Chapter Nine

 

        Donned in a plain white shirt, black shorts and the usual white knee-high Converse sneakers, Sohee walked into HLC Towers at 11:30 AM. It was a troublesome Monday, Mr. and Mrs. Ahn having to go to work early for individual meetings so no one between the two could drop Sohee off to her schedule. Although the butlers and maids were responsible for Sohee most of the times and they’d usually call for a cab or ask the driver to take them, Mrs. Ahn hated the idea of making Sohee commute. She even cried when – since it was too bothersome – Sohee had to take the bus (with a nanny of course) to attend her voice lessons last summer. The schedule was too late in the afternoon and, well, the Ahn couple knew too well how Sohee liked sleeping so very late into the day, past lunch. Mr. Ahn was worried about the gas expenses as well. Honestly, he was a practical man and that trait of his contradicted with Mrs. Ahn’s overprotectiveness, very. It wasn’t that Mr. Ahn wasn’t protective of his kids – not that – but he was just so practical and he wanted his daughters to experience life; to be independent. It never crossed his mind to let his precious children wander around town without butlers or nannies guarding them though. He sided with Mrs. Ahn on that.

 

         Sohee didn’t mind commuting and her parents’ strictness did bother her quite a bit especially during times when she wanted to hang out with her friends after school but she couldn’t do anything about it even if she tried. She did, by the way. Quite a number of times and on those occasions, Sohee always questioned her privileges of being the baby in the family; whether they were truly privileges or not. No one listened to her as she voiced out her ‘independence speech’ in front of the family. No one would deny it, that Sohee was often spoiled by the grown-ups and her cuteness tempted Victoria and Sunye from time to time but granting one child her freedom – if the Ahn family would pick – Sohee was totally out of the picture.

 

           Nearing the bench outside her psychologist’s office, Sohee came to an abrupt stop, a few meters away then her heels to walk up to the paintings. A boy was there, reading a book quietly on the stall and to this, Sohee just felt like standing instead. Normally she wouldn’t care as much as to sit next to a stranger. Oh, if only the boy there was an ahjusshi or a little kid, Sohee wouldn’t have minded at all. Then Sohee looked to her side, to where the boy was at, and she sighed. He looked around her age and, for some reason, she couldn’t handle strangers who looked within her age-range. Looks can be deceiving, Sohee said to herself whenever she found herself in this kind of situation but imagining that boy – with that young and bright face and build still developing – as a baby-faced ahjusshi was simply impossible. Sohee wanted to make sure so she thought of stealing a glimpse of the stranger, only to find the bench abandoned. She sighed once more.

 

“Looking for me?”

 

               Sohee took her sigh back and gasped a little to herself, a bit of composure still attached to her system. She turned around and saw the baby-faced ahju— the boy. She saw the boy. And with a warm smile on his face, no doubt!

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

              The boy laughed, proceeding to Sohee’s side without a word. He was tall and lean, hair a bit messy and had a cool air to him. His voice was very much developed, if Sohee were to compare with her guy classmates’ tones. Sohee took her words back about this boy looking her age. They were different.

 

              “I couldn’t help but notice you just now. How you were walking toward me but suddenly moving away,” he said as he looked at a particular painting. “No, wait. I didn’t mean to sound like I’m going to tease you about it. Uh…”

 

“Huh?”

 

The boy held his book in one hand while he scratched behind his ear with the other as he glanced at Sohee hesitantly.

 

“I mean, I found it amusing. But I didn’t laugh at you. No, not at all.”

 

Sohee nodded slowly.

 

“I… I see.”

 

“Uh. Yes.”

 

The two stopped talking as they admired the painting. It was that painting Sohee liked and she smiled to herself as she looked at it.

 

“But I didn’t do that to amuse you,” she said.

 

The boy lowered his head in embarrassment.

 

“I’m sorry. Excuse my rudeness.”

 

“Please don’t mind it,” was Sohee’s reply.

 

              They were both shy, no matter which way anyone looked at them standing next to each other without a word to share. It was the boy who made the first move after all. Sohee was used to that – when a guy talks to her suddenly. Though talking back was the foreign part to her.

 

“Sorry…”

 

Sohee coughed.

 

“Please don’t apologize anymore.”

 

“What?”

 

“Eh?”

 

The boy and Sohee looked at each other, puzzled.

 

“I’m being awkward so I apologized,” he explained.

 

Sohee blushed.

 

“I thought you were pertaining to the earlier issue…”

 

“Oh…”

 

The two nodded at each other before turning away.

 

“I’m sorry…” Sohee mumbled.

 

              Three minutes passed and, as if on time, the awkward lad chuckled. Sohee was trying to contain hers. Their silliness, they felt, was really a laughing matter. As they carried on being silly, they both didn’t notice the door to Kyuhyun’s office being opened and out went the man himself, taking a spot on the bench. His youngest client’s figure caught his attention immediately and he ogled their direction. Then he spotted the boy next to Sohee and Kyuhyun laughed to himself. Kibum came to mind, along with the comments he had about Sohee. And Kyuhyun sort of regretted not agreeing with his friend; Sohee, even with the plainest of clothes on, stood out a lot. Kyuhyun went over to the silly two, overhearing their conversation about sneakers just so before the words were put to a halt at his presence.

 

“Oh, hyung.”

 

The boy waved at Kyuhyun. Sohee bowed to her psychologist.

 

“You know Kyuhyun hyung?” the boy questioned Sohee with a smile.

 

“I’m his client.”

 

“Is that so? Ah!” he paused and hid his face behind his book. “Name…”

 

“Hm?”

 

Sohee looked back and forth at Kyuhyun and her new friend.

 

“Where have your manners gone, Jino?” Kyuhyun shook his head.

 

The boy brought his book down and bowed at Sohee.

 

“I’m Cho Jino. Very nice to meet you!”

 

“Ah—“

 

              “This is my client, Ahn Sohee,” Kyuhyun started off for Sohee, who seemed flustered at the interruption. “Jino’s my cousin. That baby face of his masks his real age of 20, just so you know.”

 

Jino forced out a laugh.

 

“Thank you for that, hyung.”

 

Sohee her chin, in thought.

 

“I notice that whenever you introduce someone to me, you always say a little fact about them,” she said plainly.

 

Kyuhyun and Jino looked at each other, the older man starting to sweat bullets at his client’s realization.

 

“But I like it. It makes you sound like you know that person well.” Sohee covered as she giggled, all the while keeping a straight face.

 

Jino grinned while Kyuhyun thought to himself. Sound like I know the person well? But I do. Aish, this kid…

 

             The greetings went and soon, Sohee was sitting outside Kyuhyun’s office. She volunteered to stay outside after Jino mentioned that he had something to talk about with Kyuhyun. It was the polite and right thing to do, Sohee figured.

 

              Inside the office, Kyuhyun was spinning around in his chair, Jino passively reading his book on the couch. It wasn’t as if they were awkward cousins. No, the opposite of that, really. Jino grew up with Kyuhyun until he was ten years old then they had to move to Jungnang due to financial problems within the family. The uncle who owned Kyuhyun’s temporary office was Jino’s father, Kyuhyun’s old man’s dongsaeng. Jino knew Kibum too and they were the awkward ones, hands down. Once, when Kyuhyun invited Kibum over to watch movies, Jino tagged along because he thought, since Kibum was a friend of Kyuhyun’s, the boy would have the same aura as his cousin. But when Kyuhyun left them in the living room to ask his Ahra noona to make snacks, Jino found it difficult to start up a conversation. And that was really new, considering the fact that Jino was such a friendly boy to everyone. He didn’t know what went wrong with Kibum. Though, eventually, Jino got on Kibum’s good side as they bonded over videogames from time to time back then. Still, setting aside the videogames, the awkwardness would seep in.

 

“So what do you want to talk about?” Kyuhyun finally brought up.

 

During that whole time in silence, Jino had already read up to the middle half of his book. He closed it once more.

 

“It’s just Dad. He called last night, wondering how you were doing,” Jino ruffled his hair for a bit. “He said he couldn’t reach your cell and landline.”

 

“My phone died last night and Dad was probably on the phone with noona.”

 

Jino hummed.

 

“Figures,” he mumbled. “Anyway, I’ll tell him you’re doing… Fine or great?”

 

Kyuhyun arched an eyebrow at his cousin.

 

“Uh… Just fine. Why would it be great? It gets so tiring.”

 

“Oh c’mon. At least give Dad a little sympathy. Okay, hyung?”

 

              Kyuhyun groaned and reluctantly agreed to let Jino tell his uncle that he was doing great. Jino was staring at the door when Kyuhyun had the urge to .

 

“You like her?”

 

Jino shot Kyuhyun a look. The older man smirked.

 

“I do,” Jino said. “She seems like a nice person. Ah, well, she is, really. Don’t you think?”

 

“Yup. Cute, too, right?”

 

Jino blushed.

 

“I like her but not in that way. Geez, hyung. You don’t have to be jealous.”

 

“Jealous?” Kyuhyun coughed. “Because my cousin likes a cute girl? Now that’s ridiculous.”

 

Jino’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“No, not that! I mean, she’s your client. I wouldn’t mind being friends with her but I will certainly not steal her away from you.”

 

              Kyuhyun scratched behind his ear, speechless. Jino’s words didn’t affect him. He just couldn’t find a snarky reply so he kept quiet. The younger boy took his book and stood up to go to the door. He remembered Sohee was still waiting outside.

 

              “But, yeah. She is cute and I noticed her even through peripheral vision,” Jino admitted. “I’ll try and tell Dad to call you later. Be sure to pick up, okay? And please tell uncle and auntie and noona hello for me.”

 

Kyuhyun waved his hand at his cousin as the boy left. From outside, he could hear Jino apologizing to Sohee and they merely laughed.

 

“Jino-sshi is really clumsy, isn’t he?” Sohee remarked upon entering Kyuhyun’s office. “And he’s really nice.”

 

“He’s a good kid. Only clumsy around girls. And he told me just now that he likes you.”

 

Kyuhyun smiled as Sohee took her usual spot on the couch. Her cheeks became pink.

 

“Th-Thank you to him then…”

 

“Warning.”

 

“What?”

 

Kyuhyun wagged a finger playfully.

 

“I’m going to tease you simply because I want to and I’m curious.”

 

“Eh…”

 

“Do you always thank your admirers?”

 

Sohee’s eyebrows furrowed at the strange question.

 

“Admirers? Please stop joking.”

 

“I’m not joking,” Kyuhyun retorted. “Personally, I think a lot guys must have already confessed to you. Directly or indirectly.”

 

               Sohee frowned because of the random subject her psychologist brought up. It didn’t bother her that much since Kyuhyun was probably just joking and he did say that he wanted to .

 

“Sorry. I bet this is getting personal and I don’t mean to go that far. I’ll stop.”

 

              Kyuhyun lowered his head in apology. Sohee thought about it – how Jino was nothing like Kyuhyun. She only noticed that both of them were a bit awkward and queer but that was it for things in common.

 

“Have you ever confessed to someone?”

 

Kyuhyun stopped playing with his pen to think about it carefully, a tilt of the head in a pondering manner.

 

“If I answer that, would you answer any question I ask later on?”

 

Sohee nodded.

 

              “But whatever answer comes up, it has to be a secret okay?” Sohee bargained and Kyuhyun brought his right hand to his chest while he saluted with the other, a content smile playing on his lips. Sohee let out a soft giggle.

 

“Have I ever confessed to anyone? Hm,” Kyuhyun mumbled to himself. “I have, but it was a long time ago.”

 

“When you were in kindergarten?”

 

Kyuhyun laughed nervously.

 

“I didn’t know how to confess at that age. I was way too young to know.”

 

              “But there are times like that right?” Sohee wondered aloud. “When kids pretend to get married and have a small house and they make-believe from that point onwards.”

 

Kyuhyun listened intently to his client. Sohee had a pretty smile just then.

 

“Even if it’s make-believe, a confession like that would be nice. Innocent and quiet.”

 

             “Has someone ever confessed to you like that?” Kyuhyun questioned and risked not seeing that pretty smile that instance. But Sohee stifled a laugh and her lips curved to a brighter expression.

 

“Not at all.”

 

“So someone did confess to you already? How many? When and how old?”

 

Sohee pouted.

 

“Too many questions.”

 

Kyuhyun held his breath then closed his eyes. He was such a curious man.

 

“Someone already confessed to you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kyuhyun massaged his temples.

 

“Ah, I already knew that. I should’ve asked how many instead…”

 

“How about you? When exactly did you confess?”

 

Kyuhyun’s playful expression changed into a calm one and his lips did not curve into anything.

 

“I have only confessed to someone once in my whole life so far. It was during the summer of my junior year in high school.”

 

              Sohee reclined in her seat, gaze fixed at her psychologist. He didn’t look sad nor did he look happy. Seeing this calm expression on Kyuhyun, Sohee began to feel a bit nostalgic.

 

“After that, were you happy or sad?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“The results.”

 

Kyuhyun paused again and the next thing he knew, he was laughing and this certainly made Sohee flinch.

 

“I was really happy.”

 

              Sohee took out a handkerchief from her pocket and covered with it. She felt a sudden gladness wash over her so she smiled to herself. Kyuhyun shared the same feeling as his high school memories crowded in his mind.

 

“That’s good.”

 

“Hm? What is?”

 

The shy girl put down her hand and she closed her eyes.

 

“That you were able to experience that.”

 

“Even for just a short while…”

 

“Why does duration matter?”

 

               Kyuhyun coughed suddenly, choking on air at his client’s words that somehow just flowed out of her usually quiet mouth. Sohee squinted at the wall across from her, Kyuhyun mistaking it for a glare of some sort.

 

              “Isn’t it like that, before a confession?” Sohee now turned to Kyuhyun, who was trying to collect his words in his suddenly empty head. “The person would get so excited and even count the days before the big event. But after that person says a few words and the results are good, shouldn’t they disregard all the counting of days and the duration spent?”

 

“Why do you think so?” Kyuhyun questioned. He didn’t expect to see a sad glint in Sohee’s eyes though.

 

              “If it was me who felt that happiness, I don’t think I would care about counting days anymore. As long as there’s happiness, I wouldn’t mind losing track of time.”

 

               The inquisitive psychologist puzzled over Sohee’s notion for some time. It sent him swirling for some reason, probably because he didn’t think of that before. But there was a truth that Kyuhyun knew and always believed: when there is happiness, there is bound to be sadness.

 

               “So I think no matter how short or long one’s happiness lasts, one shouldn’t label it based on duration,” Sohee punctuated in a small voice. She really wasn’t used to voicing out her thoughts so the foreign feeling made her a bit uncomfy.

 

“Does that apply to sadness then?”

 

“Wha-what?”

 

              “K and U. Let’s say the results were bad and K really loved U. So, do you think, after being rejected, K should continue counting the days and be aware of that time? You know, because there’s no happiness? Wouldn’t that be sad?” Kyuhyun explained as best as he could.

 

               Sohee felt a quick tremor in her chest, as if an enormous black hole was stirring inside her and was all her strength in so that she couldn’t talk.

 

“Do you know what counting is for, Sohee-sshi?”

 

To that, Sohee shook her head.

 

              “It’s to remind people,” Kyuhyun revealed. “It’s a way to keep people in check of themselves. If we don’t count, we lose track of what we have, of what we need. And, sometimes, of what we yearn for.”

 

               The clock struck 1:05 and what perfect timing it was to share a lesson. Kyuhyun had no intentions of making the session all about him. He never liked being the center of conversations because it gave him that uneasy feeling.

 

                “’Time flies when you’re having fun’ some say. So disregarding time is quite all right. Just that, counting has it special charm – it reminds you of what you have, what you want and possibly, what you will lose. So it’d be good, too, to count the days and keep in mind of how long you have, say, happiness. I think it’d be more meaningful that way.”

 

                  Sohee bit the insides of her cheeks, lowering her head to hide her blushing face. She forgot that Kyuhyun was eight years older than her so the man’s knowledge wowed her in a way. Kyuhyun thought similarly, how Sohee’s views about matters always intrigued him to some extent. High schoolers weren’t supposed to have such matured perspectives but Kyuhyun figured it was a good thing.

 

At least I know there’s one out of billions of students who thinks uniquely, Kyuhyun pondered.

 

“I’m sorry if I sounded too insensitive.”

 

“Insensitive?”

 

Sohee glanced at Kyuhyun and the man titled his head in a curious manner.

 

“I felt bad for K.”

 

              The light that faintly shone against the curtains dimmed slowly and Sohee could smell the mist of early rain. Kyuhyun had left the windows opened again, wide enough so only a slit became a passage way to the wandering breeze. It was done out of habit, Kyuhyun would admit, because he liked the scent of rain.

 

“Have you ever danced in the rain?”

 

“I wonder…”

 

              And Kyuhyun had. Not really dancing, more like walking around in circles. It was from way back then, at the park near the school past 7:30 in the evening. It wasn’t a drizzle because the skies had poured endlessly from that afternoon. Kyuhyun still had his uniform on and the psychologist now recalled the trouble he feared when he got home, soaked down to his undergarments and socks. But the student Kyuhyun then momentarily forgot the panic, setting his eyes on a figure walking around, drenched even more than he was. And he followed her, cursing himself in his head because he forgot to bring an umbrella. But she didn’t mind the cold as she held on to Kyuhyun’s hand dearly and they wandered in the deserted space. The best thing Kyuhyun thought of doing was removing his school blazer and throwing it over her shoulders. She laughed sweetly, talking about how thoughtful Kyuhyun was even when the blazer was as soaked as her own uniform. Then the next morning after, they both went to school, feverish and ended up spending the second half of their school day in the infirmary where, whenever the nurse left, they would burst in laughter.

 

“I think I danced, rather, played in the rain once. Maybe I was five then? Or four?”

 

“Is that so?” Kyuhyun said. “What made you decide to do that?”

 

              “I remember one of my nannies saying that when it’s raining, you shouldn’t frown and be a little joyful instead and if you showed how joyful you were, a rainbow would cross from the sky,” Sohee said with a tint of blush on her cheeks. “And at the time, I thought the rainbow would last longer if you really showed how happy you were so I got excited and ran outside with my unnies and it was just so silly.”

 

“Was there a rainbow then?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did it last long?”

 

Sohee counted her fingers until seven and she showed Kyuhyun this.

 

“It only lasted for seven seconds. Then after that…”

 

               Kyuhyun transferred to one of the single-seaters across Sohee. The girl’s voice was toning down and Kyuhyun was having a hard time listening further.

 

“I burst into tears because I thought I wasn’t happy enough…”

 

“And then?”

 

“It was my first time seeing a rainbow so I wanted to see it longer.”

 

Kyuhyun his chin.

 

             “Somehow, this relates to your theory a while ago about duration and happiness,” Kyuhyun shared. “Perhaps that theory of yours stemmed out from that experience.”

 

By then, Kyuhyun went to close the windows. The rain was getting stronger. Sohee moved to the coffee table as Kyuhyun leaned on the couch.

 

“You really think so?”

 

“Just a little bit. Do you mind if I take your place here?”

 

               Kyuhyun sat down on the couch after Sohee gestured for him to do so. It was like their parts were reversed, Kyuhyun resting his elbow on the armrest while Sohee sat straight on the table.

 

“Do you still think that, Sohee-sshi?” Kyuhyun inquired as he eyed his client.

 

Sohee tipped her head slightly to her left, clueless.

 

“Ah, you probably don’t anymore. Can I ask you a favor?”

 

“Okay,” Sohee agreed, unsure.

 

Kyuhyun laughed.

 

“Smile.”

 

“Eh? But—“

 

              Kyuhyun held a finger up and Sohee purposely stopped her words. The psychologist was about to speak before he suddenly choked again, on thick air. Sohee accidentally laughed while Kyuhyun regained himself. Aside from being awkward and queer, Kyuhyun was a little bit clumsy like Jino, Sohee decided.

 

“Excuse me for a while,” Sohee mumbled as she straightened herself up to leave the room.

 

              Kyuhyun waited patiently for her return, an odd soreness collecting in his chest for a minute there. When Sohee got back with a paper cup in her hand, the pain Kyuhyun felt disappeared. The girl sat down on the table again and handed the cup to her psychologist, the man lowering his head in gratitude. It was water.

 

“You kept coughing.”

 

“Where did you get this?”

 

Sohee pointed at the door behind her.

 

“Eunhyuk oppa and Hankyung sonsaengnim helped me.”

 

Oppa?

 

“Since when did you start calling Eunhyuk ‘oppa’?” Kyuhyun interrogated the shy girl, bewildered.

 

Sohee shrugged.

 

“Just now. I called him sonsaengnim too but Eunhyuk oppa made a fit about it. I think Hankyung sonsaengnim just went along with him for fun.”

 

Kyuhyun clucked his tongue.

 

“I told you he was a maniac.”

 

“Should I stop calling him ‘oppa’ then?”

 

              An awkward silence slipped in, Kyuhyun at a loss for words as he took a sip of water then reached over to his desk to leave the cup there. Sohee’s eyes stayed glued to him, searching and waiting for an answer.

 

“Okay. I guess I shouldn’t entertain Eunhyuk sonsaengnim’s silliness,” Sohee said later with a sigh.

 

              Kyuhyun looked at the clock to escape from the conversation. He had no proper answers for his client at the moment. It was 2:23 and the sky outside grew darker and the clouds carried on with their harsh showers. The room became dim with the lack of sunshine and all. Sohee was beginning to think that she had offended Kyuhyun again, talking back to the man with casual frankness. Sohee pursed her lips and clutched her handkerchief. Kyuhyun somehow decided to change the mood.

 

“I know what you’re thinking.”

 

Sohee didn’t look at her doctor and instead twiddled her fingers.

 

“I’m not mad or upset, okay?” Kyuhyun reasoned out, in hopes of Sohee facing him. She still didn’t. “To prove it, I’ll tell you a secret.”

 

              Kyuhyun tapped above his brow, successfully earning Sohee’s attention. He leaned in, positioned his hand just a little beside his lips as if he was a kid gossiping with another kid.

 

              “When I’m silent, I’m either embarrassed or at a loss for words. I tend to reply smartly, you see, and if I can’t answer in that manner, I clam up. Don’t tell anyone okay?”

 

                Sohee stayed motionless for a second before smiling. Kyuhyun felt a little timid now with how childish his action was. Swiftly, Sohee pulled herself up and set her knee on the space next to Kyuhyun. She drew the curtains for a peek outside then she paused. Kyuhyun swung his arm around to place it on top of the couch’s headrest. He pulled the curtain on his side and found out what Sohee marveled at – a beautiful rainbow. Kyuhyun counted in his head, one… two… three… four… five… When Sohee let go of the drapes, plopped down and rotated her right leg just so under her, biting on her lower lip as the pinkish tint returned to her cheeks, Kyuhyun stretched his hand toward her, like the first time they met. Sohee took it shyly.

 

“Congratulations.”

 

               Psychologist and client stared at each other for what seemed like forever, unaware of the session rolling around to its end. Playful smiles curved on their lips.

 

“I made you happy for a whole minute.”