? ✜ ?

Some days, I would forget to deepen my voice around Tiffany and would falter in the midst of my sentence, my voice continuing in a lower and quieter tone as I tried to smoothly pass it off as a fluke. The multiple times I've done so, my friend's lips would curl mischievously, her eyes simultaneously following along to form into crescents I could only compare to the moon. Dull colored because of those dark pupils, yet bright because of the big smile that was always assured to be present. We've been associating with each other long enough for her to be comfortable with her actions around me. The most intimate action I think was the way she would grab my shoulder and release amused huffs. 

"Are you Justin Bieber?" The joke had grown old over the weeks, but I still responded with the statement that I grew high pitched at times when I got excited. 

Today, I touched my lips with my fingers and cleared my throat. No matter how many times I did that, I still felt uncomfortable that I was messing my appearance up around her. I was just glad for my Asian features making me look more uni than ever. That, and I had to give props to Tiffany being a little dense. I was immensely surprised I made it this far being friends with her, of all people. It seemed a little unbelievable at times that she had once had a boyfriend because she's never noticed the absense of an adam's apple on me. Even so, I took precautions and wore turtle necks and hoodies as often as possible. I was aware that I should be doing something to a greater extent if I wanted this "disguise" to last a while longer, but I feigned ignorance and pushed the problem away for another day. 

It would almost appear impossible for Tiffany to have any interactions with boys, if it wasn't the fact that she had just placed her hand on my arm and teased, "Does that mean I'm making you excited?" 

I discharged a puff of air from my nose, finding her erse question to be funny. "Please, I'm gay."

I knocked her grip off just when I felt her hand sliding down from my arm and closing in around my chest area. To reduce offense behind my action, I called her a child molester in my most playful tone. Her laughter was drowned out from the crowds of students seated around us, their conversations joining together to create one loud hum that echoed in the cafeteria. I picked up my half eaten sandwich and took several bites before Tiffany peered at me seriously. 

"Are you really gay?" she asked.

I couldn't tell if she sounded disgusted or curious. However, I caught the seriousness in her voice. Deciding to be honest with her, I shrugged and gave her an abrupt nod. I did like boys. 

After doing so, I swallowed hard and it felt like the saliva was stuck in my throat. A weird shiver ran down my back and I suddenly couldn't look her in the eyes. It only took me a moment to realize that I was experiencing fear. Fear that she would be grossed out and wouldn't want anything to do with me.

When she didn't respond, I looked up from my tray of food and caught a glimpse of her paralyzed state. She didn't appear to be horrified but the furrow of her brows and pursed lips made her look.. disappointed?

"Are you biual?" The question came a little forcefully and if I heard right, also a bit too hopefully. 

Without thinking, I said, "Yeah, I suppose.." 

It was almost a reflex to give her that answer when she sounded so hopeful. She nodded as slowly as possible, wrinkling her forehead and squinting at her food. Tiffany was giving off an odd vibe, but it was certainly not my interest to know why she was behaving strangely. The matter came to an end when I pointed out something amusing a group of students were doing. We both laughed along and went about our usual routine of chatting. By now, she had noticed I didn't like sharing my life outside of school much, so it was more of me listening to her talk about whatever was going on with hers. 

-

Upon waking up, I immediately decided that it was going to be a good day. Sunlight creeped through my blinds and warmed my back. The city rarely ever had a day where thick bodies of clouds weren't blocking the sun. This morning was certainly different than the other gloomy, dark ones that I've gotten used to waking up to. 

I crooned happily as I extended my legs and rolled my shoulders, satisfied to hear the small cracks that accompanied my stretching. I pulled the blanket over my head and felt at peace. The sun's ray of light hugged the blanket over me and wrapped me in a toasty embrace. I could have lain there for a longer period dwelling upon nothing and enjoying my own company, but for an unthinkable reason, I felt uncomfortable. I couldn't put my finger as to why, but I didn't bother to burden myself over the curiosity. Instead, I rolled out of bed and exited my bedroom. Proceeding to the kitchen, I passed only two other doors in the hallway and the living room. The apartment was definitely lacking a positive atmosphere since there was no decor at all. Not even a photograph to occupy the empty space on the white walls. It was understandable though, since my uncle wasn't close with the family nor had one of his own. 

The kitchen was an open area that was a part of the living room, so I switched the television on as I walked over to the marble counter that seperated the kitchen and living room. There was an unwrinkled bag of McDonalds at the far end. I absentmindedly fished out the contents and remove them from their wraps and paper containers to place them on plate. Sticking it into the microwave to reheat the food, my ears captured the words of an assault having had occurred the previous night. Stories like these were common in the streets of San Francisco. I lingered in front of the microwave for a minute and then brought my piping hot food to the living room. I settled into the cold sofa and set the plate next to me. 

While eating, I stared at the screen with disinterest. This wasn't anything new. They revealed photos of where the event took place, which was about half an hour away when driving. It was the more ghetto parts of this city. Fortunately, they had caught the assaulters. 

"Mi-Hyun's family is currently.." The female reporter began to share minimal information about the victim's family, but I couldn't really formulate the words she spouted for I was drowned out in my own thoughts. A fellow Korean, huh? 

That . 

I bit down on my breakfast sandwich and nearly burned my tongue. I yelped in surprise and set my sandwich down. Not wanting to be into the solemnity of the news channel, I changed it to a kids' channel before getting up to retrieve a cold glass of orange juice. Adventure Time blared in the background as I gulped down the cold beverage, the stinging in my tongue lessening.

I don't know how long I lied on the sofa enjoying children shows and CSI films, but I eventually found the motivation to turn the television off and go take a shower. I couldn't stand the greasy feeling on my face from not having washed up, and I also had yet to brush my teeth.

I left the steamy bathroom and sighed. Maintaining the wrapped towel around me was a hassle, so I unwrapped it and used it to continue drying off my wet hair. The advantage of always having the apartment to myself during the weekends was that I could roam the flat completely . It was a waste of an opportunity, I was aware. I could be inviting anyone over and we'd be freed of adult supervision. I only had Tiffany, but we'd only ever hung out during school hours for these past months. Despite that, I could sense that we had gotten much closer in that time span. I highly enjoyed her company, whether we were walking around with our silly inside jokes, or sitting side by side with me listening in on her life. 

Either scenarios were equally appreciated because it had been a long while since I had been able to develop any inside jokes with anyone and also, the trust she held for me as she spoke of almost everything that occurred in her life as we sat in an isolated area was an honor. Trust is the most important responsibility to hold, and it's easy to use it to affect another person's life.. 

I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to calm down. I was beginning to remember things and by accident, an image flickered in my mind. I cringed and reached for my phone to access the Youtube application. I connected it my speakers and nodded my head along to the upbeat music. I instantly felt better. 

I hung my damp towel up and flung my drawers open. I slipped into a pair of and a tanktop. With a pair of sweats and a cotton tee over my underwear, I sat myself on the bed. I glanced at the clock to confirm that it was only eleven in the morning. I then looked out the window pane to see that it was still sunny. The sky was a flawless canvas of blue with scattered clouds. The weather screamed that spring was approaching or, if these days continued, is already here. Since I promised myself that it would be a good Sunday, I wanted to be somewhat productive. Sitting in bed felt like I was slowly rotting away, so I got up and stuffed my feet into a pair of socks. 

I placed my phone and wallet inside my backpack, shut the speakers off, and scanned the room momentarily to see if I'd want to bring anything else with me. 

"Oh shoot," I expressed in a small laugh, realizing I almost left without a bra. 

I didn't like the feeling of wearing a bra however, so I threw a thick sweatshirt on. My s were small enough to be hidden if I wore the right amount of layers.

I was about to close the closet door before my drawing notebook captured my attention. I wasn't particularly feeling any inspiration today, but I grabbed it anyway before leaving the apartment complex. I wasn't sure where I wanted to go, but I walked the direction I took when I headed to school. I found myself inside the Starbucks that was nearby, which was also the one Tiffany took me to. There was a young cashier handling the bussle of customers. It was a busy Sunday, and I wondered if the cashier felt that he got paid enough to deal with indecisive teenagers and adults that came off as impolite. I made sure to have my decision clear and ready when I ordered, and after fetching my food, I stepped outside. All the tables indoor were occupied, and so were the ones outside. I didn't want to leave either, since I didn't have anywhere else to go. I sat at the curb and nibbled on my pastry while I toyed with my phone. 

Apparently, I sat around long enough to receive the chance of having my own table. An aged man was gathering his newspaper and empty coffee cup, signalling that he was getting ready to leave. No one else noticed, so I sprung at the opportunity and stood. I smiled at him as I shuffled past him to replace his seat. The man returned it. What a good day. 

I scattered the table with my notebook, drink, and pastries. Still unsure of what I wanted to draw, I pulled my phone and earphones out. I sat with my hands folded on my lap, listening to Adam Lambert reach high pitches and watching people bustle in and out of the Starbucks entrance. After multiple songs played, a strong gust of wind ed my thin book filled with sketches off the surface of the table. It flew open once it hit the ground and the papers that were stuck inside escaped their shelter. I was only able to latch onto two while the other travelled quickly across the street. Making sure there were no moving cars heading my way, I hurried across it to ensure that it wouldn't blow elsewhere. 

The sheet of paper landed against a girl's leg, halting its getaway. She had been standing quietly in a group of other girls her age. Upon being disturbed, she looked down and picked the drawing up. I felt my cheeks heat up as I approached her slowly, calling out an, "Uhuhm, excuse me?" 

She seemed to ignore me or perhaps didn't hear me at all. Her indifferent expression flickered and her eyes widened as she examined the paper in her hands. I only studied her face for another moment before waving my hand between her and the paper, seizing her attention. Her head shot up and she stared at me. I felt a frigid chill shoot throughout my entire body and I couldn't break away from the eye contact. It was an icy stare, even when she wasn't glaring at me. Her eyebrows were not arched and her lips were a straight line, yet her eyes seemed to bring winter back. 

"This is mine," I finally said. 

She eyed the other papers clutched in my hand, and then reluctantly handed it to me. 

"Who's that, Jessica?" I heard one of the girls in the group question as I walked away. 

I looked at the paper she had given back to me. It was a portrait of Sooyoung that I had drawn a few weeks back. It had been raining that day and I sought refugee in the library after school. The library possessed a dark mood and I found inspiration from the sound of the rain that drummed against the windows, creating an effortless beat. The orange lights were dreamy against the dark sky that shown outside the large windows. I had made my own adjustments to the drawing of the librarian as she sat on her lazy in front of the computer. She was snuggled in a blanket, typing away at the keyboard. It seemed like she lived in the library sometimes; the way she treated it as her own home.

She didn't stop me while the pencil scratched at my paper, even though she had knowledge of what I was doing. 

"Please give me blue eyes," she joked.

Instead, I gave her an intense gaze in the drawing and added more meat to her, replacing the scrawniness with structured bones and a well defined face. In front of her was not a computer she was focused on, but a book. Her slender fingers were wrapped around the thick novel. The title Less Men, Lesbians imprinted the spine of the book. It was a joke I thought would be amusing to add to the serious portrait. After seeing that, I wondered if Jessica had also noticed that. The letters were on the insignificant book and were also written in thin, small letters. Still, it was noticeable if one were to stare long enough. 

I spent the entire day outside until the breezes brought goosebumps to my arms even through the thick sweater. I bought take-out on the way home and hugged the hot bag against myself to protect my body from the cold night air. I ate dinner alone and made sure to set my uncle's sharings into the fridge. I toppled onto bed, drowsiness making my eyelids heavy. 

A dull throbbing followed me all the way to lunch time. I endured it, looking forward to seeing Tiffany. I had thought that seeing her would cure my headache. However, I didn't find her at the usual spot. It made me wonder if she got held up by a teacher. We never exchanged numbers, but it was a silent agreement to meet up at this spot every lunch time after these four months. I stood there for a few minutes before deciding to leave. I walked around the campus alone where Tiffany and I usually strolled. I got bored of the scenery and went to other parts of the school. The uncomfortable feeling from yesterday formed an empty pit in my stomach. I occupied a bench and don't deny the fact that it was loneliness I had been feeling.

I guess I miss that girl, I thought, wondering where my friend was. 

I sat there until my stomach growled. I was about to get up but stopped when I recognized Jessica sitting a few benches away. She was staring at me while the girl beside her was talking. Jessica looked away from me to smile at her friend and say a few words. Her friend laughed and nodded. They both got up and departed ways. Winter was coming nearer and nearer. In a matter of seconds, it was right before me. 

"What's your name?" she asked, arching her back to get in level with me. 

Her face was close. I could smell the scent of chips from her breath. When I failed to answer, she stood up straight and sat down next to me. I was conscious of our thighs touching. 

"I'm Jessica," she informed. 

"I know," I blurted. 

She lifted a suspicious brow towards my statement.

"I overheard your friend as I left yesterday," I answered.

The girl doesn't respond. Instead, she studied me, her eyes giving off a creepy, knowing gaze. I suddenly felt self-conscious and moved to leave. Her hand grabbed my wrist. I was surprised by the toastiness I felt. Her hands were not cold like her eyes were. They were the exact opposite, actually.

"Are you a boy or a girl?" she asked coolly. 

guys would u help me i cant decide if i want soosica or a love triangle between tiff tae and jess. i kinda pref the love triangle cus drama spices up st0ries but like i care abou t what my readers want so yea btw sorry for the hiatus theres a reason why it sounds kinda like hideous because school is hideous because of school im on a hiatus but thank u for sticking around