The way Yunho sees it – there are three benefits to having his heart slowly and excruciatingly broken by Lee Jiyeon.

The first benefit was that it is a slow process—a gradual thing and the little shards of… whatever it is that’s sharp and pressing into his lungs can only do so much damage at a time.

If it were quick, Jiyeon would see how hard he's fallen. Instead of breaking little by little, he'd probably have an embarrassing breakdown right in front of her before excusing himself (“Sorry, Lina – got a call from the 85 club.” “We’ve got practice in a while so—”) and running out of the room to catch his breath, to punch a wall, to scream somewhere.

But the longer he keeps this secret—the more he wants to tell her. It begins to feel like he has to tell her or he'll combust right there in the practice room their groups share, leaving nothing but a cloud of smoke and some ash—but then as this grows, the more he sees he can never, ever tell her. He thinks that he just has to wait for it to fade but the only trouble there is that he doesn't want it to. He's come to prefer that sharp feeling in his chest over the memory of nothing special he felt for women these last few years.

Probably when they go out for kimbap and tea together, she doesn't notice that he only eats half of his helping before he feels like he can't pretend he's hungry anymore. Probably she doesn't notice how he's gripping his chopsticks so hard that the shape of it starts to dent on his palm and the sticks start to bend. Probably she doesn't notice that he hasn't been able to fully look at her, not even when—especially not when—she’s got a hint of soy sauce on the edge of her lips. It’s so damned y that he aches to punch himself in the face just to put himself out of his nauseatingly heartsick misery.

So, yes – at least it's slow. At least she isn't drop kicking anything else that’s sharp into his heart and ending it all in one swift movement. If bittersweet misery is all she's going to give him, that’s fine.

Somehow he’s begun to enjoy the pain.

The second benefit is, Yunho thinks, if he hasn't lost all perspective (which, considering the fact that he bought an extra pillow and blanket on the nonexistent chance that Jiyeon might stay over some night when she’s feeling lonely, he probably has lost all of what little perspective he had left), his best friend actually understands.

Oh, he denied it. Jaejoong asked flat out if Yunho was in love with Jiyeon (“-again. Are you in love with her again?”), and he denied it—it wasn't quite as convincing as he hoped but it was better than stammering like the idiot he already felt like—but still, he got the feeling Jaejoong wasn't horrified by the idea. And if this weren't a slow, slow death, Yunho isn't sure he'd have the strength to keep pretending.

But he will. At least, for awhile. Mostly because he has to (it’s self-preservation, he reasons, things will go bad if he opens his mouth at the wrong time), but also because he knows that eventually Jaejoong's going to see right through him and Yunho wants him to know