a pyramid of cards

She is already waiting there when he walks in.

Changmin gets over from the shock after a few seconds. He swallows hard a lump on his throat and tries to compose himself. The heavy air in the room fills his lungs and he feels the urge to run away from it, to hide, to flee; but he knows doing so will not reverse the story.

He has to stay.

The PR executive's room is deprived of any decorations. The room is narrow and only houses a long table and several chairs. It smells faintly of wood polish and lemon-scented room freshener but its starched-white tiles and blank walls are unfriendly. They seem to speak in hushed voices, judging him, suffocating him.

He has only been in that room once---when the TVXQ lawsuit happened and everything was happening in a chaotic, messy blur. He didn't like that place before and he thinks he never will.

But here he is again, trapped in the four cornered walls of that room, like a prey waiting to be slaughtered.

However, he is not alone.

Sooyoung stands up abruptly upon noticing his presence and bows.

"Sunbae."

He waves her off with a gentle nod of his head.

(How pathetic am I, receiving the formalities from a hoobae I have destroyed? Do I even deserve that respect?)

Changmin sits on the table across her and lets the silence consume them. She goes back into what she was doing before he came in; staring blankly at the phone in her hands.

(It is my fault why she's here. It is my fault.)

It is awkward.

He feels his pockets for his phone and then stops after remembering that he left it with Kyuhyun for this appointment.

The hands of the clock moves slowly and Changmin feels every passing second is a rope around his neck, strangling him, killing him softly.

He looks across the table and sees Sooyoung with her head still bent low.

He needs to break the ice.

(But what would I say?

The weather doesn't seem nice? --- who cares about the dark sky when our image is taking a turn for the worse? How are you today?--- Obviously not fine because if she were, she wouldn't be in this room. I thought you were still in Japan? --- She was. Until his stubborness finally caught up with him and she is purposedly pulled from where she's supposed to be just to save his face.)

So the only line that he manages to pull out of him is "they're late".

Sooyoung looks up from her phone and Changmin finally notices the traces of tears on her face. She looks tired.

"Sooman-songsaengnim said they are on their way. I have to go back to Japan after this meeting too." She replies calmly.

Changmin doesn't understand why she pretends to be relaxed despite all of what is happening. Her calmness irks him. He wants to shake the truth out of her; strip her off that dignified grace that she has mastered; push out the real Sooyoung that is carefully-protected by layers of fake cheers and practiced smiles.

The words spill out of him before he could stop himself.

"I didn't want this to happen, Sooyoung. I already told them to let the issue die on its own. I didn't know they will pull you into this scandal. This is why I want to fix---"

"You don't have to explain Changmin-ssi. I was already given a heads up about this. The company wants my help and I don't see why I should deprive them that." She forces a smile on her face before continuing. "Besides, bad publicity is still publicity."

He is silent for a moment.

"But Kyungho-ssi..."

"He was willing to help me. He has always been a dependable oppa. We just didn't expect the reactions to be just as harsh as the one with Wonbin-ssi."

The silence that follows is long and the strength in his voice is gone.

"I am sorry, Sooyoung."

"What's done is done. " She looks straight at him and smiles. "This will die down, eventually."

For the first time after the years that he has stayed in the company, Changmin finally sees her face up close. He notices the little lines that are starting to show near the edges of her eyes.

She is no longer the little dongsaeng Sooyoung his hyungs used to gush about. The little girl has grown up.

And in as much as Changmin tries hard to dig from his own memories, he can barely remember a time when he had shared a lasting moment with her.

(How ironic is it that someone who is not even my friend will be the one who would take the bullet for me?)

The guilt hits him hard like a erpunch to the stomach. Suddenly, he feels so small; that all that he has highly priced about himself pales in comparison to the kind of person that he has become.

(How pathetic is it to feel repulsive of your own self?)

"Victoria and I broke up more than a year ago."

Sooyoung looks up at him with her eyebrows furrowed. He doesn't know too why he is telling her this but he just lets himself be at that moment. Because it is the only moment; and perhaps, sharing a piece of himself--- something he rarely does---can help take away some of that guilt.

"But we're still friends. The company doesn't believe it but that's it. I know I'm at fault. I should have stopped abusing her kindness, our friendship. She is hurting too, Sooyoung. This controversy will affect her relationship with---"

He catches himself in time; wondering if he should be saying what he is saying at that moment. Changmin doesn't meddle with people's lives but he is well aware of what happens to the people close to him. He wonders how can he break it to her gently without hurting her. After all, her affection for his bestfriend is an open secret in the company.

"Kyuhyun?" Sooyoung fills the name for him.

Changmin catches the sad look that momentarily passed her eyes and he feels the pangs of guilt sink deeper.

He loses his voice for a while and then gets it back not soon after. "Y-yeah."

"It's okay Changmin-ssi. I understand. You don't have to explain." She says yet again.

The smile she gives him is genuine but Changmin feels that it is not enough. He takes another look at the woman before him and wonders whether it would have been different if he had once taken the time to understand and listen. Would it have been better if he had not built his walls too high? Is everything still fixable? He looks at the slow movement of the seconds hand of the lonely clock hanging on the wall and a conclusion forms in his mind.

(Maybe... it is not too late. Maybe I can still turn back time.)

The door opens thirty minutes later to reveal the PR Head and Lee Sooman, himself.

Changmin swallows back the bitter bile that tries to make its way up from his stomach. The suffocating feeling catches up on him again and he stiffens... until he feels Sooyoung's hand gently squeeze his own from under the table.

The warmth spreads to the tips of his toes and he feels the heavy weight sitting on his chest slowly disperse. He looks at her from the corner of his eyes and he sees her doing the same. She gives him an encouraging smile as if saying "It's okay, Changmin. This will end up fine. We'll make it through."

He believes her.

A/N: Hehe. I just need to write this :))))