After they met for the first time, they sent each other some of their artworks. Kibum found that Jonghyun used to write lyrics, music and even sing. He’d always wished to be musically talented too, but except for rapping, there was nothing in music he was good at. And Jonghyun intrigued him- what does such a guy write songs, a guy that doesn’t open up for people, a guy that doesn’t want to be seen or heard? Why does he choose such an extrovert form of art?
Kibum, on the other hand, writes. He writes all sorts of things, articles, essays, stories, poems. He feels safe this way. Sure, he’s pouring his whole soul into what he does, but he still feels like he’s hiding somewhere. His stories and poems are the pure essence of him though he’s not really there. While when you sing, your soul is absolutely . Your emotions are heard. It’s different from hearing screams written on paper. It’s direct. No pretence, no mask, no re-writing. It’s now and here, all feelings piled up, the whole composition unique in every single performance. Once you’ve written a text, it stays the same. Of course, it can be interpreted in countless ways by different people, but it still is the same story. But then, you sing, you play guitar, violin, bass, you whistle- and depending on how much you feel the lyrics in this moment the song will sound differently. It will always change, as long as you’ll continue on exploring it.
That’s what Kibum thinks and that’s what he feels when he listens to Jonghyun’s songs that he’s playing in the loop. Jonghyun, seemingly scared and closed, yearns to be heard, to be noticed. He craves world, he wants to form a part of it, but he just doesn’t feel human enough. He’s hiding, he’s been hiding for a long time now.
Kibum’s been hiding too. Now it’s time for him to come out to the world.




The second time they met was even more awkward than before. They didn’t even shake hands; Kibum wanted to give Jonghyun a friendly hug, but didn’t want to push him or make him feel uncomfortable. And he was never keen on shaking hands.
They settled it with nervous smiles and silent ‘hellos’.
They had coco coffees. Kibum relished in the flavour and tried to find right words to say.
Jonghyun kept his eyes on the table. It was made out of old Singer sewing machine, all the tables looked really beautiful. Kibum couldn’t blame Jonghyun for being so absorbed with them.
Okay, just who am I kidding.
He cleared his throat. Jonghyun perked up, looking as if he’d been hoping for the other to break the silence.
Kibum needed a moment to put his thoughts in order. He didn’t want to sound pushy, he didn’t want to sound too eager or, worse- sympathetic, kind, polite. He hated false people that’d tell you nice things thinking the opposite.
But he wasn’t going to be polite; he was going to be as honest as he possibly could.
So he blurted out:
“They’re amazing.”
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed with confusion. He looked lost, as if Kibum just switched to Swedish.
“The songs, I mean. I really liked them.” Now, that sounded way better. Kibum, still thinking of how to put down in words how he really liked them was interrupted by a silent, shy:
“Thank you.”
And that was it. No “do you really mean it?”, “you really listened to them?” “which one you liked the best?”. Only this kind, polite “thank you”.
He must have thought Kibum didn’t mean it. Before Kibum could add anything more to his comment, Jonghyun was suddenly struck with inspiration:
“Oh, hey, you didn’t tell me which actors you like the most.”
Kibum sighed. As if he’s ever been into movies.
He tried to remember any names that had ever caught his attention. He mentioned Jude Law, Keanu Reeves, Heath Ledger, Lee Williams and Marc Warren. But that was about it.
Jonghyun, on the other hand, became surprisingly talkative when the subject would be connected to cinema. He’d repeat over and over again just how incredible Christian Bale was, how he really disliked Johnny Depp and how he used to lust after Christopher Walken. He’d talk about other actor he absolutely loved. About the movies he’d seen. Movies. Movies, movies, movies.
Are you interested in acting then?, Kibum asked. No, I’m not, Jonghyun said.
There it goes, Kibum thought. There it goes, and I thought that maybe, as a movie lover and a great performer, he’d share this passion for acting with me.
Kibum loved acting. He’d loved doing it since he was in elementary school. As long as he didn’t show the real him. He danced, he played, he was a Selfish Giant, a Big Bad Wolf, one of the Seven Dwarves. He’d be anyone but himself.
Yet Jonghyun was absolutely vulnerable and real when he sang- why would he not do it anymore? And why would he have sent those songs to Kibum if he didn’t really want to open up?
God, that guy was so confusing! He was more confusing than Kibum himself.
Or maybe Kibum was just tired and stressed out and lonely and really needed someone to put up with him.




All of Jonghyun’s songs were untitled. Not a single one had a title. Kibum would name them himself, sometimes because of the lyrics, and sometimes just because of the emotions Jonghyun’s voice would hold.
The lyrics were both terrifying and captivating. And so, so close to Kibum’s heart.

A lonely creature, a soulless sparkle
Meaningless rot, a filthy parlour
Forgotten I am
Forsaken till the end
There’s no echo to my empty prayers

He’d sing, play his guitar, and Kibum would become more and more lost into him.
He trusted him with his whole heart. Jonghyun was just like him, they were soul mates, they felt the same, they were so alike, they were so, so alike!
Kibum would silently cry in euphoria. He’d found him, he’d found his soul mate!...




Still no new messages. Kibum hates Jonghyun with all his might.


A/N: New chapter, as promised. I like this pace. I hope to keep it up, though now, as I think of all the exams awaiting me this week... *shivers*
Just to remind you- nothing in here goes in a chronological order. At least for now. It's all so mixed and is surely damn confusing, sorry!! ^^"
This chapter takes place before J. got the letter. But. Maybe I won't explain anything before posting next chapters. It'll be better this way^^
Oh, the actors I mentioned are the one I really like/used to like :) Minus C. Bale. Well.^^
'k, gotta go, thank you all for your comments!!