The slight rattling of the vase on the coffee table in front of me was the only sound I heard in the room other the pounding of my own heart.  The little clinking was irritating me to no end, but I couldn’t stop my leg from shaking.  I was too much on edge.  The only way I could keep from hyperventilating was to keep moving in some form.  If I wasn’t distracted by at least one thing, my thoughts would drift back to horrible scenes of Chanyeol and what could have happened to him over the four days he’s been missing.

I brought my hand up to my mouth to start biting on my nails only to realize that I had none left; I’d exhausted my supply of fingernails to stress bite during the past several days.  My once perfectly manicured nails were now broken stumps of chipped nail polish from last Friday night, and some even had small scars from when I’d bite them until they bled.  I lowered my hand back down and tapped my fingers nervously on my leg.

Dr. Kim was observing me with a bit of concern and a lot of confusion on his face.

“Did something happen, Baekhyun?”

He asked that question that I’m sure he knew the answer to but not the details.  Of course something happened.  Would I be freaking myself out if it hadn’t?  I looked at him pleadingly.  Fearfully.  But I bit my lip and stayed silent.

“Would you like a glass of water?  To try and...calm yourself down?” he offered, knowing I wouldn't speak until I became less anxious and more comfortable.

“S-Sure.”

When I received the cup, however, my hand was so shaky that water splashed up and tiny drops escaped onto my clothes and the couch.  Needless to say, he took my drink away after one sip and placed it on the coffee table before I caused any more damage.

“Baekhyun-”

“Y-You told me to hang out with my friends and I did b-but look what you’ve done now Chanyeol is gone and I can’t find him anywhere but I-I see him wherever I go but only for a second but then he disappears and I can’t find him no matter how much I look and he won’t answer when I call out his name I don’t know if I’m just hallucinating because I’m paranoid Dr. Kim why did you let this happen-”

“Whoa, slow down!  I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

I took a few deep breaths per Dr. Kim’s request.  I stared at my hands, willing them to still.

“I had a fight with Chanyeol on Friday.  I told him th-that I’d be hanging out with friends and he freaked out.  H-He stormed off...I couldn’t find him...”  I stuttered out as my body was overcome by sobs.  

I’d never gone even a day without seeing Chanyeol, let alone had this bad of a fight with him.  Our fights usually consisted of who would cook dinner, who would do the grocery shopping, who turned my white shirt pink in the wash, and other typical spats like that.  We’d always end up laughing about them in the end.  But this time, it was different.  I was scared that our relationship would never be the same.

“But when I went out, I saw him.  A-At the club.  Only for a second, then he disappeared.  I see him sometimes...staring at me angrily from far away.  When I try to call out to him, he doesn’t answer.  W-When I try to find him, he’s never there.  He hasn’t c-come home for four days.”

I wrapped my arms around me as the loneliness and rejection set in.  My vision swirled as my breathing increased rapidly.  I swayed dizzily on the couch, thoughts of Chanyeol’s angry face ading my every thought.  Dr. Kim called out to me, but I was too far gone in my panic attack to respond.

Warm arms embraced me and laid me down.  In my delusional state, I pictured Chanyeol as my saving grace from all the confusion.  I pictured his arms around me, his hands rubbing soothing circles on my back, and his deep voice whispering sweet, caring words to me.

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