chapter one »

❝why can't i save myself?❞

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» Journal Entry 12

November 21, 2012

10:11 AM

A week passed, and my classmates started calling me the Ice Princess and the Royal . It’s not a big deal to be honest. I have always wanted to be royalty.

I wonder what dad will do if he heard what the other kids say about me. Speaking of, it’s his birthday today. I wanted to visit him, but Auntie told me not to.

Currently, I’m stuck in this prison they call school and trying my best to calm myself. Jongin is blabbering loudly on the phone. I spoke to the teacher about being seatmates with him, sadly, it was not convincing enough for her.

Wish me luck!

- Soojung
 

“So we have a meeting about the contest later? Yeah. Awesome. I can’t wait to stretch later. I have new moves for ‘ye Sehun- Hey! Ballet is manly! Oh yeah? I’ll start calling ballet gay as when you perfectly pronounce Mississippi and spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-Don’t you hung up on me Oh or I’ll throw you to the sea!“

That’s it.

“Can you shut up Jongin? Wait, do you even know the word shut up?” I rolled my eyes and clenched my fist under the table. I need to calm down. 1, 2, 3...

“Oh please, you’re noisier than me when we were kids.”

“Don’t bring up something that is already left behind.” 4, 5, 6, 7...

“And why is that Soojung?”

8, 9, 10.

My body suddenly urged to storm out of the classroom to somewhere where I can be alone and stabilize myself. I searched for my pills in my skirt's pocket, but it wasn’t there. It took me a few seconds before it registered into my mind that I left them in my bag.

My knees were out of energy from running from the 2^nd floor to the 5^th floor and I dropped on the cold concrete floor. I was nearly choking on my tears when I felt the sea again. The waves crashed on me. It was heavy and all too painful. I heard my dad screaming out my name in his deep and husky voice, echoing with his heavy breaths. My hands trembled when I saw seawater dripping through my fingertips.

“Why can’t I save myself? Why?”

And then all went black.
 

"Soojung, you're like a kitten." Jongin, the person I hate the most who happens to know almost everything about me, said to me while sitting down on my table. The Unofficial Kingka (according to him) doesn't even care if ever the other kids judge him when he talks to me. Some even call him an unfortunate fool. 

"Why kitten?" I arched a brow at him.

"'Cuz you're so small, fragile and noisy like a kitten."

I nodded.

"Is that all Ice princess? Just a nod? No sarcasm?"

"To be frank, I'm not in the mood Jongin."

"Well, isn't this grand? Maybe I should take care of you more so you can change that attitude of yours.”

"Maybe. Excuse me, I have things to attend to, to be exact, lunch. Care to join me?"

"Okay- Wait, did you invite to lunch?”

"Yes. I just did, but seeing that you are uninterested, I'll leave now."

"Soojung!"
 

I hate him to the core.

He reminds me of everything that happened in the past. Yet, here I am, eating lunch with him with some kids whispering behind my back. I have to repay his kindness for finding me on the rooftop yesterday and didn't even question why I was trembling. That’s what dad thought me.

"Hey." he flicked what seemed to be a pea to my face. I responded with a "Hmm?" but never met eyes with him.

"Do you remember when we were in preschool?"

"Yeah."

"And then you said that you wanted to be a princess?"

"Yeah."

"I thought that it was silly, until last week. Officially, you're our school's ice princess, even the underclassmen know you."

I gave him a small smirk. "That sounds nice. I’m more popular than you now.”

“You were always the competitive type.”
 

Journal Entry 13

November 22, 2012
9: 47 PM

I want to open up to him. My mind says that it would be a nice change for me, but my hearts seems to refuse. Maybe next time, Kim Jongin. Maybe next time.

I hope you still see me as friend after you learn what I'm going through.

- Soojung

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» It's kinda unorganized. I'm in a hurry since my parents are gonna switch the wifi in a few minutes. :)