Chapter Five

 

            The summer sunlight beamed through the windows then stretched over across the rooms. Freshly washed, white curtains adorned the rectangular frames. They’d dance lightly when a passing breeze greeted them and they’d go back to fluttering just so otherwise. Gowns of white roamed everywhere and piano symphonies floated in the air, off to some minds and souls for little comfort. An eerie screech would echo from somewhere time to time and voices so innocent and pure would mix with the piano harmony from far away. It was nice and soothing, that place of weak hearts and hushed thoughts. Even when confused, not one of the angels that resided in the abode screamed or argued. Every mouth only opened to set loose sweet words and nothing more, nothing less. To those angels showered with the summer’s brilliance, a bluer and dreary winter shadow awaited them.

 

            Sohee stared at the fragile body that was once free and out in the world, now lying limp on a hospital bed, tired and deprived of motion. She inched forward, cautious step after the other until she reached over to hold a cold, soft hand. She had thought long and hard of what to say if she ever got this far but the effort, wasted. She feared that if she wouldn’t be able to talk with her lips, she would have had to talk with her heart but her heart was as lost and weak as a sailboat trapped in the roaring waves of the ocean on a stormy night.

 

            “Hey there.”

 

            Sohee shut her eyes, held tighter to the hand she was afraid of letting go someday and breathed out heavily. She didn’t want to cry just after hearing a beautiful voice crack in fake joy and sad sentiment.

 

            “Hi.”

 

            In her ears, that very moment, reverberated a restrained laugh. That very same laugh used to ring in her ears over and over and Sohee always loved and will forever love, the deep, meaningful and happy warmth hidden behind it. She kept reminding herself that the lack of the special warmth behind that precious laughter was only temporary and that, someday very soon, it will all come back. She just had to be patient.

 

            The blonde-haired girl cupped Sohee’s cheek with her other hand. Sohee didn’t seem to want to let go of the other after all.

 

            “Stop worrying,” she whispered. “I’m fine.”

 

            Sohee loosened her grip on her best friend of nine years and regained her composure.

 

            “I’m sorry, Sica unnie,” she finally said.

 

            Jessica merely chuckled.

 

            “Now that’s the Sohee I know.”

 

            After the brief exchange of words, Sohee helped Jessica to sit up. A nurse stopped by to ask what Jessica wanted to eat. Although it wasn’t like they’d let Jessica eat whatever she asked for. Her diet was strict. Jessica bowed her head slightly and the nurse knew, as if through telepathy, what she wanted for breakfast. It was probably the same vegetable salad they had always fed her since, well, she wasn’t allowed to eat anything other than what her doctor prescribed.

 

            “What time is it?” Jessica asked Sohee as she opened-closed her hand, examining and at the same time, waking nerves up.

 

            Sohee turned to the wall clock then back at Jessica.

 

            “Fifteen minutes past ten.”

 

            “Thank you,” Jessica replied. “And thank you for visiting.”

 

            Sohee smiled. She didn’t have anything else to say. And for just a little longer, she wanted to endure the awful pain in her chest alone. If she told Jessica about how worried she was about her then Jessica would worry a lot more.

 

            They had been friends for nine years. During second grade in elementary school, Sohee was always so quiet and shy and because of that, she didn’t make friends well. She sat next to Jessica for one semester. After they greeted each other, they just set off to a good friendship. They had their own group – Jessica being the oldest and Sohee, as usual, the baby. There were only three of them in the group but everyone back in elementary school grew very fond of them.

 

            “Did you tell her yet?”

 

            “I don’t think I can at the moment.”

 

            Sohee nodded.

 

            “She said she misses us.”

 

            Jessica closed her eyes, sighing.

 

            “We miss her too.”

 

            The two girls didn’t speak until the nurse came back with Jessica’s breakfast and Sohee had to go. She almost forgot about the book she brought for Jessica to read. She took it out from her bag, left it by Jessica’s table and said goodbye.

 

            “I’ll visit again.”

 

            Jessica smiled, contented.

 

            “Sure. Thanks again.”

 

~*~

 

            It was 11:30 when the butlers dropped Sohee off at the psychologist’s. She waited by the lobby since it wasn’t time for her to go to Kyuhyun’s yet. It was a big building, HLC Towers was. There were a lot of rooms but so very few people lounged about. She noticed the benches placed outside every room yet she only sat on one particular bench during the first week. Why would she sit outside other psychologists’ rooms, if they weren’t her psychologist? Now that was an unusual thought. That aside, Sohee didn’t do anything else. She walked around, looked at the various paintings hanging on the walls and just simply waited. She very much liked the paintings though. She took an interest in one specific framed art. Colors of different shades splashed on to every space of the canvass and the linings were all messed up into dozens of streaks and slashes. There were distinctive arcs on the left side and vertical lines over them. Sohee would stare long and hard at the picture and she’d always be reminded of a guitar thrown over in a flood of music notes and staffs. Sohee didn’t know why she ever thought of that but it was something she couldn’t really change and forget. It became practically permanent.

 

            Sohee sighed. She had only realized that it was going to take a really long while before her turn. She stood up from her spot on the bench and left the building for a walk. Being outside the building felt like strolling at a beach - it was as humid as ever. The sun’s rays hurt the skin as with the light and eyes, blinding. Sohee couldn’t stand the sun so instead of walking somewhere far, she walked to a nearby tree and stayed under its protection. The passersby had their own umbrellas and Sohee wished she brought hers. She wanted to explore, to reach the far end of this neighborhood and walk back to HLC Towers with an achievement but she was too weak for the sun. Now all she could do was look around from left to right, taking in details she already took the first time she went here. Boring.

 

            “Are you lost?”

 

            Sohee jumped a little. There was a stranger standing right beside her. He was tall and lean, had fair skin and short hair and his smile was not like the smiles Sohee was used to seeing on strangers. His black-colored blazer hung neatly on his right arm, the sleeves of his white undershirt rolled up to his elbows and his red tie dangled under his collar, undone. He had a strange accent and Sohee had a hunch that he wasn’t Korean.

 

            “Do you need to go somewhere?” he asked again since Sohee didn’t answer his first question.

 

            Sohee shook her head.

 

            “Oh, I see. Hiding from the sun then?” the man pursed his lips and gazed up at the sky. “UV rays are very dangerous nowadays.”

 

            Sohee looked up at the sky too. At least, she tried to. It was too bright after all. And because of the heat, she thought there was a person running toward her. She squinted. The form was still there. She rubbed her eyes. Suddenly, there was another man beside her.

 

            “Yaah, hyung! It’s so hooot~” the new man said to the first fellow.

 

            He was also tall but compared to the other man, he lacked a few inches. He was much skinnier though and he wore his suit properly. He was carrying a plastic bag on his left hand and used his right to fan himself. The two men didn’t look like bad people at all.

 

            “Why didn’t you bring your umbrella then?”

 

            “I was in a hurry and I forgot. Sorry.”

 

            “Yeah. You better be.”

 

            They started laughing. Sohee felt awkward standing in between the two men as they carried on with their conversation. She her heel and prepared to go back to the building. The two men only watched her.

 

            The moment Sohee set foot on the lobby, Kyuhyun was sitting on the bench outside his room. Sohee never saw her psychologist wear a suit before - this was the thought that first ran through her mind as she walked toward him.

 

            “You’re here earlier than usual,” he said then patted the space beside him.

 

            Sohee sat there and heaved a long sigh.

 

            “I went to the hospital awhile ago.”

 

            Kyuhyun set his palm on his forehead and the other on Sohee’s, by reflex.

 

            “Do you have a cold? Aren’t you feeling well?”

 

            Kyuhyun’s hands settled on his lap after making sure his client wasn’t feeling feverish. The girl let out a quick chuckle.

 

            “I’m fine. I visited a friend,” she replied. “She wasn’t feeling well.”

 

            “I see. May she get better soon.”

 

            To this, Sohee couldn’t help but smile sheepishly.

 

            “Yeah.”

 

            They left the bench to study the paintings. Sohee didn’t mind looking at them again because the art was never something she could grow tired of. On some paintings, Kyuhyun voiced out his thoughts and Sohee only listened. He had a very interesting way of articulating his opinions and his view on art was quite unique itself. Sohee understood what Kyuhyun said mostly though she had to admit that there were some things she wasn’t able to grasp fully.

 

            “Ah, this painting. No matter how long I look at it or how many times I change perspectives, I can’t seem to comprehend its gist.”

 

            Kyuhyun folded his arms, bothered. Sohee gave the frame a good look. It was the peculiar painting she liked.

 

            “What do you think of it, Sohee-sshi?”

 

            Sohee bit her lower lip, in thought and hesitant to share her ideas. It wasn’t like Kyuhyun would laugh at her. If he did laugh then it would probably be because of her opinion, not exactly her. There was some relief there, at least.

 

            “It looks like a guitar to me. Those circles on the left and the upright lines above them, I mean. The sloppy all around the canvass seem like music staffs and those dark loops loosely lined up over there for the most parts on the upper right corner to the middle somehow look like music notes.”

 

            Kyuhyun his chin now.

 

            “I see it, this view of yours. Huh. Took me three weeks to try and figure this out but I gave up,” Kyuhyun said. “I bet this was your first impression on this painting. Right?”

 

            Sohee blushed. She didn’t want to think that Kyuhyun was indirectly complimenting her. She was already too embarrassed for talking too much.

 

            “Y-yes.”

 

            Kyuhyun grinned.

 

            “I lost to a kid.”

 

            “Not at all,” Sohee replied hastily, a bit worried. She, herself, didn’t know why.

 

            “But your view is really interesting. I wouldn’t have had come up with that,” Kyuhyun remarked along with a few claps.

 

            Sohee blushed redder.

 

            “It was simple though. Just simple…”

 

            “If you say it that way, I feel a little dense,” Kyuhyun mumbled. “So that’s how it is…”

 

            “I didn’t mean it that way! I mean—“

 

            “It’s okay. It took me three weeks but even in that long while, I still couldn’t get the meaning. But in one look, you did. It’s fine…” Kyuhyun feigned disappointment.

 

            He wanted to tease Sohee. She was finally loosening up and displaying a little confidence around him. What the heck, Kyuhyun said to himself.

 

            Sohee pouted. Just that. Kyuhyun wanted to further but decided against it when he saw two figures approaching them. Sohee noticed the additional presence around her and turned around. It was the two men from outside.

 

            “Oh, Kyu,” the man with the accent said. “How long have you been here?”

 

            There was something different about the two men. Sohee spotted it quickly: they were eating ice-cream. The ones on the popsicle sticks to be exact. The skinny man showed the plastic bag he was carrying to Kyuhyun.

 

            “Hurry, hurry!” he cried out in some kind of panic. “It’s melting!”

 

            Kyuhyun pulled out the popsicle pack and felt for any signs of liquid. There weren’t any. The two men laughed once again.

 

            “You haven’t eaten lunch right?” Kyuhyun faced Sohee and the girl shook her head. “Here.”

 

            He passed the pack to Sohee and gave the plastic bag back to the skinny man.

 

            “Buy me a new one.”

 

            “W-what?!”

 

            “Because mine melted,” Kyuhyun said, sarcastic. “Buy me a new one.”

 

            “Why should I— ouch!”

 

            The man with the accent nudged his friend, earning a glare in return.

 

            “Just do what he says, Hyukjae. Complaining would be useless.”

 

            The man scoffed, looking both at Kyuhyun and the other male. Sohee was behind Kyuhyun at the time, already taking a first bite off her popsicle.

 

            “Hmph!” he remarked before stomping out the building.

 

            Kyuhyun smirked triumphantly. The other man was chuckling until he saw Sohee emerge next to Kyuhyun.

 

            “It’s you,” he abruptly said, surprised.

 

            Kyuhyun looked at Sohee then back at the man.

 

            “You know her, hyung?”

 

            The man waved his hand ‘no’.

 

            “I just met her outside. An acquaintance of yours?”

 

            “She’s one of my clients,” Kyuhyun revealed.

 

            “Is that so?”

 

            Kyuhyun gestured to the other man.

 

            “This is Hankyung. He’s my hyung by four years.”

 

            Hankyung and Sohee offered each other a bow.

 

            “He may speak Korean but don’t be fooled. He’s really Chinese and unlike me, he has a permanent job here.”

 

            “Thank you for the extra information,” Hankyung joked.

 

            Sohee let out a giggle.

 

            “And may I know your name?”

 

            Hankyung reached out his hand toward Sohee. The girl shifted her popsicle to her left hand and shook Hankyung’s with her right.

 

            “Ahn Sohee.”

 

            “What a nice name. Unlike that person’s name over there. So plain.”

 

            Hankyung pointed at Kyuhyun and the younger boy rolled his eyes.

 

            The three of them went to sit on the bench outside Kyuhyun’s office. Hankyung and Sohee had already finished their treats. Hankyung threw his stick away but Sohee still had hers, now only biting it to keep her busy. Exactly ten minutes passed since the skinny man left. Kyuhyun was getting impatient.

 

            “What’s taking him so long?”

 

            “Now, now,” Hankyung coaxed his dongsaeng. “Hyukjae will be here soon.”

 

            The Chinese man sat next to Kyuhyun, who sat next to Sohee. As Kyuhyun rambled about his hunger and Hankyung doing everything to lessen the younger’s impatience, Sohee sensed how nice their relationship was.

 

            Such good friends.

 

            “Sohee-sshi.”

 

            Sohee hunched forward so she could see Hankyung. Kyuhyun sat in between them, making it a little hard to talk.

 

            “That guy who left earlier. I almost forgot to tell you about him.”

 

            “He’s a maniac,” Kyuhyun deliberately accused. He was grumpy.

 

Sohee raised an eyebrow at the accusation.

 

            “Don’t say stuff about a person who isn’t here,” Hankyung said, shaking his head. “You should’ve said that when he was around. Ah, the look on his face~”

 

            “ACHOOO!”

 

            All three of them diverted their attention to the newcomer. His coat hung over his shoulder now, undershirt set like Hankyung’s. He paced sluggishly toward them and tossed the lone popsicle pack to Kyuhyun. Sohee ogled at the obviously exhausted figure.

 

            “Happy?” he scowled at Kyuhyun, who had just bitten his popsicle.

 

            “I don’t like the flavor,” Kyuhyun uttered before he bit a big piece off the sweet treat, chewing with a grin.

 

            The exhausted fellow grumbled to himself as he leaned against the wall for support.

 

            “Sohee-sshi, that guy standing right beside you is Lee Hyukjae.”

 

            Hankyung did the honor of introducing their other friend since Kyuhyun was too busy savoring his ice-cream.

 

            “The comedian…?”

 

            Hankyung burst out in laughter while Kyuhyun choked, trying his utmost to suppress his own. Sohee was left wondering.

 

            Hyukjae’s limbs gave in and he slowly slid against the wall down to sit on the floor. He extended his hand to Sohee, the girl quite hesitant to take it.

 

            “Eunhyuk,” the drained guy murmured.

 

            Sohee smiled.

 

            “Sohee.”

 

            Some time later, Sohee offered her seat to Eunhyuk. To a man like Eunhyuk, that really hurt his pride. He declined the offer with a gummy smile; in the background were Hankyung and Kyuhyun making fun of him. Sohee didn’t see, of course, but she heard them.

 

            The day was tipping to the afternoon, clouds threatening and light dimming. The group of four felt the presence of early rain. They observed how some other men in suits gathered before the entrance. They had their umbrellas prepared and were probably going outside for lunch. The weather was such a hassle.

 

            Hankyung stood up and gestured to his left.

 

            “The room next to Kyuhyun’s is mine. If you need anything, feel free to stop by,” Hankyung said to Sohee before sauntering back to his office.

 

            The girl took note of that, feeling a bit bothered for not being able to thank the Chinese man properly. Eunhyuk, still on the floor, pointed toward the door across from where they were.

 

            “That’s mine. If Kyuhyun does anything or treats you badly, tell me and I’ll scold him for you.”

 

            Sohee giggled.

 

            “Remember what I told you,” Kyuhyun warned.

 

            “What did you tell her?” went Eunhyuk’s question as he got to his feet, somewhat taken aback.

 

            “That you’re a maniac.”

 

            “What?! Why would you—“

 

            “Because it’s true,” Kyuhyun said this while pointing his popsicle stick at the other.

 

            Eunhyuk pouted in embarrassment. Kyuhyun was too mean to him.

 

            “Sohee-sshi, be careful of that guy.”

 

            “Be much more careful of that maniac.”

 

            “Yaah! Cho Kyuhyun!”

 

            Kyuhyun snickered. Sohee covered her ears with her hands and stayed quiet.

 

              Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun’s dispute came to a halt after Eunhyuk decided to flee to his office, very aware that he had no chance of winning against the sharp-tongued wolf that was Kyuhyun. Again, the smirk of triumph appeared.

 

“You can put your hands down now.”

 

Kyuhyun tapped Sohee’s shoulder and the girl uncovered her ears. She wrinkled her nose.

 

“Such good friends,” went Sohee’s words with a giggle.

 

Kyuhyun straightened up and advanced to his door. Sohee was playing with her popsicle stick.

 

“Come in. It won’t be long ‘til your session starts.”

 

Sohee followed Kyuhyun soon afterwards.

 

~*~

 

              The window was slightly open. Sohee knew this because the curtains were rising a little bit. The winds were weak today and the drizzle didn’t look like it’d last long. As usual, Sohee had the couch to herself and Kyuhyun had his desk. The AC in the room sputtered mild air compared to the minute gust that Sohee felt behind her, through the slit of the window. The room slowly began to smell like rain; damp and drizzly it was to Sohee’s senses. It was some sort of consoling remedy to her as she remembered her Jessica unnie back at the hospital.

 

“Do you prefer the window like that?”

 

“If it’s not a bother, yes.”

 

Kyuhyun checked the time. Ten more minutes before their session.

 

             “Do you want to start now?” Kyuhyun asked as he left his desk to go to the opposite side of the room to throw the popsicle stick in the trash bin next to the door. Sohee went over to throw out her own stick. They eventually returned to their places.

 

“Okay.”

 

“So what do you want to talk about?”

 

Sohee pondered for quite a while. Kyuhyun was scribbling something down on a piece of paper.

 

“I used to have this friend. Wait. Not ‘used to’. That person is still my friend now.”

 

Kyuhyun nodded.

 

“Do you want to lie down?”

 

“Ah, it’s okay. I can talk like this.”

 

“Okay, go ahead.”

 

The need to hold back rushed to Sohee unexpectedly. Her hands trembled and her breathing became a tad bit unstable.

 

“Uh-uhmm…”

 

            Kyuhyun’s eyes softened.

 

            “Do you want a glass of water? I’ll get you some. Just tell me.”

 

            Sohee held her hands together and politely declined with a little shake of the head.

 

            “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’ll continue.”

 

            Kyuhyun put his pen down and folded the paper then left it in one of the desk’s drawers. He stretched his arms over the desk and rested his head on the left one so that he could monitor Sohee further.

 

            “That person took really good care of me. We got to know each other during my first year in middle school. My elementary school and middle school were different institutes so being at a new school made me nervous.”

 

            Kyuhyun listened carefully. His client’s aura seemed to have had changed upon bringing that certain subject up.

 

            “That person trusted me and vice-versa. We were really close and we knew most of each other’s secrets. Though we were in the same grade and I was older by a year, that person was more mature than me.”

 

            “Who is this ‘that person’? Why don’t you mention his or her name?”

 

            Sohee pouted.

 

            “I’m telling you the story. The name doesn’t matter.”

 

            Kyuhyun sat upright and raised a finger.

 

            “It does matter,” he declared. “Because releasing such feelings will mean nothing if you’re holding yourself back from recognizing the source. In this case, that person. So the name is very important.”

 

            Sohee bit her lower lip. Her psychologist was right.

 

            “Give me some time then,” she said. “I’ll think about it first. If I feel comfortable about it, then I’ll tell you her name.”

 

            “Oh so it’s a her? Hm,” Kyuhyun purposely said aloud.

 

            Sohee’s cheeks became rosy with blush.

 

            “Anyway,” she stressed the word as to avoid the earlier interruption. “She was like a mom. There were times that guys would ask me to tutor them in some subjects but they’d always cower away when she was with me. She gave off that feeling.”

 

            “Unapproachable?”

 

            Sohee shyly nodded.

 

            “She’s kind, really. There were just those people who were intimidated by her. I don’t know. They often asked me how I became friends with her or if we ever fought.”

 

            “Have you?”

 

            Sohee gave it some thought.

 

            “We have,” she revealed. “Usually about my personality. She hated my personality.”

 

            Kyuhyun’s eyebrows scrunched together in an unpleasant way, appalled.

 

            “What did she say about your personality?”

 

            Sohee held her breath. There was that painful stinging sensation in her nose. It was a sign that she was about to cry.

 

            “I… I…”

 

            Kyuhyun didn’t speak.

 

            “She… She told me I was a good friend. That I was her best but there was tha-that time. Rumors…”

 

            “Rumors?”

 

            Sohee felt for her handkerchief in her shorts’ pockets and realized that she had left it in her bag, which she asked the butlers to take home. And it happened again. Kyuhyun was in front of her, dabbing his own handkerchief on the corners of her eyes where teardrops were beginning to form. Then he pressed the cloth to her nose, making her jerk back.

 

            “Sorry,” Kyuhyun said and handed the cloth to his client then went back to sit on the desk. “If you can’t go on—“

 

            “I didn’t believe them at first because I really trusted her. But one day, during my birthday, right after I treated her and a few other friends to ice-cream, she confronted me…”

 

            Kyuhyun looked away. Sohee was smiling, staring at her hands where her psychologist’s handkerchief rested. It was a sad, heartbreaking smile.

 

            “The rumors turned out to be true. I can’t remember the words she said except for that one phrase.”

 

            “What phrase?”

 

            Sohee let out an inaudible giggle.

 

            “That she really hated me.”

 

            “What kind of person was she? Aside from being kind and intimidating.”

 

            “She was the type that did everything to get what she wanted. The type that would get really mad if someone didn’t follow whatever she said.”

 

            Kyuhyun blinked.

 

            “Then how did you—“

 

            “I did whatever she said. No matter how much it hurt me, knowing that she was the person who took care of me and was always there for me, I followed and did everything she told me to.”

 

            Kyuhyun was calm. Sohee looked like she was as well.

 

            “Because she was my close friend and she said I was her best and only true one. Even if she said she hated me, at the same time, I was the only one she could cling on to. Even if she spread bad rumors about me, I was the only one she could talk to without having to fake her feelings.”

 

            “Do you hate her?” Kyuhyun asked after much thought.

 

            But Sohee shook her head to this question.

 

            “I don’t hate her.”

 

            “Does your family know? Your other friends?”

 

            “They all do. And they all said I should keep my distance because I looked worn out. I didn’t want to admit it at the time, that I was tired. But I felt horrible for not being able to stand up for her.”

 

            “Did you stay away from her?”

 

            Sohee paused. A small, faint smile traced her lips.

 

            “I did.”

 

            “Maybe that friend of yours was jealous of you. Ah. I’m not saying this because you’re my client,” Kyuhyun shook his head. “But her character gives off that impression on me.”

 

            Sohee fell to her side, pillows breaking her fall and cushioning her head softly. Kyuhyun chuckled.

 

            “You should lie down on your back, not on your arm.”

 

            “It’s fine like this.”

 

            Kyuhyun scratched the back of his head. He never thought his client could be so stubborn. He took a seat on the coffee table once more and looked at his client intently. Sohee closed her eyes hastily.

 

            “It didn’t stop there, right? I get this feeling that that friend of yours has more stories. Hm?”

 

            “Maybe.”

 

            Kyuhyun smiled at the sight of Sohee clutching on to his handkerchief tightly. He may have had even wanted to laugh but he didn’t.

 

            “Fine. Sleep then.”

 

            She reminded him of a tulip. The flower, even after being buried in snow and enduring the freezing winds during winter, would always get by and bloom slowly and beautifully in spring.