♀ ❖ ♀

"No one gets here earlier than the one and only Taeyeon." The speaker himself frowned down at me and made it apparent that I was sitting in his favored seat. He relieved a thick exhale and dragged his feat across the flooring as he made his way to the other side of the library table. 

I silently waited for him to bring up the question of why I visited the library again, wanting to recall yesterday's demand of him taking me out to repay the favor of the snacks. I didn't want to seem desperate by bringing up the topic without a reason to provoke it. But instead of desiring to know why I was occupying his seat, Taeyeon arranged an outdated looking book in front of him and lazily rested his cheek against the palm of his hand. He was ignoring my presence and even stifled a fatigued yawn as he flipped to the next page. 

"I'm right here, you know," I reminded, scooting the seat closer and slanting my upper body so the rim of the desk bit at my rib cage. 

In response, a page was turned and a clear of the throat silenced me. Distressed by both the thick library atmosphere and my uncomfortable posture, I pushed my chair backwards and propped my legs on the table. Still, I couldn't feel relaxed and continued to adjust my limbs, trying to find a suitable position. Taeyeon didn't let my actions go unnoticed and finally laid the book down. 

He mused, "Hard life with hard furniture, it seems." 

A sarcastic laugh broke the serious air that enveloped us both and I gave in. "It'd be much more comfy in Starbucks; the one a few blocks away from here." 

I could sense how hard it was for Taeyeon to respond properly. His fingers rubbed the small bumps that adorned his ancient novel and paused at a chunk of the cover that had shreds of fabric ripped out of it, threatening to tear apart if it weren't for the strong pieces of threads that kept them attached to—

With a rustle, the boy slipped the book into his bag and away from my sight. 

We were on our way to Starbucks, the cloudy sky looking down at the even cloudier absense of conversation between me and Taeyeon. I was glad the streets were busy even on weekdays; the background noise making things less awkward. Still, it was awkward. 

The entire time, no one spoke a word. He had been somewhat intimidating after getting up from his seat and going on ahead to the library exit without waiting for me. It made me think that he felt obligated to get this task over with so I would stop bothering him.

Wait. Was I bothering him?

I tried to guess what Taeyeon was thinking, but could glean no information from his masklike visage. He looked deep in thought but occasionally, Taeyeon would meet my curious orbs with his, batting those long eyelashes at me before turning away. The most movement I got from his face was blinking; no scrunching of the brows or narrowing of those wide eyes. I got the impression he was analyzing me more than judging me. I felt a little more insecure with the analyzing, wondering if he was taking in every detail he could get with his bare eyes. 

I found the courage to ask what? the sixth time he glanced at me. 

While holding onto that unreadable expression he's perfected over the last fifteen minutes, he cocked his head. "I'm just considering if I should let you get close to me as a friend, since you plan to harass me daily."

What refreshing honesty and a,

"Cocky assumption of what I'll do," I finished aloud.

However, it wasn't false that I wanted to see him as often as possible. 

"But friends hang out daily, so I wouldn't really consider it harassing you," I said, trying not to sound too offended. 

With this time spent studying me, it was just nice to know Taeyeon wasn't using it to criticize my appearance. Though people normally left those kinds of thoughts to themselves, I didn't find it odd that Taeyeon had openly spoke his mind. It fit his character, in a way. 

"I've school and such, so.." he remarked. He didn't even make an effort to hide the defensive tone in his excuse. 

I decided to try and enjoy the hour I was about to share with him. If he didn't want to interact with me in the future, then I might as well relish in what I could get. It seemed almost like an alien experience to be hanging out with this particular teenager. Sure, it's easy to have conversations flowing without him sputtering something weird and he's a decent enough being to listen to what had to be said to him. The little remarks he's mentioned about his past made it seem like he had once been a normal kid and that added up to why he isn't so awkward for a loner. But from the way he acts, he is now unreachable. I could tell he didn't want to be touched by anyone irrelevant to his studying.

He was, by far, the most interesting boy my age that I've come across. Regardless of me having no other connection with school besides attending it, I still wanted to be a part of his life. Whether he liked it or not. 

"Every bookworm and study-holic has enough time for even one friend," I countered. 

Taeyeon couldn't argue with that. I noted that his expression was less tense when he continued to glimpse at me periodically. 

When we arrived to Starbucks, a few people were scattered throughout the cafe, either on their electronics or simply sitting and enjoying the weather from indoors. It wasn't packed though, since it was late working hours.

It occurred to me that Taeyeon must not come here often, or had never been here at all. He remained situated in his spot near the small line, his head tilted upwards. He was focused on the menu, obviously having never read it before. After reading the list of drinks as if though it were an important study sheet, he scanned the pastries that adorned the racks. I already knew what I was getting and took my place behind a woman on her phone. 

Taeyeon joined me in line. Out of curiosity, I restricted myself from asking what he had in mind and to wait and see how he would react to the cashier. After placing my order, he shuffled in front of the blonde worker and paused. He released an unsure hum and mumbled a sorry after ten seconds of going about what the menu had to offer. He settled for a last minute hot chocolate and then a croissant, caramel cakepop, and peanut butter brownie; finishing his request with a shy clear of the throat followed by a finger rubbing his pink nose. The cashier noticed just as much as I did, smiling in amusement as she read the price. He paid for both of us.

I began to pull out a couple of bills from my wallet after we settled at a table. He stopped me with a questioning frown. 

"I can pay for myself," I said. 

I only made him look more confused. "But aren't I supposed to pay you back for yesterday?"

Oh yeah. 

He had just reminded me that this was more of a payback than hanging out together. The remembrance made me feel bothered. I smoothed the money out on the table and shook my head. If he was honest with me, I should be head to head with him. 

"I want to think of this more as us chilling than an errand for you to get over with." My last few words came out in a sigh of embarrassment. 

"This was sort of an errand since I only wanted to pay you back out of all this," he pondered, "but I'm enjoying this, so I guess this is us hanging out."

Taeyeon still rejected the paper bills I pushed forward with a turn of his head, his lips stuck out to mock an arrogant demeanor. "Naw, son," he said with a tune of a Southern accent. 

It was extremely lame, but coming from him, he was rewarded with a small laugh and a just as lame name to match his momentary humor: dork. 

He crossed his arms. "At least I'm not a douchebag that doesn't pay for girls."

"It's normal for friends to share the bill," I persisted. "Don't try to be such a gentleman. Boys don't have to be burdened with that task unless it's for a date or something." 

"Then let this be a date because I'm not taking your money," he drawled, almost flirtatiously. Taeyeon flashed his teeth as he laughed, stumbling off his seat when our order was yelled across the cafe. 

I was left alone with the money scattered across the table and a handful of butterflies scattering themselves inside my stomach. 

Humor tempered Taeyeon's gaze as he juggled the food in his frail arms, trying his best to not let anything drop. I leaned back in my seat as he eyed the money taking up room on the table. He looked towards me and immediately caught on with what I was doing. He lifted a sharp eyebrow. "I love being the gentleman." 

The sarcasm dripped from his voice like the hot chocolate dripped down from the lid of his cup. Taeyeon came to his resolve when the liquid threatened to stain the sleeve of his gray sweater and set everything on my cash, knowing I didn't plan to clear the table for him. He even grabbed a bill and set his drink on it, jokingly saying that we were so rich, we were using money as coasters. 

He uncapped his drink and dunked his brownie in it. I took a small sip from my caramel frappuccino. I credited Taeyeon for being able to look cute even with his mouth left agape as he chewed. When the last corpuscle of the cake vanished between his thin, red lips, he blew into his hot chocolate and took a long swig from it. He stifled a burp and reached over for the paper packet that contained his cake pop.

His face betrayed him and he looked somewhat shocked when I asked, "Do you want to try my frap?" 

"Well, I've never tried one," he admitted. Taeyeon sunk his teeth into the cake pop and allowed the rest to crumble off the stick and onto the package it came in. He set the rest down with its remains and swallowed hard. Extending his arm, he motioned for me to hand over my drink. He sipped from the same straw almost absentmindedly and smacked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. The dork nodded his approval and slurped some more. 

I actually didn't pay attention to his germs getting all over my beverage and actually occupied myself with the theory that maybe eating was a favored hobby of his. I had always rolled my eyes in annoyance when my previous elementary classmates would exclaim eating was their favorite thing to do, thinking they sounded funny or cute. 

I seriously need to eat to live! the beloved class clown had exclaimed during her self presentation, sticking her tongue out and winking, attempting to be cute. 

Doesn't everyone need to eat to live? I had thought back then, utterly irritated with people like that. 

I ended up growing up and befriending those kinds of people. 

Watching Taeyeon right now proved me that there were actually some humans who thoroughly take pleasure in pigging out. He was just so real and didn't have to speak to explain his personality. Everything he did was evident through his actions. 

"You sure are different when it comes to food," I pointed out, reclaiming my drink from him. 

He brought the parcel the cake pop pieces lied upon to his lips, not finding the manners in getting up to retrieve a fork. "Well, I need to eat to live," he said. 

How many times I had heard that irking statement didn't matter. It was the first time I wasn't annoyed hearing it.

San Francisco's bipolar sky darkened abruptly as the gray clouds closed off the sun's pale light. Taeyeon's body faced the broad windows and a side of his body was nearly buried under the corner's shadow. He reminded me of a falcon because of those hard eyes that sparkled under his light brown hair and the bones that etched the arch of the slender boy's neck. 

No coarseness existed in his poise as he sat bathed in the dim, orange lighting the cafe had to offer. A tingle of awe shuddered along my spine to have been able to encounter a boy with such personality kept to himself, hidden from the rest of this immature generation. The wonder of it made me feel grateful that Siwon broke up with me on that certain day. I was glad my brother didn't seem to care about how I felt during that phonecall and let me be when I snapped about walking home. Without all those events, I would have never stumbled into the part of the library that promised solitude and Taeyeon's presence. I was especially moved by his calmness and the way he boldly touched my hands to apply lotion... what kind of boy carries lotion around with him anyways? 

Taeyeon looked at me. His eyelids were half open, giving him a tired but content display. Words were not spoken between us and something lurched within me. I flushed without knowing why, feeling a sudden connection with him, a sense he understood me better than any other boy I've known since I was a toddler. My reaction puzzled me, for no guy has ever affected me in that manner before. 

Once the food and drinks were gone and trash were the only leftovers, I accompanied Taeyeon as he took them to the bin. We spoke of school, having no other experiences with each other out of it. It was the only topic we could relate with together as of this moment. He didn't have many complaints, telling me his classmates left him alone for the most part and teachers overlooked him as one of the many invisible students that blindly entered and left their classrooms.

In reponse to my question about where he hung out during lunch, Taeyeon plainly stated that he ate alone in the cafeteria. I nodded, not surprised. I was pleased, actually, to know no one else was interacting with him. I was about to change that.

He read my mind, or rather, my expression, and shrugged his approval. 

"Just don't bring any annoying friends. I don't like groups," he insisted softly. "Plus, I'm not in the mood to make any more friends. One is enough for me." 

In a way, I felt special when he said I was enough for him. 

The rest of the evening, all I had to do was think back on that moment to make me smile and have my insides churning with a mixture of odd sensations I couldn't identify. 

hi im lazy 

im not lazy enough to not reply to comments though pls comment im pretty lonely