? ✜ ?

My class periods went by normally and quickly. The only thing I could say was different than yesterday was that today was much more chilly. It made me think twice about visiting the library after school, but I remembered that I had yet to check a book out to read at home. I had wanted to for quite some time because the constant documentary films and online reading I did on my spare time were beginning to bore me out. 

After the bell chimed loudly, announcements about school events and clubs voiced by the vice principal came on. The buzzing of conversations between classmates drowned out the sound, though I didn't need that to have prevented me from listening in on the news. I couldn't care less about attending those social gatherings. I never tried to listen in on what had to be said, whether the room was dead quiet or loud as it was now. 

I gathered my things together and exited the classroom, library in mind. All I wanted to do was grab a book, get homework done in the library, and walk home before it got later and colder. The gust of wind hit me hard when I left the building and my 5'4 feet self nearly toppled over from the impact. Even with the extra inch from the heels incorporated in my pair of Converse, I felt short and fragile against the wind. I could already feel my face growing numb as I hurried to my designated location. When I walked in, Sooyoung greeted me as usual. I saw that the library was somewhat occupied today, for students didn't want to wait for their rides outside in this weather. Understandable, as long as they didn't get in the way of getting my work done. 

I decided to get homework over with and searching for a good book would be my reward. Despite the library being filled with students I may or may have not seen around campus, the spot where I normally sat at was isolated. I set my backpack down on a chair and settled in a seat beside it. I remembered that there was math homework on chapter 7 that should be done first and some advanced history courses I wanted to look at for college. It was two years from now, but I decided that I should prepare myself beforehand. 

Just when I was in the middle of solving my eleventh problem, a flicker of pink appeared out of the corner of my vision. I looked up, surprised that I hadn't heard footsteps approach the table I sat at. It was Tiffany setting her bag down inches from my math textbook. She looked different today. Safe to say, she was much more presentable. Her hair wasn't a mess like it was the last time I saw her and she didn't have mascara running down her face. I tugged the corner of my lips to force a small smile. After she returned it with an even more friendly one, I peered back down at my homework to continue where I had left off. I have to admit, her smile not only came from her lips, but her eyes as well.

She seated herself across from me and after finishing a couple of math problem, I decided to have a glimpse at Tiffany. I had never seen her come to the library up until yesterday, so I wondered what she would do here to pass the time. She was pretending to be busy with homework, but I caught her eyes immediately after she peeked up, hoping to steal a glance at me without my noticing. 

"I see you're not here to check books out but something else, rather," I teased, not knowing what else to say when our eyes met. 

The girl scoffed and looked away, making it evident to me that she was embarrassed by what I had just said. She then turned her head down and went back to her homework. I noticed that only her name, date, and title was written on her sheet of paper. Her fingers toyed with the lead pencil in her hand, and even with her face towards the table, I could see that she had a smile stuck on her face. 

That smile looks a lot better on you than that teary expression you held yesterday, I wanted to remark, but held back. I preferred to not talk to people if I could help it. And so, I went back to my assignment so I could find a book sooner. I grew wary of the fact that San Francisco darkens quite easily, so I rushed through a few problems. I'm confident they were all correct, even with me having had hurried. I usually took my sweet time so I could further understand the depths of the math lessons. After finishing the calculus work, I finally lifted my head to put my math textbook and notebook away. Again, I caught Tiffany's eyes in the process and gave her a knowing look by lifting a brow. We both knew she came here out of interest for me, and the silent atmosphere was getting her no where. I was absolutely fine with that, as long as I got this history sheet checked over. 

As I was getting ready to read, I had a humurous thought. Tiffany's boyfriend is history. Shall I see him in this?

I didn't attempt to hide my smile. I always had these inside jokes with myself, as lonely as that sounds. I simply did not like sharing them and forming friendships with the people who were around to hear them.

My random smile must have piqued Tiffany's interest, for she asked, "Why are you smiling?"

I tore my gaze away from the history paper and stared her dead in the eyes. "Doesn't everyone look better smiling? You certainly do." 

I took a moment to ponder over what I just said, and then shrugged it off. I wouldn't consider it much of a flirt. 

"Thanks. People tell me they like my smile the best," she chirped.

She sounded somewhat pleased with what I had just said.

"Yeah well you smile with more than your lips," I murmur absentmindedly, rolling my shoulders back to get comfortable. 

♀ ❖ ♀

Taeyeon sighed heavily through his nose and reads the paper in his hands with an empty expression. Actually, throughout this entire time, he's either looked bored or tired. It made his small jokes and compliments more special because of his seemingly dull appearance. Even when he remarked something witty, he didn't crack a smile. The one he gave me earlier was also obviously forced. He was certainly different than most guys I've met. 

I rested my chin on the table and blinked tiredly. He doesn't gawk or stare at me like most guys here do, nor does he constantly point out how pretty I am. I came here to get to know him better, but he's making it somewhat hard. Conversation between me and people always flow easily. Even with people who weren't that talkative, like Taeyeon. I think I'm somewhat intimidated by how concentrated he looks while working, and I don't want to bother him. I actually get more excited than I should when he talks to me first, which he's been doing because I'm afraid I'll be in his way. 

The most I could do is watch him. After our exchange of words, I could tell he had an untroubled personality and I decided he wouldn't mind me staring at him. And so I did. I fixed my attention on his face and admired his smooth complexion. Not a hint of acne or facial hair. He must shave precisely and as often as possible. My eyes fell upon his pale neck and I couldn't help myself from mentally drooling over his collarbones. He had pulled off his jacket because of the heater in the library and his white shirt had loosened so his collarbones stuck out in plain view. I could make out a red undershirt beneath the white fabric. How cute of him to dress modestly. I only knew some guys that wore two shirts, and they were always chubby. Taeyeon was very slim and had nothing to hide. In fact, he was just making himself look more stuffy with his extra layers.

Most people here were attractive enough to be models, and Taeyeon was one of them. Maybe his personality heightened his appearance because the more I stared at him and knew of his introverted personality, the more I wanted to get to know him. 

His upper body shifted and before I could react, he ducked his head so that he held my gaze with his. I blushed. He had noticed I was staring. 

"I could literally feel you molesting me with your eyes," he pointed out with his monotone voice. 

It was impossible to tell if he was teasing me or simply speaking his mind. It's also impossible to say that I hated the way he said things so embarrassing, I didn't know how to respond. I actually like the way he's brutally honest. The only way he'd look at me is if I blush from the things he say. I didn't mind being embarrassed, as long as he looked at me. 

His pupils left mine and darted upwards. He kept them there. "I see you changed your haircolor to a red." 

"My ex liked me as a brunette," I openly expressed.

I felt at ease mentioning him with Taeyeon. I would have broken down into a flurry of tears and complaints if it were anybody else. 

"I'm surprised you didn't change it to pink," he joked, using his paper to motion at my pink bag. 

I'm not sure if it was intentional, but he had changed the subject from my ex to a lighter topic.

I released a small giggle. "Is your hair naturally light brown?"

I expected him to confess to having dyed his hair. I don't know any other Asians here that have natural brown hair. 

"It is," he answered like it's nothing. 

"Really?" I asked in disbelief. 

It was hard to tell if he was being sarcastic. He didn't seem like the type to lie either. 

"Yes. I know it seems unbelievable because there's barely any sun in San Fran, but I used to live in Korea. That's all," he finished thoughtfully, not providing any extra information.

He seemed confident that I would believe him, and I did. I knew it was possible for hair to lighten if left under the sun for a while. From that small piece of information, I assumed he went out often back in Korea. Him maintaining his pale skin was something to be envious of. 

Studying his light auburn hair, I could almost see how it wasn't dyed. I noticed how his hair was mussed and was chopped part way down his neck. It was cute and unorganized. He looked like a total nerd, especially with his glasses and small stature. 

"Shouldn't you be studying something else?" he quipped, getting off his chair to lean slightly over the table and look at my empty notebook.

"Well, um," was all I managed to sound. 

I was glued to his shirt parting ways with his chest. Just when his red tanktop threatened to lose contact with his skin and expose his chest, he inhaled sharply and pulled back so fast, his glasses were hanging off his nose by the time his met his seat. He looked alarmed and, although very inappropriate to have this thought considering the situation, very cute when a pair of lenses weren't covering his exposed eyes. I could see the flecks of brown in them and his long eyelashes batting from his continuous blinking. When I was done checking him out, I finally snapped back to my senses and confusion as to why he was so shocked flooded my mind. 

"Are you okay?" I asked meekly, wondering if he was disapproving of me going as far as trying to see his bare chest.

I couldn't help myself. He was the first guy I had ever looked this much into. I had sat on the bleachers with my friends plenty of times and gushed over how hot the bodies of the football players were. Taeyeon had even more desirable features than most girls in this school and he was more intriguing than strong arms paired with abs. I know I had a thing for those big jocks in football uniforms, but Taeyeon was giving me a reason to find appeal in lanky bookworms. He wasn't particularly handsome. I could only describe him as beautiful.

It took him only a moment to regain his composure. He pushed his glasses back up and scratched at his bangs so they covered his eyes. 

"Oh I just have some chest acne I don't like anybody seeing," he mumbled, beginning to pack. 

I was in a state of panic. He's leaving. Did I scare him off? 

"Are you going home now? Do you walk home?" I asked, almost frantically. 

I normally had guys chasing me, but now it was the other way around. I had no time to care about my pride. I stopped caring about my pride and dignity after yesterday's drama.

"I'm going to look for a book." He opened his mouth and paused. Taeyeon scanned me for a moment, as if debating something. "And yes, I do walk home."

Stuffing my paper and throwing my lead pencil into my backpack, I jumped up from my seat and followed behind Taeyeon quietly. I wondered if I was being apparent about my intentions towards him. 

"I'm just really bored and I have nothing waiting for me at home, so I guess I'll just follow you," I stated with the utmost casuality I could muster. "I like making new friends," I added, as to cover up any suspicion. After it left my lips far too quickly, however, I realized that I just added on to idea of me following him for more of a reason than just boredom. I was being so obvious. 

"I mean.." I rambled on, "..when my ex boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, I found out my only friends had known about him hooking up with this other girl, so I guess I need to find better friends."

It was such a lie. An excuse to cover up any hints of me being interested in him. Of course I'd have other friends than that stupid group. High school is all about being prepared. It'd be plain sad if I was the type of person to be dependent on one group of friends. However, he seemed to buy the story of me having only them as friends and I saw a flash of understanding under his thick glasses. 

"I'm sorry," he apologized with a sincerity that was enough to reveal he did possess a soft side. 

"No, you don't have to feel sorry for me," I began to say, but he cuts me off. 

"It's not that, but I'm also sorry to hear about your incident yesterday," he muttered. "I thought you were interested in me romantically, and I judged you too quickly based on the stereotyping of girls being very needy after breakups. I'll gladly befriend you."

A pang of guilt throbbed in my chest. Not going to lie, but I was interested in Taeyeon as more than a friend. I also felt somewhat bad he had been honest and spoke his mind, unlike me. 

"You did stare at me a lot," he mentioned in his defense. 

"I - well, I don't see many guys of your size, and stuff, around here." A piece of truth from me, although I left out all the other reasons for me checking him out. 

He was quiet for several, straining seconds. The latter then shook his head with a small, mischievous grin. "Oh. I figured you had been looking at me because I was hot, like most other strangers do." 

"You wish," I tuned in with a hint of humor in my voice.

But you don't have to wish, I shamelessly thought. 

As he surveyed shelves after shelves of books stacked against each other, I took note of him being my height. Short guys in San Francisco weren't a rare sight but I was grateful he wasn't inches shorter than me like some boys were. 

To my disappointment, he found a book in no time and went ahead to the check out desk. I fought against asking where he lived to see if we could walk home together. 

"Okay, bye," I said nonchalantly when he stepped into line. 

"See you later." He looked up from the book he had been speculating and gave me a real smile. 

With a small chin dimple visible. It wasn't big enough to drive my attention from his smile away, but they were a complement, still.

I turned around to hide my blush and let my feet take me away from the crowd of people. I ended up back at the table we had been sharing twenty minutes ago. I heaved a content sigh and pulled the chair Taeyeon sat in. Before sitting myself down, I saw that there was a forgotten jacket. A small surge of hope sparked inside of me. I grabbed it and hurriedly rushed out of the library. I hope Taeyeon was a slow walker.