdae, Kyungsoo’s childhood friend, said with a tone that tuned from tired, to angry, to worried.

But Kyungsoo didn’t know how to answer.

Jongdae for certain would say that staying with Jongin was a mistake.

But for Kyungsoo the past few days at the hospital had been heaven.

And if he was put in hell again, it couldn’t be worse than it had been before, right?

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