The first time Zelo had seen her had been over a year ago, just before debuting. He had wandered up to the rooftop of the TS building to get some peace of mind but it had been occupied. She was standing there, leaning against the wall with her back facing him. Her head was tilted up at the cloudless sky and her long, dark hair blew around her in the wind. Zelo didn’t turn back. He just stood there watching her. After a few minutes she seemed to sense him behind her and she turned around. She wasn’t startled. She smiled at him then just turned back to the sky. Zelo his lips nervously and found his feet moving to stand next to her. He looked up at the sky and wondered what she was thinking. There were no clouds so she couldn’t be trying to figure out shapes of them. The sky was just an endless blue. Before Zelo knew it the sun was beginning to set and he was still standing there staring up at the sky just like the girl next to him. He blinked when he realized how much time had passed. His hyungs were probably looking for him. He reluctantly stepped away from the wall. He didn’t want to leave her there.

“It’s getting dark, you shouldn’t stay out here alone,” he told her.

She turned and looked at Zelo. Her eyes were kind but sad and all of a sudden he wished he could make them bright and happy.

“There are a lot of things I shouldn’t do,” she said quietly. She turned back to the sky.

Zelo waited a few minutes but she was obviously not going to leave with him. He sighed and went back inside. As he expected his hyungs all breathed a sigh of relief. He decided to go bed early that night, not because he was tired but because he wanted to think about that girl on the roof without anyone asking him what he was thinking about. He lay in his bed in the semi-darkness staring up at the ceiling.

She was mysterious and beautiful, no doubt. Thinking about her made his heart heavy and light at the same time. He wanted to see her again.

***

The next few weeks were hectic for Zelo. B.A.P was promoting their first single Warrior and even when they weren’t on stage they practiced nonstop. There was no time for him to even spare a thought to her but she remained safely in the back of his brain. As B.A.P arrived back at the TS building from one of their stages Zelo swore he saw her entering the building. He unknowingly hustled his hyungs and quickly followed her inside. He could see her ahead of him and he wished he knew her name because then he could call out to her. She turned around when she heard the commotion of people behind her and she saw him. Zelo waved and she smiled but didn’t wave back.

That night Zelo snuck up to the roof and sure enough she was there. It was a little chilly since it was nighttime but she didn’t have a jacket. She had probably been here all day. Zelo took off his jacket and walked up to her.

“Here,” he said.

She looked at it reluctantly then a strong wind blew and she accepted it. Zelo wanted to ask her so many questions but he didn’t know where to start or if she would even answer.

“Congratulations on your debut,” she said, not looking at him.

“Oh! Thank you!” Zelo answered, taking the opportunity to strike up a conversation. “You’re a trainee, right?”

She nodded but then frowned.

“Do you not like it here?” Zelo asked.

She shrugged. “It is what it is.”

Zelo furrowed his eyebrows at her cryptic answer. He knew girls were supposed to be hard to understand but he was sure this girl was more of an enigma than any other.

“What’s your name?” Zelo asked.

She looked at him for a good ten seconds before answering.

“Mirinae.”

Zelo tilted his head. He had never heard a name like that before.

“It’s old,” she said, before he could ask about it.

“What does it mean?”

She sighed, took off his jacket and handed it to him. Zelo took it and watched as she walked off. Had he asked too much? He didn’t mean to annoy her. She was just so…compelling. He gave her a head start so that he wouldn’t run into her on his way back to his dorm. He didn’t want her to think he was following her.

Unfortunately for Zelo when he got back to the dorm YongGuk was waiting for him. He hung his head and apologized for going off without saying anything.

“This is the second time,” YongGuk said sharply, “Are you seeing someone?”

“No!” Zelo denied. “I just wanted some fresh air.”

YongGuk narrowed his eyes but didn’t say anything else about it. Zelo walked past him into their room thinking that he had to be more careful now if he wanted to see Mirinae again. It was a strange thought because he didn’t even know if she wanted to see him again after the way she had just walked off. He shook his head. Girls were so strange.

Zelo didn’t see Mirinae for a good few weeks. The next thing he knew B.A.P was promoting Power but he didn’t forget about her like last time. He always wondered about her and how she was doing. YongGuk often caught Zelo staring into space but whenever he asked Zelo what he was thinking about Zelo always used the excuse of missing his parents.

One day Zelo couldn’t take it anymore and he asked YongGuk for permission to go for a walk. YongGuk eyed him suspiciously but he let him go anyway. Zelo walked quickly to the rooftop praying that she would be there. He opened the door to the roof and she was there but she wasn’t staring off into space as usual; she was sitting with her back against the wall and her head hanging.

She looked up when she saw the door open and Zelo saw that her face was stained with tears. He immediately ran over to her.

“Mirinae? What’s wrong?”

She tried to push him away and get up but Zelo didn’t let her.

“No, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

She set stubbornly and looked away.

“You don’t have to be like this,” Zelo said, frustrated, “Why won’t you just talk to me?”

“You can’t change anything!” Mirinae shouted. “Why should I tell you about what you can’t do anything about? Leave me alone!”

Zelo actually backed away when he saw how angry she was.

“Why do you come here, anyway?” she continued after taking a few deep breaths. “Just to harass me?”

“I came here because I wanted to talk to you,” Zelo admitted.

She snorted. “And why is that?”

Zelo shrugged. “I think you need to talk.”

She shot a glare at him and stood up and looked over the wall. But she didn’t look at the sky; she started at the ground below her.

Zelo decided to be stubborn too and he stood beside her.

“Go away,” she muttered.

Zelo found himself smiling at her attitude. He liked a challenge.

“I’m not going away and I’m going to keep coming back here so you might as well talk to me.”

Mirinae groaned in exasperation and Zelo grinned. They stood in silence for a while then Mirinae spoke.

“My mom is sick and she’s the only family I have. I don’t have the money to give her the treatment she needs but she won’t let me work. She knows my dream is to be an idol and she won’t let me give it up.” She ran her hands through her hair.

“I’ve been so desperate for money I – I’ve done some things I know she wouldn’t be proud of.”

Zelo stayed silent mulling over what she had just said. He had no idea how he could help her but to be her friend while she was going through this time so that’s what he did.

He continued to visit her on the roof and eventually Mirinae started to open up to him more. He learned that her mother was suffering from a painful colon disease that required frequent doctor visits and medication. She and her mother had sold all but their basic necessities but eventually that money ran out. Mirinae had then resulted to selling drugs to get the large amount of money they needed quickly but that backfired when she realized that every day she was almost getting herself killed for money and she couldn’t find a way out. She never told Zelo what she had to do get out of selling drugs and she refused to talk about it.

“I just did what I had to do,” she said angrily when Zelo pried, “You don’t need to know.”

Zelo just nodded and didn’t press anymore. He knew if he did she would just storm off and he had learned the hard way that if he tried to follow her she would get physical. She was pretty strong; strong enough that she had left a bruise on his arm where she punched him. He had lied to his hyungs that he had walked into something while sleepwalking.

He didn’t see her for weeks again while B.A.P promoted No Mercy and he felt terrible after she had revealed so much to him in the past couple months. He hoped so much that when he saw her again she wouldn’t go back to saying barely anything. He was almost annoyed that one month later he was on stage again. He loved dancing and rapping and performing but he just wanted a few days to see her. When he was in the practice room working on the different endings for Crash YongGuk suddenly took him aside.

“Ok, JunHong, it’s been months now. You disappear for hours then come back acting like you just took a stroll for a few minutes and you do this every time we’re not promoting or practicing, anytime that you have free time. You stare off into space with a stupid grin then say that you miss your mom. So tell me – who is this girl?”

Zelo blinked. He didn’t know if he should tell YongGuk or not. Would he be forbidden from seeing her? In the end though, he didn’t enjoy having to conceal anything from his hyungs.

“We’re just friends,” Zelo said honestly, “She means a lot to me so I try to see her whenever I can.”

YongGuk nodded.

“Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?” He asked.

Zelo shrugged. He really didn’t know why. It had just felt natural to hide.

“And when you had that bruise…did you get into a fight over her?” YongGuk asked.

“Ah…no,” Zelo said, feeling a little embarrassed, “She hit me.”

YongGuk tried not to laugh. “She hit you?”

“She has a bit of a temper I guess,” Zelo said, scratching the back of his neck.

YongGuk chuckled to himself and patted Zelo on the shoulder.

“Alright, now that I know I can sleep soundly. Don’t sneak off anymore, ok? Just let me know and you can see her. Now let’s practice.”

Zelo nodded. He didn’t like having to ask permission to see Mirinae but he knew YongGuk had his best interest at heart. When Crash promotions ended Zelo was back to seeing Mirinae as often as he could between practices. He had assured YongGuk that they were just friends but one day that all changed.

When Zelo arrived on the rooftop Mirinae was already there as usual. She was wearing a fitted tank top and jeans and for some reason Zelo became acutely aware of her small waist and the way her back curved as she leaned against the wall. He blinked furiously and tried to erase what he had seen but it was impossible. When she turned her head and smiled at him he felt a foreign flutter in his stomach. He had always thought she was beautiful but this was different. He frowned at the strange way his body was acting as he leaned on the wall next to her.

Mirinae poked his cheek. “What’s wrong with you? You’re always smiling.”

Zelo quickly composed himself.

“I was pretending to be you.”

She scoffed and tossed her long hair behind her head. Zelo watched the way it settled back into place perfectly.

“You’re busy these days,” she observed.

“Yeah, I know, we’re having a comeback in a couple months.”

“What? But you guys just –”

“I know,” Zelo said laughing, “It never stops – but if we want to make an impression with all the other rookies coming out left right and centre we have to. I know it’ll be worth it in the end.”

“You guys are going to take all the rookie awards. Leave some for the others!”

Zelo laughed again. “I don’t know about taking all of them…maybe one or two…”

“Oh please, don’t be so modest. You guys are amazing.”

Zelo suddenly realized he had never introduced Mirinae to his hyungs.

“Do you want to meet them?” He asked.

“Meet…meet B.A.P?”

“Yeah! I want them to meet you! They should know about someone who’s so important to me.”

Mirinae’s cheeks turned a little pink and she cleared .

“If you really want me to…”

“Yeah! Let’s go!” Zelo shouted excitedly.

“Not now!” Mirinae objected.

Zelo’s face fell.

“You should prepare them and I want make something for them so…tomorrow.”

Zelo nodded excitedly and when he returned to his dorm he announced to his hyungs that he wanted them to meet a friend of his tomorrow.

“Is it the girl you kept sneaking off to see?” YongGuk asked. Zelo blushed slightly and nodded.

They all looked at each other.

“Have you had the talk with him yet YongGuk?” HimChan asked.

“No but I think the time is coming,” YongGuk said.

Zelo blushed even harder and hoped he wouldn’t be embarrassed the next day.