Chapter 2 - I'm going on a trip
I promise you this.
As the alarm goes off you try your best to get out off bed. You grab your cellphone and look at the time that was embarked in the screen. It was only 8:30 am and it was time for you to go to school. You take a double take at your screen to realize that it was the weekend today…..the day Jongup was leaving. You take your blankets as you bury yourself deep amongst the beds. You wanted to forget everything. You wanted to forget him but at the same time you didn’t want to…. You felt the pain grow within yourself. Even worse then last night. No matter how much you try tears just keep pouring in and you were getting tired. He was leaving in a few hours and you decided you weren’t going to go send him off to the airport because you knew it would be even more painful. The more you tried forgetting the more he kept reappearing in your head. Memories of you and him flashed before your eyes. The amount of times he kissed you, sang to you, hugged you, protected you,…… made you laugh,……. made you cried,……… held your hand, ………..and comforted you. Now….they’re all just memories. He’s going to be gone in a few hours and he won’t be here anymore. He won’t be here to protect you anymore. Who’s going to protect you from the bullies? Who’s going to make you laugh on your saddest days? Who’ll tease you about your height? Who?…Who’ll be able understand every little aspect of you? You felt your mind going blank and you felt yourself going numb. You wanted this pain to go away…. You wanted him to take this pain away. Only he knew how to take this pain away. You picked yourself up as you ran for the door. You didn’t even bother to put on shoes but you just had to be somewhere at this very moment. You kept running and running but you had no idea where. You just followed where your feet led you and then to your surprise you were in the rooftop of your school. The place where you and Jongup spent most of your time. You walked towards the edge of the roof ,overcoming the fence that blocked your way. You looked down. You didn’t know why but something else came over you. You remembered the times when Jongup wasn’t with you. The amount of bullying that happened to you….the scars…. the pain…. the endless cutting….the self harm. All of that was coming back to you… and it was going to repeat itself now that Jongup is gone. The only thing that was able to keep you sane now is leaving. You might as well leave with him too then. But you wanted Jongup to know that you were also going to take a trip….a long one. You took your cellphone out from your pocket and dial Jongups’ number…..
“Hello?”
“Jongup-ah,” your voice starts to shake.
“I’m sorry…. I don’t think I’ll be able to drop you off at the airport.”
“What’s wrong with you? What’s happening to your voice?”
“Jongup-ah….. I’m going to go on a trip too.” You cry a little louder as the pain in your chest tightens.
“I’ll be going somewhere far just like you…”
“Where are you right now ?!” He yells.
“I’ll miss you….” I whisper
“ Hey lady what are you doing up there ?!” A voice from below yells.
“I’m going on a trip!” You yell back.
“Get down from there it’s dangerous !” You take a step forward….getting closer and closer to the edge of the school. You looked down as you see a sea of people trying to stop you from walking any further.
“______________! WHERE ARE YOU?!” Jongup belts out.
“I’m going to go now. I love you guppie…Remember me okay?” You hang up from the phone call. You turn around with your back against the crowd. Just then you see Jongup bursting into the front door out of breath. He runs towards where you were as he reaches his hand out to you.
“Don’t come any closer…”
He takes a step forward trying to get you to stop.
“I SAID DON’T COME ANY CLOSER !” you threaten him. If he took another step forward you were going to jump.
“Don’t do it _______ ! Why are you doing this ?! Why? Is it because I’m leaving? It’s not the end yet?! Don’t do it!” He yells.
You slowly felt yourself going insane. You giggle at first and then later on it turns into a laugh. Not the type of laugh that was made out of amusement but the type of laugh that was breaking your heart.
“You don’t understand Jongup-ah.”
“What is it?! Tell me! What don’t I understand?!”
“Now that you’re going to leave my side everything will go back to normal. Everyone will bully me again for having such odd features. They’ll make fun of my scars.” You bring your hand out as you touched the scar that was on your face. The scar that kept haunting you your entire life.
“The nightmare will begin again and you won’t be there to protect me.”
The tears started rolling in as you remembered all the bad memories you had suppressed deep within you.
“He….. Is….he’s coming back!” You yell out to Jongup.
“He’s going to come back into my life and torture me again !”
“What are you talking about ? Who’s coming back?” Jongup takes a step closer reaching his hand out to you.
“Don’t come any closer Jongup-ah. I told you don’t come any closer.”
“Who is it that’s haunting you so much?! Let me help you ease that pain.” You felt him say it very sincerely.
“You can’t…..you won’t be able to help me….you could only ease the pain but you can’t make it go away…..”
“I want to help you ________. Let me help you.”
“You can’t Jongup-ah he’s coming back.”
“Who is ?!”
“My uncle……Ever since mom and dad left my uncle has been the one caring for me….. He took me under his wing….but he didn’t want me.” You pointed to your scar.
“You see this Jongup-ah… you see it. He did this to my face ! He did it! He was the one who caused all the kids to make fun of me. The scars on my arms were because of him. I’d lock myself up every night hurting myself because I wanted to disappear. He made me hate myself…..and it got worse….”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this ?! Why now ?!”
“Because! …. You wouldn’t go out with a girl…… if you knew that she has been ually harassed by her uncle….Would you still go out with me if you knew that ?” You looked at him with pleading eyes hoping he would give you the answer you wanted to hear. You see his eyes fill up with tears and anger….. He came closer and closer almost touching your hand. But the fence was blocking his way…not allowing him to grab a hold of your hand….to save you.
“I would’ve loved you no matter what happened. I loved you ever since the first time I met you. I’ve loved everything about you… from your scar, to your arms, to your legs….from the way you danced…..the way you lit up the room….the way you would sing to me to cheer me up. It was everything I wanted. I’d loved you even if I knew about it. I would make you forget it all…..I would erase all the bad memories and I would hug you even tighter on the nights you cried alone….Your past means nothing to me… I love you…..Please, don’t do this….”
“Jongup-ah… I wished I’d told you sooner…. But it’s too late. The hate that’s been building up inside me has had enough. You were the only one I truly loved… You were the only thing that was able to keep me here alive and now that I know that you will leave me and not be able to protect me again. I don’t want to live anymore. I want to disappear. I’m sorry Jongup-ah…. I know I’m being selfish and I know I’m being dumb but I hope you understand.” You close your eyes and let your arms fly wide open. It was like you were getting ready to fly.
“Goodybye Jongup-ah….I love you .” One single tear fell from your face as you took one step back and fell into the sea of people.
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