Chapter 08. Fabrication of the Mind

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As the younger boy pierced the sword further into the body of his older brother, a pair of eyes witnessed everything. Every single detail of the happening was seen by her eyes.

These eyes belonged to a girl, aged only a ten and a half.

It surprised her.

Anyone who would be in her shoes would totally be surprised.

Who knew that the two sons of a mighty general in the Joseon dynasty have developed a feud between each other?

The noble family, Kim, is known to be one of the few  kind-hearted aristocrat  families in this small country. Despite their social status, they remained their feet on the ground and treated their inferiors as if they were of parallel ranks in the unjust society.

Lee Mi Sang is one of the commoners the Kim family had given their kindness into.

Mi Sang is the middle child of a gisaeng whose offsprings reached into a number of three. And each of those children had different fathers. There was a butcher, shoemaker and the richest of them all, a magistrate.

Yes, the magistrate is Mi Sang’s father. Yet he threw the child and her mother away like dirty rags. Since then, Mi Sang’s mother raised her children on her own.

Every day, she worries on what food they will eat. Will it be at least a bit expensive than their everyday meal? Or will it be just the same? Or worse, will they even have food to eat?

There was a day the Kim family announced they are in need of domestic helpers.

Without considering second thoughts, Mi Sang’s mother sent her there.

Lady Sae Byuk, the mistress of the said household was attracted to the little girl’s beauty. She is indeed a daughter of a gisaeng – beautiful and intelligent. It was sad though that her mother never visited her. It seems like she has no plans of getting her child back. It was like just her father; she also threw her away.

It has been only a day ago since the little girl has been officially a helper of the household. While she was cleaning the backyard, she saw a boy about her age carefully sneaking out of a secret door. She watched him slipping out of the said door and covered his face. When he turned around, he swore he could’ve died in nervousness the moment he saw her. She was staring at him with eyes wide, as if he is a criminal.

She scrutinized the young boy’s appearance. That was when realization hit her; he is one of the two sons of the family she is serving in.

The little girl’s mind has been constantly reminding her not to trust any noble person she would find in her way throughout her life. She is a daughter of a bad magistrate. Despite her young age, she has been through a lot. Her way of thoughts is very understandable.

Just as she had expected, the boy pushed her into the ground. He unveiled the cloth around his nose and mouth and revealed himself to her. He shouted at her, telling her not to come close to him since she is just a slave, and he is an aristocrat.

And then, she made another mental note.

‘Never befriend this boy.’

Yet fate did a trick for her, for him, for them.

Since the fateful encounter with the little noble boy, Mi Sang’s own mind betrayed her. She had found him interesting. While doing her chores, she would find a way to leave it and instead, follow wherever the boy went into.

She knew him very well because she had only set her eyes into him. Not even his older brother, not even the boys who had the same status as her, only him.

And on that day, she had witnessed an event – an event that could change not only her life, but especially to the youngest son of the Kim’s.

“Mi Sang,” a gentle voice called her.

She whipped her head only to find out Lady Sae Byuk.

Her heart palpitated. Beads of sweats formed on her forehead. She had never felt this nervous before.

The lady let out an amused laugh. “Oh dear, don’t be nervous. I will not punish you for leaving your duties. You also deserve to play, considering your age. Now, may I ask what you were doing here? It seemed like you were not playing.”

Mi Sang opened , but no words came out. No answers came out. And grew dry. Shaking, she pointed her finger to the direction where the boys are.

The lady smiled. “Just to let you know, Mi Sang, I have noticed something.”

The girl gulped.

“Do you like my son?”

The young domestic helper’s face reddened. She is full of different emotions right now. She does not know what to do.

Lady Sae Byuk walked closer to her and chuckled. “That is adorable! Having a crush in your age is very adorable! I wouldn’t mind you liking my son. I am grateful. I hope you two will end up together, despite the–”

A familiar laughter was heard.

The lady recognized her own son’s voice. Her smile grew wider. She knew her sons are playing with each other and so, she decided to take a look at them.

As graceful as a lady she already is, she climbed the steep slope and into the hilltop where her sons were enjoying their leisure time.

By the time she has reached there, she almost fainted at the sight.

Her younger son was laughing almost as evil as the devil, while ing the sword repeatedly into his older brother’s body, lying on the ground, lifeless.

 

It was a life-changing event in the Kim family.

They never expected such things would happen.

Lady Sae Byuk cried her eyes out several days.

Lord Mun Wook was depressed.

And Jong In…

His mind unconsciously decided to block that certain happening. It protected him from becoming more insane than he already is. It was truly sad.

The oldest son of the Kim family was put inside a wooden coffin, and was buried under the chestnut tree. It was a place he loved so much, because of its tranquillity. It was a place where he thought of his future. It was a place where he and his brother spent most of their times playing. And it was a place where he died.

The only people present in the burial were the Kim couple, and Mi Sang.

Jong In was sound asleep on the night his older brother had rested eternally. His mind, as what has been said, has blocked that certain happening. It deleted his memories with his brother. It just happened so suddenly. He fell asleep the night he killed his own sibling, and by the time he woke up, he couldn’t remember he actually had a brother.

His parents thought their son was acting faux, in order not to get punished. But it turned out that he has really forgotten everything about his older brother.

Lady Sae Byuk and Lord Mun Wook decided to keep this a secret to everyone. And so, they made a deal with Mi Sang.

“Forget everything you have seen and act like nothing happened. Never utter words to him regarding this incident. Never remind him. Never give hints about his forgotten memories. Never.”

The girl complied.

Mi Sang promised wholeheartedly.

This is only for the good sake of Jong In.

 

▬ ▬ ▬

 

Jong In felt his chest tighten.

He could not breathe. He could not think properly of what to do. He could only stare with wide eyes at the corpse of his parents.

Unknown yet familiar scenes came flooding into his mind.

 

“I want to be the best son Father and Mother could ever have.”

“That will never happen! I am here. I am the eldest son in our family. Therefore, I am the very best son.”

Lord Mun Wook patted his eldest son’s head after praising his skills.

The son gave a very big, proud smile.

Meanwhile, the younger one was looking at them from afar, eyes green with envy.

His older brother glanced to his direction and saw him.

“Now, Jong In. Have you realized how much of a loser you are? I am better at every single thing you do. And what’s funnier is that, you are bragging it.”

“Hey! That is Father’s sword! How brave of you to have the courage to steal it!” He stepped forward and reached out his hand in an attempt to get the sword back.

The younger boy stepped backwards. Instead of hiding it behind him, he drew the sword in front of his older brother. In the process, he had intentionally slit the older boy’s right cheek.

“Put the sword down now.” The older boy demanded.

The ten-year-old shook his head. “Let’s have a sword fight, hyungnim!”

“You’re too young for that–”

“I am not! I want to become the best in our parents’ eyes!”

“Jong In, no. Put it–”

“What ‘no’?! If I’ll say I will be the best, then I will!”

“Are you insane? You will never outshine me! Now put that–”

The little boy’s eyes were clouded with anger and hatred. His sight grew dark.

He ran.

He ran and stabbed his older brother in the gut.

Blood poured out infinitely.

The twelve-year-old’s eyes popped out as the sword hit him. He held the sharp sword in his hands, attempting to stop it from ing any further inside his stomach.

“J-Jong In…” His younger brother’s name slipped out from his lips, begging him. Waters welled up in his eyes. Pleading once again, spending his very last strength into it, he screamed, “Jong In, stop!”

The younger boy laughed evilly. “Now I will become the best son Lord Mun Wook and Lady Sae Byuk will ever have!”

“Jong In… Jong In… J-Jong In…” were his older brother’s last words before his life was taken away from him.

 

Then it hit him.

Jong In froze. His face turned white. He took a handful of his hair with his fist. He gripped at them hardly while pulling them down, with his hands pressed against his cheeks. His still widened eyes watered and big balls of tears are threatening to fall down any second.

“No! No… No… N-No way…” He chanted.

That was when everything came crumbling down.

Reality… as if it was a door, forcing him to enter. It was forcing him to face the cruel truth!

He staggered back as he turned around. He tried his best to walk properly, but he failed. His legs wobbled. But nevertheless, he used his remaining strength to push his weak side away.

The young nobleman slammed the door of his room open.

“Hey s-spirit!” He gulped the lump in his throat as the tears rolled down his cheeks. “Come out now! I command you!”

He looked around and found no one.

No one could see her. No one but him could only talk to her. It was like he was talking to the air all the time he has been with her.

Jong In fell onto the ground, his face buried into his hands.

The reality was cruel. Too cruel.

“Insane or not, believe in me. Just think of me as your conscience.”

That’s it.

Not a spirit. Not a Goddess of Death. Not a helpless ghost either. Not ghost, not Goddess, not human, not spirit, not ghost, not Goddess, not human, not sprit, not gho-

She is just a voice within him.

She is just an imagination.

She is not real.

She is just a reminder of the mortal sin he has done.

She is just… a product of his guilt.

The realization was so surreal.

Jong In curled himself into a ball on the cold floor. Clutching his head tightly in his hands, he whispered like a maniac, “I’m not! I’m not crazy… I am not crazy… I’m not… I am not… I am not crazy!” He repeated over and over again with eyes bulging.

There is no way I am crazy! I am not crazy! He thought. She was there! She talked to me! She threw sarcastic remarks at me! She smirked at me! She slept in my room! He turned his head to his side and saw…

No one.

I am not crazy! She is not a figment of my imagination! She is real! She even saved me twice!

What happened at the market where the ruffians ganged up on him and beat him? It was her who saved him.

What happened when he was almost ran by a wild horse? It was her who pushed him out of the way.

That was definitely not his imagination!

But… he was with someone when those happened.

He was with Lady Ga Seung at the market. He let her go and was beaten up instead. And then he remembered—

“Our servant Mi Sang was buying spices for our dinner when she saw three men beating you. She called for help and young lady Ga Seung ran into her. If it weren’t for them, you- you…” His mother couldn’t continue her sentence as she broke down. Her sobs echoed throughout the room.

“M-Mi Sang?” He uttered almost inaudibly.

The young domestic helper saw him got beaten up. Then does that mean…?

Jong In cried again.

It couldn’t be!

It couldn’t be Mi Sang who saved him!

His sight was very blurry at that point, so his memories could not be trusted. He remembered a girl desperately calling his name.

‘Jong In! Jong In! Jong In don’t!’

The voice…

It belonged to Mi Sang; and not to some girl who he believed have come out from his dreams.

But what about the time when an ill-tempered horse almost ran into him?

He was… He was with someone too. He was with Chanyeol!

‘Is this… my end?’

And then suddenly, he felt someone strongly push him away from the ground he was glued unto.

It couldn’t be Chanyeol!

It couldn’t be him who saved him.

“You imbecile young man!” Chan Yeol hit his head really hard.

He was panting and sweating. His heart pounded in his heart, cause by nervousness and at the same time, relief. He was relieved his good friend was out of danger. And it was all because of him. It was all because he had saved him.

Placing a hand on his chest, he scolded, “What if I have not pushed you away? The stallion could’ve hit you on the head! You could’ve died if I didn’t save you!”

‘You could’ve died if I didn’t save you!’

‘You could’ve died if I didn’t save you!’

‘You could’ve died if I didn’t save you!’

It repeated inside his head. Why hadn’t he remembered Chanyeol saying those?

It was like his mind only chose the memories to store. Why does his mind keep his memories in fragments and not in whole?

Why?

"I'm not… I am… I am not crazy…" he said in a cracked voice.

Is this the punishment he is given of because of the sin he had committed? Is it?

Is insanity his punishment?

A loud gasp was heard when a girl entered his room. The worry in her eyes is evident as she looked at the weary and messy state of the young nobleman. His hair was untied. His clothes were not worn properly; his chest was not protected against the cold, even though he is wearing a thick, green overcoat.

“Young lord…” she softly called.

Jong In suddenly sat up and pulled her into a hug.

“Mi Sang…” he cried.

“Go ahead and cry, young lord. Do not hide your pain. Let it all out.” She said and patted his back. Mi Sang tried not to sob as she comforted the hurt Jong In. “One of the maids has called the police–”

Jong In gripped her shoulders. “Is this my punishment?”

“No–”

“I have killed my own brother. It was because I was jealous! I killed him because of jealousy! Now I have to repay! I…” He took a deep breath before continuing, “I must be crazy.”

He broke the hug and looked at Mi Sang directly in her eyes.

“I am crazy!” Jong In laughed. He fell back and clutched his hair once again, strong enough to rip several strands away. "This is my punishment! Hahaha!" he laughed again.

The day Mi Sang feared has come.

The young lord has finally remembered everything. And worse, he became insane from the memories his mind temporarily deleted.

She reached her hand out to him.

She cried as he laughed.

He laughed as she cried.

This is hopeless.

How will he live his life from now on?

How will she live her life from now on?

But…

Her love for him is unmovable.

Her love for him won’t change.

Her love for him will never end.

Even if she is not happy.

 

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Author's Notes:

Thank you for reading!

Have a good day! ♥

–Taekeybb–