SEEKING THE TRUTH

 

 

“Hyung, do you really have to go?” Sehun asked, sitting on the edge of Lu Han’s bed as the older of the two rummaged his suitcase, checking his clothes and the rest of his stuff before his departure.

 

“Yes, Sehun-ah,” Lu Han said, starting to lose his patience by now. Sehun had been asking the same question for the last two hours even when he already got his answers.

 

“But,” Sehun protested, trying to move Lu Han’s clothes from inside his suitcase back to his closet. “But Hyung, I don’t want you to leave.”

 

“Well you’re not living in your own world, Sehunnie. You can’t always get what you want.”

 

The younger one only pouted and huffed adorably. “Can’t you stay? For me?”

 

Lu Han glanced to see what the other boy was doing, and his guessed was right. Sehun was doing his aegyo thingy where he batted his eyelashes, showing him his sparkly eyes, and pouted like a puppy. “Hyung, pleaseeeee~?”

 

“Will you man up a little?” Lu Han scolded. “Stop with your aegyo. You’re almost twenty for God’s sake.”

 

“But hyuuuuuung~”

 

Lu Han sighed, “Sehun, My family is waiting.” The Chinese boy who just dyed his hair back from pink to dark brown stopped Sehun’s next attempt on how-to-keep-my-favorite-Hyung-in-Seoul by snatching back his halfway-taken clothes. “And would you stop taking my stuff? Sehun-ah, I have to be at the airport in about an hour, and I haven’t even finished packing yet—”

 

“Then that’s the more reason why you should stay,” Sehun whined, although his Hyung’s glare managed to stop him from taking another pair of socks and boxer out of his suitcase.  Sehun dropped himself back to the bed and jutted his lower lip out. “Why do you suddenly have to leave anyway, Hyung?”

 

“I’ve told you plenty times before, Sehun-ah, weren’t you listening?” Lu Han responded, packing his toothbrush alongside his towel, “My dad is sick and I have to go home. I also got a scholarship for—”

 

“Is it because of me?” Sehun asked, tilting his head guiltily, “Is it because I’m too whiny and bratty so you’re sick of me and—”

 

“Hey!” Lu Han halted his movement to make sure he was looking straight into the other boy’s eyes. “Don’t ever say things like that, okay? Of course, I’m not leaving because of you.”

 

Sehun blinked his eyes innocently like a child. “Really?”

 

“Really,” Lu Han stated firmly, “You’re a great guy, Oh Sehun. Yes, maybe sometimes you act like a spoiled brat, but then again I think I was so much brattier than you when I was your age.”

 

That got the younger one to smile softly. “You’re still brattier than me now too, if you ask me.”

 

“Hmm, maybe.” Lu Han grinned jokingly. “Don’t ever think about yourself like that, Sehun-ah, do you understand me? Be proud of who you are.”

 

Sehun nodded. “I’m proud of you, Hyung.”

 

“You’re missing the point here—” Lu Han got interrupted by his own chuckle, “—but okay, thanks. What did make you think like that anyway? About me leaving because of you, I mean.”

 

“Well...” Sehun trailed off. “You look like you’re in hurry—like you’re trying to avoid something.”

 

“I’m not avoiding anything, Sehun-ah.” Lu Han scoffed and shook his head lightly. “Like I’ve said, my father is sick and I want to see him before it gets—”

 

“I know, but something tells me that it’s not just about that,” Sehun smoothly cut him off. “I have this feeling that you’re not leaving because you want to leave. You’re leaving because you have to leave.”

 

Lu Han’s heart jerked a little at that, but he didn’t let his face betray him and put on a frown to cover his feeling instead. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Sehun fixed his gaze on his as if he was trying to crack open his skull and swim through his thoughts and memories. “Hyung, if you’re trying to forget her,” Sehun said and Lu Han gulped at his words, trying not to let his emotion show. “Leaving Seoul isn’t the best plan to do it.”

 

“What is it, then? Huh?” Lu Han asked, tilting his chin tauntingly. “What’s the best plan?”

 

Sehun couldn’t answer that, so he sighed and pleaded. “Hyung, you have your whole life in here—”

 

“I KNOW THAT!” Lu Han’s sudden scream sliced through the air, making the other boy squeaked in his seat. “Do you think I don’t know that?! Do you think I want to leave just like this?! Do you think it’s ing easy for me to leave?!” The older boy threw his suitcase to the ground with the force of his two arms, and almost all of his belongings got scattered on the carpeted floor.

 

Sehun grew immensely quiet as he watched his Hyung breathing hard through his mouth. It wasn’t really surprising for Sehun to see him snapped like this, because Lu Han could only really be himself in front of him. Ever since Sehun told Lu Han to stop hiding his feelings, the older boy really used that chance to drop his entire mask. All the bottled up feelings he got would pour out the moment he was alone with Sehun, and the younger boy understood it well so he just let him place his anger out in the open.

 

A few moments later, the tension in the room started to become less suffocating.

 

“I’m…” Lu Han exhaled heavily, rubbing his temple. “I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

 

Sehun shook his head, saying, “It’s okay, Hyung,” while he helped him picking up his stuff off the floor and put them back to his suitcase. The two boys grew silent while the awkward tension still hung around them.

 

It was Lu Han who broke it first. “Sehun-ah…”

 

“Yes, Hyung?”

 

“Can you promise me something?”

 

Sehun looked up to meet his eyes and they seemed weary and tattered. “What, Hyung?”

 

“Keep an eye on her, please,” he softly said, smiling weakly as he pleaded. “Just… Make sure she’s okay?”

 

“Hyung,” Sehun replied, “If there’s anyone who’s not okay right now, it’s you.”

 

“Yeah, no, but—” Lu Han looked lost as he rambled. “She’s just so fragile, you know? I don’t think she has many friends either.”

 

“Hyung, she’s perfectly fine—”

 

“Look, I’m not asking you to do anything. I just want you to check up on her once in a while—”

 

“Luhannie-Hyung, please,” Sehun insisted, “You need to move on. This is not like you.”

 

“I—I am,” Lu Han said, forcing a chuckle that did nothing but making him look like a mad man, “I am moving on. But I still care about her. So please?”

 

“Hyung—”

 

“Sehun-ah,” Lu Han’s voice dropped an octave lower and it wasn’t more than a broken whisper when he said, “It’s okay if you lie, just… Just promise me that so I can go.”

 

Sehun’s eyebrows were knitted together and he despised the eerie feeling he got in his chest. “Yes, Hyung,” he finally said, “I promise.”

 

“Thank you.”

***

 

 

“Cara...”

 

At the sight of the quivering woman, with half of her body still hidden behind the door, Lu Han has to remember that breathing is important for him to live. He can’t believe he’s seeing her right now; the woman who has been stealing his heart since forever and hasn’t returned it to him yet—not even a small piece of it. And Lu Han isn’t complaining one bit, because his heart is already hers to begin with.

 

Cara still looks as beautiful as ever, but perhaps a bit thinner—no, a lot thinner. Her cheekbones appear vividly on the sides of her face and her collarbones stick out clearly as well. Her eyes don’t look as fierce and tough as he remembers; they look afraid, vulnerable, and most of all? Broken.

 

It pains Lu Han just to see her like this, even though he still doesn’t know the reason behind her current condition.

 

Lu Han’s mind keeps on telling him to move on, and no he shouldn’t be this happy right now. But his heart keeps making him feel like he just found the stairway to heaven. Meeting Cara like this, on this random coincidence, is like finding a fountain in the middle of a desert. All the feelings he tried to throw away before comes crashing down on him until his head feels like floating in the air.

 

A flashback suddenly hits him, and he goes back to five years ago when he meets Cara for the first time.

 

It was a Tuesday’s afternoon when Lu Han decided to skip his class and make a quick trip to Sehun’s bubble teashop instead. He wasn’t sure whether the boy was there or not because maybe he was still lingering in school with his friends, but Sehun was famous to be the one who always went straight home after the last class ended, so Lu Han decided to use his chance.

 

The sun was hidden behind some thick, grey clouds—indicating that it was going to rain in a matter of minutes, perhaps. The streets were empty since most people much preferred to stay indoor rather than to risk their chance in going outside without bringing an umbrella. Lu Han didn’t rush his way because he already prepared an umbrella in his bag—Minseok was being a Dad and forced him to bring one even though he said he didn’t need one—so he just placed his earphones back to his ears and his Ipod.

 

He was just starting to go through his playlist to pick a song that fit his mood when he heard a deafening cry coming from a little boy. He was not much older than six years old, maybe, and he was dressed in a red soccer jersey with matching shorts—Manchester United, apparently, and Lu Han smiled because the kid resembled him so much when he was young. He was crying and had both of his tiny hands covering his eyes. His mouth was open wide, making a whiny sound that made Lu Han cringe a little because he was being so loud.

 

There was a girl, probably just as old as he was, who was kneeling in front of the child. She was dressed casually in skinny jeans, and a white button-up shirt that was combined with a dark grey knitted sweater. Her dark brown hair was tied neatly in a ponytail but her bangs fell perfectly covering her forehead. Lu Han got this familiar feeling in his chest that he must had seen her somewhere in campus before, but he couldn’t place her name. Then he laughed, because really, Lu Han couldn’t even remember what was the name of the girl he slept with last night. One should do more to have her/his name placed in his memory.

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” the girl said, smiling and placing her hands on the little boy’s shoulders. “Why are you crying, Kiddo?”

 

The little boy cried some more before he showed his palms to her, “My hands hurt.”

 

The girl crinkled her eyebrows as she examined the boy’s palms. There were scratches all over them, and when she hurriedly checked the rest of his arms, she found another bruises on both of his elbows. “What happened to you, honey?” she asked, eyes worried but her lips put on a comforting smile.

 

“I fell,” the boy replied, sniffling and still sobbing hard, “Look, my knees are bleeding.” He showed her his bruised knees by pulling the end of his shorts up.

 

The girl bent her head down to scrutinize the small wounds. Contrary to his words, his knees weren’t bleeding at all. There were only scratches, nothing too big to worry about.

 

“Now, now,” the girl said, chuckling and patting his head softly. “They’re not bleeding, okay? You’re completely fine, so stop crying, please?”

 

“But it hurts,” the boy replied, weeping.

 

“I know, I know,” the girl responded, voice gentle and motherly. “But you’re a big boy, aren’t you? Big boys don’t cry, you know. Unless, you’re telling me that you’re a girl, then—”

 

“Of course I’m not!” The boy said, jutting his lower lip out as he sniffled again. “I’m a big boy.”

 

The girl laughed and Lu Han found himself smiling too because of her.

 

“Well, then, stop crying,” the girl said, combing the boy’s hair with her fingers.

 

The little boy hiccupped. “But my palms still hurt.”

 

“Hmm...” The girl tapped her chin, smiling cutely. “Then it can’t be helped. I’m going to do some magic for you.”

 

“Magic?” the boy looked interested, and for the first time in that moment, the boy finally stopped crying.

 

“Yes. Come here and give me your hands,” the girl smiled cheerfully, taking the boy’s palms in hers. “This is an old trick my grandmother told me. She said that pain could be taken away with a kiss. You want to try?”

 

The boy tilted his head to the side, face curious and excited. The girl briefly glanced at him with another grin before she pressed her lips tenderly to each of his palms.

 

“There!” The girl said, grinning until her eyes crinkled at the end. “Now the pain is gone!”

 

The boy shook his head. “It doesn’t work. They still hurt.”

 

“Well, the magic would be completed as soon as you go straight home and tell your mom or dad what happened to you today,” The Girl said, her hands moved to brush the dirt on the boy’s shorts. “As soon as you tell them, the pain would go away.”

 

“Really?” he asked, eyes beaming.

 

The girl nodded and ruffled his hair. “Really.”

 

“Okay!” The boy immediately turned his body around to grab his soccer ball that was lying helplessly not too far away from him, and grinned to the girl. “Thank you, big sister!”

 

“You’re welcome, Kiddo,” she replied, “want me to walk you home?”

 

“No, I can walk by myself. It’s not far.” He jumped on his feet. “I’m a big boy, remember?”

 

“Okay then,” she chuckled while she rummaged her bag, taking something from it. “Hey, take this. It’s going to rain soon.” She gave him her umbrella before she playfully pinched his chubby cheek. “Be careful on your way home, okay?”

 

“Okaaaaay~” The boy waved his hand at her as he took his leave.

 

“Now that he’s gone,” Lu Han suddenly chimed in behind her back, making her jumped in surprise. She had a hand on her chest, trying to calm her heartbeat and watched Lu Han sternly with guarded eyes as he continued with his words. ”Want me to walk you home?”

 

“Excuse me?” she responded, her forehead creased with a newly formed frown.

 

Lu Han just shrugged nonchalantly, “Well, like you said, it’s going to rain soon. And I’m sure you just gave your umbrella away.”

 

Lu Han gave her one of his lady-killer smiles, and by now, she should have thrown herself around his feet, begging him to take her home. But she was not that kind of girl.

 

“Does this trick usually work or are you just being extra lame today?” she asked, her big doe eyes stared at him with an innocent gaze as if she didn’t just ask something rather offending.

 

It was Lu Han’s turn to be astonished by her sudden attitude. “Excuse me?”

 

“I know guys like you: sleeping around with girls, thinking that they’re so cool, they can have everything in the world—”

 

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” Lu Han laughed, almost didn’t sound awkward at all. “I was just being nice—”

 

“Oh really?” she retorted, one of her eyebrows rising suspiciously. “Because nice would be saying hello and introducing yourself first before you suddenly ask a girl to walk her home.”

 

Lu Han whistled teasingly before he grinned. “Well, okay. Hello, I’m Lu Han. May I know your name, please, miss?”

 

She narrowed her eyes in return and simply answered, “No.” And she clutched her books tighter to her chest as she walked away from him.

 

Lu Han shook his head in amusement, being completely amazed with her behavior. He found it interesting that she could be all cute, bubbly and nice to that kid, and be all fierce and feisty with him. He found her to be unique and special, and that was the start of everything.

 

“Until we meet again, beautiful!” Lu Han shouted at her direction, grinning from ear-to-ear even though she didn’t look back at him and kept on walking.

 

Lu Han thought she would just be the next girl who’d sleep with him on the next day. He did not expect a guy like him could fall for a girl like her.

 

But he did. Badly. And madly in love with her.

 

***

 

“Do I know you?” A soft voice, soothing like a lullaby, snaps Lu Han back from his reverie. The man blinks twice before he settles back to send a heart-warming smile to her direction.

 

“Cara, it’s me,” Lu Han says, feeling extremely cheery; it almost makes him feel like floating. “It’s Lu Han.”

 

Cara’s hands curl under the mention of his name and she parts her lips slowly as she repeats his name. “Lu… Han.”

 

Both corners of Lu Han’s lips rise so high up his face, he feels his cheekbones starting to hurt. He thinks that he never feels so elated just by hearing someone calling his name. But the thing is, she’s not just someone, is she? She’s the one. The only girl that has ever caught his heart and stole it away.

 

Cara is his puppeteer, and Lu Han is just delighted to have her back.

 

It’s a wonder that Lu Han can still keep his feet steady on the ground. “Oh God, Cara,” he says, sighing in relief and euphoria as he approaches her with a reaching hand, “I miss you so much, you don’t even know—”

 

“DON’T TOUCH ME!”

 

Her scream is deafening and Lu Han feels like his arm just got cut off from how sharp her words sounded. The man’s movement suddenly stills and he can do nothing but stare at her with wide, disbelieving eyes.

 

“W-what…?” Lu Han just barely opens his mouth when Cara suddenly backs away until her back knocks the nearest cupboard. She looks awfully frightened, staring back at him with tears b in her eyes, and Lu Han just doesn’t have a single clue what is going on with her. For all he knows, the thing he just did was reaching a hand to give her a friendly hug for their reunion.

 

“Don’t touch me!” She shouts again, voice shaking so hard, it makes Lu Han’s chest shatter in response. “Don’t get any closer—just stay away from me!”

 

“I—” Lu Han’s left completely speechless. “But it’s me. Lu Han—”

 

“Stop!” She covers her ears with her palms and she squeezes her eyes shut. Lu Han’s heart sinks to the ground when he sees a tear slips away from the corner of her eye. “Stop! I can’t—I don’t want to—please—” And then suddenly, she gasps loudly. A hand is placed on her chest as she wheezes like she’s having an asthma attack.

 

Lu Han freezes on his feet and he panics. She looks like she’s in pain, but he can’t even take a step toward her—not if she forbids him to. Lu Han is just about to take a risk and go straight to her spot, ignoring her warning, before suddenly the front door opens and an unknown person invites herself in.

 

“Oh my—” A woman—probably in her early thirties—looks caught off guard when she notices Cara, kneeling on the floor with a hand around her chest. She glances quickly at Lu Han before she scrambles to Cara’s position. She calls her name and yells, “I can’t just leave you for a moment, can I?! I told you to just stay in the kitchen!” She picks her up ruthlessly by her arm and Cara just follows with littlest of sobs streaming down . “My God, you’re such a pain for me, do you know that?”

 

“Hey!” Lu Han shouts from the background, watching the pair with his brows furrowed in anger he tries to hide. “Be careful with her, would you?”

 

The lady looks annoyed as she analyzes his appearance from top to toe. “Excuse me, are you a customer?”

 

“Yes,” Lu Han says, gritting his teeth and leaving the details alone for now.

 

“Then I’m deeply sorry for the nuisance we have caused you,” she says, smiling apologetically with her lips but not with her eyes. “Would you excuse us for a moment, please? You can come again tomorrow if you still need anything.”

 

Lu Han gazes back to Cara who is now hiding behind the lady’s back, shivering with her hands held together in front of her chest. “What’s happening to her?” he questions, voice almost breaking at the end.

 

“She’s sick,” the lady responses coldly, as if that explains everything. “I need you to leave for now, Sir. Please. Good night.”

 

And Lu Han can’t really stand his ground after that. So he takes off, feeling utterly confused and terribly guilty even though he doesn’t know which of his action that caused her to react like that.

 

Lu Han stares at the empty night and huffs loudly to the air.

 

He meets her again. After three years of trying to forget her, he meets her again. And yet, the world still hasn’t changed a bit for them.

 

It’s still cruel for him.

 

It’s still cruel for both of them.

 

But then again, the world is never fair to anyone.

 

***

 

“HYUNG!”

 

Lu Han almost gets toppled to the ground by sixty-something kilograms of body weight leaping to his arms. Oh Sehun pulls him into one gigantic hug and he wraps his long limbs around the older one’s body as if they’re intending to strangle him to death instead. It’s when Lu Han gives out a choked whimper that goes along the line ‘Sehuna… not… breathing’ that the other boy finally lets him go.

 

“Hyung, hyung! Luhannie-Hyung!” Sehun shouts his name, slightly jumping on his feet with his hands still placed firmly on Lu Han’s shoulders. “I miss you so much, Xiao Lu!”

 

Lu Han smiles—although, he has to struggle to keep this one on his face, because most of his thoughts are still there, left abandoned and broken in that pastry house. “I miss you too, Sehunnie. But can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure!”

 

Lu Han glazes his eyes over Sehun’s hair that is mostly covered by a white beanie but still shows most of his bangs. And they’re rainbow colored. “What on earth is wrong with your hair?”

 

“Oh, this?” Sehun asks, taking off his beanie, and wow, his hair really is rainbow colored. Lu Han is certainly amazed by the many shades of different colors on every strand of his hair. Sehun looks like a bunch of kindergarten children just painted his hair with random watercolors in his sleep. And he’s even amazed at how Sehun can still somehow manage to pull it off. “I finally got the permission to dye my hair on my birthday.” He grins, almost giggling at some point.

 

“So you dyed your hair—not only—blonde, but also,” Lu Han points his finger to every color in Sehun’s hair as he starts to count it one by one, “red, blue, pink, purple, green, brown, and… yep I guess, that’s it.”

 

“And shocking yellow! Don’t forget shocking yellow!” Sehun gets all giddly. “Doesn’t this look great on me? I always want to dye my hair in weird colors ever since I saw you dyed your hair pink. And then when I saw there were so many colors I could use for my hair, it was hard for me to make my decision on which color I wanted to dye my hair with.”

 

“So you just use every color?”

 

“Pretty much, yeah! Hehe!”

 

“Goodness,” Lu Han shakes his head. “You’re still so dumb. I hope you’re doing well with your college.”

 

“I’m good,” he responds gleefully. His eyes are shaped into crescents as he showcases his teeth.

 

“I’m glad to hear that then,” Lu Han replies, smiling, “I was worried when I left, you know? I thought you were going to die without my supervision.”

 

Sehun laughs for a moment before he realizes there’s something wrong with the way Lu Han is acting. “Is there something wrong, Hyung? You look a bit weird.”

 

Lu Han clenches his jaw. Sehun has always been the one who could read his emotions as easy as reading newspaper in the morning.

 

“Me? Weird?” Lu Han snorts, trying harder to put a mask on. “Nah, it’s just your imagination, Sehunnie.”

 

The boy frowns. “But—”

 

“Holy , this place hasn’t changed at all!” Lu Han hastily says to avoid the topic, voice thundering through the room. The Oh’s Bubble Tea shop still looks as family-friendly and as comfy as Lu Han remembers it to be. Even the rounded wooden coffee tables are still organized in the same way, although the chairs seem new. Even the mascot still looks the same—that fat pink panda wearing an apron, and sending people chuu~ as if it’s necessary.

 

The place isn’t crowded—just like the old days. There are a bunch of teenagers sitting here and there, chattering and laughing with their own groups of people, and Lu Han just smiles as the sight. Maybe the fact that the world hasn’t changed one bit for him is forgivable when it comes to situation like this.

 

“Yes, my favorite spot is empty!” Lu Han chirps as he takes off his coat and hurriedly walks to his old, favorite table—the one that is located on the right corner of the room. “Sehunnie, one taro bubble tea, please!”

 

“I don’t work here anymore, Hyung,” Sehun complains, but he passes his order to the nearest waiter along his own order. It takes approximately eleven minutes to get his order done, and once it’s ready, Sehun grabs two large cups of bubble tea with his hands and carries them to where Lu Han is sitting.

 

“Thank you~” Lu Han says, grinning as he takes his straw and dips it to his drink. “Yup, still tastes like the old days!” He comments, clearly satisfied after he gulps a large amount of his drink. “So, Sehunnie, tell me something interesting about your day.”

 

Sehun’s droopy eyes lighten up at his line and responds merrily, “I’m one of the most good looking students in my class, that’s what my teacher told me today!”

 

“Seriously?” Lu Han tries to match his grin.  “She told you that?”

 

“He told me that—he’s actually a fifty year-old man,” Sehun corrects casually.

 

And this time, Lu Han actually laughs wholeheartedly. “He’s a e, that’s for sure.”

 

“And maybe gay,” Sehun adds, shrugging and Lu Han chuckles again.

 

“Definitely gay,” the Chinese man responds. “Speaking of gay, do you remember the time when you told me you were in love with me—”

 

Sehun grimaced; his pale white skin turns bright red. “Hyung, stop—”

 

“—and that you thought you were gay because you could only think about me 24/7 and not girls instead—”

 

“Hyuuuung~”

 

“What was it that you said? ‘Hyung, I think I’m in love with you. Maybe the reason why I can’t date girls is because I can’t ever stop thinking about you—’”

 

“HYUNG!” Sehun presses a palm tightly over Lu Han’s mouth, his face completely flushed. “Shut up, Hyung, we’re in public!”

 

Lu Han pinched the skin on the back of Sehun’s hand so he had no choice but to retreat it back to himself. The older one leans up before he ruffles the other boy’s hair. “I miss you, you stupid brat!”

 

“Yah!” Sehun pouts, leaning away from Lu Han’s reach. “Don’t mess with the hair. I took about an hour to style it this way.” And the Chinese man playfully scrunches up his nose at the sight of Sehun’s supposedly-styled-that-way bedroom hair.

 

“Wow, you’re starting to sound like the old me. Good for you!” Lu Han chuckles, taking another sip of his drink. “So, what do you do now, Sehunnie?”

 

“I’m a professional dancer now,” Sehun flatly says, slurping his own drink. The way he swallows his drinks noisily like that still hasn’t changed even after all these years.

 

“Liar,” Lu Han says, wrinkling his nose in accusation. “I know you like to dance, but you .”

 

Sehun pouts again. “Aren’t you supposed to motivate me or something, Hyung?”

 

“I’m supposed to tell the truth,” Lu Han explains wisely, “And the truth is, you . Sure, you got some moves, but your concentration is off. You don’t work well with your partners. You can’t remember dance steps. And you lose your tempo so often—too often, really, it makes me want to shave your eyebrows in your sleep.”

 

Sehun juts out his lower lip even more. “Meanie Xiao Lu~”

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“Well anyway,” Sehun continues, “believe it or not, this guy named Kim Jongin asked me to be his partner for an audition.”

 

“Kim Jongin?” Lu Han taps his chin thoughtfully. “Hmm… Why does he sound so familiar?”

 

“He was a prodigy when you were still studying there and he already became a dance teacher’s assistant at such young age in our university, so maybe you heard him then.”

 

“Oh, that figures,” Lu Han says, “Of course I can’t remember him. I don’t like remembering people who’s better than me.”

 

“You’re a bad role model for me, Hyung.”

 

“You always say that, but look at yourself, Sehunnie, you’re becoming more and more like me.” Lu Han throws a smirk at his direction. “Do you get laid a lot?”

 

It’s not a surprise when Sehun doesn’t really give out a huge reaction—he’s not being called ‘The Robot Dude’ for nothing. “Sometimes, when my girlfriend’s not too busy studying.” And before Lu Han can’t say anything for that—and boy, does he has a lot to say—Sehun brings him back to his previous topic. “And back to my dancing and Kim Jongin. It was out of nowhere, really. I was just dancing randomly and then he saw me and he was like, ‘a-yo, buddy, you got moves. Wanna go to an audition with me?’”

 

Lu Han winced at his words. “Why does this Jongin guy sound so ghetto?”

 

“He’s not. He’s actually pretty cool!” Sehun suddenly shows emotions: adoring, happy, and proud. Lu Han used to see that kind of expression whenever Sehun looks at him. He still is, actually, but it’s refreshing—and making him a bit jealous—that Sehun has another Hyung to look up to. “Jongin-hyung dances like a pro. I mean, yeah, he’s a pro since he’s one of the new dance teachers in my department but seriously Hyung, you have to meet him!”

 

Lu Han tries to look interested. “I bet he’s not cooler than me, right?”

 

“You’re cooler than anyone else in the world, Hyung,” Sehun smiles sheepishly.

 

Lu Han actually winks greasily. “And that’s why I like you, Sehun-ah.”

 

Sehun snorts while shaking his head. “Oh by the way, Hyung?”

 

“Hmm?” Lu Han hums before he places his lips around the tip of his straw and a small amount of his drink.

 

“It’s great that you’re trying to be all fun and cheery for me, but you’re not fooling anyone but yourself.” Sehun’s gaze is straight and chilly when he analyzes every expression Lu Han puts on his face. “Something’s wrong with you. Tell me what happened.”

 

Lu Han glances away, nibbling at his lower lip. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Hyung, I haven’t seen you in three years,” Sehun says, gaze softening a bit. “The thing I want to do the most right now is to hear you talk.”

 

And just like that, Lu Han is sold. He can’t ever decline Sehun’s wish whenever he’s being like this. So he sighs, feeling the numb feeling starting to penetrate his mind again, and says, “I met her today. Just about an hour ago.”

 

“Her?” Sehun repeats, looking confused before he finally lights up and shapes an ‘Oh!’ with his mouth. “The Algebra Girl?”

 

Lu Han smiles in the most broken kind of way. “I call her Cara now ‘cause she likes Caramel.”

 

“Huh,” Sehun simply responds. “I thought you’ve moved on, Hyung?”

 

“I—I have moved on.”  Or at least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself. “I just need more time to fix things through.” Even though I know not even a million years can make me forget about her.

 

And Sehun knows him enough not to buy all his crap. He just sends him a heavy judging look until Lu Han squirms on his seat—despite him being the older one—and admits, “Yes, okay, I can’t do this. I can’t forget her. I can’t move on knowing that she’s not happy like this.”

 

“Not happy?” The other boy asks. “Why? What did she say when you two met?”

 

“She…” Lu Han closed his eyes as he placed a hand on the side of his temple, trying to erase the headache even though he knows it would stay forever. “She screamed at me to stay away. She just freaked out when she saw me as if she was seeing a ghost and I just—I don’t understand why. She looked like she was scared of something.”

 

Sehun gets rendered speechless.

 

“This is why I said I don’t want to talk about it,” Lu Han mutters under his breath and the younger boy suddenly looks guilty and sympathetic.

 

“I’m sorry, Hyung,” Sehun apologizes, “I don’t understand what happened but—”

 

Lu Han scoffs, “I don’t understand about this either.”

 

“But there’s something I know that maybe can help you figure things out.”

 

And Lu Han stops moving, his ears become alert and ready. “What is it?”

 

“Hyung,” Sehun starts slowly, “She’s married.”

 

Lu Han almost gets choked to death. “W-what?!”

 

Sehun just silently focuses back to his drink after he mumbles, “You heard me.”

 

And Lu Han’s entire mask fall crashing to the ground; breaking into pieces even after he took a lot of effort to cover most of his feelings with it. “How—but she’s—” Lu Han’s mind isn’t organized enough to form any coherent words. “She’s four years younger than me!”

 

“And you’re like what, twenty-eight now? Twenty-seven?” Sehun guesses. “It’s normal for her to be married, Hyung. She’s not that young anymore. Both of you aren’t.”

 

“I... I know, but…” Lu Han’s shoulders slump down. “Who’s the guy?”

 

“Only one of the richest men in town,” Sehun states, as if it’s nothing important. “He’s a member of a chaebol family; a couple years older than her. Name’s Kim Woo-Bin, ever heard of him?”

 

Lu Han shakes his head.

 

“Well, it was an arranged marriage,” Sehun continues, “I don’t know whether she’s really into the guy or not, but seeing how it turns out, I guess not.”

 

“What?” Lu Han questions, feeling his chest tighten. “Why?”

 

The younger boy falls quiet for a couple of seconds, as if he is contemplating whether he should answer it or not.

 

Lu Han shoots him a look. “Sehun-ah, you can’t leave me hanging like this.”

 

The other boy exhales in defeat and says, “Because she’s filing for a divorce.”

 

The night just seems to be more bizarre for Lu Han with every second passing by. “A divorce?”

 

“Yeah. I don’t know what happened, but I heard some rumors that she doesn’t stay under the same roof with her husband anymore. They try to keep it secret from public. I haven’t really talked to her—I haven’t seen her in about... a year, maybe? She kinds of just disappeared.”

 

Lu Han’s jaw hangs loosely on his face. “And what about college? She finished her education, right?”

 

“Nope,” Sehun says, “Right after a year I got in, she dropped out from college. People were talking about her, saying that she got pregnant from sleeping with random guys or got caught taking drugs or something.”

 

“She wouldn’t do any of those things!” Lu Han exclaims, his chest boiling with anger. “How can they accuse her for things like that?! It’s obviously not true!”

 

“I know that, Hyung,” Sehun states, “Calm down. It’s not like we can do anything about it. Nobody really knows that she got out of college because she was marrying someone—and not just someone, it’s the Kim Woo-Bin.”

 

“What the—” Lu Han gasps in fury. “Just because she got married, she had to stop going to college?”

 

“Maybe her husband asked her to stop going.”

 

“What—That is bull!”

 

“Well, they’re freaking rich, Hyung.” Sehun shrugs. “They can do whatever the hell they want without needing to finish their educations.”

 

“But still! !” Lu Han absentmindedly kicks the foot of his coffee table, making little commotion that gathers people’s attention in a matter of second. “This is pissing me off! Did he force her into all of this?”

 

“I don’t know, Hyung,” Sehun responds, starting to drink his bubble tea again. “Look, I only know this much because my girlfriend is in the same major as her.”

 

“Are they friends?” Lu Han sounds a bit hopeful, not because maybe he can start digging more information out of her, but because Cara has someone to take care of her after Kim Minseok and his wife—the only people Lu Han knows Cara is close with—graduated from college.

 

“Maybe, but not really.” Sehun gently shakes his head. “I don’t know what she thinks about her. I just ask her to get close to her because I promised you that I’d look after her. Your Cara doesn’t have many friends. She’s kind of a loner, I guess.”

 

“No, she’s not like that.” If she were, then she wouldn’t be all smiles and friendly attitudes when she met that crying boy at that time. “It’s just that she prefers to be friendly with people she’s comfortable with.”

 

“Hmm…” Sehun his lower lip, tasting the chocolate syrup in his bubble tea. “Well, I’ve told you everything that I got. Did that help?”

 

Lu Han drops his gaze to his fumbling fingers that are lying idly on the coffee table. “Something must have happened between her and her husband.”

 

Sehun’s eyes are dead and scary when he mutters, “Whatever it is, it’s not something you can fix, Hyung.”

 

“Can you tell me more about the guy?” Lu Han asks, forehead creasing in curiosity.

 

“Other than the fact he’s young, rich, and good-looking? Hyung, you can literally search his name on Google,” Sehun half-heartedly answers and the second Lu Han grabs his iPhone, Sehun leans forward and swiftly grabs it away from his hand.

 

Lu Han parts his lips in protest, glowering at him. “Hey, what the—”

 

“Hyung, stop it. Stop all of this, please,” Sehun pleads, eyes begging and soft and just utterly sad. “Look at yourself, Hyung. I thought you said you wanted to move on. I thought you were ready to let her go.”

 

“Sehun, I—” Lu Han feels like an arrow is stuck inside of his throat. “Sehun, I can’t just let this go like this—”

 

“Hyung!” It’s very out of character for Sehun to suddenly stand up and slam his hands on the table, right under Lu Han’s nose. Sehun has always been the calm one, and the very last person to resort into anything violent. For him suddenly behaving like this must have an apparent reason behind it.

 

“I’m tired of you, Hyung!” Sehun shouts, voice a little bit high pitched and filled with exasperation, frustration, but mostly pain. “I can’t stand looking at you like this. Do you think it’s easy for me to see you suddenly having a change of personality like this? To see you whining over someone you can’t be with? Do you think I like seeing you being hurt like this?”

 

“Sehun,” Lu Han cuts in, “How can you expect me to be calm after you told me bad news about her—”

 

“I only told you that so you could stop asking about questions and just forget about her already!” Sehun gripped the end of the table until his knuckles grew white and painful. “Hyung, you used to be strong! I respected you for that and I loved the way you act so selfishly and not giving any crap about what people thought about you—but now, I feel like I don’t know you anymore. Hyung, it’s been three ing years and you haven’t changed one bit! WAKE UP!”

 

Lu Han’s eyes are wide open in disbelief while his brain tries to go and define every word Sehun just shouted at him. And the more he buries his thoughts in Sehun’s words, the bigger the ache he feels swarming on his chest. Lu Han just starts calling Sehun’s name, trying to calm him down with soothing voice but then the younger one suddenly drops back to his seat and hide his eyes behind his thin fingers.

 

“I care about you, Hyung,” Sehun croaks, voice breaking and Lu Han’s heart sinks to his stomach when he realizes Sehun is crying. “I was excited to see you today because you sounded so happy when you were on the phone but then—” he starts to choke on his own tears. “—but then you met her and you became like this all over again. I hate it, Hyung.”

 

Even when he’s already twenty-one years old, Sehun is still a giant crybaby and that makes Lu Han wants to smile and to cry at the same time, but he goes with the former. He gracefully moves his seat closer to Sehun’s so he can wrap an arm around his shoulder, gently patting his adorable beanie with one hand.

 

“Don’t cry, Sehunnie~” Lu Han says as the other boy sobs even harder. “Hyung’s weak with your tears, remember? Come on, you’re not five anymore. People are watching, Sehun-ah.”

 

Sehun doesn’t answer. He only forms a temporary hand pillow on the table and buries his face in it. Lu Han chuckles softly at the adorable gesture and continues rubbing his shoulders in comforting manner. He muffles his sobs by biting his lower lip but his shoulders still quivering violently.

 

“I’m sorry, okay?” Lu Han whispers. “I’m sorry I made you worry about me.”

 

“I hate you, Hyung,” Sehun mutters between his little sobs. “I just want you to be happy, so please, listen to me and forget about her.”

 

Forgetting her isn’t the way to make me happy; it’s the way that makes me suffer the most.

 

But Lu Han just keeps his lips pressed tightly, not letting those words flow out of his mouth. In the end, he just settles down with the words he feels true enough in saying.

 

“Thank you, Sehun-ah.”

***

 

Hello, my lovelies~ Thank you for reading another chapter of my luhannie's story! I hope you liked it! :D

Now, if anyone is asking about Kim Woo-Bin, yes, he's THAT Kim Woo-Bin a.k.a one of the most gorgeous men alive.

Can you leave me some comments? I need your feedback, guys! I love you all <33