They lay side by side with each other that night. Their skins almost touching – almost - that if one more move, they could be burning each other - with unspoken lies and untold truths. The blanket lies innocently over their hip bones, covering the parts that once were connected.

“Are you crying?”

Sungmin chuckled. This is a mistake. It happened again. It happened four years ago and it happened again. All he knows is that he wanted to stroll a bit until he didn’t realize he got lost and now he’s stuck in this goddamn bar with lodging on the second storey. All he knows is he was just enjoying the waves and the wine, until Kyuhyun came and everything crashed.

He closed his eyes and dab the tears that are freely flowing down from them. “You are quite good in observing, huh.” He grabbed the blanket and pulled it to his chin. He felt Kyuhyun shifted against back, his weight dipped just where his own space starts. “Don’t come near me.”

“Min—“

“Don’t call me that. I believe we are past that stage.”

Kyuhyun heart fell. It was four years since he last saw Sungmin. Things had changed but as bull as it how it sounds, in those four years of Sungmin’s absence, he grew to love him more. It was absurd, it was absurd to come to love a certain person when all was left were memories. In those four years, he only thought of Sungmin, he had yearned for Sungmin, he cried over the same mistake for gods know how long. And yet at the end, he had come to love him more, despite the absence.

It was just four hours before the sun will break into the horizon and sleep is already claiming him. As much as he doesn’t want to close his eyes and hug the sobbing man beside him, the weight of his thoughts is already taking a toll on him. Feelings, thoughts, wishes, feelings, thoughts, wishes…all of them cloud his mind that eventually he fell asleep.

---

The blazing heat of the sun that managed to creep inside through the tiny spaces of the blinds disrupted Siwon’s sleep. He hadn’t realized that he had lost his consciousness to sleep while waiting for Sungmin to come home. He can’t reach the other and what added to his worry is the light drizzle outside.

At that moment, he was so close to calling the police or calling the attention of the guards patrolling the area but at the back of his mind, there is a nagging thought of a scenario which he knows is close to impossibility. He thought of Sungmin and he thought of that person too.  Siwon shook his head, no- Kyuhyun would not dare to follow them. He booked a flight with Sungmin so that the latter can enjoy a vacation and Kyuhyun is not someone who—

“Wonnie?” he was startled with the soft voice that came from the door. Abruptly, he stood up and rushed forward to where Sungmin was standing. Without thinking, he grabbed the other’s face and inspects it.

“Ming, where have you been?” At that, Sungmin’s gaze shifted from his face down to his feet. Siwon bit the sides of his lips as he was trying to erase the possible scenarios that had been playing in his head since last night. Seeing Sungmin acts like this breaks his heart as if anytime the other would lie to him. Why can’t he look directly to my eyes?

“I-“ Sungmin opened his mouth but closed it immediately once he realized he wasn’t ready to say something instead he took the hands that were holding him by the neck. He enclosed them with his own hands and he intertwined their fingers together. “I’m sorry. I-“

Siwon’s breath hitched. His skin turned cold.

The moment Sungmin raised his head and looked directly at his eyes, he realized how sullen they are. He realized how apologetic those beautiful eyes are. He realized how Sungmin loves him, adores him and how he wanted to create a new life and also in those eyes he saw the answer he’s been constantly seeking since last night.

Something happened with Sungmin last night. And it happened because Kyuhyun was there.

---

Siwon has been desperately trying to forget the nights that come after their vacation. It was already three weeks since that but Sungmin was still not back to his usual self. He tried not to probe about it but as lover, of course, he has to know. And as someone who deeply loves Sungmin, he needs to stop letting these things happen.

Nights of ‘you won’t leave me right?’, ‘you will stay with me forever right?’ Wonnie, of-of all the things that happened, you won’t judge me right?. It was always like that and Siwon is getting tired of it. He was getting tired of all assurances, of all the debauched thinking that Sungmin has against him. They were doing great before he managed to show his self again. They were having the happiest time before the fragment of the past managed to cast a shadow against them again.

And Siwon. Siwon needs to do something about it.

---

Kyuhyun was nervous as hell.

An unknown number flashed on the screen of his phone. He was tempted not to answer as it is not his nature to answer unregistered number. However, he was able to press ‘answer’ even before he had the chance to think about it.

“Hello, who is this?”

“Kyuhyun.” That voice. He knows that voice very well. It was Siwon. And the moment it registered to him that it was Siwon’s who’s calling him, all worries dawned on him. But the courage he got in picking up the call was maybe from the innate human pride everyone has. Why would he feel scared to someone like Siwon, why would he feel small in front of Siwon's eyes.

"Let's talk."

He gulped. A bile of tension rising up in the walls of his neck, a sick and disturbed feeling of an 'end' disturbs him but he had made mistakes long time ago, he had runaway from responsibilities long time ago, and now is just a repeat of a piece from their dark old lives, and never...never he would runaway again.

"How are you?" Siwon asked.

The lights from Kyuhyun's eyes dimmed, Siwon has even the nerve to ask him how he is. 

"How are you after you ed my boyfriend?" The question was direct, it hit like a bullet and it stings like a million slaps pierced through his skin. Turns out, Siwon is the one who never played around the bush. 

He flicked his sight momentarily to Siwon, a very brief and calculating one, just enough to cast an answer before he looked down to the misty reflection of the both of them on the table glass that held both of their drinks. Apparently, he has the right to be ashamed.

"It happened because I need him," Kyuhyun took a swig of his beer before looking back at Siwon, eyes dark with revelation, " and he needs me, it happened because-"

"BULL." Kyuhyun wasn't able to finish his sentence when Siwon slammed his fists down, attracting other patrons. Abruptly, Siwon stood up staggeringly, either from the effects of the alcohol or the downright draining spurs of Kyuhyun's dangerous fantasies.